Girlfriend's history

Potatoeman wrote: »

People on this forum will say relationships are built on trust but honesty is more important, you can’t trust someone that isn’t honest. Was she honest with you? You only found out about this because you snooped. I personally would run a mile, this would be a huge dealbreaker for most guys. Things on the internet are forever, what if your friends or family seen this? Would you be ok with that?

How would his friends or family see her emails ? She's not up on an escort website.

Potatoeman wrote: »

Facial recognition software and internet archive sites. They both already exist the first isn’t mainstream yet.

And? What's her face got to do with her private emails?

Ramonesp wrote: »

If I had known this at the start I would of walked and not looked back

So walk OP, you clearly are unable to get over this so I'm not sure what discussing it with strangers on the internet will gain. I feel talking to her honestly about it is a waste of time as it doesn't matter how well she explains herself, this is something that is just going to stick in your mind and you are likely to bring it up and keep throwing it in her face down the line so best for everyone to separate now.

Being paid for your company with no sexual contact is not the same at all as being a prostitute. Some elderly men are lonely and have the money to pay a pretty girl to keep them company for a meal. Honestly whats the issue? Prop paid well hence why she kept in touch with the men in question or maybe she hopes Covid will take them out and they'll leave her some money. If she worked in a bar and wore a low cut top to get extra tips from drunk young lads would you such an issue? Would you see that as one step up from being a prostitute?

It’s okay to be uncomfortable with your partner having a past in escorting. There are people bending over backwards here trying to show how ‘woke’ they are, but I wonder if they’d have these same views if it was their own partner. This is a fair thing to be concerned about.

At the same time, it’s entirely possible that it’s nothing to worry about too. This could’ve been a fleeting notion that she tried out and wasn’t for her. I know when I’ve been single I’ve tried stuff, because what harm, and found it wasn’t for me. And I’m not going to lie for as judgemental as some people can be about this stuff, if I got offered a ball of money to just have dinner and nothing more with a friendly old granny I’d consider it and I bet many others would too! While your concerns are valid and pulling on that string may unravel something else worth knowing, remember too that it could be something you wouldn’t care about if you knew the full story and because of how you’ve found out you’re left with your anxiety and the worst possible scenarios in your head.

Your options now are to walk, to pretend you didn’t see it and let it consume you then probably come out anyway down the line in a manner you can’t control, or to fess up and have an open conversation. The last one is the only real option where saving the relationship is possible. But also prepare yourself for the possibility that you may not get an explanation, she may be so appalled by the snooping that it ends the relationship. And you’d deserve it if it was the case, I really don’t think you seem to understand that you’ve done something many would consider a dealbreaker. But even then, that is ultimately a better scenario than living in constant uncertainty and letting it eat you alive, only for it to come out eventually anyway.

If you are going to have any kind of future with her you're going to have to ask her about this OP. And be aware that the fact of you snooping means she'll already have her defences up, at best will tell you nothing and at worst will dump you.

There are too many variables as to why your girlfriend was working as an escort. It's not something most women even consider. Does she have money issues? Addiction issues? Is she in debt? Has she done this before in the past? What are her boundaries like with men and sex in general?

If I was about to set up shop with someone, I'd need to know exactly what in their life, their past and their character led them down the route of selling their company to older rich men to make a quick buck. Are we talking "I can make a lot of dough and it seemed safe" or "I'm 100k in debt and can't pay my rent and it was a last resort" here.

At this point it's not really important how OP found out and whether we find it questionable as this is not really a part of the problem.

OP you need to think deep and hard, can you trust your gf if she tells you this was an episode in her life, it was only 3 dates, no sex? Can you trust her when she tells you she is going out with friend(s) for dinner and not worry all the time that she is lying to you and having date as an escort? Or is it going to be continuously on your mind?
There is also a serious possibility she might break up with you when you tell her you went through her emails. You could keep quiet but do you think you can move on?

We can discuss here different aspects of the whole situation but if you can't trust her than maybe it's better for both of you to break up?

kenmm wrote: »

I'm not saying it's not valid concern (trusting the gf) but it's hard to ask the gf to reassure him when he has already shown he cannot himself act in a way that is very trustworthy.

I think it all needs to be gotten out into the open to figure out if they want a relationship and if they can both build trust from here.

I do get what you are saying but she doesn't know about it yet. Again we could have a lengthy discussion on reading partner's emails, coming clean, respect, honesty, etc but I think OP needs to figure out if with or without discussing it with his gf can he trust her ever again(doesn't matter what we think about her behaviour)?

She found you on he internet, she found him onnrhe internet, God knows what other agencies of ‘escort’ services she hs also subscribed to - either with that email or phone or others. OP - whether its mail order brides or guys flying to third world and ex communist countries to find ‘love’ with strangers who don’t speak their language & look pretty but they know nothing about - its exchanging comfort for benefits regardless of how you dress it up. How much do
you think she had in common to date a seventy year old - if thats even his age- is this how you’d like your sister to be carrying on? I mean it - lets face it - she wsn’t ‘escorting’ a 30,40,50 or 60 year old - do you think thats normal? To put into your ‘escort’ preferences anyone from 20-70. Is that where your values lie? If your best friend was dating a prostitute he found in the internet what wpild you say to him - and if she was also double dating 70 year old strangers what would you say to him? do you know anything really about her or her past - or are you willing to run the risk
of being yet another guy caught in the sudden lifelong financial trap of an unexpected pregnancy that you will he paying for along with adult support for the rest of your life, or wil you wait til she has the residency issue nailed and then be prepared to lose half your salary and house to her? Two years of living together and she is a common law wife Nd owns half everything by law.
You know nothing about her or her past other than her morals are light and she is prepared to date ANYONE - for cash. She moved over and in with you ? How quickly did that happen? And while she was being paid to “escort” a pensioner. C’mon. Im sure there are other beautiful, available women out there who arn’t for sale on the internet - in person - . Who do you think you are kidding. The liberal left might think its ok to have a prostitute as a girlfriend but is that how low you value yourself? Will you be bringing her home to
your mother and farher. What happens when they search the internet for her - now, or in the future. Or anyone else does - will you be then shunned as much as she will be - lets face it - will other wives and mothers be having her over for tea or allowing playdates? For all
ypu lnow she has a long list of past cluents that drop over/in when they’re in town and her values are so light she considers being available for cash normal. And it isn’t. Move on. And move her out.

And go to your doctor or a wellman clinic and get yourself tested (bloods) for everything before you have sex with anyone else.

How many sad stories are on here week after week where the couple have been married 5 years, have 7 children under the age of 4, the wife has turned off the tap, and the guy is asking 'will I ever get any mogambo again?'

At least this girlfriend is interesting and is self directing her own life. She's not a prostitute by any reasonable definition, she's not doing anything "wrong." She's exciting.

She seems like a keeper who won't make you die an early death out of sheer boredom and white picket fence. Tell her you think it's really cool what she's doing, wait and listen to her response.