Girlfriend's history

kenmm

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

No offense but your post is like a page torn out of a "how to brilliant person" book and sadly by that I do mean it's fake. It's overly nice. It's overly understanding. It's not realistic.

It's an opinion of looking on the outside in. Because if were to put myself in the ops shoes and finding out the woman I've been dating has gone on sugar daddy dates? ... That ain't good.

Be only natural to think:
- Am I getting used too?
- what else don't I know about?
- has she done escorting? Because this whole sugar daddy business is a precursor to being an escort.

You say how she could have told the op during corona. That's ifs and buts as it didn't happen.
But it has to be said that alot of people have received the warning bells early on in relationships. Could these not be the ops tolling right now?

Fu(k me, don't think I've ever been accused of being overly understanding..


My mantra during this has been that the only way to resolve all of this, including the points regarding what else may or may not have been done is for them both to sit down and talk.

That's not an easy conversation, because it means admitting fully to the snooping and then having to talk about what was found and if it's an issue. It's completely fraught with danger, she might not like the snooping or having to explain why she done something that she may or may not be proud of. Equally he might not be able to imagine all sorts of other scenarios going on and has to work out if he can trust. There may even be a need for third party help with this if the relationship is to be saved, as without it there may be thoughts lingering in the back if the head.

It's tough sh*t, but if they both want the relationship (the op indicated that may be the case) then I think it can be saved, but with open honesty. I don't think that's fake at all?

Edit to add: I don't know why giving advice on PI comes across as fake. A lot of issues can only be resolved through being honest and discussion- maybe I am not a brilliant person, but instead learned some hard lessons by also being a dick and not being able to have such conversations in the past?

Let me first say I don't condone snooping under normal circumstances. Anally checking up on your partner is of course completely out of order.

However if you have a genuine reason to suspect something isn't quite right then in my book it's justified.

I find it strange how snooping is on an equal footing with someone having a whole other life that could expose the OP to all sorts of issues, both health wise and even personal safety wise. "I've been sleeping with random men for money" is NOT on the same level as "How dare you INVADE MY PRIVACY and discover my separate life that put you in danger"

If you are dealing with a dishonest partner snooping is the only way to find out. Asking them won't work because they are dishonest.

kenmm

Deleted User wrote: »

"I've been sleeping with random men for money"

That didn't happen tho, so entirely irrelevant.

MEGA BRO WOLF 5000

kenmm wrote: »

That didn't happen tho, so entirely irrelevant.

Suuuuuure she was just going to dinner with these ould lads. I don't believe that for a second.

kenmm

And really- it doesn't matter if the snooping was justified or not, the OP needs to ask why he felt the need to do so as it could cause him issues further down the line. There was no indication of any "justification" and in this case I think it does tip it over to be the bigger trust issue. That's not to belittle the serious concerns the OP may have in light of what his noseying about discovered.

kenmm

Hunky Monster wrote: »

Suuuuuure she was just going to dinner with these ould lads. I don't believe that for a second.

Just as well its not you that's dating the girl then!

tbh tho - why would she? There is absolutely no evidence (and it seems the OP had a good aul look about, so I am sure he would have found some). It seems a case of - she done a bit of escorting, stopped it when they got serious and hasn't told the OP.

EDIT: You would think the way this thread is going the girl was sneaking out every 5 minds to make some cash with a handjob here and a quicky there.
No wonder she wouldnt want to talk about it if this is the general attitude that exists..

JustAThought

OP has directly siad it - he dosn’t and disn’t teuat her. As my neighbour asked -
how do you know or trust anyone you meet
online when you have absolutely no contact or link with them or their past whatsoever other thN what they have told you or let you know. Red flags on this everywhere. As for her - she hs now moved from London to live with the OP - sugardaddy or what - she has only ‘dated’ him - online - a few times before they met in oerson. He knew nothing about her. Now he knows she is a tisk taker and hedonistic and likes to sell herself to old men on the internet and dosn’t have a priblem wuth this as she did it repeatedly. For all thise here saying this is normL behaviour or OK I would say you need a serious reality check.

And the OP needs to get rid of her - quickly. She will quickly become pregnant or find another man to lush up to - or mYbe her pensioner is still available? Either way, with her penchant for selling herself online she win’t struggle or be financially short. Get out while you still can OP - dump her.

kenmm

kenmm wrote: »

That didn't happen tho, so entirely irrelevant.

It quite likely did. She's not going to tell him either way.

kenmm

kenmm wrote: »

tbh tho - why would she? There is absolutely no evidence (and it seems the OP had a good aul look about, so I am sure he would have found some). It seems a case of - she done a bit of escorting, stopped it when they got serious and hasn't told the OP.

Escorting is always "non sexual" in the description but the reality is very different. Escorting is a euphemism for prostitution. The OP might be fine with this, but he needs to know to have any basis for an honest relationship.

kenmm

It may of course turned or started to turn sexual - there is no evidence of this. It's conjecture at this stage.
I think if it did progress to something sexual, the OP would have known about it by reading the wa or email.

The only way to know for sure is for them to talk about it, but its not going to be an easy conversation given the manner in which he found out.

kenmm

Deleted User wrote: »

She's not going to tell him either way.

lol - how can you possibly know this based on a random third party account on the internet?

Vargulf

I think any self respecting person in a relationship, male or female, would have an issue with their partner working as an escort being paid for "companionship".

OP said that their girlfriend was working as a non-sexual escort just before they were dating and we have no evidence that OP's girlfriend will continue the escourt service but in a hypothetical scenario where if Covid19 had not spread she could very will be meeting this 70yo man behind OP's back. That's not exciting its disrepectful, the girlfriend and this man are hardly chatting about the weather or the soccer match last night. If this man needs to pay for companionship he would be better off joining a men's shed or even popping down to his local Spar or Centra.

The OP needs to have a conversation with their GF about this, Apologise for spying and calmly ask her if she plans on continuing as an escort.

Depending on her response OP needs to decide if they are OK with their GF meeting men for "Companionship" which could involve anything from conversation about the sport or the weather to possible downright flirting.

khaldrogo

kenmm wrote: »

That didn't happen tho.... .

How do you know?

kenmm

khaldrogo wrote: »

How do you know?

:D

Well obviously I read it in the internet so it must be true.

kenmm

kenmm wrote: »

lol - how can you possibly know this based on a random third party account on the internet?

It's obvious - if she was doing something as dishonest as banging these guys behind his back, it's a relatively minor thing to lie about it.

ILoveYourVibes

Ramonesp wrote: »

It was clearly platonic and just dinner only but they have kept in contact via what's app planning to meet up again but never happened due to covid. I'm conflicted as to what to do

She sounds like a hustler. I would run.

Since you don't live in the same city. I would say she was hustling you too.

Katgurl

Op,

People lambasting you for snooping are just sidestepping the issue. If you were doing it regularly with no reason for suspicion then yes I'd be joining in. The reality is she remained logged in and curiosity got the better of you. Of course you then went looking for further information after finding out she was an escort.

I would absolutely not be ok with this the other way around. Plenty of people wouldn't. Plenty of people would. Even if I discovered my partner had, in our early days, been heading off on normal dates directly after seeing me then I'd be pretty hurt. I'd also wonder how I read him / the situation so wrong.

Really it's up to you if you want to continue with her. Do you think you will still respect and trust her? Having read your update where you say you are in love with her I think it would be worth having an open and frank discussion.

edjkdkjdhjkd

Ramonesp wrote: »

Hi, I'm a 35 year old irish man dating a 37 yo F in London , we have known each other since December....casual for 1st few months but serious for past 3 months . She left her email account open on my laptop a few days ago and I ended up snooping. I found out that last October she registered with a non sexual escort agency offering companionship only. Further snooping revealed that she went on 3 dinner dates with a 70 year old business man who flies in once a month. One each in November, December, and January. It was clearly platonic and just dinner only but they have kept in contact via what's app planning to meet up again but never happened due to covid. I'm conflicted as to what to do

The question should be why are you dating a woman older than you, most women in their thirties carry significant baggage tbh. You would never see a man of value date older women unless it was just a fling and she was still attractive. Nothing stopping you seeing women in their mid twenties if you got your sh1t together.

suicide_circus

Are you happy to be with someone who goes on "dates" for money? Is she in a dire financial situation? Are you quite well off OP?

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

The OP hasn't been back in over a week and has pages of advice to go on here.

I'm going to close the thread in the circumstances. OP if you want it re opened just let one of the Mod Team know

Thanks to all who offered help and advice.

HS