Your Red Chair Story

I met this woman on a night out when I was about 19.
We got on fine and she came back to my my place for a bit of fun. We added one another on Facebook, etc..
A few weeks later I bumped into her again in the same place, had a few drinks but it was hard to hear in the club and went back to my place. There was the odd thing said that slightly didn’t add up.
The next morning she started on about adding her on Facebook and I was like I thought I already did that.
Then it dawned on me. That they were twin sisters.

gogo wrote: »

What’s your red chair story, that one horrendous, incredulous story you can tell about yourself:

Mine, is when I was about 15 and travelled to another school to see some Shakespeare play on a school trip, the play was on late and was a special ‘school’ showing.
I went to a convent and I was 100% attending for the boys and not the Shakespeare. We got chatting to some lads before the play started and they were going outside for a smoke, me and the girls of course tagged along.. we snuck outside a side door in the hall and the lad in front of me stumbled, it was dark out, I just heard him say ‘oh Jesus’ when I stepped out .....
It was then I proceeded to fall down an open man hole. All the way down an open man hole, I don’t know how many feet but I was in well over my head. I dislocated my two ankles on the way down as there spindly selves tried to stop my fall by shoving off the wall.
Both ankles dislocated and then broke when they tried to stand me up on them when they pulled me out.

To make matters worse, when they they brought me back into the hall, screaming with two dangling feet, they sat me in front of the audience and took off my shoes for the world to see my big toe sticking out a hole in my sock, I don’t know which was worse to this day, two broken ankles, or roaring crying in front of a couple of hundred people and my big toe on show to the world and thinking how my mother would have been so disappointed knowing I had a hole in my sock and all those people knowing it.

I also had to explain to her the fact that I didn’t smoke .. but followed a group of lads outside like the 15 year old tramp that I was..

What’s yours?

A hole in your fcuking sock?


You could have broken your bloody neck.

I think I digitally raped an anaconda once.

In Venezuela on a kind of safari like trip through these wetlands. Guide spotted the snake but needed a good few of us to pull it out, I remember that I had a great grip as one finger had slipped into some sort of groove. It wasn't a groove.

I Am Nobody wrote: »

Question is did you enjoy it?Durty bastard.lol.

More importantly, did the anaconda?

When I was 18 and had a bit of va va voom about me, I was working in a hospital and we decided to put on a Christmas play with the residents. Anyhow I got a main role and my costume necessitated a strapless bra but I wasnt told this till the day of the play and the front of the costume had starch holding it up.

Anyhow a couple of pranksters thought it would be a good idea to give the dress a good shake and loosen the starch, mainly to get me back for various pranks. I arrive in to be handed the costume and went ohhhhhkay hmmmmm. Off comes the bra on goes the costume.

So we are dancing around and I have to spin 4 or 5 times and as I spin to face the back of stage I see a camera flash going offstage and a colleague in a pink panther outfit hit the floor laughing his ass off, meanwhile I hear someone on stage going your dress, your dress. I continue spinning look down and the dress slipped further than it should, exposing more than a handful shall we say.

So, while spinning I pulled it up and took a huge flourishing bow when finished. Unfortunately my bosses were a religous order and there were 40 or so in the audience that night and they told me later jokingly that the video would keep them warm on many a winters night. I had relatives of the residents coming up to me for months after offering their condolences on the events of that night.

A long long time ago, the girlfriend at the time asked me to go on holiday with her family, her dad, brothers, aunties and uncles , cousins, etc. to the Canaries to spend Xmas. As much as I didn't want to go, she finally persuaded me. As this was my first holiday abroad as such, and being very uncultured in travelling, I was still filled with a child like enthusiasm as the departure date neared.

Unprepared, i just threw a few items into a suitcase the night before when she called and told me to pack a few items as she knew how useless I was. She said " Don't forget to pack your swimwear", I couldnt swim very well and gave up lessons as a teenager. Did I even have any swimwear. After searching the house I found a trusty old pair of speedos from the time I was learning and threw them into my suitcase.

The holiday was great and on Xmas eve we went out and got really drunk. I was so hungover the next day but still a bit giddy drunk, so I had a bit of lie in. I was woken by the girlfriend saying all the family members were gathered by the pool and to get my swimwear on and come on down. So I got up, found my swimming trunks and barely managed to squeeze into them. **** me they were very tight and my movement very restricted.

So forward I marched a bit fuzzy headed and started the 20 odd step descent down to the pool area where everyone was gathered. I was moving akin to new born foal but trying to remain as graceful in my movement as the garment would allow, taking it step by step. But the looks on the gathered faces changed from neutral to aghast with my girlfriend signalling downwards with her head. I ignored this for some seconds but then I looked down, and much to my horror, one rogue ball had escaped from the cradle of the speedos and was dangling on my thigh .

I instantly grabbed my ball and pushed it back in behind the fabric which resulted in the other nut slipping out on the other side this continued for maybe 2 or 3 movements creating something akin to a testicular Newtons cradle in full motion. By the time I had made it to the pool area, one of my girlfriends aunties got up and wrapped a towel around my waist. I was mortified.

I was a Spinning Instructor in 1997 and my normally interactive regulars weren't giving me any in one particular class. Being the professional I am, I powered on for another 15 or 20 minutes.

Until one member, looked up, made contact and said 'your dick is out'

So, I knew and they knew, but nothing was said. Ever.