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Completely Put Off Having Children

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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,981 ✭✭✭Diarmuid


    bubblypop wrote: »
    This is the attitude I hate! Parents basically telling other adults that their lives are meaningless without kids!

    It's projection. They had nothing in their life before a kid.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Nothing mattered...to me. I dont care what anyone else does. Have kids, don’t have kids, i couldnt care less. For me though, now i have a reason to be doing what I’m doing.

    That's depressing


  • Registered Users Posts: 54 ✭✭ShareShare


    Im 35 M child free. I had a vasectomy about 4 months ago.

    Very pleased with my choice. It was a long decision though. Over a decade of thinking about it.

    I did it entirely for selfish reasons. I like pleasure, travelling, relaxing, socializing, silly hobbies and the care free nature of life.

    Children consume your soul. It can of course be very rewarding, but i dont see it being more rewarding that pretty much anything you devote yourself to. It does however come with lots of disadvantages.

    A few friends of mine have kids, and a few women i meet too have them. They can barely even have a conversation without being interrupted about 30 times. Cutting dates short because the kid is tired, hungry, angry, jealous etc. Their money is always tight. Free time is non existent, and their craving of adult conversation can speak volumes of loneliness.

    I love kids as long as i can give them back after a day.

    I love that i have lots of money for nice things for myself. I love that myself and my partner have lots of pleasure and very little restrictions. We love our huge freedom.

    I think its a very personal decision, and neither are wrong, but one definitely is far more burdensome.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Looking at everyone around me with kids, with one exception, puts me off having them. All seemed much happier before having children. They travelled, had fun, freedom, money to spend on themselves, energy, weren't sleep deprived, etc. Most parents I know have all those positives taken away and one in particular has said she wouldn't have children if she could go back in time. I see it as a life of servitude which is why I don't think I will ever have any. I see people trying to get everyone to mind their children except themselves - parents, inlaws, aunts/uncles, creches, schools, after school clubs. If they loved being a parent surely they would want to spend time with them?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,658 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    eviltwin wrote: »
    That's depressing

    It kind of is, and what if you fall out with your kid or you become estranged? Then you're just a pointless mess all over again.
    Kids, a partner, money, a new house, a car, none of these things are going to make you happy really, but you may very well bank all your happiness on them. True happiness is deeper than that.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,749 ✭✭✭Feisar


    Father of an 11 month old here.

    As Blaze420 said there wasn't a baby shaped hole in my life before he came along. I'd have been perfectly happy in life sans the wee man, not missing what I never had and all that. The main drive for children would have come from herself, we would have discussed this when things started to get serious between us.
    There would definitely be a baby shaped hole in my life now if he was taken away, taken literally that might seem a bit obvious and while it's true in and of itself there is more to it. My whole perspective on life has shifted, my priorities are different now. Where I once would have wanted the best for myself, that's a distant second to fulfilling what's best for him. I get the feeling I'll feel his defeats and triumphs such that they may be much more than I ever felt my own.
    Although as someone else said, sometimes I just want to bugger off for a pint!

    First they came for the socialists...



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,431 ✭✭✭Sky King


    Reasons to not have kids - my god where do I start. It's the most narcissistic selfish thing you can do.

    How about how immoral it is to put more resourse consuming people on our already overpopulated planet - and here in the western world kids consume WAY more resourses than elsewhere.

    Or how about how immoral it is to inflict this human condition on some person without asking their permission, just to satisfy your own need for 'fulfillment'. Putting people here to have more people to have more people... it's the most pointless exercise ever.

    Even healthy kids are annoying at the best of times, then don't get me started on all the 5hit that could be wrong with them... They could have some disability or disorder or chronic illness that requires constant care. Or be really annoying like that autistic kid on the TV who screeches and bangs his head on the wall. Or (far more likely) they could turn out to be complete assholes despite your best efforts.

    Or the kids could turn out to be great adults and just fukc off an leave you like what happened to a friend of mine's mam - she's divorced and her kids ****ed off to Asia for years and left her on her own. What a waste of a youth raising them so 'you'll have them when you are old'.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,815 ✭✭✭cgcsb


    It's good that you ask those questions instead of just squeezing them out based on instinct and worry about the consequences later. If you remove the individual from the story and take a big picture view, creating another human right now seems like the opposite of a good idea. There are officially 8 billion of us (about 9 billion if you take into account the lack of census enumeration in the vast swathes of shanty towns and refugee camps in the world) already. Even if we completely change our way of living on this planet over the next 10 years and only use renewable/nuclear energy and sustainable materials, we will still run out of resources by the middle of this century. Even now if everyone were to live equitably in the world, we'd all be rationed to a matchbox sized piece of meat a day. This is only getting worse and emerging economies like China and India are increasingly embracing western lifestyles which are consumer intensive, eating 5 or 6 times as much meat as their parents did and driving cars, which were unaffordable 20 years ago. There are already a lot of children in the world who need a home, so can't see the point in creating a fresh one. The future is basically wars over what resources are left, fresh water, land that can sustain crops etc. Our food chain will likely collapse this century due to climate change and over consumption.

    There are a few scenarios that will allow human society to continue with what we call normality:

    1)Start a nuclear war. If China and India for example obliterated eachother that could reduce the human population sufficiently
    2)A natural disaster. But let's be honest humanity isn't greatly impacted by this. Even something as deadly as the corona virus spreading across the world has only managed to kill 0.01% (mostly folks who were old and had already procreated) of us and our response to that will be a global baby boom. Weather events brought on by climate change aren't big enough to dent our numbers. The only natural disaster at this point that will have a significant impact on our population is an asteroid impact
    3)On the subject of asteroids and space, another scenario is if we can economically extract resources from the asteroid belt and recover billions of tons of minerals and/or if we can establish a significant presence on Mars and learn how to use martian soil as a growing medium
    we may have more capacity to expand for another few generation or 2 before we hit the same problems again.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,476 ✭✭✭neonsofa


    Had my first when I was a teenager, wasnt planned. Her dad isnt involved which makes it harder cause everything is on one salary. I dont think I would have chosen to have kids otherwise, however I think I say that with the hindsight of knowing how tough it has been. Before I had her I didnt care about college/career etc (like most teenagers!) but once she was in the picture, all of that became priority in order to provide for her and not let her miss out just because her mam was careless.

    So in an ironic way, I think I am better off in terms of career and lifestyle because I only did it for her, whereas if I was still single and carefree I dont think I'd have worked as hard, but I'd keep a lot more of whatever wage i do have for myself so I guess it would all balance out! :pac:

    I'm not a very maternal person so I lose my patience very quick, and you need a lot of patience with kids. They talk a lot. I think a lot of people base their decision on having "a baby", rather than thinking about a whole person, a whole new life.

    I also think there is a lot of shame around parents saying they dont enjoy parenthood or that they probably would have chosen to remain childfree if they knew how difficult it was. As if it means they hate their kids or regret them. I can hand on heart say I love mine, but I can also say that raising a child while young and single is not ideal, we make it work but there is no shame in saying parenthood was not a walk in the park like some make out. That doesn't have to be followed with "but it's all worth it" or "but I wouldnt change it for the world". You can love the people that you brought into the world, and have lovely memories and bonds with them as people, and still think parenting is really tough and boring and monotonous the majority of the time! It's ok to say that without always adding a disclaimer, and I wish more people would just speak freely about the difficulties without feeling shame, or thinking that it means they in turn regret their children.

    The baby years go by way too quick and you dont get to enjoy them properly cause you're so sleep deprived, so I always love cuddling new babies that I can hand back :pac:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,854 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    Has this been posted yet , the OP reminded me of it :D

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,658 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    cgcsb wrote: »
    It's good that you ask those questions instead of just squeezing them out based on instinct and worry about the consequences later. If you remove the individual from the story and take a big picture view, creating another human right now seems like the opposite of a good idea. There are officially 8 billion of us...

    Yes all of what you said haunts me, and I don't really want to contribute to it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,474 ✭✭✭facehugger99


    s1ippy wrote: »

    For a very long time now my partner and I have been seriously considering whether or not we will have children. We are erring on the side of not, because we feel that society is absolute squalor and couldn't reconcile bringing a child into it.

    I would agree that self-centered people who spend their time lapping up the constant diet of negativity pumped out by the media, should if at all possible, avoid having kids.

    Absolute squalor - lol.

    Try visiting a slum in Rio or Mumbai.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,749 ✭✭✭Feisar


    Sky King wrote: »
    Reasons to not have kids - my god where do I start. It's the most narcissistic selfish thing you can do.

    How about how immoral it is to put more resourse consuming people on our already overpopulated planet - and here in the western world kids consume WAY more resourses than elsewhere.

    Or how about how immoral it is to inflict this human condition on some person without asking their permission, just to satisfy your own need for 'fulfillment'. Putting people here to have more people to have more people... it's the most pointless exercise ever.

    Even healthy kids are annoying at the best of times, then don't get me started on all the 5hit that could be wrong with them... They could have some disability or disorder or chronic illness that requires constant care. Or be really annoying like that autistic kid on the TV who screeches and bangs his head on the wall. Or (far more likely) they could turn out to be complete assholes despite your best efforts.

    Or the kids could turn out to be great adults and just fukc off an leave you like what happened to a friend of mine's mam - she's divorced and her kids ****ed off to Asia for years and left her on her own. What a waste of a youth raising them so 'you'll have them when you are old'.

    Well that's one way of looking at it! To be honest I was afraid my particular brand of human condition would be passed along. Thankfully he seems to have taken after his mother.

    First they came for the socialists...



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,344 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    I think people without kids need to give people with kids a “break”. I don’t think they realise that those with kids, generally, don’t have much else to talk about.

    That’s fine in small “doses” but if you get yourself stuck with one of those “competitive” types I think it’s fair enough to tell them what you think of having kids and all that nonsense about the planet. Fire with fire, and all that.

    The real ones to watch out for are that, most dreaded, breed the “stay at home dad”. Why are these guys always, nervously, “buzzing” around the place double, and triple, checking that everyone is ok, all while their, older, partners rolls their eyes. And why do they always have, unkempt, curly hair and a beard?

    Speaking as a parent, one of the biggest “upsides” to this lockdown is that I’m not dragged along to “play dates” where I have to engage with the, overly, competitive mother/fathers or with the annoying eunuchs.

    Kids are a lot of work at the best of times, these people don’t make it any easier.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,980 ✭✭✭s1ippy


    cgcsb wrote: »
    It's good that you ask those questions instead of just squeezing them out based on instinct and worry about the consequences later. If you remove the individual from the story and take a big picture view, creating another human right now seems like the opposite of a good idea. There are officially 8 billion of us (about 9 billion if you take into account the lack of census enumeration in the vast swathes of shanty towns and refugee camps in the world) already. Even if we completely change our way of living on this planet over the next 10 years and only use renewable/nuclear energy and sustainable materials, we will still run out of resources by the middle of this century. Even now if everyone were to live equitably in the world, we'd all be rationed to a matchbox sized piece of meat a day. This is only getting worse and emerging economies like China and India are increasingly embracing western lifestyles which are consumer intensive, eating 5 or 6 times as much meat as their parents did and driving cars, which were unaffordable 20 years ago. There are already a lot of children in the world who need a home, so can't see the point in creating a fresh one. The future is basically wars over what resources are left, fresh water, land that can sustain crops etc. Our food chain will likely collapse this century due to climate change and over consumption.

    There are a few scenarios that will allow human society to continue with what we call normality:

    1)Start a nuclear war. If China and India for example obliterated eachother that could reduce the human population sufficiently
    2)A natural disaster. But let's be honest humanity isn't greatly impacted by this. Even something as deadly as the corona virus spreading across the world has only managed to kill 0.01% (mostly folks who were old and had already procreated) of us and our response to that will be a global baby boom. Weather events brought on by climate change aren't big enough to dent our numbers. The only natural disaster at this point that will have a significant impact on our population is an asteroid impact
    3)On the subject of asteroids and space, another scenario is if we can economically extract resources from the asteroid belt and recover billions of tons of minerals and/or if we can establish a significant presence on Mars and learn how to use martian soil as a growing medium
    we may have more capacity to expand for another few generation or 2 before we hit the same problems again.
    To anyone who is cross with me because I think the world is awful, here is what I couldn't be bothered to write out to all those posters who attacked me and said I shouldn't have children because I'm depressed etc.

    I actually love my life. I have a full, rich existence with a large, loving family and many friends, several pets and an extremely healthy long-term relationship. As for projecting your negativity onto me just because it upsets you if someone even alludes to disease, war, famine... Just because the West seems to be doing alright, doesn't mean that in two decades it will be the same.

    I look at the refugee children flopping around on their dad's shoulders as they're carried for thousands of miles, the older child who happens to be that bit more perceptive becoming depressed and suicidal when they start to figure out the realities of life, teenagers reaching adulthood completely lost and without direction who recede into themselves and never become self-reliant.

    I worked in education for years and in my part time job, I still care for many people with disabilities who will never have a high quality of life through no fault of their own. I'm always available for free babysitting for any friends or relatives who need it (except since the pandemic). I reared two of my younger siblings so I really know what having a child entails, to a degree.

    So many of the exhausted but happy parents on this thread have been very insightful and the chill childless people have also opened my eyes. I only know two older couples (50+) who have decided not to have kids and they are genuinely the coolest and most content people I know.

    I think the point about Idiocracy is a great one and I was actually debating with one of my friends who has kids recently, because it's fairly well known by our friends that we probably won't have children... My buddy was going "but ye have to have kids because my daughter won't have anyone to play with only morons otherwise!".

    Implying that a loving home for kids is pretty scarce and that breeds unstable and unhappy people all around. But do you really want to bring a child into a world where huge amounts of people are from miserable homes? Strikes me as even more of an argument not to do that to the individual. They currently don't exist, so no harm no foul.

    My older brother who is an activist but also has children he massively regrets (one of those parents who is always trying to get out of spending time with his kids, like he thinks they're not his responsibility or his time is too much more important) and he started talking about how messed up the foster kids are, trying to put me off what I know would be a huge undertaking so that I go what he perceives as the "easier" route. All I could think of is how broken his kids are from seeking his acknowledgment and it only spurred my decision to remain childless on more

    As a household, we could create stability and love for existing children who find themselves without it. I think it's interesting to note that I have three very close friends are adopted, including my best friend, and by pure coincidence I know about six more who were fostered, met them through the music scene and travelling around the country. Those particular individuals I know are always vivacious cnuts with a huge lust for life and often have thinly veiled psychological issues which they'll suppress by drinking heavily. Which makes me want to foster even more because I want to help people (children or teens) through their separation anxiety and allow them to confront their issues and start a new life.

    Sorry for the long post, I really don't feel I have to justify my position or outlook to people who think that the world is all sunshine and light and are completely freaked when I say it's in sh!t, but I hope my stance might be something other people relate to because the world could really use some love and if you have it to give, it might be worth giving it to somebody who doesn't have a lot of it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,817 ✭✭✭flasher0030


    Looking at everyone around me with kids, with one exception, puts me off having them. All seemed much happier before having children. They travelled, had fun, freedom, money to spend on themselves, energy, weren't sleep deprived, etc. Most parents I know have all those positives taken away and one in particular has said she wouldn't have children if she could go back in time. I see it as a life of servitude which is why I don't think I will ever have any. I see people trying to get everyone to mind their children except themselves - parents, inlaws, aunts/uncles, creches, schools, after school clubs. If they loved being a parent surely they would want to spend time with them?

    You sound very insecure. You can choose to continue a life of socialising, holiday when you want, sleep-ins till 11am at the weekends, watch netflix all day if you want. But in my opinion, you'll regret not having kids if you are in a position to do so. Of course it helps if the proper factors are in place i.e. decent partner, decent job and decent accommodation.

    I enjoyed the wild life up until my early '30s. That's when herself advised that it was time to get a move on. I'll be honest, the thought of having to give up my 5ams staggering in the door devastated me. Anyway we had 2 kids - boy and girl. It's been unbelievable. Simple things at the beginning. I love music so to make a novelty of the getting up several times during the night, I had my own playlist set out for different nights. Anyway kids are more grown up now - 9 and 6 - and it's absolutely amazing. Helping them develop through school, playing sport with them, climbing mountains, reading with them, jumping on them, them jumping on you. The list goes on and on. And the social life does gradually come back - albeit in a more restrictive way. But, God, do I appreciate more the few beers when they do arrive.

    Anyway, don't not have kids out of fear. Almost everybody has that. But it turns out to be one big adventure - a rollercoaster adventure.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    sydthebeat wrote: »
    If every couple had one child the population of the world would drop

    Yes. And if every couple had two children the population of the world would drop too.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,535 ✭✭✭✭DrPhilG


    I'm in my early 40s, been married for 10 years and together for 20.

    We both made it clear early on that we didn't want kids. I think there are only a few things that need to be made very clear as soon as a relationship looks like its long term and potentially for life. Kids is one of them. I know 2 couples who didn't have the conversation until they were hitched, then found out that one was dying for kids and one was totally against it.

    Why aren't we having kids? Because we don't want any. Simple as that. As someone said earlier in the thread, if you have to list your reasons for having kids, chances are you don't want them.

    Some talk about their desire to "continue the family line". Neither of us have any such desire, and both of us have nieces and nephews who will do that anyway.

    The desire to create a little version of yourself, nope. Have no interest in a mini-me, a mini-her or a combination of both.

    On top of that, neither of us particularly like kids. That's not to say that we're grouchy old sods that scowl and chase the local kids off the street lol. We get on fine with the neices & nephews.

    If I did want to have a kid, the side issue of raising a child in the ever increasingly insane world where young people are obsessed with their 15 minutes of viral fame and where political correctness and "wokeness" is making the world a flat out stupid place, would also make me pause mind you.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,578 ✭✭✭monkeysnapper


    I wasnt bothered if we had kids to be honest, I wasnt even emotional when we had out first ...

    I had a pretty mixed upbringing and moved away from home at 19 and never went back .

    Spent years listening to the whining bastards in shops and restaurants thinking who in their right mind would want that.

    Anyway I have 3 kids , 5 , 8, and 10 and I love the bones of them .... I'm getting to give them a childhood I never had and having some fun along the way ...

    I always loved dogs and that was enough for me , it lights me up inside to see kids feeding and walking dogs and caring for them .

    They can be little bastards to sometimes ;)


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  • Subscribers Posts: 41,997 ✭✭✭✭sydthebeat


    pwurple wrote: »
    Yes. And if every couple had two children the population of the world would drop too.

    Yes it would.

    So the premise on here from some that not having children is the only way to "save the world" as its overpopulated is incorrect.

    You can still have children and at the same time cause the world's population to drop


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    Isn't the whole "having kids is bad for the environment" thing a myth though?.. based on dubious data I think..

    How can it be a myth? It's simple common sense. In 1975 there were 4 billion humans. Today there are 8 billion. All driving around, eating food, drinking water, producing waste, using plastics, living in concrete homes, consuming resources.

    Those extra 4 billion people are all this last generation's children. Us basically. I'm one of 5 siblings, my parents are from huge families. I have nearly 200 first cousins. My husband is also one of 5 and his parents are each from families with more than 12 siblings each. Hundreds of first cousins there too.

    In contrast, I have 2 children, and they have 5 first cousins, total. So, yes, there's a reduction there.


    However, I don't account for the rest of the planet. I have friends who have 5 or 6 children in this generation too. And in less developed countries there are enormous families still.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,658 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    Regardless of whether our population grows or not, we need to drop consumption levels of pretty much everything in rich countries especially, or we're screwed, if it's not too late already. It's rich countries like ireland that fuel the economies of pointless unnecessary rubbish producers like China.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,749 ✭✭✭Feisar


    Regardless of whether our population grows or not, we need to drop consumption levels of pretty much everything in rich countries especially, or we're screwed, if it's not too late already. It's rich countries like ireland that fuel the economies of pointless unnecessary rubbish producers like China.

    I thought Covid19 had solved the climate issue? I certainly haven't heard anything about the environment since the Covid pandemic came to light.

    First they came for the socialists...



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,431 ✭✭✭Sky King


    Feisar wrote: »
    I thought Covid19 had solved the climate issue?

    Hopefully it solves the population issue as well. Nature is healing. We are the virus.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Sky King wrote: »
    Hopefully it solves the population issue as well. Nature is healing. We are the virus.

    I'm starting to think this is a really idiotic viewpoint..


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,815 ✭✭✭cgcsb


    Feisar wrote: »
    I thought Covid19 had solved the climate issue? I certainly haven't heard anything about the environment since the Covid pandemic came to light.

    You thought that ey? have you stopped eating since? given that the virus has only killed a tiny proportion of the population, most of whom were old and already procreated anyway plus we're likely to have a baby boom as an indirect result of lockdown, it seems the virus has made things worse in the long term. the benefits of the temporary drop in carbon emissions due to restrictions on transport wont last long.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,357 ✭✭✭RubyK


    We are married 17 years, together 24 yrs. The conversation of having children was had a few times before we got married, and we both weren't quite sure it was what we wanted. We got married, and decided to wait a few years, and just enjoy our life as it was. Around 5-6 years after we married we said we would try and see what happened. It never happened for us. But it's ok, and we both feel it just wasn't meant to be. We have a nice life, we are happy. We don't live wishing for what we don't have, and we don't worry about getting older just the two of us (and the dogs). We are just grateful for what we have, a nice life together :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,749 ✭✭✭Feisar


    cgcsb wrote: »
    You thought that ey? have you stopped eating since? given that the virus has only killed a tiny proportion of the population, most of whom were old and already procreated anyway plus we're likely to have a baby boom as an indirect result of lockdown, it seems the virus has made things worse in the long term. the benefits of the temporary drop in carbon emissions due to restrictions on transport wont last long.

    No I didn't think that, it was a comment about the power of the media to drive a particular issue in our minds.

    First they came for the socialists...



  • Registered Users Posts: 4,639 ✭✭✭andekwarhola


    Do young couples now sit down and "decide" to have their first baby

    I know we didn't

    Ww sat down and decided. We didn't start a circular discussion on a message board about it, mind you. I guess we're old fashioned.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,558 ✭✭✭✭Fourier


    pwurple wrote: »
    However, I don't account for the rest of the planet. I have friends who have 5 or 6 children in this generation too. And in less developed countries there are enormous families still.
    The global average is 2.5 per woman and dropping. We have either hit peak child already or are close to. The global population will halt around 11 billion which according to most models is well within what can be provided for.

    Climate change will not be solved by lowering the population (as is obvious if one reads any studies on the subject), we have to change the energy infrastructure. I see no real reason to expect this won't be done and even the most unlikely negative scenarios from climate change are not apocalyptic.
    Isn't the whole "having kids is bad for the environment" thing a myth though?.. based on dubious data I think..
    Yeah there's a badly misreported paper that gives the CO2 emission for children at 58 tons per year. Even a few seconds thought should reveal how little sense this makes. How can the average EU person output ~9 tons per year with every child hitting 60 tons? It would require anybody over 12 to be an almost non-physical ghost who doesn't need to eat, drive etc. Unfortunately this paper has now become a meme along with the "60% of animal populations wiped out" one.

    Since Idiocracy has come up, the point isn't a great one. It's a comedy movie. Average intelligence is not declining.


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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    You sound very insecure. You can choose to continue a life of socialising, holiday when you want, sleep-ins till 11am at the weekends, watch netflix all day if you want. But in my opinion, you'll regret not having kids if you are in a position to do so. Of course it helps if the proper factors are in place i.e. decent partner, decent job and decent accommodation.

    I enjoyed the wild life up until my early '30s. That's when herself advised that it was time to get a move on. I'll be honest, the thought of having to give up my 5ams staggering in the door devastated me. Anyway we had 2 kids - boy and girl. It's been unbelievable. Simple things at the beginning. I love music so to make a novelty of the getting up several times during the night, I had my own playlist set out for different nights. Anyway kids are more grown up now - 9 and 6 - and it's absolutely amazing. Helping them develop through school, playing sport with them, climbing mountains, reading with them, jumping on them, them jumping on you. The list goes on and on. And the social life does gradually come back - albeit in a more restrictive way. But, God, do I appreciate more the few beers when they do arrive.

    Anyway, don't not have kids out of fear. Almost everybody has that. But it turns out to be one big adventure - a rollercoaster adventure.

    What part of that makes me sound "very insecure"? I find that so funny and the opposite to reality! You like it I think of it as my idea of hell compared to my life now. Does that irritate you maybe as there is some reason you feel the need to call me insecure. Different strokes and all that.


  • Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    You sound very insecure. You can choose to continue a life of socialising, holiday when you want, sleep-ins till 11am at the weekends, watch netflix all day if you want. But in my opinion, you'll regret not having kids if you are in a position to do so. Of course it helps if the proper factors are in place i.e. decent partner, decent job and decent accommodation.

    I enjoyed the wild life up until my early '30s. That's when herself advised that it was time to get a move on. I'll be honest, the thought of having to give up my 5ams staggering in the door devastated me. Anyway we had 2 kids - boy and girl. It's been unbelievable. Simple things at the beginning. I love music so to make a novelty of the getting up several times during the night, I had my own playlist set out for different nights. Anyway kids are more grown up now - 9 and 6 - and it's absolutely amazing. Helping them develop through school, playing sport with them, climbing mountains, reading with them, jumping on them, them jumping on you. The list goes on and on. And the social life does gradually come back - albeit in a more restrictive way. But, God, do I appreciate more the few beers when they do arrive.

    Anyway, don't not have kids out of fear. Almost everybody has that. But it turns out to be one big adventure - a rollercoaster adventure.

    You do know you can live a full life without staying out partying till 5am or staying in bed all day?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,759 ✭✭✭✭nullzero
    °°°°°


    If the OP can't think of one good reason to have children then they're better off not having any.

    We already have enough disinterested parents in the world. Some people shouldn't be parents, however with that said those people really don't have any grounds for criticising people who are parents and are content with having children.

    Society has always been in some form of disrepair, there has never been a "good" time to bring children into the world nor an ideal setting for them to grow up in.

    The one part of the OP I found particularly strange was this; "On the bright side, I know at least two children alive now who seem to be doing mostly ok."
    It just seems like a peculiar statement.

    Glazers Out!



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,759 ✭✭✭✭nullzero
    °°°°°


    Speaking as a parent, one of the biggest “upsides” to this lockdown is that I’m dragged along to “play dates” where I have to engage with the, overly, competitive mother/fathers or with the annoying eunuchs.

    Kids are a lot of work at the best of times, these people don’t make it any easier.

    You're attending play dates during lockdown?

    Glazers Out!



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,941 ✭✭✭DopeTech


    Nobody can force anyone to have kids, it's up to yourselves at the end of the day. It's not really anybody else's business either.

    Do whatever makes ye happy.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,344 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    nullzero wrote: »
    You're attending play dates during lockdown?

    Apologies, I left out a key word, “not”, there. I’ll amend it accordingly. Thanks.

    Although, I should point out that we were plagued with invites during the first week and a half of “Lockdown” and have gotten 2 since last Friday.

    I think a lot of parents are finding having to spend, actual, time with their offspring quite tough.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,740 ✭✭✭Foweva Awone


    I've only one child, and his dad and I broke up when he was just 1. Because of that, I doubt I'll have any more children. While his dad is a great father and we get on grand with the co-parenting stuff most of the time, I hate the fact that we're stuck in each other's lives forever. It's very difficult never being able to fully leave your ex in the past - again, nothing personal towards the guy.

    The thoughts of having to do that with another man as well in the future puts me off ever having another child. Can you imagine trying to negotiate access and handover etc with more than two other parents and multiple children. :eek:


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,833 ✭✭✭Sunny Disposition


    It's funny, on a purely logical basis it is impossible to explain to someone why having a child is great. People who don't have one just need to accept that it is great, despite no sleep, finance, leaky nappies etc. Something changes in you after your first one arrives, you operate on pure love for the baby and there is no question of not putting up with all the difficult things. I would advise anyone in a stable relationship to have children, no matter what else you're doing it almost certainly won't be as meaningful, harsh as that might sound.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,829 ✭✭✭This is it


    I've only one child, and his dad and I broke up when he was just 1. Because of that, I doubt I'll have any more children. While his dad is a great father and we get on grand with the co-parenting stuff most of the time, I hate the fact that we're stuck in each other's lives forever. It's very difficult never being able to fully leave your ex in the past - again, nothing personal towards the guy.

    The thoughts of having to do that with another man as well in the future puts me off ever having another child. Can you imagine trying to negotiate access and handover etc with more than two other parents and multiple children. :eek:

    I'm in a similar position. My stance after the breakup was that I was done with kids. I couldn't go through all that again, fighting for access, and like you, never being able to leave your ex in the past.

    Thinking on it after some time I decided if the right person came along and they also wanted kids, it would at least be on the table. Obviously lots of things have to be considered but not having kids because I'm afraid of another breakup/fight for access is not a good way to think IMO. I'm not saying throw caution to the wind, but never say never for me.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    It's funny, on a purely logical basis it is impossible to explain to someone why having a child is great. People who don't have one just need to accept that it is great, despite no sleep, finance, leaky nappies etc. Something changes in you after your first one arrives, you operate on pure love for the baby and there is no question of not putting up with all the difficult things. I would advise anyone in a stable relationship to have children, no matter what else you're doing it almost certainly won't be as meaningful, harsh as that might sound.

    You are assigning meaning to it to help accommodate all the negatives perhaps?


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    It's funny, on a purely logical basis it is impossible to explain to someone why having a child is great. People who don't have one just need to accept that it is great, despite no sleep, finance, leaky nappies etc. Something changes in you after your first one arrives, you operate on pure love for the baby and there is no question of not putting up with all the difficult things. I would advise anyone in a stable relationship to have children, no matter what else you're doing it almost certainly won't be as meanful, harsh as that might sound.

    Because that stage of your child's life doesn't last all that long in the great scheme of things.

    And why do any of us take on things that are hard, because the pay off is worth it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,815 ✭✭✭cgcsb


    nullzero wrote: »
    Society has always been in some form of disrepair, there has never been a "good" time to bring children into the world nor an ideal setting for them to grow up in.

    Not strictly true.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doomsday_Clock#Timeline

    about 1990-1991 was an ideal time to have a child, the future outlook across the whole world was extremely positive at that point.

    If you asked people aged 18 what they thought the future would be like every year of the past hundred years you would mostly get optimistic answers related to improving technology, increased convenience and increasing consumption up to those born around 1990. The millenials and gen Zs dread the future.

    Those born in the western world after that point have lived through the global financial crisis, decimation of the natural world, increased wealth hording by a small number of billionaires (I hear that the miserly amazon chap is set to become the world's first 'trillionaire'<- a phrase not in the dictionary yet), the middle class majority can no longer afford to house themselves and it takes 2 incomes to raise one child and now we have the corona recession.

    so yes there's never been a perfect time to have a child but 1990 was pretty darn good and right now is abysmal.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,811 ✭✭✭joe40


    It's funny, on a purely logical basis it is impossible to explain to someone why having a child is great. People who don't have one just need to accept that it is great, despite no sleep, finance, leaky nappies etc. Something changes in you after your first one arrives, you operate on pure love for the baby and there is no question of not putting up with all the difficult things. I would advise anyone in a stable relationship to have children, no matter what else you're doing it almost certainly won't be as meaningful, harsh as that might sound.

    Oh God no, having children is great but only people who want kids should have kids.
    If it is not for you don't do it. It may cause strain in later years if one partner has regrets or feels cheated but having kids is a massive responsibility not to be taken lightly.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,558 ✭✭✭✭Fourier


    cgcsb wrote: »
    so yes there's never been a perfect time to have a child but 1990 was pretty darn good and right now is abysmal.
    What study supports this? By several other metrics the world is far better now than in 1990 (violent crime, health). Is there anything that is reasonably objective and comes to the conclusion that 1990 was better overall?

    It's not like we're back in the Middle Ages.


  • Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    It's funny, on a purely logical basis it is impossible to explain to someone why having a child is great. People who don't have one just need to accept that it is great, despite no sleep, finance, leaky nappies etc. Something changes in you after your first one arrives, you operate on pure love for the baby and there is no question of not putting up with all the difficult things. I would advise anyone in a stable relationship to have children, no matter what else you're doing it almost certainly won't be as meaningful, harsh as that might sound.

    And people who do need to accept that is great not having them too.
    And maybe try to not be so patronizing, there's plenty of meaningful things in life


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    You'd wonder how many people who find themselves in their 70s childless are happy they didn't have kids..


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,815 ✭✭✭cgcsb


    Fourier wrote: »
    What study supports this? By several other metrics the world is far better now than in 1990 (violent crime, health). Is there anything that is reasonably objective and comes to the conclusion that 1990 was better overall?

    It's not like we're back in the Middle Ages.

    No doubt there are several things that are better now than in 1990...at least on a local scale if not on a global one. But crucially the outlook from 1990 forward great compared to the outlook from 2020 forward which is cack.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,558 ✭✭✭✭Fourier


    cgcsb wrote: »
    No doubt there are several things that are better now than in 1990...at least on a local scale if not on a global one. But crucially the outlook from 1990 forward great compared to the outlook from 2020 forward which is cack.
    It's not just that there are several things better, it's that in most studies that assess the globe from several perspectives like the HDI from the UN and several others now is better overall.

    In 1990 there were similar environmental issues that suggested a poor outlook, see all the apocalyptic fiction inspired by the ozone hole. Is there anything to suggest (objectively) that the outlook was better in 1990?

    As far as I can see there isn't. This isn't to say the 90s were terrible.


  • Posts: 7,499 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Also nobody with kids is ever going to say they regret having kids.

    Not true.
    I know a few that straight up say they regret it.
    It's actually refreshing to hear.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,203 ✭✭✭wildwillow


    Not all children grow up and leave to have their own lives. Some have serious medical or special needs and your entire life changes to care from them. I went through the heartache of losing a child to cancer.
    I still miss him after thirty years but if I could have forseen the future I would have remained childless and spared him the pain of the cancer treatment.

    On the other hand we had four idyllic years before cancer and no one can take the happy memories.

    Two of my friends have children with special needs, and serious medical issues. Both are beautiul young adults and finished main stream education, but neither will be capable of independent living. In both cases the father abandoned the family soon after the births and are non supportive.

    We all hope the future will be well but need to consider all aspects.

    Good luck with whatever decision you make, parenthood is a life sentence.


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