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A haiku I'd like to share.

  • 18-09-2003 6:45pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭


    Perversly enough it was MojoMaker's thread that reminded me of this. A friend of mine came up with it about a year ago and I really liked it then and still do. There's not really much I can say about a haiku so I'm just going to post it. Hope you like it.

    "The man became a tree and his life became a forest"


«1

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,820 ✭✭✭MojoMaker


    LOL.

    I wasn't making any negative reference to the Haiku by the way, I think you got that though?

    If you wouldn't mind reminding me of the 'rules' of formation of a Haiku? Knew them a long time ago but alas...why is the number 17 sticking in my head?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,714 ✭✭✭✭Earthhorse


    Seventeen is the number of syllables in a traditional Haiku.

    The Haiku is structured in three lines. A first line of five syllables, a second line of seven and a final line of five.

    It is also usual (though I'm not sure if it's compulsory) to refer to one of the four seasons in a Haiku.

    Finally (and I'm *really* not sure on this bit so someone correct me if I'm wrong) the Haiku should contain an image of change and be one continuous sentence from start to finish.

    Anyway many people seem to use it as a bye word for short poetry these days, so there ya go!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Roller Toaster


    Originally posted by MojoMaker
    LOL.

    I wasn't making any negative reference to the Haiku by the way, I think you got that though?

    If you wouldn't mind reminding me of the 'rules' of formation of a Haiku? Knew them a long time ago but alas...why is the number 17 sticking in my head?

    Oh yeah I know, I was just laughing at the fact that a thread asking for really long essays reminded me of the haiku that I posted. I'm not even sure of the rules myself but Earthhorse seems to have them listed off there. The one I posted doesn't follow all the rules that you list though Earthhorse so I'm thinking that maybe theres more than one structure you have to follow to write a haiku? Either that or the one I posted has been corrupted by the sands of time and my memory.
    A quick googling brought up this interesting page.
    http://www.ahapoetry.com/keirule.htm
    I think we can pretty much ignore the stuff about converting haiku between Japanese and English but the main bit of interest is this:
    "THE LENGTH AND FORM OF ENGLISH HAIKU
    Today, many bilingual poets and translators in the mainstream North American haiku scene agree that something in the vicinity of 11 English syllables is a suitable approximation of 17 Japanese syllables, in order to convey about the same amount of information as well as the brevity and the fragmented quality found in Japanese haiku. As to the form, some American poets advocate writing in 3-5-3 syllables or 2-3-2 accented beats. While rigid structuring can be accomplished in 5-7-5 haiku with relative ease due to a greater degree of freedom provided by the extra syllables, such structuring in shorter haiku will have the effect of imposing much more stringent rules on English haiku than on Japanese haiku, thereby severely limiting its potential. "

    The fact that the one I posted uses a 14 (5-4-5) beat muddies the water somewhat so I'm pretty damned confused about what the main rules are. Looking into it a bit further though brings up this page:
    http://www.dada.at/geoff/haiku/rules/
    Which pretty much seems to say do whatever you want just as long as it looks good which is pretty good advice. Anyway for the moment I'd be interested to see if anybody could come up with something in the 5-7-5, 3-5-3 or 2-3-2 beats?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    My wry:
    Cool into
    free to.
    ____

    If the original post was making an Earthhorse haiku maybe it could be:

    Man became a tree,
    with change and winters winds sweeps,
    becomes a forest.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Roller Toaster


    What exactly is a wryku? Is it the name for the 2-3-2 arrangement? Thanks for posting one though, should get the ball rolling hopefully :) but try adding an extra o onto the last word, makes it read a lot better.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    Indeed the o may but that is one of the sides to the wryness of the coo. Consider it as a Yodaesque 4 worder.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Roller Toaster


    Man became a tree,
    with change and winters winds sweeps,
    becomes a forest.


    I don't think that works as well as the original since it doesn't say what exactly becomes a forest but it does include the aspect of change which I like. I know it fits into the pattern unlike the one that I posted but I don't know, the first one just had a certain ring to it that made it stick in my head. It's a nice little one in it's own right though.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    Good good, pats on the back all round then *cheesy smile*.

    Oh, take away the last s from sweeps and becomes and it could infer that you the reader are the man. Maybe.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Roller Toaster


    Theres no need to take the piss :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    :)

    I too would be interested to see a 3-5-3 or maybe an introverted Haiku 7-5-7 maybe.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Roller Toaster


    Heres a 5-7-5 I did:

    Sails of dark and bright
    Guide me on my ship at night
    I need to see light

    Thoughts/Comments?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    Cool, personally I'd stick in punctuation but I'm not sure if Haikus have punctuation. Presumably there is not punctuation in the original Japanese. Sounds like a nice Christian poem/song to me Toaster.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    I believe haikus have punctuation. Ideally the first line or the last line is seperated from the rest by a full stop, question mark, or other full stop-like thing.

    Saw a website on this a good while ago, I'll go see if I can dig it up...

    Also,

    Autumn closes in:
    Amongst the college buildings
    NOPE pants aplenty.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Roller Toaster


    Thanks for all the feedback. I wasn't all that sure about punctuation really but I'll give it a shot. Here's two more I did today when I had a bit of free time:

    Hope and despair now
    Stuck right here in the middle.
    Nothing gets too near.

    For all I have done
    and all that I hope to do
    I do it for you.

    What exactly are NOPE pants by the way?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    Heh, I love the NOPE pants. Very funny!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    Ah, found it.

    Happy haiku-ing.

    http://www.toyomasu.com/haiku/


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    To express yourself in seventeen syllables is very diffic
    -- Spike Milligan


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Roller Toaster


    Great link Sarky, I think it's safe to say that while theres no genuine standard a 5-7-5 with a seasonal word and a cutting is the best way to approach it. I read through a few of the haikus on the site, not all of them though and so far this one was the best of them and reading that the poet was dying when he wrote it really adds to the impact of it.

    Fallen sick on a journey,
    In dreams I run wildly
    Over a withered moor.


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 5,945 ✭✭✭BEAT


    Originally posted by Talliesin
    To express yourself in seventeen syllables is very diffic
    -- Spike Milligan



    lol


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 5,945 ✭✭✭BEAT


    whoops, realised i did it backwards...7-5-7

    I'm looking into your eyes
    cold and dark inside
    you died & your soul was fee



    posted on other thread by accident....

    me tries to fix it using 5-7-5...

    Gazed into your eyes
    I felt cold & dark inside
    your soul had gone free


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Roller Toaster


    Nice work BEAT, I really like that one. Theres some lovely images in it and I like the whole hot/cold ambiguity.





    I want to see the sun shine
    That is where I'd stay-
    But these skies are all so grey.


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 5,945 ✭✭✭BEAT


    Thanks roller, I liked yours as well, sounds like a song ;)

    5-7-5

    when I closed my eyes
    I saw light in the darkness
    The moon was bleeding


    sluts walk high at night
    selling thier bodies for blow
    death grasps hard thier hearts


    eating away hate
    pushing away the sorrow
    lonliness strangles


    I've been down a bit
    as you may or may not see
    life just blows past me



    I am sick sometimes
    it is the medication
    living just to die


    my tears burn like ice
    for the life that was cut short
    death knows no feelings


    I go on for them
    they need someone to cling to
    love kills me faster



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 622 ✭✭✭ColinM


    I don't like that so many of these haikus seem to express melancholic or reflective sentiments. I think there should be some expressing feelings of blind rage or reckless violence.

    In an effort to redress this imbalance, here's a little something I'd like to title "Road Rage":

    Red Honda Civic,
    it's not a race. Have at you
    with my steel wheel-brace.


    Is that cheating though?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    If it is, I don't care, it's funny. Nice one. :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    This morning brought fog,
    and bitter chill in the air.
    Winter approaches.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 622 ✭✭✭ColinM


    Cheers Sarky.
    What you have written there seems to adhere to the rules of what a haiku is perfectly. Well done.
    This is dictionary.com's definition of haiku: A Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, traditionally invoking an aspect of nature or the seasons.

    Interestingly also, although haiku is a Japanese word, it is derived from two archaic Chinese words - hai, meaning amusement, and ku, meaning sentence. So literally a haiku is an an "amusing sentence".


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 93,126 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    A file that big?
    It might be very useful,
    but now it is gone.

    Windows NT crashed.
    I am the Blue Screen of Death.
    No one hears your screams


    The Web site you seek
    cannot be located but
    endless others exist.

    A crash reduces
    your expensive computer
    to a simple stone.

    Yesterday it worked.
    Today it is not working.
    Windows is like that.

    Out of memory.
    We wish to hold the whole sky,
    but we never will.

    From http://archive.salon.com/21st/chal/1998/02/10chal2.html
    & http://www.budtempchi.org/errorhaiku.html


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 622 ✭✭✭ColinM


    Ah yeah, thanks for reminding me of those, CM.
    I like the technological contemporariness juxtaposed with the ethereal quality of folklorish mysticism about them.

    We wish to hold the whole sky, but we never will - how very true.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,848 ✭✭✭✭Doctor J


    Check out Gambling Mulvaney's stuff. The man's a genius.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Roller Toaster


    Latest one I thought up:

    Money is from trees.
    Money is made from paper
    And paper from trees.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    I have heard Satan:
    His chill voice sounds a bit like
    Justin Timberlake.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 622 ✭✭✭ColinM


    Hi Guys,
    you know I was thinking that there wasn't any toilet humour on this thread yet, so again, in an effort to balance things up, I give you this:

    The morning started
    with a hefty Guinness poo -
    six pounds eight ounces.


    It may seem more relevant in the morning though.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Roller Toaster


    Damn you ColinM.
    For your toilet humour post
    but I like your style.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 622 ✭✭✭ColinM


    Thanks Rollertoaster -
    most clever of you indeed,
    replying in verse!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    Much haiku writing
    can only come from this thread
    What have we begun?


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Roller Toaster


    The future is bleak-
    This never ending cycle
    Of endless haikus.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    My mood's wint'ry cold:
    Sunday brings with it despair.
    The offie is closed.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,537 ✭✭✭joseph brand


    quote:
    Originally posted by Talliesin
    To express yourself in seventeen syllables is very diffic
    -- Spike Milligan


    What a man. I feel like roffling.

    :D:D:D:D:D

    Brilliant.


  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,576 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    This Japanese crap
    Is it the best you can do?
    All a load of shi'e

    No, seriously
    What exactly is the point?
    It's right over my head

    Like rainclouds in Spring
    Or a fancy bowler hat
    Somewhere in between?

    who would like to write,
    a combination of styles,
    l33t h4xx0r h41ku5?

    Now I'm thinking of
    a bunch of yo' momma jokes
    in this quaint stylee

    Yo momma so fat
    she fell down and broke her leg
    and gravy came out!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Roller Toaster


    That's nice what you did,
    A long string of great haikus.
    My mom is quite fat.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,848 ✭✭✭✭Doctor J


    Curry and Fried Rice?
    I don't bloody think so, man
    I axed for noodles


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Roller Toaster


    I hate Halloween,
    It's such a commercial time.
    It's all for the shops.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,848 ✭✭✭✭Doctor J


    I love Halloween
    The Corpses and Murderers
    Both dripping with Gore


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    But Lo! Hold your scorn!
    It lets some folk live their dreams,
    dressing up in drag.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,848 ✭✭✭✭Doctor J


    There's nothing like death
    to clean the mind of victims
    drawing their last breath


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Roller Toaster


    Buddhist religion
    Teaches us of the rebirth-
    So then theres no death.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,848 ✭✭✭✭Doctor J


    How many Buddhists
    Have returned from the cold grave?
    I'll tell you now, none.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Roller Toaster


    They take a new form-
    Often as an animal.
    And thus say hi.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,848 ✭✭✭✭Doctor J


    The form that they take
    is that of a rotting corpse
    like the rest of us


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Roller Toaster


    Some adore corpses
    But there is a word for that-
    Necrophilia


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