A haiku I'd like to share.

Roller Toaster · 18-09-2003 6:45pm #1

Perversly enough it was MojoMaker's thread that reminded me of this. A friend of mine came up with it about a year ago and I really liked it then and still do. There's not really much I can say about a haiku so I'm just going to post it. Hope you like it.

"The man became a tree and his life became a forest"

MojoMaker · 18-09-2003 6:48pm

LOL.

I wasn't making any negative reference to the Haiku by the way, I think you got that though?

If you wouldn't mind reminding me of the 'rules' of formation of a Haiku? Knew them a long time ago but alas...why is the number 17 sticking in my head?

Earthhorse · 18-09-2003 7:15pm

Seventeen is the number of syllables in a traditional Haiku.

The Haiku is structured in three lines. A first line of five syllables, a second line of seven and a final line of five.

It is also usual (though I'm not sure if it's compulsory) to refer to one of the four seasons in a Haiku.

Finally (and I'm *really* not sure on this bit so someone correct me if I'm wrong) the Haiku should contain an image of change and be one continuous sentence from start to finish.

Anyway many people seem to use it as a bye word for short poetry these days, so there ya go!

Roller Toaster · 18-09-2003 7:58pm

Originally posted by MojoMaker
LOL.

I wasn't making any negative reference to the Haiku by the way, I think you got that though?

If you wouldn't mind reminding me of the 'rules' of formation of a Haiku? Knew them a long time ago but alas...why is the number 17 sticking in my head?

Oh yeah I know, I was just laughing at the fact that a thread asking for really long essays reminded me of the haiku that I posted. I'm not even sure of the rules myself but Earthhorse seems to have them listed off there. The one I posted doesn't follow all the rules that you list though Earthhorse so I'm thinking that maybe theres more than one structure you have to follow to write a haiku? Either that or the one I posted has been corrupted by the sands of time and my memory.
A quick googling brought up this interesting page.
http://www.ahapoetry.com/keirule.htm
I think we can pretty much ignore the stuff about converting haiku between Japanese and English but the main bit of interest is this:
"THE LENGTH AND FORM OF ENGLISH HAIKU
Today, many bilingual poets and translators in the mainstream North American haiku scene agree that something in the vicinity of 11 English syllables is a suitable approximation of 17 Japanese syllables, in order to convey about the same amount of information as well as the brevity and the fragmented quality found in Japanese haiku. As to the form, some American poets advocate writing in 3-5-3 syllables or 2-3-2 accented beats. While rigid structuring can be accomplished in 5-7-5 haiku with relative ease due to a greater degree of freedom provided by the extra syllables, such structuring in shorter haiku will have the effect of imposing much more stringent rules on English haiku than on Japanese haiku, thereby severely limiting its potential. "

The fact that the one I posted uses a 14 (5-4-5) beat muddies the water somewhat so I'm pretty damned confused about what the main rules are. Looking into it a bit further though brings up this page:
http://www.dada.at/geoff/haiku/rules/
Which pretty much seems to say do whatever you want just as long as it looks good which is pretty good advice. Anyway for the moment I'd be interested to see if anybody could come up with something in the 5-7-5, 3-5-3 or 2-3-2 beats?

Gordon · 18-09-2003 8:19pm

My wry:
Cool into
free to.
____

If the original post was making an Earthhorse haiku maybe it could be:

Man became a tree,
with change and winters winds sweeps,
becomes a forest.

Roller Toaster · 18-09-2003 8:25pm

What exactly is a wryku? Is it the name for the 2-3-2 arrangement? Thanks for posting one though, should get the ball rolling hopefully

but try adding an extra o onto the last word, makes it read a lot better.

Gordon · 18-09-2003 8:31pm

Indeed the o may but that is one of the sides to the wryness of the coo. Consider it as a Yodaesque 4 worder.

Roller Toaster · 18-09-2003 8:56pm

Man became a tree,
with change and winters winds sweeps,
becomes a forest.

I don't think that works as well as the original since it doesn't say what exactly becomes a forest but it does include the aspect of change which I like. I know it fits into the pattern unlike the one that I posted but I don't know, the first one just had a certain ring to it that made it stick in my head. It's a nice little one in it's own right though.

Gordon · 18-09-2003 9:00pm

Good good, pats on the back all round then *cheesy smile*.

Oh, take away the last s from sweeps and becomes and it could infer that you the reader are the man. Maybe.

Roller Toaster · 18-09-2003 9:08pm

Theres no need to take the piss

Gordon · 18-09-2003 9:13pm

I too would be interested to see a 3-5-3 or maybe an introverted Haiku 7-5-7 maybe.

Roller Toaster · 18-09-2003 9:25pm

Heres a 5-7-5 I did:

Sails of dark and bright
Guide me on my ship at night
I need to see light

Thoughts/Comments?

Gordon · 18-09-2003 11:03pm

Cool, personally I'd stick in punctuation but I'm not sure if Haikus have punctuation. Presumably there is not punctuation in the original Japanese. Sounds like a nice Christian poem/song to me Toaster.

Sarky · 19-09-2003 2:11pm

I believe haikus have punctuation. Ideally the first line or the last line is seperated from the rest by a full stop, question mark, or other full stop-like thing.

Saw a website on this a good while ago, I'll go see if I can dig it up...

Also,

Autumn closes in:
Amongst the college buildings
NOPE pants aplenty.

Roller Toaster · 19-09-2003 3:33pm

Thanks for all the feedback. I wasn't all that sure about punctuation really but I'll give it a shot. Here's two more I did today when I had a bit of free time:

Hope and despair now
Stuck right here in the middle.
Nothing gets too near.

For all I have done
and all that I hope to do
I do it for you.

What exactly are NOPE pants by the way?

Gordon · 19-09-2003 3:39pm

Heh, I love the NOPE pants. Very funny!

Sarky · 19-09-2003 3:42pm

Ah, found it.

Happy haiku-ing.

http://www.toyomasu.com/haiku/

Talliesin · 19-09-2003 3:55pm

To express yourself in seventeen syllables is very diffic
-- Spike Milligan

Roller Toaster · 19-09-2003 3:55pm

Great link Sarky, I think it's safe to say that while theres no genuine standard a 5-7-5 with a seasonal word and a cutting is the best way to approach it. I read through a few of the haikus on the site, not all of them though and so far this one was the best of them and reading that the poet was dying when he wrote it really adds to the impact of it.

Fallen sick on a journey,
In dreams I run wildly
Over a withered moor.

BEAT · 23-09-2003 2:59am

Originally posted by Talliesin
To express yourself in seventeen syllables is very diffic
-- Spike Milligan

lol

BEAT · 26-09-2003 12:07am

whoops, realised i did it backwards...7-5-7

I'm looking into your eyes
cold and dark inside
you died & your soul was fee

posted on other thread by accident....

me tries to fix it using 5-7-5...

Gazed into your eyes
I felt cold & dark inside
your soul had gone free

Roller Toaster · 27-09-2003 12:08pm

Nice work BEAT, I really like that one. Theres some lovely images in it and I like the whole hot/cold ambiguity.

I want to see the sun shine
That is where I'd stay-
But these skies are all so grey.

BEAT · 30-09-2003 3:20am

Thanks roller, I liked yours as well, sounds like a song

5-7-5

when I closed my eyes
I saw light in the darkness
The moon was bleeding

sluts walk high at night
selling thier bodies for blow
death grasps hard thier hearts

eating away hate
pushing away the sorrow
lonliness strangles

I've been down a bit
as you may or may not see
life just blows past me

I am sick sometimes
it is the medication
living just to die

my tears burn like ice
for the life that was cut short
death knows no feelings

I go on for them
they need someone to cling to
love kills me faster

ColinM · 30-09-2003 4:33am

I don't like that so many of these haikus seem to express melancholic or reflective sentiments. I think there should be some expressing feelings of blind rage or reckless violence.

In an effort to redress this imbalance, here's a little something I'd like to title "Road Rage":

Red Honda Civic,
it's not a race. Have at you
with my steel wheel-brace.

Is that cheating though?

Sarky · 30-09-2003 10:24am

If it is, I don't care, it's funny. Nice one.

Sarky · 30-09-2003 12:01pm

This morning brought fog,
and bitter chill in the air.
Winter approaches.

ColinM · 30-09-2003 12:17pm

Cheers Sarky.
What you have written there seems to adhere to the rules of what a haiku is perfectly. Well done.
This is dictionary.com's definition of haiku: A Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, traditionally invoking an aspect of nature or the seasons.

Interestingly also, although haiku is a Japanese word, it is derived from two archaic Chinese words - hai, meaning amusement, and ku, meaning sentence. So literally a haiku is an an "amusing sentence".

Capt'n Midnight · 30-09-2003 12:44pm

A file that big?
It might be very useful,
but now it is gone.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist.

A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
but we never will.

From http://archive.salon.com/21st/chal/1998/02/10chal2.html
& http://www.budtempchi.org/errorhaiku.html

ColinM · 30-09-2003 1:13pm

Ah yeah, thanks for reminding me of those, CM.
I like the technological contemporariness juxtaposed with the ethereal quality of folklorish mysticism about them.

We wish to hold the whole sky, but we never will - how very true.

Doctor J · 30-09-2003 1:58pm

Check out Gambling Mulvaney's stuff. The man's a genius.

Roller Toaster · 02-10-2003 6:29pm

Latest one I thought up:

Money is from trees.
Money is made from paper
And paper from trees.

Sarky · 03-10-2003 6:28pm

I have heard Satan:
His chill voice sounds a bit like
Justin Timberlake.

ColinM · 03-10-2003 6:49pm

Hi Guys,
you know I was thinking that there wasn't any toilet humour on this thread yet, so again, in an effort to balance things up, I give you this:

The morning started
with a hefty Guinness poo -
six pounds eight ounces.

It may seem more relevant in the morning though.

Roller Toaster · 06-10-2003 10:13pm

Damn you ColinM.
For your toilet humour post
but I like your style.

ColinM · 07-10-2003 6:35am

Thanks Rollertoaster -
most clever of you indeed,
replying in verse!

Sarky · 07-10-2003 5:46pm

Much haiku writing
can only come from this thread
What have we begun?

Roller Toaster · 07-10-2003 6:38pm

The future is bleak-
This never ending cycle
Of endless haikus.

Sarky · 19-10-2003 11:29am

My mood's wint'ry cold:
Sunday brings with it despair.
The offie is closed.

joseph brand · 20-10-2003 8:55pm

quote:

Originally posted by Talliesin
To express yourself in seventeen syllables is very diffic
-- Spike Milligan

What a man. I feel like roffling.

Brilliant.

pickarooney · 20-10-2003 9:34pm

This Japanese crap
Is it the best you can do?
All a load of shi'e

No, seriously
What exactly is the point?
It's right over my head

Like rainclouds in Spring
Or a fancy bowler hat
Somewhere in between?

who would like to write,
a combination of styles,
l33t h4xx0r h41ku5?

Now I'm thinking of
a bunch of yo' momma jokes
in this quaint stylee

Yo momma so fat
she fell down and broke her leg
and gravy came out!

Roller Toaster · 27-10-2003 1:34am

That's nice what you did,
A long string of great haikus.
My mom is quite fat.

Doctor J · 28-10-2003 10:53am

Curry and Fried Rice?
I don't bloody think so, man
I axed for noodles

Roller Toaster · 28-10-2003 11:44am

I hate Halloween,
It's such a commercial time.
It's all for the shops.

Doctor J · 28-10-2003 12:08pm

I love Halloween
The Corpses and Murderers
Both dripping with Gore

Sarky · 28-10-2003 12:09pm

But Lo! Hold your scorn!
It lets some folk live their dreams,
dressing up in drag.

Doctor J · 28-10-2003 3:03pm

There's nothing like death
to clean the mind of victims
drawing their last breath

Roller Toaster · 28-10-2003 4:05pm

Buddhist religion
Teaches us of the rebirth-
So then theres no death.

Doctor J · 28-10-2003 4:42pm

How many Buddhists
Have returned from the cold grave?
I'll tell you now, none.

Roller Toaster · 28-10-2003 9:02pm

They take a new form-
Often as an animal.
And thus say hi.

Doctor J · 29-10-2003 9:21am

The form that they take
is that of a rotting corpse
like the rest of us

Roller Toaster · 29-10-2003 12:15pm

Some adore corpses
But there is a word for that-
Necrophilia