Reberetta's Walrus Reveal AKA Reberrus!

Reberetta · 28-03-2020 6:49pm

The Sabres Of Paradise Smokebelch ||: Beatless Mix

Have I heard of this artist: No
Have I heard this song before: No

"My funeral is going to be a rave. I insist on dance music being played and regularly and one of the conditions is that I cant be buried until we find a priest who's willing to go along with it.This is just a beautiful dreamy tune that i think would be ideal for people to receive Communion to."

-Submitter

Smashing appellation for this group.

The intro is reminiscent of Radiohead. I'm immediately thinking of No Surprises and Let Down. There's some cherubic choral harmonies and we settle into a celestial vibe. Presumably this is mostly keyboard effects. I can tell right away there's going to be no lyrical musing so no deep profoundity on mortality will be imparted.

The song drifts effortlessly on in the same floaty, atmospheric vein until the end, as though a weary soul is being airlifted to the pearly gates of heaven by accommodating guardian angels. Soothing.

This is a bit like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs without Karen O. Nice.

What I would do if this was played at a funeral: Look up to the clouds and contemplate the meaning of it all...but only if it wasn't pissing hailstones; I'm not having my eye out for these forgettable knob fiddlers.

Score: 7/10

6th place:

Rikand

tusk · 28-03-2020 6:55pm

Reberetta wrote: »

Billy Boyd The Last Goodbye

Have I heard of this artist: No
Have I heard this song before: No

Billy Boyd is a Scottish thespian whose acting career has not come to my notice.

Subdued strings with a gentle strumming guitar throughout and elegiac musings with a choral accompaniment delivered in a heroic, lofty style. I've never seen The Hobbit, but I can envision someone being filmed singing this on the bow of a pirate ship by panning cameras high above. This is a song for a cinematic hero, not a hobbit. Not bad.

What I would do if this was played at a funeral: Jump onto the coffin and perform a singalong with grandiose gestures.

Score: 6/10

11th place:
Pretzill

Choon

Reberetta · 28-03-2020 7:01pm

Have I heard of this artist: Yes
Have I heard this song before: No

Even without Freddie on lead vocals, Queen are still highfalutin fellows. This time, only the good die young; patently untrue as Bonnie and Clyde were in their twenties-but I'll let that fly as this is a tribute to the late, great frontman.

This is like something a boyband might cover in the hopes of scoring a number one. It's not anywhere near being one of Queen's best anthems in my opinion and the verses echo Elton John at his nostalgic best/worst. I prefer Roger T.'s cadence to Brian May's inflection. I like the image in the video of Freddie with bananas on his head. What was all that about?

If I were to choose Queen for this category, I would have gone for Another One Bites The Dust, but this is a worthy submission.

What I would do if this was played at a funeral: Sing Fat-Bottomed Girls in protest.

Score: 7/10

5th place:

lassykk

28-03-2020 7:01pm

Ok, I'm happy enough with 7th for this round - if I'd read Reberetta's review before seeing the score I'd have thought I'd done much worse!

This was probably the toughest one to pick, I find it difficult to pick out music specific to occasions; a previous Walrus (G&R's?) had a wedding song and I didn't have a clue what to go for. Think I might have eventually come last or thereabouts for that round as a result.

I'm still none the wiser as to what I actually want played at my wedding/funeral - the former isn't likely to happen for a long time (if ever) and for the latter I'll be dead so won't really care! :pac:

Reberetta · 28-03-2020 7:13pm

Have I heard of this artist: Yes
Have I heard this song before: No.

Bon Jovi have an unfair reputation as a woman's naff rock band but they've written some classics and I respect them.

This isn't a legendary tune, but it's above average with the customary fervent chorus. As always, the vocal delivery is strong, but the guitar solo is like a limp-wristed slap from Alan Carr. I struggle to believe in the sincerity of the lyrics. I can't picture him crying and crying. If I were to choose Bon Jovi for this category, I'd have gone for the fittingly titled I'll Sleep When I'm Dead.

This ain't a love song? It ain't a particularly good song either, Jonny. Play Dry County instead.

What I would do if this was played at a funeral: Be happy-but only if it was Jon Bon Jovi in the coffin.

Score: 7.5/10

4th place:

Gru

Necro · 28-03-2020 7:15pm

I genuinely can't remember my entries for this and seem to have deleted the PM.

Makes it more exciting!!

fixXxer · 28-03-2020 7:18pm

Reberetta wrote: »

Bon Jovi have an unfair reputation

Ooooh you were doing so well :-/

Reberetta · 28-03-2020 7:18pm

Have I heard of this artist: No
Have I heard this song before: No

This is a welcome diversion and change-up from all the melancholic, glum submissions that all the miserable bastards have shovelled into my ears! :P

First of all: no idea what's going on in the video: is it Supermarket Sweep on acid? Asian pop is fun and this is no exception. The verse hook brings back memories of Friday by Rebecca Black for some reason, but I'm not complaining.

Cracking chorus that latches like a lovable leech and never let's go. I love Asian-language vocalizations by female Asian melodists. Weird ending; sounds like the record gets stuck and comes to a shuddering halt, but I expect nothing less from crazy Japanese record producers! What's Japanese for awesome?

What I would do if this was played at my funeral: Jump out of the coffin and start a conga.

Score: 8.5/10

3rd place:

FixXxer

Reberetta · 28-03-2020 7:26pm

So it's down to the business end. Four left to reveal in order following:

14th
2nd
15th and last
First and winner

Electric Nitwit · 28-03-2020 7:29pm

Well this is nervy

If I've come miles behind Ed Sheeran doing a cover I will have a fecking meltdown!

fixXxer · 28-03-2020 7:30pm

THIRD IS THE NEW FIRST.

Necro · 28-03-2020 7:36pm

Electric Nitwit wrote: »

Well this is nervy

If I've come miles behind Ed Sheeran doing a cover I will have a fecking meltdown!

I don't know if I entered Ed Sheeran or not :pac:

I mean most likely not but I can't remember

Rikand · 28-03-2020 7:36pm

Glad you liked my song!

Reberetta · 28-03-2020 7:36pm

Have I heard of this artist: No
Have I heard this song before: No

Just when you thought things couldn't get more bleak: lumbering and lugubrious folk, this a message of hope delivered in a style that would drive you to suicide. I think there's a cello chiming which sounds like accordion. I'll call it a cello-accordion, my new invention.

I can envision listening to this on a bus in rainy rural America as rows of cornfields drift by outside. If I were a poor man who'd been wrongly convicted and sentenced to death row, I would possibly weep with the chords of this canticle. But I'm not poor and I'm not on death row (yet). And the only sentence I've received was self-inflicted: I decided to support Newcastle United at the age of twelve.

He has poured his soul into this unquestionably, but I'd like to shove my sole up his arse. A long mass.

And points deducted because he's probably a Liverpool fan.

What I would do if this was played at a funeral: Fall asleep, headfirst into the widow's bosom, much to the chagrin of others present.

Score: 3/10

14th place:

phatkev

Necro · 28-03-2020 7:38pm

I am really enjoying these reviews, I must say

Trigger · 28-03-2020 7:39pm

Reberetta wrote: »

And points deducted because he's probably a Liverpool fan.

My type of penalty

Electric Nitwit · 28-03-2020 7:42pm

Trigger wrote: »

My type of penalty

Don't worry, if he's a Liverpool fan he had loads of points to start with

Reberetta · 28-03-2020 7:45pm

Have I heard of this artist: Yes
Have I heard this song before: No

Bad news first: their moniker undermines the seriousness of their artistic endeavours. Sounds like a video game? Now good news:

A sublime melody, a mite emo, it begins with poignant profundity and quiet introspection; a snowfall of acoustics with a keyboard (?) droning quietly in the backdrop. Midway through, it changes tack and transitions seamlessly and artfully into a crescendo of charged hopeful passion; the guitars crunch, the drummer wakes from his slumber and the charming chorister chorals "Home could be anywhere when I am holding you"(thanks google) which is a nice denouement to the song and life itself. Visceral.

I might request this to be played at my funeral! Pity no one will be there to hear it. This was never released as a single? Seems like an oversight. Very, very good.

What I would do if this was played at my funeral: Happily rise from the dead and call George Romero asking for a part in his latest zany zombie adventure! (Literally just googled him to check if I got the name right-aaaaannnd he's dead).

Score: 9.5/10

2nd place:

Electric Nitwit

Electric Nitwit · 28-03-2020 7:48pm

Whoo-hoo! Love, love, love Enter Shikari

Word of warning though - don't expect more like this if you listen to the rest of their catalogue

Necro · 28-03-2020 7:52pm

Customary last place incoming...

Reberetta · 28-03-2020 7:53pm

Have I heard of this artist: Yes
Have I heard this song before: No

"Ok, this is a Lonestar cover, but imo Shane Filan's voice is just more suited to this song. I'm aware I'm likely to finish bottom with this."

-Submitter

Prophetic words, my friend, prophetic words. Melodramatic, sappy ballad by a desperately dreary boy band who make an all-night Backstreet Boys rockathon seem like a good idea? No. Just no.

This is powder-puff rather than powerful stuff; vapid drivel and background noise. I dislike the second vocalist who comes in on verse two...or is it the same guy, just dorkier? And where is 'there'? Hopefully a muzzle factory. The fact a grown man entered this song makes me worry for the future of our country. Can you imagine Michael Collins listening to this crap? Still enjoying my reviews submitter? You spoke too soon sunshine.

What I would do if this was played at a funeral: Jump into the coffin with the corpse, close the lid, and scream "Just bury me! For the love of Christ what are you waiting for!"

Score: 0.5/10

Last place:

Necro

Necro · 28-03-2020 7:55pm

Knew it!!

Reberetta · 28-03-2020 8:00pm

Have I heard of this artist: Yes
Have I heard this song before: Yes

This is not a national anthem? It should be; it would help France win a rugby World Cup. It's grand, operatic, swinging, yet fugacious, so it's little bird's dulcet tones don't grow tiresome in the midst of the brass band's boisterous parade. I'm informed it spent seven weeks or so at the top of French charts.

The french language, along with the Italian dialects, is the most pleasing to the audio receptors. Edith Piaf was a corking chanteuse and would have scored highly in category two of this Walrus. Timeless and tuneful, c'est fantastique!

What I would do if this was played at a funeral: Stand tall and be proud of everything I have ever done. Except that one time I called Thierry Henry a cheating French bastard.

Score: 10/10

First place and winner of category:

ShaneU

Electric Nitwit · 28-03-2020 8:03pm

Good work Reb!
Few in there I'm looking forward to catching up with later

Trigger · 28-03-2020 8:07pm

Brilliant reveal again Reb.

Well done ShaneU

Necro.. what were you thinking!

Reberetta · 28-03-2020 8:49pm

Here's the table which I ripped off another thread. Kinda works if you click with total column then category column. You get the general idea anyway.

Scores After Round

Name|B-side/Live|Funeral Song|Vocal Performance|Weird Music|Total
Homer J|10|7(7)|0|0|17
A.S.L.B|9(2)|5.5(12)|0|0|14.5
tusk |9(3)|6.5(9)|0|0|15.5
Spook ie |8.5(4)|7(8)|0|0|15.5
lassykk |8.5(5)|7(5)|0|0|15.5
$hifty |7.5(6)|6(10)|0|0|13.5
beakerjoe |7.5(7)|4(13)|0|0|11.5
Necro |7.5(8)|0.5(15)|0|0|8
phatkev |7(9)|3(14)|0|0|10
Gru |7(10)|7.5|0|0|14.5
ShaneU |7(11)|10|0|0|17
fixXxer |6.5(12)|8.5|0|0|15
Electric N.|6(13)|9.5|0|0|15.5
Pretzill |6(14)|6(11)|0|0|12
Rikand |5(15)|7(6)|0|0|12

Next reveal will be probably be Monday evening.

Also Starring LeVar Burton · 28-03-2020 8:58pm

Great reveal today Reberetta. Looking forward to the next round.

ShaneU · 28-03-2020 9:26pm

I totally forgot what song I picked, past Shane has great taste I must say

Reberetta · 30-03-2020 4:32pm

3. Great Vocal Performance

Coming up later. For this round, I scored the vocals out of ten and the song itself out of ten, then added up the scores for a total out of twenty.

For tied scores, higher placing given to the song with the better vocals.

Spook_ie · 30-03-2020 4:56pm

Looking forward to it

Reberetta's Walrus Reveal AKA Reberrus!

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