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Hen Weekends?

24

Comments

  • #32
    Jurgen Klopp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,801 ✭✭✭Jurgen Klopp


    Yep OP stay quiet on the fact your good friend is marrying a dirty cheating whore

    I'd have more respect for the cheating missus than for a "good friend" who knew and kept their mouth shut.


  • #33
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,278 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Shure who knows, the groom might have cheated on his stag or any other time too for all we know.

    I wouldn't be overly concerned about a hen/stag night indiscretion. At the end of the day it is only a once off ride for the sake of it and for the sake of it being the last gasp of single freedom. It is not like it is a long running affair with emotional involvement and ideations of eloping and all that.


  • #34
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,852 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    They do it once they’ll do it again. It would be a win for this lad to find out before the ring goes on.


  • #35
    Neyite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,946 ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    That's kind of unfair of your partner to tell you and make it your problem. Selfish actually. Because she didn't want to be the one to whistle-blow she decided to land it on your conscience.

    People here will either tell you to say something or don't. And that's something only you can decide. But here's a few observations:
    Multiple people know this information. There's some success in keeping something like that secret if only one or two people know. But 10-15 women? Who likely all went home to tell their partners? He'll find out at some point it's just a question of when. And you have to decide that if he finds out that his friends knew before he got married, what kind of reaction would he have towards you.

    All of you that know will have to sit there at that wedding and watch as they declare how in love they are. Listen to his speech about his wonderful new bride. Can you do that do you think?

    Part of me wonders was the bride looking for some sort of 'out' but doesn't want to be the baddie dumping him before the wedding. Otherwise why cheat so prolifically and with so many witnesses? You don't mention whether she had form for cheating on him so if it was uncharacteristic, she might be doing the cowards thing of letting the grapevine get her out of a marriage she doesn't want to go though with. Just a theory though, I've no idea how off the mark I might be.


  • #36
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,278 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Excuse me! How dare you.

    The notion of a hen or stag going off with someone random on their party night has been around as long as hens and stags have been ever going on. It is often joked about as a kind of "well now is your last chance" kind of thing. Stags and hens are full of messing and doing things you wouldn't normally do. Sure I was on a stag there last year and we had a group of strippers whip the stag's back in to whelts with his own belt. Granded, going off and riding someone is at the upper end of the scale, but it does happen.


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  • #37
    Neyite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,946 ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    TheBoyConor wrote: »
    Excuse me! How dare you.

    The notion of a hen or stag going off with someone random on their party night has been around as long as hens and stags have been ever going on. It is often joked about as a kind of "well now is your last chance" kind of thing. Stags and hens are full of messing and doing things you wouldn't normally do. Sure I was on a stag there last year and we had a group of strippers whip the stag's back in to whelts with his own belt. Granded, going off and riding someone is at the upper end of the scale, but it does happen.


    I've been to about 30 hens and not once have I seen or heard of any hen or her entourage cheating.


  • #38
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,278 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Neyite wrote: »
    I've been to about 30 hens and not once have I seen or heard of any hen or her entourage cheating.

    All that means is that you didn't see it or hear it. It could potentially have occured but there may have been a bit more discretion used.


  • #39
    Neyite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,946 ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    TheBoyConor wrote: »
    All that means is that you didn't see it or hear it. It could potentially have occured but there may have been a bit more discretion used.


    No. Every hen I've been to, there's been shared rooms. Everyone tends to stick together and go to places as a group. You are literally surrounded by other women and very often sisters of the groom every moment of the weekend away.



    Anyway, it might be different for men but women in drinking groups generally keep a look out for each other and anyone disappearing for more than 15 mins you'd tend to go to the jacks /smoking area to see if she's ok. It's an in-built safety thing that lots of female groups do because we have to look out for our safety in ways that a man on a stag never usually does.


  • #40
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,443 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    ReginaldSmythV wrote: »
    Small betrayal is still better than the massive betrayal the bride did. He deserves to know and it’s the right thing to tell him.

    The op doesn’t know it was a betrayal. The op has no first hand information at all.


  • #41
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,852 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    El_Duderino 09 wrote: »
    The op doesn’t know it was a betrayal. The op has no first hand information at all.

    Then inform the groom and let him ask the bride himself. Too big a risk not to.


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  • #42
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,443 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    ReginaldSmythV wrote: »
    Then inform the groom and let him ask the bride himself. Too big a risk not to.

    He could tell his mate any info he has for sure. The OP has no first hand information and doesn't know anything got sure. So he has no basis to tell the friend anything.

    It's been presented to us as if the OP's wife is sure she knows exactly what happened. But in truth she's speculating about what happened in another room.


  • #43
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,852 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    El_Duderino 09 wrote: »
    He could tell his mate any info he has for sure. The OP has no first hand information and doesn't know anything got sure. So he has no basis to tell the friend anything.

    It's been presented to us as if the OP's wife is sure she knows exactly what happened. But in truth she's speculating about what happened in another room.

    No. She’ll know what went on.


  • #44
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,443 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    ReginaldSmythV wrote: »
    No. She’ll know what went on.

    Will she indeed? You don't know that.

    It's a matter of keeping in mind the "unknown unknowns".

    The OP's Mrs could talk to the hen and urge her to own up. But it's almost always right to stay out of other people's business.


  • #45
    Castlekeeper
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 2,443 ✭✭✭Castlekeeper


    Neyite wrote: »
    That's kind of unfair of your partner to tell you and make it your problem. Selfish actually. Because she didn't want to be the one to whistle-blow she decided to land it on your conscience.

    People here will either tell you to say something or don't. And that's something only you can decide. But here's a few observations:
    Multiple people know this information. There's some success in keeping something like that secret if only one or two people know. But 10-15 women? Who likely all went home to tell their partners? He'll find out at some point it's just a question of when. And you have to decide that if he finds out that his friends knew before he got married, what kind of reaction would he have towards you.

    All of you that know will have to sit there at that wedding and watch as they declare how in love they are. Listen to his speech about his wonderful new bride. Can you do that do you think?

    Part of me wonders was the bride looking for some sort of 'out' but doesn't want to be the baddie dumping him before the wedding. Otherwise why cheat so prolifically and with so many witnesses? You don't mention whether she had form for cheating on him so if it was uncharacteristic, she might be doing the cowards thing of letting the grapevine get her out of a marriage she doesn't want to go though with. Just a theory though, I've no idea how off the mark I might be.

    Great theory though. I wouldn't let it bother me, different stroke's and all that. He might end up a lonely bachelor yet and then how would OP feel with the wisdom of a few more years.

    “We are all capable of believing things which we know to be untrue, and then, when we are finally proved wrong, impudently twisting the facts so as to show that we were right. Intellectually, it is possible to carry on this process for an indefinite time: the only check on it is that sooner or later a false belief bumps up against solid reality.” George Orwell.



  • #46
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Paid Member Posts: 7,580 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Mod Note

    Jurgen Klopp I've deleted your post as it falls below what is expected in PI. I'm going on the basis that you didn't realise the thread was now here when posting.

    Just a reminder to everyone please bear in mind you are in PI now and to take a look at the charter if you are unsure about what is expected here.


  • #47
    leggo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭leggo


    TheBoyConor wrote: »
    Excuse me! How dare you.

    The notion of a hen or stag going off with someone random on their party night has been around as long as hens and stags have been ever going on. It is often joked about as a kind of "well now is your last chance" kind of thing. Stags and hens are full of messing and doing things you wouldn't normally do. Sure I was on a stag there last year and we had a group of strippers whip the stag's back in to whelts with his own belt. Granded, going off and riding someone is at the upper end of the scale, but it does happen.

    This reads to me more as ‘what people think hens/stags are like’ versus Neyite’s account being what hens/stags are actually like. The partner’s family are usually there. You don’t go riding around loudly and for all to see when your soon-to-be in-laws are close by. So no, it wouldn’t be normal in my experience. Like you say it’s more of a ‘notion’.


  • #48
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,443 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    leggo wrote: »
    This reads to me more as ‘what people think hens/stags are like’ versus Neyite’s account being what hens/stags are actually like. The partner’s family are usually there. You don’t go riding around loudly and for all to see when your soon-to-be in-laws are close by. So no, it wouldn’t be normal in my experience. Like you say it’s more of a ‘notion’.

    OP hasn't been back to answer any questions like whether and of the groom's family members were there.


  • #49
    LuasSimon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,208 ✭✭✭LuasSimon


    Just to give an update , i went out of my way to have a word with the bride to be last evening as she lives close to my parents, i was fairly told where to go by the same lady when i started on about a few rumours id heard . It was absolutely none of my business what went on at the Hen and if she'd known my wife was such a safey safey she wouldt have invited her??. All thats wrong with my wife according to the hen is she was the only one who wasnt up for their iron??. and both myself and my wife would want to get with modern ireland and stop been such prudes
    She told me if no uncertain terms if i or my wife open our mouths the other 5 or 6 married women on the hen who had a good time? would be out in the open as well?? there was about 14 of them on this hen and after talking to the wife when i got home it seems there was lots of male guests back in the hotel both nights with one of party ( a married teacher who teachs one of our children ) hardly able to walk to train station after the going over she got Saturday night from some young kerry buck.
    The groom for what its worth has no sisters etc at hen so it seems they were all going to kerry for a good time and by all accounts had just that. A more concerning other point is many of them were coked up all weekend which might explain some of it but at this stage im going to forget i know anything considering how many of them would be outed if it came out in the open for the Hen. Go to the wedding in 3 weeks time, nod away and make our excuses early in the night.


  • #50
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,278 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Jesus, lad. You were warned by me and several others on this thread to keep your big nose out of it. But what did you do? You went Eastenders on it all.
    You've really gone and blown it.

    Bride was right, whatever went on there was absoultely none of your business. 1. you're a man, 2. it was a hen part and 3. You weren't even there so everything you heard was all hearsay!!! It was a hen party. Stuff goes on.
    And it is not like it was all out having affairs and they are going to leave their husbands and partners over it. It is a wild hen, and it was just a once off ride for the craic of it.

    I don't think it is the big deal you are making it out to be. Until now when you've gone and blabbed the whole thing.

    I'd expect that the bride will see to it that both of ye will be gradually phased out of that group of friends.
    Remember, they are now all in it together, so if you go flapping your mouth about it to anyone else, they will circle the wagons and deny everything and all back eachother up with alibis. They will paint you and your wife as deluded shít stirrers.

    As I said earlier, loose lips sink ships, and by god you've just torpedoed you and your wife's boat right out of the water.

    you sound very naieve


  • #51
    CrankyHaus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,280 ✭✭✭CrankyHaus


    LuasSimon wrote: »
    Just to give an update , i went out of my way to have a word with the bride to be last evening as she lives close to my parents, i was fairly told where to go by the same lady when i started on about a few rumours id heard . It was absolutely none of my business what went on at the Hen and if she'd known my wife was such a safey safey she wouldt have invited her??. All thats wrong with my wife according to the hen is she was the only one who wasnt up for their iron??. and both myself and my wife would want to get with modern ireland and stop been such prudes
    She told me if no uncertain terms if i or my wife open our mouths the other 5 or 6 married women on the hen who had a good time? would be out in the open as well?? there was about 14 of them on this hen and after talking to the wife when i got home it seems there was lots of male guests back in the hotel both nights with one of party ( a married teacher who teachs one of our children ) hardly able to walk to train station after the going over she got Saturday night from some young kerry buck.
    The groom for what its worth has no sisters etc at hen so it seems they were all going to kerry for a good time and by all accounts had just that. A more concerning other point is many of them were coked up all weekend which might explain some of it but at this stage im going to forget i know anything considering how many of them would be outed if it came out in the open for the Hen. Go to the wedding in 3 weeks time, nod away and make our excuses early in the night.

    Did she concede that it happened? Then you can tell your mate in good conscience without having to worry about passing on a malicious rumor. Who cares about losing the friendship of her and her friends if they're like that, no loss and they'll just F each other over as they go along.


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  • #52
    zapper55
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 689 ✭✭✭zapper55


    I think the best thing you could do is say you arent available to go to the wedding. Fair play to you having the integrity to mention it but you'll get pushback for doing so.

    The bride and the other women that were cheating all sound like a bunch of scumbags. It's the lowest of the low for either gender.

    Bizarrely there are posts justifying the cheating as it only being on a hen but that says more about their standards than anything else.


  • #53
    DaeryssaOne
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 443 ✭✭DaeryssaOne


    I genuinely can't (or don't want to) believe that this is accepted as normal carry on at a hen. I've been to 20-30 hens over the years and absolutely never once witnessed anything like that. Cheating is cheating it doesn't matter a s**t that it's her hen party and it's worse if there were multiple women at the hen doing this.
    To be honest I think you should 100% tell the groom and your wife should find some new friends who have a bit of integrity and respect for their partners.


  • #54
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,278 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    The thing is nowadays, most people are like that. I've been on stags and seen some bizzare and disgusting shít go on. I've also seen what hen parties can be like. If anything, some of them are far worse and if stag parties were to behave like them and genders reversed there would be frequent reports of multiple sexual assault.


  • #55
    rolling boh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,562 ✭✭✭rolling boh


    whether you go to the wedding or not both of you will be kept at a distance from now on maby no big loss but you have marked her card so be prepared to be cold shouldered from now on .


  • #56
    Neyite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,946 ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    With the way things are the wedding might be cancelled entirely - a lot of venues are doing that.



    If so, it might be a blessing in disguise for the groom.


  • #57
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,852 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Now she’s confirmed it then you can definitely fire away. Think if the poor lad was you, and all the women deserve to be found out anyway.


  • #58
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,443 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    LuasSimon wrote: »
    ...at this stage im going to forget i know anything considering how many of them would be outed if it came out in the open for the Hen. Go to the wedding in 3 weeks time, nod away and make our excuses early in the night.

    Couldn't agree more. That's their craic and now you know more about them, you can choose whether to spend time with them or not. Ultimately, they're adults and you're not the fun police or the cocaine police (which would come under the remit of the actual police) so just say nothing.

    That's just what some people are into and it should come as a relief to you to realise that's just not any of your business.


  • #59
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,443 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    zapper55 wrote: »

    The bride and the other women that were cheating all sound like a bunch of scumbags. It's the lowest of the low for either gender.

    Cheating is pretty scummy behaviour. But in real life, cheating happens. Stats are hard to find on cheating because it's difficult to get people to be honest but you'll easily find stats where over half of both genders cheat.

    So cheating is scummy behaviour and it's also not uncommon. Just one of those things that happens far more often than you'd think because people don't generally talk about it. OP should just be glad your Mrs wasn't involved in cheating and move on.


  • #60
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,103 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Were you on the stag, OP? Is the groom a good friend of yours? Was the behaviour on the stag pretty much the same as the reported behaviour on the hen? For an entire group of people to carry on like that they must all males and females of the group be pretty much of a similar ilk.

    Honestly, I would send my regrets and not go to the wedding. Do you really expect your wife to go now and sit there with that group of women pretending to enjoy the day knowing the bride's opinion of her?


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  • #61
    sallyanne12
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 259 ✭✭sallyanne12


    I'm by no means a prude but am disgusted if that carry on is normal for hens. It's really awful and quite sad. Cheating at your hen is WORSE than regular cheating as you're promising to be forever faithful. Why get married at all if you want to fool around? Some People are stupid.
    OP I would 100% without a second thought tell your friend. Who cares if it's none of your business or if they don't believe you, as a friend it's the RIGHT THING TO DO. I'm sure you'd Be grateful if your friend told you. Also even if he cuts contact with you and doesn't believe you, hold your head high cos honesty is the best policy, and he will see down the line her true colours


This discussion has been closed.
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