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What's the etiquette here??

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    #4772
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,169 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    tgdaly wrote: »
    No it was that other lad Sober Crappy Chemis I was referring to. Very valid contributions from yourself

    So was I, and at no stage did I threaten reportage.

    What I did do was lay down a marker that bolloxology about ‘sock accounts’ and speculation about folks identity will meet with affirmative action.

    That tool Losty must have ‘a tooth coming through’ in the trouser region.

    The boy Parsnipp was right, could do with a loafer buried up to upper instep in his hoop.


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    #4773
    tjdaly
    Registered Users Posts: 85 ✭✭tjdaly


    Silly Gilly wrote: »
    Ever since I was a child I've been fascinated by poo. As I reached puberty and matured into a young lady this fascination took on a sexual aspect. I find the process of being "unloaded" upon extremely erotic.

    Hiya. I would maybe sh*t on your nipples if that's okay. Small, wet, swivelly turds that I could massage into your areolas with my paws, along with some pinching/pulling of your teats. We could dose the place up with Febreze and those little pine cone things beforehand. We could mix the poo together with some caster oil afterwards and apply it to the rest of your smooth hot moisturised skin. PM sent.


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    #4774
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,602 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Good god, why?!

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #4775
    Bullocks
    Registered Users Posts: 5,890 ✭✭✭Bullocks


    EmmetSpiceland wrote: »
    Good god, why?!

    Doesn't it just go to show that there is someone for everyone in this mad world E.


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    #4776
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,602 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Bullocks wrote: »
    Doesn't it just go to show that there is someone for everyone in this mad world E.

    You’re not wrong there, B, but you’d, at least, hope they’d put a glass table between them. Show a bit of decorum, you know?

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #4777
    Sober Crappy Chemis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 461 ✭✭Sober Crappy Chemis


    tjdaly wrote: »
    Hiya. I would maybe sh*t on your nipples if that's okay. Small, wet, swivelly turds that I could massage into your areolas with my paws, along with some pinching/pulling of your teats. We could dose the place up with Febreze and those little pine cone things beforehand. We could mix the poo together with some caster oil afterwards and apply it to the rest of your smooth hot moisturised skin. PM sent.

    You old smoothie you !


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    #4778
    Bullocks
    Registered Users Posts: 5,890 ✭✭✭Bullocks


    EmmetSpiceland wrote: »
    You’re not wrong there, B, but you’d, at least, hope they’d put a glass table between them. Show a bit of decorum, you know?

    You would hope but not really expect it either . I suppose scat and decorum don't really go hand in hand .


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    #4779
    perrito caliente
    Closed Accounts Posts: 262 ✭✭perrito caliente


    Very sad to come to this fine senate and see barbarians at the gates, Pharisees in the temple, Goths ransacking the marble and stone of Imperial Rome. Tgdaly and the Westbury Wanker should be ashamed of bringing their smut inside these hallowed halls.

    Now back on topic, I treated myself to a Sunday session last night, fiddle playing, concertina, banjo, a rake of pints, soon to be followed by a chip butty and a kebab. Went out for a cigarette half way through the session and met the box player who was smoking some mara-juh-wana from a little steel pipe, so ended up smoking with the devil, and was high as a kite on leaving. Fast forward to today and I was blowing hot hair and chunks of half digested mince into the workplace basin, trousers around my ankles, sweat dripping from my forehead, some fool from accounts standing a foot away on the other side of the partition pissing into the urinal whistling Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries. 90% of what I was squeezing out was warm fetid air, but every so often she'd start to sputter and cough up a few oaty granules or pebbles of gunk. Wiped down the sides of the basin and undercarriage afterwards, as there were a few stray globs. I'm not the kind to leave any spitter-spatter or outside staining for the cleaners.


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    #4780
    Silly Gilly
    Registered Users Posts: 128 ✭✭Silly Gilly


    Hotblack Desiato wrote: »
    Just say you want a Cleveland Steamer and he can look it up on urban dictionary if he doesnt get it.I'm quite sure that men will be queueing up to sh*t on you. Bonne chance.

    Is that how you stared discussions about playing with your other half? I'll certainly try mentioning it and hope it has the desired effect.
    sligojoek wrote: »
    1850 715815

    Direct line to the top psychologist / psychiatrist in the country.

    You're welcome

    Thanks. I tried that number but unfortunately he is not a fan of Ella Fitzgerald.
    tjdaly wrote: »
    Hiya. I would maybe sh*t on your nipples if that's okay. Small, wet, swivelly turds that I could massage into your areolas with my paws, along with some pinching/pulling of your teats. We could dose the place up with Febreze and those little pine cone things beforehand. We could mix the poo together with some caster oil afterwards and apply it to the rest of your smooth hot moisturised skin. PM sent.

    Wow, tjdaly, you are obviously a kind and considerate lover and your offer is very much appreciated. However, I am in a committed relationship at the minute, though if that were to change I'll certainly keep you in mind.


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    #4781
    el diablo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,746 ✭✭✭el diablo


    Just how many accounts does Johnny have here? Lost Pintman Paddy, Woke Hogan, Silly Gilly, perrito caliente......:cool:

    We're all in this psy-op together.🤨



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    #4782
    tgdaly
    Registered Users Posts: 937 ✭✭✭tgdaly


    perrito caliente wrote: »
    Very sad to come to this fine senate and see barbarians at the gates, Pharisees in the temple, Goths ransacking the marble and stone of Imperial Rome. Tgdaly and the Westbury Wanker should be ashamed of bringing their smut inside these hallowed halls.

    Now back on topic, I treated myself to a Sunday session last night, fiddle playing, concertina, banjo, a rake of pints, soon to be followed by a chip butty and a kebab. Went out for a cigarette half way through the session and met the box player who was smoking some mara-juh-wana from a little steel pipe, so ended up smoking with the devil, and was high as a kite on leaving. Fast forward to today and I was blowing hot hair and chunks of half digested mince into the workplace basin, trousers around my ankles, sweat dripping from my forehead, some fool from accounts standing a foot away on the other side of the partition pissing into the urinal whistling Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries. 90% of what I was squeezing out was warm fetid air, but every so often she'd start to sputter and cough up a few oaty granules or pebbles of gunk. Wiped down the sides of the basin and undercarriage afterwards, as there were a few stray globs. I'm not the kind to leave any spitter-spatter or outside staining for the cleaners.

    Lads can I just point out that it wasn't me, someone seems to have created an account called tjdaly only yesterday, obviously trying to tarnish the name tgdaly. Probably that lad from a few pages back! I'd never bring this fine establishment into disrepute


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    #4783
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    el diablo wrote: »
    Just how many accounts does Johnny have here? Lost Pintman Paddy, Woke Hogan, Silly Gilly, perrito caliente......:cool:

    I hope you’re better at whatever it is you do than you are as an amateur internet sleuth. That accusation was proven false by some of the Board’s top brass months ago. Only one account on here, amigo.

    Another bound up poster it would appear. Probably struggling to squeeze out a peanut sized butt pebble at 6 am this morning. Have some prune juice, dude.


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    #4784
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Silly Gilly wrote: »
    Is that how you stared discussions about playing with your other half? I'll certainly try mentioning it and hope it has the desired effect.



    Thanks. I tried that number but unfortunately he is not a fan of Ella Fitzgerald.



    Wow, tjdaly, you are obviously a kind and considerate lover and your offer is very much appreciated. However, I am in a committed relationship at the minute, though if that were to change I'll certainly keep you in mind.

    Its an awful pity Andreas isn't still around these parts - he'd handle ya. Knowing that filty kernt though, he'd probably look to perform "The Alaskan Pipeline" on ya


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    #4785
    Sober Crappy Chemis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 461 ✭✭Sober Crappy Chemis


    gerrybbadd wrote: »
    Its an awful pity Andreas isn't still around these parts - he'd handle ya. Knowing that filty kernt though, he'd probably look to perform "The Alaskan Pipeline" on ya

    And introduce her to the joys of “scooping” .


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    #4786
    NeinNeinNein
    Registered Users Posts: 5,775 ✭✭✭NeinNeinNein


    This place has really gone to sh1t.


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    #4787
    tjdaly
    Registered Users Posts: 85 ✭✭tjdaly


    Silly Gilly wrote: »
    Wow, tjdaly, you are obviously a kind and considerate lover and your offer is very much appreciated. However, I am in a committed relationship at the minute, though if that were to change I'll certainly keep you in mind.

    How long are you with your fellah? If he hasn't shown any interest in poop play by now it's unlikely he'll be able to tick that box for you.

    Anyway, you know where I am if you want to get down and dirty with a pack of diapers, a few nipple clamps and a selection of butt plugs sweet cheeks.


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    #4788
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,602 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Serious breach of “etiquette” in progress here.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #4789
    TomSweeney
    Registered Users Posts: 3,195 ✭✭✭TomSweeney


    tgdaly wrote: »
    Lads can I just point out that it wasn't me, someone seems to have created an account called tjdaly only yesterday, obviously trying to tarnish the name tgdaly. Probably that lad from a few pages back! I'd never bring this fine establishment into disrepute
    oh sh1t !!

    he had me fooled for a bit!!
    Thanks for clarifying, and now an important point, it seems the "trolls" here are confused with chat and humour about sh1tting with an actual lust for scat - couldn't be further from the truth, I think this thread is f*cking hilarious and would run a mile if anyone suggested any form of dirty play - and am 99.9% confident the regulars here would feel the same.


    I quoted trolls as it's actually quite amusing, please continue, posts are quite amusing and the responses are funnier!


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    #4790
    Nevin Parsnipp
    Registered Users Posts: 832 ✭✭✭Nevin Parsnipp


    On a wee break from important company business over in the west of Ire.

    Blew out a nice peppery bolus this am ....which exited smoothly with minimal muzzle burn.

    Left a very lingering thickish fent...which I attribute to the amount of rich food I am injesting.

    The intake of porter plus an unwise platefull of Clonakilty Black Pud....may also have be contributory factors....


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    #4791
    Woke Hogan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,630 ✭✭✭Woke Hogan


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    No offence, Hogan, but you strike me as the sort of man who doesn’t get enough fibre in his diet. You seem like a very ‘bound up’ sort of individual.

    Wasn’t it Hippocrates himself who spoke at length about the need for a regular bowel movement to keep the humours in balance.
    I've never had any issues regarding my boundedness, thanks.

    Unfortunately my luck in that department never extended to my daughter. I had to use the outhouse after her this morning and the place was like a ****ing bombsite. There is a three metre pit beneath the seat and I swear there was some sort of olfactious echo from her last visit before I went in. It smelled like she buried an animal in there.

    She had a few of her "healthy at every size" "activist" friends over in the house last night, cackling into the early hours about being "real women" and slagging off anyone who would bother to exercise more than forty minutes a year. Several gallons of ice cream and pizza later and they turn my outhouse into a ****hole. It makes my eyes water, in more ways than one.


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    #4792
    pinkyeye
    Registered Users Posts: 1,293 ✭✭✭pinkyeye


    Woke Hogan wrote: »
    I don’t think so. I think daughter does resent me because I insisted she live temporarily with my sister in Dublin from the ages of twelve to seventeen. But that was a common enough practice back when my parents were growing up.

    Her brother was still very young at the time and I believed that it would be easier to ensure he would be raised right without her around to distract us, and my daughter would be able to go to secondary school with her cousin (they are the same age).

    Unfortunately it was a disaster. My sister isn’t anywhere near as disciplined as we are regarding nutrition so my daughter gained a lot of weight. My niece hated my daughter as well so there was a sustained campaign of ostracisation in the school towards my daughter.

    I still find it utterly baffling why my daughter managed to pick up such a broad Dublin accent after her time there. I’m almost certain she does it just to annoy me use it’s well known that you pick your accent up from your peers and yet she didn’t have any friends when she was there.

    I generally look in this thread for light relief but this is one of the most disturbing posts I've ever seen on boards.

    You dumped your daughter and you're wondering why she's odd??


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    #4793
    Fireball81
    Registered Users Posts: 412 ✭✭Fireball81


    ****s sake, finished at the pool earlier and was in need of an urgent dump....knackered and not concentrating, budgy smugglers down to the ground for a suprisingly large volume of the runs - then realise no effin paper.

    Quiet enough luckily as had to switch traps to one with paper - close call.


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    #4794
    Bullocks
    Registered Users Posts: 5,890 ✭✭✭Bullocks


    Fireball81 wrote: »
    ****s sake, finished at the pool earlier and was in need of an urgent dump....knackered and not concentrating, budgy smugglers down to the ground for a suprisingly large volume of the runs - then realise no effin paper.

    Quiet enough luckily as had to switch traps to one with paper - close call.

    Similar problem myself this evening . Had a long day without pooping and was touching cloth when I pulled up at the house , threw the jacket off on the porch , the boots were kicked off as I walked across the utility in a hurry and my ass was on the toilet seat the second the trousers touched the travertine .
    I slipped out a perfectly formed all in one solid turd . Then the trouble started , one of the kids had left the last sheet of TP on the roll but it was the one that was glued so I had a job to get even enough to cover my fingertips off for a miserable wipe .
    I said nothing about it yet but was in bad form atin' the lamb chops after .
    How would I teach the two boys a lesson in this ? I think they might have known what they were at and could even have done it to get a "rise" out of me ! They are still pissing out the door for the craic , if they get up at the same time one uses the sliding door in the sitting room and the other lashes it out the front door !


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    #4795
    the purple tin
    Registered Users Posts: 10,943 ✭✭✭✭the purple tin


    Who was minding the shop while the two of ye were dropping friends off at the pool?


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    #4796
    Slideways
    Registered Users Posts: 2,004 ✭✭✭Slideways


    Had a lucky escape this morning myself.

    Up at 0445 and out the door for a 20k tempo run. Got a few minor cramps in the first half and then a stitch which would ease every time I farted. Stopped at a toilet but it was false contraction.

    Made it home with some wind assistance in the last few kms, figure it was just the standard fare.

    Then all of a sudden the bear was banging on the cave wall. Except it was a bear. It was like someone melted a block of chocolate to make some rice crispy buns and then lobbed it into the shiiiter. Total carnage. There would have been no recovering from it has it happened on the run. Might buy a lotto ticket...


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    #4797
    sligojoek
    Registered Users Posts: 25,420 ✭✭✭✭sligojoek


    Bullocks wrote: »
    Similar problem myself this evening . Had a long day without pooping and was touching cloth when I pulled up at the house ,


    How would I teach the two boys a lesson in this ? I think they might have known what they were at and could even have done it to get a "rise" out of me ! They are still pissing out the door for the craic , if they get up at the same time one uses the sliding door in the sitting room and the other lashes it out the front door !

    Midden Head coming into sight?

    Are the boys pissing on grass or Tarmac/concrete? The latter is a no no. Disciplinary steps should be taken.

    If it's on grass it'll get percolated in this weather. Not so much in drier times. Good for the grass though. Get them to "spread it around". No point in having a "meadow" in just one corner.


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    #4798
    NeinNeinNein
    Registered Users Posts: 5,775 ✭✭✭NeinNeinNein


    Bullocks wrote: »
    Similar problem myself this evening . Had a long day without pooping and was touching cloth when I pulled up at the house , threw the jacket off on the porch , the boots were kicked off as I walked across the utility in a hurry and my ass was on the toilet seat the second the trousers touched the travertine .
    I slipped out a perfectly formed all in one solid turd . Then the trouble started , one of the kids had left the last sheet of TP on the roll but it was the one that was glued so I had a job to get even enough to cover my fingertips off for a miserable wipe .
    I said nothing about it yet but was in bad form atin' the lamb chops after .
    How would I teach the two boys a lesson in this ? I think they might have known what they were at and could even have done it to get a "rise" out of me ! They are still pissing out the door for the craic , if they get up at the same time one uses the sliding door in the sitting room and the other lashes it out the front door !
    Always keep your spare rolls atop the cistern Bully, it's what that big magic water box was designed for.

    I blame all these lah di dah 'home improvement' tv shows propagating their nonsense on how a house should be kept - the operating theatre inspired interior design cod.

    Also if I wanted a church window in my annex, I would move into a church and let's say it loud and proud that solar panels are an awful ****ing eyesore.

    Have a nice day.


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    #4799
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    No throne king or pintman should be without one of these in the crapper.

    2-CAD9-E9-B-D7-F6-41-C3-8-FC4-6-A573363-B072.jpg


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    #4800
    Pintman Paddy Losty
    Registered Users Posts: 1,913 ✭✭✭Pintman Paddy Losty


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    No throne king or pintman should be without one of these in the crapper.

    2-CAD9-E9-B-D7-F6-41-C3-8-FC4-6-A573363-B072.jpg

    Everyman has an emergency wipe on each foot Johnny, so it's very easily solved if you find yourself in a crapper sans paper. Simply dispose of the sh1te covered socks in the cistern in protest then afterwards. Simples.


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    #4801
    Woke Hogan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,630 ✭✭✭Woke Hogan


    pinkyeye wrote: »
    I generally look in this thread for light relief but this is one of the most disturbing posts I've ever seen on boards.

    You dumped your daughter and you're wondering why she's odd??

    We didn’t dump her, we sent her to live with my sister for her secondary school years.


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