Saying 'I Love you'...

Feisar · 27-01-2020 01:31PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Completely different

Well yea completely different:o

Leg End Reject · 27-01-2020 01:31PM

Bobblehats wrote: »

I love you more.

No, I love you more.

Bobblehats · 27-01-2020 01:32PM

Leg End Reject wrote: »

No, I love you more.

No I love you more.

banie01 · 27-01-2020 01:33PM

I've only said in a non platonic relationship twice.

1st time I was seeing her 2 weeks, but I'd told my friends how I felt after our 1st date!
The joys of teenaged hormone fuelled lusty emotion.

We were 11yrs together, never once did I regret saying it nor having to wait a few months for an answer.

The feeling was mine, telling her didn't warrant or need reciprocation.
Happily it did come tho.

2nd time was with my now wife.
We were seeing each @4/5 months. I knew I'd caught feelings very early on but we were being "cool".

She went away on a girls holiday, got drunk listening to snow patrol and rang me to tell me she missed me, and that she was in love me.

I told her I felt the same, that was 8yrs ago.

banie01 · 27-01-2020 01:33PM

Bobblehats wrote: »

No I love you more.

No...
You hang up!

Leg End Reject · 27-01-2020 01:33PM

Bobblehats wrote: »

No I love you more.

You dont, you asshole, I hate you! :mad:

:pac:

Banana Republic. · 27-01-2020 01:34PM

Porklife wrote: »

It's a powerful word too and once it's said, you can't unsay it. It shifts the power dynamic in the relationship too, unless of course the other person says it back then sweet, you're on track. It definitely made me reassess my feelings for my ex and seriously consider how I actually felt about him. As it happened, I knew I liked him but the book closed there.
I also feel it puts a bit more pressure on the couple once it's been said. Plus, there's nowhere else to really go from there. It's the pinnacle of feelings so you either plateau in love or it goes downhill! Maybe i'm just cynical though or have barriers up due to past relationship experiences.

Wait so you knew you liked him but that was it? How long would you have taken if he hadn't of told you he loved you? I agree, once it is said you are pigeon holed, hard to gauge as each partner is different but my general consensus is if you feel it, hold onto that feeling for a while to see if you really mean it plus guage the other person by their actions and words in that timeframe, sounds methodical but that's down to experience. It would take the world turning for me to say it now.

OhHiMark · 27-01-2020 01:36PM

Banana Republic. wrote: »

It would take the world turning for me to say it now.

So you say it every day?

Hoop66 · 27-01-2020 01:38PM

Leg End Reject wrote: »

Men can be trigger happy with the "I love you", I was once told after 6 weeks. The earlier you hear it the more fickle they can be too, not all the time of course.

Alas, there's no gracious response to it, what can you say?

"Thanks"?

Someone said exactly that to me when I said "I love you" to them.

Leg End Reject · 27-01-2020 01:40PM

Hoop66 wrote: »

Someone said exactly that to me when I said "I love you" to them.

How did you respond? "You're welcome" or just cringed?

Banana Republic. · 27-01-2020 01:40PM

OhHiMark wrote: »

So you say it every day?

How do you get that question from that message?

Leg End Reject · 27-01-2020 01:42PM

Banana Republic. wrote: »

How do you get that question from that message?

The world turning I presume.

IAMAMORON · 27-01-2020 01:42PM

A few months?

She needs to get out of there fast.

The first 6 months of any healthy relationship should just be a complete phuckfest.

Things like " i love it when you do that " etc etc are perfect openers for declarations of love and commitment.

But cooking meals at home after a few months, followed by deep "meaningful" conversations would scare the shight out of me, it cuts both ways.

The most important thing is to not eat too much around sextime, it destroys performance.

Phuck each other for half the day until you are exhausted, then eat and chill etc.

OhHiMark · 27-01-2020 01:42PM

Banana Republic. wrote: »

How do you get that question from that message?

The world is always turning.

27-01-2020 01:44PM

For me it is important that I hear it but only if its meant. In my last relationship I performed some mental gymnastics in order to be ok with my ex never saying it. I would compare him to past experiences where I heard all and everything only to have them change their minds as quick.
I told myself over and over that actions are all that matters. Yes they do matter a great deal but they didn't really point to love in that relationship.

It is a loaded word become it makes us vulnerable. 'I love you' also means 'I am opening myself up to you and I'm aware of the risks involved'. Its difficult. In my experience it is a sign of emotional maturity to be able to say and receive the words. So it matters to me now that I not only hear but also see it in action. Real action.

Small things that seem so regular but you just know it's real. A kind of indescribable "knowing' that the other person gets you and wants to protect you. Taking your hand crossing the street, giving you a lift in the rain, checking in during the day, being interested in who you are, that look in their eyes.

Be it one month in or six I can recognise it now when I see it.

Banana Republic. · 27-01-2020 01:44PM

OhHiMark wrote: »

The world is always turning.

Sometimes the wheels don't turn at all, Anyway back on topic, it's the 3 words that can seal your fate either way, you need to be mindful of what you think the other person feels as it changes the dynamic is most relationships I would strongly guess.

Porklife · 27-01-2020 01:45PM

banie01 wrote: »

I've only said in a non platonic relationship twice.

1st time I was seeing her 2 weeks, but I'd told my friends how I felt after our 1st date!
The joys of teenaged hormone fuelled lusty emotion.

We were 11yrs together, never once did I regret saying it nor having to wait a few months for an answer.

The feeling was mine, telling her didn't warrant or need reciprocation.
Happily it did come tho.

2nd time was with my now wife.
We were seeing each @4/5 months. I knew I'd caught feelings very early on but we were being "cool".

She went away on a girls holiday, got drunk listening to snow patrol and rang me to tell me she missed me, and that she was in love me.

I told her I felt the same, that was 8yrs ago.

I love this story!

I'm not even a Snow Patrol fan but if I start falling for someone their songs suddenly start meaning something to me!

I caught myself listening to James bloody Blunt *shudder* recently and realised I was smiling along as I thought about the guy I fancy. That's a dumpable offense right there! Liking James Blunt and not just liking but relating to his lyrics... it's over baby!!
Just to add, I didn't seek him out.. I was watching Gavin & Stacey as it goes and Brin was listening to him in the car and got all gooey :pac:

Hoop66 · 27-01-2020 01:45PM

Leg End Reject wrote: »

How did you respond? "You're welcome" or just cringed?

I didn't really say anything at all. Both of us kind just pretended it had never happened. We were together a good year or so after that, so it wasn't that drastic obviously. Still good mates now, in fact I've just been to visit her and her husband for the w/e.

El_Duderino 09 · 27-01-2020 01:46PM

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

They are just nonsense words imo. Behaviour and actions over time are what is important.

That’s the approach I’ve always taken. Saying it too early is a bit desperate. It’s a way of asking “do you love me?”

If you’re secure and things are going well, then it will be easy to just carry on and you’ll know when you’re both in love with each other and willing to be committed to each other.

Porklife · 27-01-2020 01:47PM

Deleted User wrote: »

For me it is important that I hear it but only if its meant. In my last relationship I performed some mental gymnastics in order to be ok with my ex never saying it. I would compare him to past experiences where I heard all and everything only to have them change their minds as quick.
I told myself over and over that actions are all that matters. Yes they do matter a great deal but they didn't really point to love in that relationship.

It is a loaded word become it makes us vulnerable. 'I love you' also means 'I am opening myself up to you and I'm aware of the risks involved'. Its difficult. In my experience it is a sign of emotional maturity to be able to say and receive the words. So it matters to me now that I not only hear but also see it in action. Real action.

Small things that seem so regular but you just know it's real. A kind of indescribable "knowing' that the other person gets you and wants to protect you. Taking your hand crossing the street, giving you a lift in the rain, checking in during the day, being interested in who you are, that look in their eyes.

Be it one month in or six I can recognise it now when I see it.

What a lovely post. I agree completely. I am sorry to hear you waited 3 years and didn't hear those words. May I ask what happened then, did you say it and he didn't reciprocate or did you walk away?

Bobblehats · 27-01-2020 01:49PM

Porklife wrote: »

I'm not even a Snow Patrol fan but if I start falling for someone their songs suddenly start meaning something to me!

Get out of here with that mush will ya

banie01 · 27-01-2020 01:50PM

Porklife wrote: »

I love this story!

I'm not even a Snow Patrol fan but if I start falling for someone their songs suddenly start meaning something to me!

Me neither, just she caught a serious dose of the feels with some booze on board and a decent cover band :pac:
That then became our 1st dance song

As for James Blunt, one of the funniest and most self deprecating people on twitter and anytime I see him on TV always worth a watch.

Have great time for him, which is odd considering the most meaningful he did was Goodbye my Lover which I wore out after death of my 1st wife

Bobblehats · 27-01-2020 01:51PM

James Blunt is the man.

Porklife · 27-01-2020 01:57PM

banie01 wrote: »

Me neither, just she caught a serious dose of the feels with some booze on board and a decent cover band :pac:
That then became our 1st dance song

As for James Blunt, one of the funniest and most self deprecating people on twitter and anytime I see him on TV always worth a watch.

Have great time for him, which is odd considering the most meaningful he did was Goodbye my Lover which I wore out after death of my 1st wife

I (un-secretly now!) love that song! That's what Brin is listening to in Gavin & Stacey and it's such a funny scene. I've seen him on Graham Norton and he is very funny. It's so nice to finally be able to say it out loud - I LOVE James Blunt!!

27-01-2020 01:57PM

Porklife wrote: »

What a lovely post. I agree completely. I am sorry to hear you waited 3 years and didn't hear those words. May I ask what happened then, did you say it and he didn't reciprocate or did you walk away?

I didn't wait to hear those words. I wanted my intuition to be wrong and the narrative in my head to be right. I made my excuses for him because I knew his psychology and his own hurts. The first time I mentioned it was about 2 years in, it was during an argument I think. I was crying and said I was finding things difficult but that I loved him. He didn't reciprocate.

After that I asked him why he couldn't say it, maybe because he didn't feel it? He couldn't answer properly, would wave it away 'it's only a word bla bla'. That's not the only reason why I ended the relationship but because he was so emotionally closed off and nothing I ever did was good enough.

One of the best decisions I ever made.

banie01 · 27-01-2020 01:59PM

Porklife wrote: »

- I LOVE James Blunt!!

His latest album is actually quite good too

Porklife · 27-01-2020 02:01PM

Banana Republic. wrote: »

Wait so you knew you liked him but that was it? How long would you have taken if he hadn't of told you he loved you? I agree, once it is said you are pigeon holed, hard to gauge as each partner is different but my general consensus is if you feel it, hold onto that feeling for a while to see if you really mean it plus guage the other person by their actions and words in that timeframe, sounds methodical but that's down to experience. It would take the world turning for me to say it now.

I was only about 24 at the time and I really liked the guy but part of me was still not quite over my ex boyfriend. We were together about 6 months and he was a very affectionate guy. We were having loads of fun and I wasn't really thinking too much about whether or not I loved him. When he said it, it didn't make me feel good, it made me feel anxious and paniced and that's how I knew I had to end it.
I saw on fb that he got married about 2 years later so turned out to be for the best for both of us!

Gynoid · 27-01-2020 02:14PM

I find the closer we are to sex the more I love yous there are. When he is shaping up for it, lots of I love yous. And then there is the honeymoon period of around a day, maximum two, when theres lots of I love yous. Any longer than 3 days without sex and I am greeted with a grunt

Might as well be the bin man those days.
But it has only been 30 years so maybe he will become more romantic over time! I am not romantic really, my usual response is yeah, yeah, sure you do.

Leg End Reject · 27-01-2020 02:25PM

Porklife wrote: »

I was only about 24 at the time and I really liked the guy but part of me was still not quite over my ex boyfriend. We were together about 6 months and he was a very affectionate guy. We were having loads of fun and I wasn't really thinking too much about whether or not I loved him. When he said it, it didn't make me feel good, it made me feel anxious and paniced and that's how I knew I had to end it.
I saw on fb that he got married about 2 years later so turned out to be for the best for both of us!

It's a very quick turnaround from breaking up with someone you love to being married in 2 years.

Cee-Jay-Cee · 27-01-2020 02:38PM

Bobblehats wrote: »

No I love you more.

"I love you most" is the response to that.

The best way to approach the whole 'saying I love you first' thing is to do it by text message. Then if you don't get the response you were hoping for or he/she freaks, you can simply reply "sorry...that wasn't meant for you"- Problem sorted.

Saying 'I Love you'...

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