Saying 'I Love you'...

Porklife

A friend of mine has been seeing a girl he's really fallen for over the past few months. Last night he cooked her dinner, lit candles and set the scene for romance. After a few glasses of wine he decided to take the plunge and tell her he loves her. He messaged me this morning asking me what I make of her response.

Him:I know it's early days but... I love you sugar tits*

Her: ... long pause....takes a swig of wine... I love that you love me - I mean, who doesn't want to be loved..

Him: ..eh yeah, I guess... well, I'm really tired & need to rearrange my sock drawer so maybe you should leave?

*he may not have called her sugar tits*

I found her response kinda funny this morning. Maybe she was caught off guard but it seems a tad arrogant. I guess if you're not feeling it then there's no easy way to respond but that must have stung to hear.

My stance is that I won't ever say it first, maybe not the most mature attitude but I just can't imagine saying it and getting the brush off.

An ex boyfriend of mine said it to me in the car as we headed for a weekend away. I wasn't expecting it and just said ' I hope to love you soon too'.
Eekkkk that did not go down well! Que one very awkward weekend together!

So have you guys ever said it and been knocked back/ What is the worst response you've received having said it?

Bobblehats

Church on Tuesday

I think if you are a man you wait for the woman to say it first after a reasonably healthy period of time.

In my experience anyways. Men develop feelings a lot quicker than most women.

Until then just hang out and have fun.

Deebles McBeebles

Jesus, those 2 responses have me cringing, P. Awful. No point saying it back if you don't mean it though.

Don't think I've had the experience myself thankfully.

Porklife

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

I think if you are a man you wait for the woman to say it first after a reasonably healthy period of time.

In my experience anyways. Men develop feelings a lot quicker than most women.

Until then just hang out and have fun.

Really? that's interesting. I would have thought women in general are more emotional and would likely fall sooner/harder.

Porklife

Bobblehats wrote: »

AAAHHHHHHHHHHH Sock puppets!!!!!!!!!!

Wibbs

Porklife wrote: »

Really? that's interesting. I would have thought women in general are more emotional and would likely fall sooner/harder.

Not been my general experience P. Or if they do, they seem more likely to play it close to their chests. Depends on the person of course, but generally I would say that men are more likely to go all in, when or if they feel it.

Bobblehats

If I did it utter it I wouldn’t be the first. But it’d be a first?

Love is a game, in which tentative steps must be taken saying I love you can be a greater commitment than marriage itself as they will they know they’ve got you. But do you have them? Having said that love is a feeling; not a word if you mean it at all...

Deebles McBeebles

I think Extreme said it best...

"Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
'Cause I'd already know"

Church on Tuesday

Porklife wrote: »

Really? that's interesting. I would have thought women in general are more emotional and would likely fall sooner/harder.

The two examples you gave is reflective of this.

Both yourself and your friend simply weren't ready to say it. Which is perfectly fine. It takes time.

If you are a man in this situation you just simply wait to hear it first. That way it's a win win situation and you don't inadvertently makes things awkward between you.

When you say "seeing" are they still in the dating phase or are they boyfriend and girlfriend?

Thelonious Monk

They are just nonsense words imo. Behaviour and actions over time are what is important.

Church on Tuesday

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

They are just nonsense words imo. Behaviour and actions over time are what is important.

Yes, but at the early stages of a potential relationship they are pretty important words to hear from both sides.

Bobblehats

Show her you love her.

Cina

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

I think if you are a man you wait for the woman to say it first after a reasonably healthy period of time.

In my experience anyways. Men develop feelings a lot quicker than most women.

Until then just hang out and have fun.

A situation where a woman in Ireland is expected to make the first move?

Ha, good one!

I spent three and a half years with someone who never once said it. It was difficult for me to not hear it.

Feisar

I think men fall in and out of love a lot quicker. Women I have found take longer to invest for the want of a better word. Does this go back to evolution and baby making requirements?

As to saying it first it's a lot like buying someone a drink in a bar, don't expect one back and you won't be disappointed.

Feisar

Deleted User wrote: »

I spent three and a half years with someone who never once said it. It was difficult for me to not hear it.

Slightly different however I've found myself to be saying "I love you to" as in my wife always says it first. I consciously say it randomly now so as not to always be coming in second.

Porklife

Deleted User wrote: »

When you say "seeing" are they still in the dating phase or are they boyfriend and girlfriend?

They are together about 5 months now and are a couple, have met each others friends etc. I wonder if she'll say it back soon or if they'll break up.

In my case, after my boyfriend said it and I didn't reciprocate, he asked me later on did I think I would ever love him. My answer was no. I mulled it over and I just knew that he ultimately wasn't the guy for me so we broke up. He was upset because in his mind, he told me he loved me and I ended it a few days later but from my perspective, I was doing him a favour by not wasting his time and I was showing integrity by being true to myself.
It's hard though, I really liked that guy and would happily have continued seeing him but I guess the end goal is always to fall in love, well not always but after a certain length of time and after a certain age you don't really wanna be just d*cking around anymore!

wakka12

Those responses are hard to hear but if youre taking the leap of saying it you have to be mature enough to not expect them to feel the same way just because you do

Theres no easy way to reply if its not reciprocated but what would be a lot more cruel would be to say you love them back even if you dont

Bobblehats

As long as you feel love that is perfectly adequate - as long as you; feel love just to clarify.

Church on Tuesday

Cina wrote: »

A situation where a woman in Ireland is expected to make the first move?

Ha, good one!

It's not a move it's a word.

Not all Irish women or women in general are the same either.

Feisar

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

It's not a move it's a word.

Not all Irish women or women in general are the same either.

Doesn't matter, I just through my wife out and am heading for the trenches. Battle lines drawn.

nkl12xtw5goz70

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

They are just nonsense words imo. Behaviour and actions over time are what is important.

Never saying "I love you" is a sure sign of a commitment-phobe, who is also likely to withhold any other meaningful indicators of commitment.

facehugger99

Her: "I love you"

Me: "I like you too"

Deebles McBeebles

You could just start the sentence and see how it goes.

"I love..."
*Gauge look on her face*
"....lamp."

Porklife

It's a powerful word too and once it's said, you can't unsay it. It shifts the power dynamic in the relationship too, unless of course the other person says it back then sweet, you're on track. It definitely made me reassess my feelings for my ex and seriously consider how I actually felt about him. As it happened, I knew I liked him but the book closed there.
I also feel it puts a bit more pressure on the couple once it's been said. Plus, there's nowhere else to really go from there. It's the pinnacle of feelings so you either plateau in love or it goes downhill! Maybe i'm just cynical though or have barriers up due to past relationship experiences.

Leg End Reject

Men can be trigger happy with the "I love you", I was once told after 6 weeks. The earlier you hear it the more fickle they can be too, not all the time of course.

Alas, there's no gracious response to it, what can you say?

"Thanks"?

Feisar

Feisar wrote: »

Slightly different however I've found myself to be saying "I love you to" as in my wife always says it first. I consciously say it randomly now so as not to always be coming in second.

Completely different

Church on Tuesday

I think about 3 possibly 4 months is a grand enough time to be hearing "I love you".

If I were hearing it after a month I'd be slightly concerned.

Bobblehats

Leg End Reject wrote: »

Alas, there's no gracious response to it, what can you say?

"Thanks"?

I love you more.

Feisar

Deleted User wrote: »

Completely different

Well yea completely different:o

Leg End Reject

Bobblehats wrote: »

I love you more.

No, I love you more.

Bobblehats

Leg End Reject wrote: »

No, I love you more.

No I love you more.

banie01

I've only said in a non platonic relationship twice.

1st time I was seeing her 2 weeks, but I'd told my friends how I felt after our 1st date!
The joys of teenaged hormone fuelled lusty emotion.

We were 11yrs together, never once did I regret saying it nor having to wait a few months for an answer.

The feeling was mine, telling her didn't warrant or need reciprocation.
Happily it did come tho.

2nd time was with my now wife.
We were seeing each @4/5 months. I knew I'd caught feelings very early on but we were being "cool".

She went away on a girls holiday, got drunk listening to snow patrol and rang me to tell me she missed me, and that she was in love me.

I told her I felt the same, that was 8yrs ago.

banie01

Bobblehats wrote: »

No I love you more.

No...
You hang up!

Leg End Reject

Bobblehats wrote: »

No I love you more.

You dont, you asshole, I hate you! :mad:

:pac:

Banana Republic.

Porklife wrote: »

It's a powerful word too and once it's said, you can't unsay it. It shifts the power dynamic in the relationship too, unless of course the other person says it back then sweet, you're on track. It definitely made me reassess my feelings for my ex and seriously consider how I actually felt about him. As it happened, I knew I liked him but the book closed there.
I also feel it puts a bit more pressure on the couple once it's been said. Plus, there's nowhere else to really go from there. It's the pinnacle of feelings so you either plateau in love or it goes downhill! Maybe i'm just cynical though or have barriers up due to past relationship experiences.

Wait so you knew you liked him but that was it? How long would you have taken if he hadn't of told you he loved you? I agree, once it is said you are pigeon holed, hard to gauge as each partner is different but my general consensus is if you feel it, hold onto that feeling for a while to see if you really mean it plus guage the other person by their actions and words in that timeframe, sounds methodical but that's down to experience. It would take the world turning for me to say it now.

OhHiMark

Banana Republic. wrote: »

It would take the world turning for me to say it now.

So you say it every day?

Hoop66

Leg End Reject wrote: »

Men can be trigger happy with the "I love you", I was once told after 6 weeks. The earlier you hear it the more fickle they can be too, not all the time of course.

Alas, there's no gracious response to it, what can you say?

"Thanks"?

Someone said exactly that to me when I said "I love you" to them.

Leg End Reject

Hoop66 wrote: »

Someone said exactly that to me when I said "I love you" to them.

How did you respond? "You're welcome" or just cringed?

Banana Republic.

OhHiMark wrote: »

So you say it every day?

How do you get that question from that message?

Leg End Reject

Banana Republic. wrote: »

How do you get that question from that message?

The world turning I presume.

IAMAMORON

A few months?

She needs to get out of there fast.

The first 6 months of any healthy relationship should just be a complete phuckfest.

Things like " i love it when you do that " etc etc are perfect openers for declarations of love and commitment.

But cooking meals at home after a few months, followed by deep "meaningful" conversations would scare the shight out of me, it cuts both ways.

The most important thing is to not eat too much around sextime, it destroys performance.

Phuck each other for half the day until you are exhausted, then eat and chill etc.

OhHiMark

Banana Republic. wrote: »

How do you get that question from that message?

The world is always turning.

For me it is important that I hear it but only if its meant. In my last relationship I performed some mental gymnastics in order to be ok with my ex never saying it. I would compare him to past experiences where I heard all and everything only to have them change their minds as quick.
I told myself over and over that actions are all that matters. Yes they do matter a great deal but they didn't really point to love in that relationship.

It is a loaded word become it makes us vulnerable. 'I love you' also means 'I am opening myself up to you and I'm aware of the risks involved'. Its difficult. In my experience it is a sign of emotional maturity to be able to say and receive the words. So it matters to me now that I not only hear but also see it in action. Real action.

Small things that seem so regular but you just know it's real. A kind of indescribable "knowing' that the other person gets you and wants to protect you. Taking your hand crossing the street, giving you a lift in the rain, checking in during the day, being interested in who you are, that look in their eyes.

Be it one month in or six I can recognise it now when I see it.

Banana Republic.

OhHiMark wrote: »

The world is always turning.

Sometimes the wheels don't turn at all, Anyway back on topic, it's the 3 words that can seal your fate either way, you need to be mindful of what you think the other person feels as it changes the dynamic is most relationships I would strongly guess.

Porklife

banie01 wrote: »

I've only said in a non platonic relationship twice.

1st time I was seeing her 2 weeks, but I'd told my friends how I felt after our 1st date!
The joys of teenaged hormone fuelled lusty emotion.

We were 11yrs together, never once did I regret saying it nor having to wait a few months for an answer.

The feeling was mine, telling her didn't warrant or need reciprocation.
Happily it did come tho.

2nd time was with my now wife.
We were seeing each @4/5 months. I knew I'd caught feelings very early on but we were being "cool".

She went away on a girls holiday, got drunk listening to snow patrol and rang me to tell me she missed me, and that she was in love me.

I told her I felt the same, that was 8yrs ago.

I love this story!

I'm not even a Snow Patrol fan but if I start falling for someone their songs suddenly start meaning something to me!

I caught myself listening to James bloody Blunt *shudder* recently and realised I was smiling along as I thought about the guy I fancy. That's a dumpable offense right there! Liking James Blunt and not just liking but relating to his lyrics... it's over baby!!
Just to add, I didn't seek him out.. I was watching Gavin & Stacey as it goes and Brin was listening to him in the car and got all gooey :pac:

Hoop66

Leg End Reject wrote: »

How did you respond? "You're welcome" or just cringed?

I didn't really say anything at all. Both of us kind just pretended it had never happened. We were together a good year or so after that, so it wasn't that drastic obviously. Still good mates now, in fact I've just been to visit her and her husband for the w/e.

El_Duderino 09

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

They are just nonsense words imo. Behaviour and actions over time are what is important.

That’s the approach I’ve always taken. Saying it too early is a bit desperate. It’s a way of asking “do you love me?”

If you’re secure and things are going well, then it will be easy to just carry on and you’ll know when you’re both in love with each other and willing to be committed to each other.

Porklife

Deleted User wrote: »

For me it is important that I hear it but only if its meant. In my last relationship I performed some mental gymnastics in order to be ok with my ex never saying it. I would compare him to past experiences where I heard all and everything only to have them change their minds as quick.
I told myself over and over that actions are all that matters. Yes they do matter a great deal but they didn't really point to love in that relationship.

It is a loaded word become it makes us vulnerable. 'I love you' also means 'I am opening myself up to you and I'm aware of the risks involved'. Its difficult. In my experience it is a sign of emotional maturity to be able to say and receive the words. So it matters to me now that I not only hear but also see it in action. Real action.

Small things that seem so regular but you just know it's real. A kind of indescribable "knowing' that the other person gets you and wants to protect you. Taking your hand crossing the street, giving you a lift in the rain, checking in during the day, being interested in who you are, that look in their eyes.

Be it one month in or six I can recognise it now when I see it.

What a lovely post. I agree completely. I am sorry to hear you waited 3 years and didn't hear those words. May I ask what happened then, did you say it and he didn't reciprocate or did you walk away?