Saying 'I Love you'...

Porklife · 27-01-2020 12:32PM #1

A friend of mine has been seeing a girl he's really fallen for over the past few months. Last night he cooked her dinner, lit candles and set the scene for romance. After a few glasses of wine he decided to take the plunge and tell her he loves her. He messaged me this morning asking me what I make of her response.

Him:I know it's early days but... I love you sugar tits*

Her: ... long pause....takes a swig of wine... I love that you love me - I mean, who doesn't want to be loved..

Him: ..eh yeah, I guess... well, I'm really tired & need to rearrange my sock drawer so maybe you should leave?

*he may not have called her sugar tits*

I found her response kinda funny this morning. Maybe she was caught off guard but it seems a tad arrogant. I guess if you're not feeling it then there's no easy way to respond but that must have stung to hear.

My stance is that I won't ever say it first, maybe not the most mature attitude but I just can't imagine saying it and getting the brush off.

An ex boyfriend of mine said it to me in the car as we headed for a weekend away. I wasn't expecting it and just said ' I hope to love you soon too'.
Eekkkk that did not go down well! Que one very awkward weekend together!

So have you guys ever said it and been knocked back/ What is the worst response you've received having said it?

Bobblehats · 27-01-2020 12:33PM

Church on Tuesday · 27-01-2020 12:38PM

I think if you are a man you wait for the woman to say it first after a reasonably healthy period of time.

In my experience anyways. Men develop feelings a lot quicker than most women.

Until then just hang out and have fun.

Deebles McBeebles · 27-01-2020 12:40PM

Jesus, those 2 responses have me cringing, P. Awful. No point saying it back if you don't mean it though.

Don't think I've had the experience myself thankfully.

Porklife · 27-01-2020 12:42PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

I think if you are a man you wait for the woman to say it first after a reasonably healthy period of time.

In my experience anyways. Men develop feelings a lot quicker than most women.

Until then just hang out and have fun.

Really? that's interesting. I would have thought women in general are more emotional and would likely fall sooner/harder.

Porklife · 27-01-2020 12:42PM

Bobblehats wrote: »

AAAHHHHHHHHHHH Sock puppets!!!!!!!!!!

Wibbs · 27-01-2020 12:49PM

Porklife wrote: »

Really? that's interesting. I would have thought women in general are more emotional and would likely fall sooner/harder.

Not been my general experience P. Or if they do, they seem more likely to play it close to their chests. Depends on the person of course, but generally I would say that men are more likely to go all in, when or if they feel it.

Bobblehats · 27-01-2020 12:52PM

If I did it utter it I wouldn’t be the first. But it’d be a first?

Love is a game, in which tentative steps must be taken saying I love you can be a greater commitment than marriage itself as they will they know they’ve got you. But do you have them? Having said that love is a feeling; not a word if you mean it at all...

Deebles McBeebles · 27-01-2020 12:55PM

I think Extreme said it best...

"Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
'Cause I'd already know"

Church on Tuesday · 27-01-2020 12:55PM

Porklife wrote: »

Really? that's interesting. I would have thought women in general are more emotional and would likely fall sooner/harder.

The two examples you gave is reflective of this.

Both yourself and your friend simply weren't ready to say it. Which is perfectly fine. It takes time.

If you are a man in this situation you just simply wait to hear it first. That way it's a win win situation and you don't inadvertently makes things awkward between you.

27-01-2020 12:56PM

When you say "seeing" are they still in the dating phase or are they boyfriend and girlfriend?

Thelonious Monk · 27-01-2020 12:58PM

They are just nonsense words imo. Behaviour and actions over time are what is important.

Church on Tuesday · 27-01-2020 01:01PM

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

They are just nonsense words imo. Behaviour and actions over time are what is important.

Yes, but at the early stages of a potential relationship they are pretty important words to hear from both sides.

Bobblehats · 27-01-2020 01:02PM

Show her you love her.

Cina · 27-01-2020 01:02PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

I think if you are a man you wait for the woman to say it first after a reasonably healthy period of time.

In my experience anyways. Men develop feelings a lot quicker than most women.

Until then just hang out and have fun.

A situation where a woman in Ireland is expected to make the first move?

Ha, good one!

27-01-2020 01:03PM

I spent three and a half years with someone who never once said it. It was difficult for me to not hear it.

Feisar · 27-01-2020 01:04PM

I think men fall in and out of love a lot quicker. Women I have found take longer to invest for the want of a better word. Does this go back to evolution and baby making requirements?

As to saying it first it's a lot like buying someone a drink in a bar, don't expect one back and you won't be disappointed.

Feisar · 27-01-2020 01:07PM

Deleted User wrote: »

I spent three and a half years with someone who never once said it. It was difficult for me to not hear it.

Slightly different however I've found myself to be saying "I love you to" as in my wife always says it first. I consciously say it randomly now so as not to always be coming in second.

Porklife · 27-01-2020 01:07PM

Deleted User wrote: »

When you say "seeing" are they still in the dating phase or are they boyfriend and girlfriend?

They are together about 5 months now and are a couple, have met each others friends etc. I wonder if she'll say it back soon or if they'll break up.

In my case, after my boyfriend said it and I didn't reciprocate, he asked me later on did I think I would ever love him. My answer was no. I mulled it over and I just knew that he ultimately wasn't the guy for me so we broke up. He was upset because in his mind, he told me he loved me and I ended it a few days later but from my perspective, I was doing him a favour by not wasting his time and I was showing integrity by being true to myself.
It's hard though, I really liked that guy and would happily have continued seeing him but I guess the end goal is always to fall in love, well not always but after a certain length of time and after a certain age you don't really wanna be just d*cking around anymore!

wakka12 · 27-01-2020 01:12PM

Those responses are hard to hear but if youre taking the leap of saying it you have to be mature enough to not expect them to feel the same way just because you do

Theres no easy way to reply if its not reciprocated but what would be a lot more cruel would be to say you love them back even if you dont

Bobblehats · 27-01-2020 01:14PM

As long as you feel love that is perfectly adequate - as long as you; feel love just to clarify.

Church on Tuesday · 27-01-2020 01:15PM

Cina wrote: »

A situation where a woman in Ireland is expected to make the first move?

Ha, good one!

It's not a move it's a word.

Not all Irish women or women in general are the same either.

Feisar · 27-01-2020 01:19PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

It's not a move it's a word.

Not all Irish women or women in general are the same either.

Doesn't matter, I just through my wife out and am heading for the trenches. Battle lines drawn.

nkl12xtw5goz70 · 27-01-2020 01:20PM

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

They are just nonsense words imo. Behaviour and actions over time are what is important.

Never saying "I love you" is a sure sign of a commitment-phobe, who is also likely to withhold any other meaningful indicators of commitment.

facehugger99 · 27-01-2020 01:22PM

Her: "I love you"

Me: "I like you too"

Deebles McBeebles · 27-01-2020 01:24PM

You could just start the sentence and see how it goes.

"I love..."
*Gauge look on her face*
"....lamp."

Porklife · 27-01-2020 01:26PM

It's a powerful word too and once it's said, you can't unsay it. It shifts the power dynamic in the relationship too, unless of course the other person says it back then sweet, you're on track. It definitely made me reassess my feelings for my ex and seriously consider how I actually felt about him. As it happened, I knew I liked him but the book closed there.
I also feel it puts a bit more pressure on the couple once it's been said. Plus, there's nowhere else to really go from there. It's the pinnacle of feelings so you either plateau in love or it goes downhill! Maybe i'm just cynical though or have barriers up due to past relationship experiences.

Leg End Reject · 27-01-2020 01:27PM

Men can be trigger happy with the "I love you", I was once told after 6 weeks. The earlier you hear it the more fickle they can be too, not all the time of course.

Alas, there's no gracious response to it, what can you say?

"Thanks"?

27-01-2020 01:30PM

Feisar wrote: »

Slightly different however I've found myself to be saying "I love you to" as in my wife always says it first. I consciously say it randomly now so as not to always be coming in second.

Completely different

Church on Tuesday · 27-01-2020 01:30PM

I think about 3 possibly 4 months is a grand enough time to be hearing "I love you".

If I were hearing it after a month I'd be slightly concerned.

Bobblehats · 27-01-2020 01:30PM

Leg End Reject wrote: »

Alas, there's no gracious response to it, what can you say?

"Thanks"?

I love you more.

Saying 'I Love you'...

Comments