Should i message this guy?

SBM111 · 25-01-2020 08:16PM #1

This guy started at my workplace two weeks ago, we get on well and I liked from the beginning. During the week we matched on tinder. He hasnt messaged me but im half tempted to message him but I am half afraid because of work and fear of rejection, plus hes only been here two weeks. Should I hold off messaging him for now or just f*** it and go for it?

rapul · 25-01-2020 08:20PM

Life's short and you never know could be the best decision you ever make and considering you matched aswell, go for it!

SBM111 · 25-01-2020 08:24PM

would it not be awkward at work though? thats the only thing im thinking because we do interact a lot with each other during work.

Another angle i was thinking of is adding him on instagram and messaging him there.. it may appear more friendly for now.. just incase?

Albhabeth · 25-01-2020 08:27PM

I think I would say something jokey like "oops my finger slipped" or "I only swiped to see if you did" with a tongue out or wink emoji. That way you can gauge his reaction. I think it will be awkward either way though.

The alternative is to wait for the next staff night out.

celt262 · 25-01-2020 08:52PM

Albhabeth wrote: »

The alternative is to wait for the next staff night out.

Or ask him out for lunch some day.

SBM111 · 25-01-2020 08:55PM

we dont usually have a lot of staff nights and our hours are different so that means our lunches are different

im not being awkward but i just dont know if i should bother messaging him

smokie72 · 25-01-2020 10:10PM

Maybe he fancies you too and is shy. He's the new guy in work and might not want to do anything that will upset the apple cart at work. Take a chance...life's too short. What are you worried about? What other people in work might think? Wouldn't be the first relationship in an work environment and as you said you don't really work together or have the same breaks.

yerwanthere123 · 25-01-2020 11:18PM

Don't over think it, message him and see what happens. You obviously caught his eye in some way to say ye matched on Twitter. If he's interested he'll engage with you, if not you'll move on. Nothing to lose.

SBM111 · 25-01-2020 11:35PM

Im thinking of adding him on social media first and messaging him through that rather than tinder what do you guys think? or just message on tinder?

ILoveYourVibes · 25-01-2020 11:35PM

Wait a bit. Get to know him first. Give it a few months.

What is meant for you won't pass you by.

Johnny Sausage · 25-01-2020 11:38PM

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Wait a bit. Get to know him first. Give it a few months.

What is meant for you won't pass you by.

Months haha

He could be with somone else by then

OP just message him, it's 2020, shoot your shot

Millionaire only not · 25-01-2020 11:40PM

Johnny Sausage wrote: »

Months haha

He could be with somone else by then

OP just message him, it's 2020, shoot your shot

Was that shoot your shot or shoot ur load u meant ? Lol

Man Vs ManUre · 25-01-2020 11:44PM

If he’s on tinder then he is looking for immediate fun and if it develops to a relationship that’s a bonus.
If he matched u and u him, he would be flattered if you msg him. Surprisingly a lot of blokes are pretty shy about making that first move.
Go for it and msg him. Enjoy the fun if it’s just a casual thing. If it becomes more even better. Just start off with a casual msg like wow it’s weird to see someone from office on here.

ILoveYourVibes · 26-01-2020 12:34AM

Johnny Sausage wrote: »

Months haha

He could be with somone else by then

OP just message him, it's 2020, shoot your shot

So? If he ends up with someone else good for him. Its not like the OP is desperate.

The op has to work with the guy. She should be smarter.

SBM111 · 26-01-2020 01:01AM

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

So? If he ends up with someone else good for him. Its not like the OP is desperate.

The op has to work with the guy. She should be smarter.

wow.. okay.

ILoveYourVibes · 26-01-2020 01:27AM

SBM111 wrote: »

wow.. okay.

I am just being pragmatic. You mentioned yourself you were hesitant because you work with him and he is new there.

I would wait and see how things are in a month.

SusieBlue · 26-01-2020 11:56PM

I was in a similar situation to this and couldn’t understand why he didn’t message me.
I finally ended up alone with him after a meeting a week or so later and he asked me out to my face then.

He said afterwards he hadn’t seen the point in messaging small talk, he had taken the fact that we had matched as confirmation I was interested so felt confident and comfortable asking me in person, and he was just waiting for an opportunity.

So I would say wait because if you work together and know each other there’s no need for the awkward messaging small talk.

ILoveYourVibes · 27-01-2020 12:27AM

As always OP this is just advice based on reading a post etc. At the end of the day you are the only in the situation etc.

I would wait as you have to work with him ....he could be not someone you want to date or it could just not work out ...or it could....but do what you feel is best. Good luck.

Heres Johnny · 27-01-2020 08:11AM

Just a note on tinder, most men say yes to everyone on it just to play the numbers game, I know I did and even when I let some of my married friends have a go on it (using my profile) they all just said yes to everyone too.
Not all men do, but most do. He may not even realise he said yes to you but he would have got the matching notification.

ManOfMystery · 27-01-2020 10:45AM

Looking at things from his point of view, he started a job a fortnight ago and if I was in his shoes embarking on an office romance would be the last thing on my mind whilst I'm still trying to find my feet in a new job.

I'm not saying that he may not be interested - he is on Tinder after all. But he likely never considered a new work colleague would suddenly be matched with him. Matching with him on Tinder immediately forces you both into a sandbox of sorts where he is forced to either acknowledge it or ignore it, which can be daunting when it involves someone from the workplace and adds a pressure to it all.

I'd approach it more naturally and organically and try and get to know him better via the workplace. You say you interact with each other a fair bit; you can flirt and enjoy his company all you like and he can either go with the flow or do nothing. You'll know either way.

SBM111 · 29-01-2020 11:58AM

he is only here for 6 months.
i added him on social media and he accepted but didnt initiate conversation neither did i.
we do interact on a daily basis and always have a laugh. hes a nice guy.
i may hold out another week or two and then message him

Dog day · 29-01-2020 12:31PM

SBM111 wrote: »

he is only here for 6 months.
i added him on social media and he accepted but didnt initiate conversation neither did i.
we do interact on a daily basis and always have a laugh. hes a nice guy.
i may hold out another week or two and then message him

Hi OP, for what it’s worth, keeping in mind he’s only just started there I’d strongly advise you to just let things develop naturally. Most people when starting a new job (even on a short term contract) normally wish to just focus on that. That’s not to say things won’t progress but if I were you I’d really wait until a natural opportunity arises, ie. after work drinks etc. I really wouldn’t message him on social media, you’ve already made the first move by adding him & as you say you’re interacting (presumably in person) on a daily basis. It could be coming on a little strong given he’s only just in the door! Good luck either way!

SBM111 · 29-01-2020 07:20PM

some say dont text more say got for it.. i dont know what to do

SusieBlue · 29-01-2020 07:58PM

SBM111 wrote: »

some say dont text more say got for it.. i dont know what to do

Under normal circumstances I would say go for it.
But because he’s a colleague I’d err on the side of caution. If he wanted to message you, he would. Perhaps he’s waiting to say something to you in person. Maybe he was interested but decided against getting involved with someone from work.

If you messaged him and he didn’t reply, how would you feel? Would you regret sending it?

Dial Hard · 29-01-2020 07:58PM

SBM111 wrote: »

some say dont text more say got for it.. i dont know what to do

It’s not Sophie’s Choice you’re making here, OP, if you like the guy just message him. Worst case scenario, he says no, and if he does, he’s only there for another few months anyway.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Stop overthinking everything.

skallywag · 29-01-2020 08:08PM

Depends on what you value more OP, the guy or the job.

If you really love this job, then you probably should leave it go. These things at work tend to have a habit of backfiring.

Padre_Pio · 29-01-2020 08:09PM

SBM111 wrote: »

some say dont text more say got for it.. i dont know what to do

Go for it!!!

SBM111 · 06-02-2020 01:15PM

so-update. he sent me a gif picture message thing on tinder the other night. i replied the following evening with a gif in return, but he hasnt replied since. two days ago and has been on the app as his location has changed. (yea I know I sound like a stalker lol)
anyway, should i send him a message over the weekend or wait and see will he reply?
I am also conscious maybe one of his friends sent it for the laugh?

Passenger · 06-02-2020 01:27PM

SBM111 wrote: »

so-update. he sent me a gif picture message thing on tinder the other night. i replied the following evening with a gif in return, but he hasnt replied since.

anyway, should i send him a message

Yes.

Xterminator · 06-02-2020 01:59PM

SBM111 wrote: »

so-update. he sent me a gif picture message thing on tinder the other night. i replied the following evening with a gif in return, but he hasnt replied since. two days ago and has been on the app as his location has changed. (yea I know I sound like a stalker lol)
anyway, should i send him a message over the weekend or wait and see will he reply?
I am also conscious maybe one of his friends sent it for the laugh?

OP what are you waiting for? You are just playing games now, waiting for him to make the 1st move.

Ever heard the saying nothing ventured, nothing gained?

SusieBlue · 06-02-2020 02:10PM

SBM111 wrote: »

so-update. he sent me a gif picture message thing on tinder the other night. i replied the following evening with a gif in return, but he hasnt replied since. two days ago and has been on the app as his location has changed. (yea I know I sound like a stalker lol)
anyway, should i send him a message over the weekend or wait and see will he reply?
I am also conscious maybe one of his friends sent it for the laugh?

Absolutely not. You replied to his gif, showing your interest, and he hasn't responded. If he wanted to talk to you he'd have no qualms about doing so.

Try to forget about him and move on.

Should i message this guy?

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