Should i message this guy?

SBM111

This guy started at my workplace two weeks ago, we get on well and I liked from the beginning. During the week we matched on tinder. He hasnt messaged me but im half tempted to message him but I am half afraid because of work and fear of rejection, plus hes only been here two weeks. Should I hold off messaging him for now or just f*** it and go for it?

rapul

Life's short and you never know could be the best decision you ever make and considering you matched aswell, go for it!

SBM111

would it not be awkward at work though? thats the only thing im thinking because we do interact a lot with each other during work.

Another angle i was thinking of is adding him on instagram and messaging him there.. it may appear more friendly for now.. just incase?

Albhabeth

I think I would say something jokey like "oops my finger slipped" or "I only swiped to see if you did" with a tongue out or wink emoji. That way you can gauge his reaction. I think it will be awkward either way though.

The alternative is to wait for the next staff night out.

celt262

Albhabeth wrote: »

The alternative is to wait for the next staff night out.

Or ask him out for lunch some day.

SBM111

we dont usually have a lot of staff nights and our hours are different so that means our lunches are different

im not being awkward but i just dont know if i should bother messaging him

smokie72

Maybe he fancies you too and is shy. He's the new guy in work and might not want to do anything that will upset the apple cart at work. Take a chance...life's too short. What are you worried about? What other people in work might think? Wouldn't be the first relationship in an work environment and as you said you don't really work together or have the same breaks.

yerwanthere123

Don't over think it, message him and see what happens. You obviously caught his eye in some way to say ye matched on Twitter. If he's interested he'll engage with you, if not you'll move on. Nothing to lose.

SBM111

Im thinking of adding him on social media first and messaging him through that rather than tinder what do you guys think? or just message on tinder?

ILoveYourVibes

Wait a bit. Get to know him first. Give it a few months.

What is meant for you won't pass you by.

Johnny Sausage

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Wait a bit. Get to know him first. Give it a few months.

What is meant for you won't pass you by.

Months haha

He could be with somone else by then

OP just message him, it's 2020, shoot your shot

Millionaire only not

Johnny Sausage wrote: »

Months haha

He could be with somone else by then

OP just message him, it's 2020, shoot your shot

Was that shoot your shot or shoot ur load u meant ? Lol

Man Vs ManUre

If he’s on tinder then he is looking for immediate fun and if it develops to a relationship that’s a bonus.
If he matched u and u him, he would be flattered if you msg him. Surprisingly a lot of blokes are pretty shy about making that first move.
Go for it and msg him. Enjoy the fun if it’s just a casual thing. If it becomes more even better. Just start off with a casual msg like wow it’s weird to see someone from office on here.

ILoveYourVibes

Johnny Sausage wrote: »

Months haha

He could be with somone else by then

OP just message him, it's 2020, shoot your shot

So? If he ends up with someone else good for him. Its not like the OP is desperate.

The op has to work with the guy. She should be smarter.

SBM111

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

So? If he ends up with someone else good for him. Its not like the OP is desperate.

The op has to work with the guy. She should be smarter.

wow.. okay.

ILoveYourVibes

SBM111 wrote: »

wow.. okay.

I am just being pragmatic. You mentioned yourself you were hesitant because you work with him and he is new there.

I would wait and see how things are in a month.

SusieBlue

I was in a similar situation to this and couldn’t understand why he didn’t message me.
I finally ended up alone with him after a meeting a week or so later and he asked me out to my face then.

He said afterwards he hadn’t seen the point in messaging small talk, he had taken the fact that we had matched as confirmation I was interested so felt confident and comfortable asking me in person, and he was just waiting for an opportunity.

So I would say wait because if you work together and know each other there’s no need for the awkward messaging small talk.

ILoveYourVibes

As always OP this is just advice based on reading a post etc. At the end of the day you are the only in the situation etc.

I would wait as you have to work with him ....he could be not someone you want to date or it could just not work out ...or it could....but do what you feel is best. Good luck.

Heres Johnny

Just a note on tinder, most men say yes to everyone on it just to play the numbers game, I know I did and even when I let some of my married friends have a go on it (using my profile) they all just said yes to everyone too.
Not all men do, but most do. He may not even realise he said yes to you but he would have got the matching notification.

ManOfMystery

Looking at things from his point of view, he started a job a fortnight ago and if I was in his shoes embarking on an office romance would be the last thing on my mind whilst I'm still trying to find my feet in a new job.

I'm not saying that he may not be interested - he is on Tinder after all. But he likely never considered a new work colleague would suddenly be matched with him. Matching with him on Tinder immediately forces you both into a sandbox of sorts where he is forced to either acknowledge it or ignore it, which can be daunting when it involves someone from the workplace and adds a pressure to it all.

I'd approach it more naturally and organically and try and get to know him better via the workplace. You say you interact with each other a fair bit; you can flirt and enjoy his company all you like and he can either go with the flow or do nothing. You'll know either way.

SBM111

he is only here for 6 months.
i added him on social media and he accepted but didnt initiate conversation neither did i.
we do interact on a daily basis and always have a laugh. hes a nice guy.
i may hold out another week or two and then message him

Dog day

SBM111 wrote: »

he is only here for 6 months.
i added him on social media and he accepted but didnt initiate conversation neither did i.
we do interact on a daily basis and always have a laugh. hes a nice guy.
i may hold out another week or two and then message him

Hi OP, for what it’s worth, keeping in mind he’s only just started there I’d strongly advise you to just let things develop naturally. Most people when starting a new job (even on a short term contract) normally wish to just focus on that. That’s not to say things won’t progress but if I were you I’d really wait until a natural opportunity arises, ie. after work drinks etc. I really wouldn’t message him on social media, you’ve already made the first move by adding him & as you say you’re interacting (presumably in person) on a daily basis. It could be coming on a little strong given he’s only just in the door! Good luck either way!

SBM111

some say dont text more say got for it.. i dont know what to do

SusieBlue

SBM111 wrote: »

some say dont text more say got for it.. i dont know what to do

Under normal circumstances I would say go for it.
But because he’s a colleague I’d err on the side of caution. If he wanted to message you, he would. Perhaps he’s waiting to say something to you in person. Maybe he was interested but decided against getting involved with someone from work.

If you messaged him and he didn’t reply, how would you feel? Would you regret sending it?

Dial Hard

SBM111 wrote: »

some say dont text more say got for it.. i dont know what to do

It’s not Sophie’s Choice you’re making here, OP, if you like the guy just message him. Worst case scenario, he says no, and if he does, he’s only there for another few months anyway.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Stop overthinking everything.

skallywag

Depends on what you value more OP, the guy or the job.

If you really love this job, then you probably should leave it go. These things at work tend to have a habit of backfiring.

Padre_Pio

SBM111 wrote: »

some say dont text more say got for it.. i dont know what to do

Go for it!!!

SBM111

so-update. he sent me a gif picture message thing on tinder the other night. i replied the following evening with a gif in return, but he hasnt replied since. two days ago and has been on the app as his location has changed. (yea I know I sound like a stalker lol)
anyway, should i send him a message over the weekend or wait and see will he reply?
I am also conscious maybe one of his friends sent it for the laugh?

Passenger

SBM111 wrote: »

so-update. he sent me a gif picture message thing on tinder the other night. i replied the following evening with a gif in return, but he hasnt replied since.

anyway, should i send him a message

Yes.

Xterminator

SBM111 wrote: »

so-update. he sent me a gif picture message thing on tinder the other night. i replied the following evening with a gif in return, but he hasnt replied since. two days ago and has been on the app as his location has changed. (yea I know I sound like a stalker lol)
anyway, should i send him a message over the weekend or wait and see will he reply?
I am also conscious maybe one of his friends sent it for the laugh?

OP what are you waiting for? You are just playing games now, waiting for him to make the 1st move.

Ever heard the saying nothing ventured, nothing gained?

SusieBlue

SBM111 wrote: »

so-update. he sent me a gif picture message thing on tinder the other night. i replied the following evening with a gif in return, but he hasnt replied since. two days ago and has been on the app as his location has changed. (yea I know I sound like a stalker lol)
anyway, should i send him a message over the weekend or wait and see will he reply?
I am also conscious maybe one of his friends sent it for the laugh?

Absolutely not. You replied to his gif, showing your interest, and he hasn't responded. If he wanted to talk to you he'd have no qualms about doing so.

Try to forget about him and move on.

Colonel_McCoy

Just ask him to meet up for a drink. You wont have to sweat on it anymore.

Dial Hard

SusieBlue wrote: »

Absolutely not. You replied to his gif, showing your interest, and he hasn't responded. If he wanted to talk to you he'd have no qualms about doing so.

Try to forget about him and move on.

Replying to a gif with a gif is not “showing interest”.

For jaysis sake, OP, stop faffing and just ask the guy out. This is schoolyard nonsense you’re engaged in.

Heres Johnny

How hard is it to ask if he'd like to go for a drink or a coffee or a walk? I've done it so many times in my life, some said yes, some said no, plenty of them were friends at the time and still are. I was a divil for trying to get with people in a circle of friends. Had some great times, and I'm engaged to be married to one of them this year.

Dog day

OP, with the greatest of respect it’s all sounding a bit juvenile now, even down to the fact that you think one of his mates sent a gif for a laugh. I’d still advise treading carefully as he’s new to your workplace but to be honest I don’t think you need much more advice here, either decide to make a move yourself, wait around for him to do so or park it & move on. It genuinely isn’t worthy of such weighty analysis. Good luck & hope things go your way!

WrigleysExtra

Don't get laid where you get paid.

achmairt

If he interested enough - he would have done it face to face. Don't make the first move let him do it and you will save face if he passes you in the corridor and gets RED after you made the first move

Lotus Flower

I wouldn't bother OP. If he is just sending a gif that's not exactly making a huge effort

Dial Hard

Lotus Flower wrote: »

I wouldn't bother OP. If he is just sending a gif that's not exactly making a huge effort

Neither is she, in fairness.

Tiddlypeeps

You are totally over thinking this, you matched on tinder signalling you both have at least a little interest in getting to know each other some more in a romantic context. The cats out of the bag with regards to making things awkward at work, surely if showing an interest was likely to make things awkward then it already would have.


Messaging on dating sites is really hard, you know next to nothing about the other person and are expected to start up an interesting dialog that doesn't scare the other person off. So it's extremely common for both men and women to just sit back and hope the other party will message, it's easier and it shelters you somewhat from the feeling of rejection. The most likely scenario is that he is just as anxious about the situation as you are (will it make things awkward at work, will it result in rejection etc.) so is equally afraid to strike up a real conversation. The gif was likely a lighthearted attempt to start a conversation in the hope you would respond with words, but responding with a gif yourself just put things back at square one. Life is too short to not take action due to fear, just go for it. Be neutral, ask how his week is going or a question about any hobby he might have mentioned on his profile. If he doesn't respond then nothing really lost, you are just asking questions that you could just as easily ask in the lunch room at work so who cares, but it's pretty likely that he will respond given he matched with you and went to the bother of trying to start a conversation even if it was a poor attempt.

Lotus Flower

Johnny Sausage wrote: »

Only want equality when it suits them

To be absolutely fair, if a man is interested he will make the effort. This has been proven time and time again. If he is only sending a gif he is either a) not that arsed and just sending it out of boredom or b) doesn't have a clue how to start a proper conversation. Neither of which are great

Johnny Sausage

Lotus Flower wrote: »

To be absolutely fair, if a man is interested he will make the effort. This has been proven time and time again. If he is only sending a gif he is either a) not that arsed and just sending it out of boredom or b) doesn't have a clue how to start a proper conversation. Neither of which are great

she isn't bothering to message him

If she is interested she should make the effort

FFVII

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

What is meant for you won't pass you by.

Oh yes it will.

FFVII

SBM111 wrote: »

I am also conscious maybe one of his friends sent it for the laugh?

ah now?


what age are you anyway?

wiggle16

FFVII wrote: »

Oh yes it will.

Mod:

FFVII, you need to have constructive advice when you post in PI. Please familiarise yourself with the charter before posting in the forum.

ILoveYourVibes

WrigleysExtra wrote: »

Don't get laid where you get paid.

this..full stop

SBM111

hey guys.. i have an update and need advice. we have since been texting and have been on a few dates. everything going ok we both said we really like each other and are very happy with each other, get excited about meeting etc but he is still on tinder as i have noticed his location updating almost everyday. I do feel he is genuine, we havent had sex so i feel if he was only there for sex we would have had it by now. should i be worried or say something?

zapper55

That's great you guys met up. I wouldnt say anything yet. I've had a few great dates only to leave online dating and it didnt work out and I was sorry I disabled my account.

Also the location could automatically update without him doing anything.

Titclamp

He probably thinking the same as you.

FFVII

SBM111 wrote: »

hey guys.. i have an update and need advice. we have since been texting and have been on a few dates. everything going ok we both said we really like each other and are very happy with each other, get excited about meeting etc but he is still on tinder as i have noticed his location updating almost everyday. I do feel he is genuine, we havent had sex so i feel if he was only there for sex we would have had it by now. should i be worried or say something?

That's not how tinder works.

Tinder installed + location on = location update.

Plus, you need to talk/communicate with him. You're not official or exclusive so until u discuss that stuff. He can and will do what he wants.

SusieBlue

^ That's not correct. You need to actively go into the app for your location/km distance to update. So if his is changing, that means he's been active on the app.