What boardsies would you bring back?

Raconteuse wrote: »

A man posted a thread about idiots taking things that were placed on his baby's grave and the poster in question included in their reply that toys on graves look tacky as fu*k.

Didn't see anything "off day" or "that's what everyone else is thinking" whatsoever about it, and I always try to find nuance, to the point of being called annoyingly devil's advocate or fence sitting at times.

Ursus wasn't the only poster to make such a sh1t comment though.

I presume people that say stuff like that also put self-congratulatory posters on their social media pages about 'speaking their mind' or 'saying it how it is'.

The main thing wrong with that comment was "Maybe you might be better getting something tasteful... " and "Cheap toys..."

A lot of truth with the rest of the post in fairness.

Pretty blunt and to the point in keeping with Ursus' posting style and in this instance unfortunately too much so. You can call it tough love if you like but when things are bad, you really need someone to tell you upfront and realistically how things are, much like a doctor would.

Clearly she has thought as much herself as she has retired. Obviously the backlash she would have received wouldn't have helped matters either.

I've been on this site off and on for over three years. Her advice always seemed on point and common sense anytime I came across or indeed engaged with it. It was realistic grounded advice. Not advice you want to hear.

Language is very important in life and you have to choose your words carefully. I think this was an error of judgement that no doubt, on reflection, said poster would most certainly prob be mortified about.

It happens and life moves on. We all make errors of judgment from time to time. Not worth closing an account over really.

Princess Calla wrote: »

It wasn't controversial

It was a delicate subject matter but in "after hours".

What she said was abit blunt, but the phrase "only saying what everyone else is thinking " did spring to mind. Though that would be my own personal view on the matter.

It was a shock as she's an extremely considered poster and takes lots of time giving absolute fantastic advice in personal issues. If the comment came from the majority of after hours posters it wouldn't have registered with me anyway.

I was the poster that said "only saying what everyone else is thinking ", clearly stating that was my own personal view!

In a previous post I had said I had first hand experience of the topic so please don't attack me.

Yeah, I was told anyone who had that view has a "seriously f##king diseased mind " and to "stay classy"

Tomwaterford would be very welcome back.

[Deleted User] wrote: »

In my view those who give the best advice know when to be blunt and realistic and know also when gentleness is required.

Absolutely.

Sometimes things are better left unsaid.

It's hard enough to manage this in real life, but online and in writing, they can come across even more harsh.

Talliesin

anewme wrote: »

There was a strange guy called something like Dave the football.

samthefootball?

Trebor was another poster too

Ffred ..

Raconteuse wrote: »

I've seen you get bothered by things people say plenty of times so no need for the sneering at people. Nobody is getting their knickers in a twist. Actually it was only electro and I who said the strongest things on this thread - just our opinions. It was asked what they said - so it was replied to. It was tasteless and rude to a man who not only had the grief of burying his baby but gobshytes taking things off the baby's grave. Yet no, the problem is the people criticising the comment to him. :rolleyes:

Nobody should be lynched. And Ursus (definitely a woman?) didn't need to close their account over it. There was some reaction to it on thread (not much) and then the mod did their thing, and that should have been the end of it.

Doesn't make sense though - can only be either what you alone think, or what everyone thinks.

But anyway, giving good advice does have to entail telling someone things they don't want to hear, but this can still be done in a compassionate way.

Well my sister buried a baby. To my knowledge there has never been a toy on the grave. She chose to plant flowers for each season so there will always be something blooming on the grave.

My opinion was based on the 20 years of feedback my sister has received and comments from people, whom she doesn't know but would see her at the grave.

Now I'm sure there's people who also judge on the fact that there is no toy, maybe thinking it's abit cold....I don't know.

Everyone has their own way of doing things and you do what's right for you at the time.