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Bridesmaids - what should the bride pay for?

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Comments

  • #52
    Neady83
    Registered Users Posts: 2,038 ✭✭✭Neady83


    I've been on both sides, I've been a bridesmaid a few times and I got married 18 months ago and had one bridesmaid/witness.

    As a bridesmaid, my dress was paid for, hair and make-up and my accommodation was covered each time. I really enjoyed being a bridesmaid each time and it was a pleasure to help out on the day. However I had to take days off work for the hens, the wedding and things like wedding dress shopping etc. None of the weddings were local so I had to do a lot of travelling for the wedding day, the hens and the dress shopping. I played a considerable part in organising each of the hens and gave very generous gifts to my friends to say thank you for inviting me to celebrate their special day with them. Being a bridesmaid is a lot of work though and does cost quite a bit even when most things are paid for e.g. the cost of days off work, contribution to hen, present and any other trimmings (I got robes for the wedding party etc.).

    I didn't have a traditional wedding as like you OP, I'm not a typical bride. One of my friends was my witness and I told her she could wear whatever she liked but that I'd pay for it. As it turned out she wanted to wear a dress she already had so that was fine.

    We didn't do hair and make-up trials (as neither of us wanted them) and I didn't have a hen so she didn't need to organise anything. My other half and I covered hair and make-up for my witness (and his witness who was also a girl), accommodation for both witnesses for the night before and the night of the wedding and we got personal hand made gifts for them and left them in their hotel rooms to thank them both for giving up their time and being by our sides and being such a support to us on such a special day.

    What I'm saying is, it's up to you and what you think is appropriate.

    Personally, I was glad to have accommodation covered for me when I was bridesmaid and I was glad to do it for my witness as I felt that I asked her to be part of our special day and the last thing I wanted was for her to be out of pocket or inconvenienced.


  • #53
    Lia_lia
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,691 ✭✭✭Lia_lia


    I was a bridesmaid for my friends wedding a few years ago. At the time I was a student and was completely broke as I was in my final year and stopped working part time for a few months to concentrate on my degree. She paid for my dress, hair and shoes. We did our own makeup but she bought me very fancy makeup.

    Accommodation was not paid for and my partner and I couldn’t afford to stay in the hotel. Was €150 for the room so we stayed in a b&b for €70 a room. She was a bit annoyed about this for some reason. Maybe she thought we were hinting at her to cover it? I dunno. We just couldn’t afford it! Gift was also an actual sentimental present which they loved as we couldn’t afford a cash gift.

    If I was now we could easily afford to stay in the hotel, give a big gift etc. Just good to be mindful that being a bridesmaid is very expensive for some people.


  • #54
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    woodchuck wrote: »
    it's nice to have someone to help me out if needed and get ready with on the morning. But the most "bridesmaid-y" things I might ask her to do is help organise a very low key hen party, walk up the aisle before me and be in some of the photos. That's about it - I don't know what other people normally expect of their bridesmaids:confused:

    That's pretty much the whole bridesmaid gig there.
    • Help you that morning
    • Hen do
    • Witness and ceremony
    • Photos

    As you're not getting her outfit, then yes, I agree, accommodation should be covered.


  • #55
    woodchuck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,411 ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Thanks again for all of the feedback guys :)

    I think everyone is under the impression that I'm definitely not paying for her outfit though. I just wanted to clarify that I HAVE offered and she has done the polite refusal. That's not to say I won't be paying though! I'll definitely push the issue again when she starts thinking about what she wants to wear. If she buys a new dress, I'd prefer to pay for it than leave her out of pocket.

    I'll also offer to pay for her accommodation. The situation is a little unusual though as our venue doesn't have accommodation on site. There are a few places nearby, so do I just go ahead and book a room for her or do I ask her where she'd prefer to stay first? If I ask though, she'll just say there's no need!! My fiance and I will be staying somewhere further out and I have no idea if/where the other guests might decide stay - we'll recommend a few places on the invitation, but obviously it'll be up to them. I guess I should try to book somewhere with a flexible policy if she wants to change her mind if she founds out some friends are staying somewhere else?

    Her hair and makeup will be sorted on the day. I think I'll just do the trials for myself though. Having asked around, it seems to be common that it's just the bride, unless there is a very specific style in mind for the bridesmaid.


  • #56
    Toots
    Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,936 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    Any time I've been bridesmaid, it has only been the bride that's had trials for hair and makeup, so I don't think it would be expected to do trials for her.

    With the accommodation, just tell her that you and your fiance want to put her up for the night as a thank you and ask has she a preference where she'd like to stay.


  • #57
    woodchuck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,411 ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Thanks Toots! I think it's going to end up in a Mrs Doyle type fight :o


  • #58
    PhoenixParker
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,677 ✭✭✭PhoenixParker


    Where will you be staying and getting ready the night before yourself Woodchuck?

    If your venue doesn’t have accommodation, maybe book a 2 or 3 bed self catering place for the two nights, you stay with sis and family (whoever you want really) the night before and they can have it the night of the wedding too.

    It’s nice to have everyone together like that from a build up and excitement perspective and logistically it’s usually more straightforward and less stressful.


  • #59
    woodchuck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,411 ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    That's a nice idea PhoenixParker, but unfortunately it's not a runner for me. I'll be getting ready in my parents house on the morning, so will probably stay over there the night before too. For personal reasons in relation to a family member (I'd prefer not to get into the details), this is the way it has to be. If we stay and get ready somewhere else, I risk excluding this close family member.

    I've said it to her that we'd like to pay for her accommodation for the night. As expected she has said it's too much and there's no need :rolleyes: I'm trying to insist, but can't do much more now until she lets me know her preferred accommodation for the night!


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