Bridesmaids - what should the bride pay for?

abff

I'm looking for advice on what's the norm or what's expected in terms of the bride paying for the bridesmaids' costs.

I presume some items, such as the bridesmaids' dresses would nearly always (always?) be paid for by the bride. But what about other expenses?

Hair and make up
Shoes
Accommodation

The wedding venue is a few hours away from where the bridesmaids live so they will have to stay there on the night of the wedding. They also intend staying in the hotel on the night before and the night after. Would the bride be expected to pay for all three nights?

I'm sure there are other expenses I've forgotten, but the accommodation cost is the most significant item. Not trying to do this on the cheap - just want to know what is the normal practice in this situation.

stargazer 68

There is no norm op really. If you can afford the accommodation then yes but I have never had mine paid for when I was bridesmaid. We paid for ours but they were our children - wouldn't have paid if they weren't.

As they have to stay there the night of the wedding then yes probably but they don't need to stay the other nights so I would say they pay for those.

DaeryssaOne

We would have covered hair, make-up, dress, shoes and jewellry (which was part of my gift anyway) for the day itself.
We covered 2 of the 3 nights where the third night that they paid for was at a reduced rate anyway. I mentioned this to them well in advance would it be ok if they could cover €100 of the accommodation costs themselves and they were more than happy to do that when they didn't have to pay for outfits etc. themselves in the first place.

Looking back now (and considering how ridiculously generous their gifts were) I wish we could have just covered the third night ourselves too but that would have meant 10 extra rooms when considering the whole bridal party and we just couldn't stretch to that.

I did try to spend a lot on them with regard to my BM gifts and that as I know they put so much thought and effort into the hen and the day itself. Hope that helps!

abff

Thanks folks. I guess it depends on the exact circumstances. I think it's an excellent idea to decide in advance and let the bridesmaids know what you're planning so that they don't get any unexpected surprises when they go to check out.

_Dara_

Paying for accommodation isn't required. I always paid for my own as a bridesmaid though both times I was able to avail of a lower rate as part of the wedding party. Sure, I'd have been paying for accommodation anyway.

As a rule of thumb, the bride should pay for anything she wants the bridesmaid to specifically have. A certain dress, a certain shoe, if she wants them to have professional hair and make up done, she should pay for those things.

Anything the bridesmaid decides to have done independently, she should pay for herself. For example, I usually get shellac done for weddings, I would never have expected the bride to pay for that unless she wanted me to have it done.

DonkeyDick1992

My Girlfriend was a bridesmaid at her friends wedding last year, the bride brought her bouquet, the rest we had to buy (Dress, Makeup, Hair, Accommodation) and there was 4 bridesmaid at the wedding and they all had to buy there own stuff.

Now its is our turn to get married but we are buying the dresses and paying for the hair. The rest they can buy as if you have to pay for rooms and jewelry for them all it takes a good notch out off your budget.

One off our bridesmaids was trying to get us to pay for her room the night of the wedding and the night after and she wanted her jewllery and makeup paid for also but my bride to be put her straight on what we are paying for, and now all is good..

If you dont want to seem rude or cheap just drop shuttle hints that you will not be paying for certain stuff the way thay will know what they have to have money for

scarepanda

We're paying for everything except the accommodation and a trial tan one of the girls wants to get, so dresses, alterations, hair, make-up, nails, tan, shoes and jewellery (our present to them)). I'd no particular preference for shoes, other than they get the same colour (because there's a see through lace piece on the back of the dress), so I let them get them on their own time. I told them I'd pay €x amount for the shoes (which would cover most shoes they would be getting), but now they won't tell me how much they paid..... Its still under discussion!

GingerLily

DonkeyDick1992 wrote: »

One off our bridesmaids was trying to get us to pay for her room the night of the wedding and the night after and she wanted her jewllery and makeup paid for also but my bride to be put her straight on what we are paying for, and now all is good..

You should be paying for her makeup and hair and jewellery, really scabby not to

baby and crumble

_Dara_ wrote: »

As a rule of thumb, the bride should pay for anything she wants the bridesmaid to specifically have. A certain dress, a certain shoe, if she wants them to have professional hair and make up done, she should pay for those things.

That's a good rule of thumb. We're paying for dresses (getting them made for each BM though and not really a "bridesmaidy" style so would deffo do them for some future events if they fancy), hair, makeup, bags, jewellery, shoes (although that's up to them, some already have shoes that work perfectly so they're not getting new ones!). We're not paying for accommodation because not everyone has to travel (Dublin wedding) and the girls that do have to travel yelled at me repeatedly for offering so...

Likewise my best man- we're paying for his tux (which tbh IS expensive but I'm so so particular). No hair or makeup or jewellery for him though, and he has decent enough shoes so it probably works out in the end. It's not rented though, and tailored to fit him so he'll get years of of having his own tux. Surprising how many invites get thrown your way when people know you have a tux of your own...

We're basically of the opinion that our bridal party shouldn't be out of pocket because we've asked them to be our party. I also really didn't want to have anyone we love turn down being a bridesmaid because they thought they couldn't afford it. We want them with us no matter what. That's the important thing.

solerina

Dress, shoes, hair & make up is definately the norm. Anything else seems to depend on the couple.

Milly33

would go with that rule also. If the bride and groom want it then they pay for it, if not then leave it up to the bridesmaids...

CheerLouth

I was BM for my friend last year. She paid for most things - dress, hair, make up, shoes, jewellery. The only things I paid for were my tan, nails & underwear. I was more than willing to pay for things but she wouldn't let me. My argument was that I'd have been paying for them anyway coming to the wedding as a guest. Hers was that she had asked me to be a BM.

I'm BM for my sister next year & she will be covering nearly the same things. I think it's fairly standard stuff. I don't know that I'd be BM for someone who expected me to pay for my dress - it's a bit much imo, especially as it may not be something I'd ever pick myself.

miamee

Was bridesmaid for my sister last year and she (they) paid for our dresses, hair, make up, tan and nails. We bought our own shoes (all same colour but our own style) and our own underwear. She gave us jewellery to wear as a gift the night before the wedding but we knew we were getting that and so hadn't bought anything else. I also bought a small clutch bag that matched my outfit that my boyfriend minded for most of the day so we could store emergency lippy for touch ups in it as sis asked would one of us have a little bag for such things.

ger vallely

I remember my sister getting married. It was almost 2 months after my first child was born. I was 'chief bridesmaid'. I had to sleep in my car in the hotel car park as there was no accomadation paid for. We had to give back the dress and shoes, there was no make up done and no jewellery given. It was mildly uncomfortable sleeping on the back seat of a car 2 months after a c section I can tell you! So if you give any more than that then you're not the worst!!

_Dara_

jobr wrote: »

We would have covered hair, make-up, dress, shoes and jewellry (which was part of my gift anyway) for the day itself.
We covered 2 of the 3 nights where the third night that they paid for was at a reduced rate anyway. I mentioned this to them well in advance would it be ok if they could cover €100 of the accommodation costs themselves and they were more than happy to do that when they didn't have to pay for outfits etc. themselves in the first place.

Looking back now (and considering how ridiculously generous their gifts were) I wish we could have just covered the third night ourselves too but that would have meant 10 extra rooms when considering the whole bridal party and we just couldn't stretch to that.

I did try to spend a lot on them with regard to my BM gifts and that as I know they put so much thought and effort into the hen and the day itself. Hope that helps!

Don’t worry, you paid for plenty. Many brides and grooms don’t cover any night of accommodation - it’s not expected, I find!

_Dara_

GingerLily wrote: »

You should be paying for her makeup and hair and jewellery, really scabby not to

It depends. If the bride isn’t bothered about the bridesmaids having those things done professionally, I don’t think she needs to cover that. But if she does want professional jobbies, then she should pay for it.

mcgiggles

At minimum I would think dress, hair and makeup.. some bms will be able to do hair/ makeup themselves but its a nice treat for them getting pampered. I'm covering all - jewellery, shoes, wrap, room etc as I have a style in mind that they wouldn't generally go for, plus I got great deals on everything so they still aren't costing me as much as the suits cost to rent! Paying for accommodation is not expected.. its a nice treat, for our package we managed to get all the bridal party rooms included so that's a huge bonus :-) I've been bridesmaid and had my room paid for, and been bridesmaid and not had to pay.. whatever you can afford yourself!

GingerLily

_Dara_ wrote: »

It depends. If the bride isn’t bothered about the bridesmaids having those things done professionally, I don’t think she needs to cover that. But if she does want professional jobbies, then she should pay for it.

If the bride isn't getting her hair and makeup done the yes, she shouldn't pay for the Bridesmaid's.

I'd be happy to do my own hair unless the bride wanted an updo etc. I don't expect to be pampered, but I also don't expect to be out of pocket!

MissElle

I'm paying for dresses, hair, make up and jewellery. The dresses are long so I'm happy for the girls to wear whatever shoes they'd like. If I wanted a particular shoe I'd have paid for that as well. Seems the norm from the weddings I've been bridesmaid for anyway!

mcgiggles

MissElle wrote:

I'm paying for dresses, hair, make up and jewellery. The dresses are long so I'm happy for the girls to wear whatever shoes they'd like. If I wanted a particular shoe I'd have paid for that as well. Seems the norm from the weddings I've been bridesmaid for anyway!

Yeah I'm buying the shoes cos my dresses are short and I wanted a particular colour! (Yey shoe rack sales!)

Ghekko

Are women incapable of putting on their own makeup anymore? I wouldn't pay for make up, I'd pay for hair if I wanted a particular style done. I'd probably pay the accommodation for the wedding night but definitely not 3 nights. I wouldn't pay for nails or a spray tan either - that's personal preference and could be done without.

stargazer 68

Ghekko wrote: »

Are women incapable of putting on their own makeup anymore? I wouldn't pay for make up, I'd pay for hair if I wanted a particular style done. I'd probably pay the accommodation for the wedding night but definitely not 3 nights. I wouldn't pay for nails or a spray tan either - that's personal preference and could be done without.

Wedding makeup is different to day to day. It has to last all day and look right in photos

MissElle

Dovies wrote: »

Wedding makeup is different to day to day. It has to last all day and look right in photos

I'd agree with this, has to last all day especially. It's something I don't mind paying for. Nails and tan is different though! Luckily none of us wear tan so no problem there

GingerLily

Dovies wrote: »

Wedding makeup is different to day to day. It has to last all day and look right in photos

There are also issues with photography and flashback!

scarepanda

Ghekko wrote: »

I wouldn't pay for nails or a spray tan either - that's personal preference and could be done without.

Of course its personal preference. I'm paying for both nails and tan (although one is doing her own tan), not because I want a certain colour or for them to be all the same, but because why not? Why not treat them? Its the only time they will accept the treat and they have been a massive help to me. Its not much in the bigger scheme of things. Myself, my two bridesmaids and my mam are all booked in for our nails the day before and I'll certainly be using it as a couple of hours to chill and relax.

witchgirl26

My sister got married last year and I was one of 2 bridesmaids. She paid for our hair & make-up on the day (trials of both we paid for ourselves), the dresses, alterations, shoes, bags and bouquets. The accommodation wasn't covered but we had a reduced rate and that didn't bother me. Underwear and jewellery were up to us (although she did ask for us to wear similar enough to each other) and we paid for our own. Nails we paid for ourselves too. Honestly none of those extra bits bothered me paying for myself.

Personally I think it should be based on how much the bride can afford and also relationship with the bridesmaids in terms of understanding. I knew my sister wasn't exactly flush so offered to buy my dress which she wouldn't hear of. Instead we were just savvy and got them in a sale to help her save some money on them.

Innervision

We're paying for dresses, hair, make up, jewellery, shoes and their accommodation the night before and night of the wedding. Undecided on nails and tan at the moment, it will probably depend on how far the budget is stretched by then! But we'll hopefully cover those too.

Would people think it's the norm for bridesmaids to get hair and make up trials? I was thinking of leaving it up to them and they could cover that if they wanted to do it, hopefully that's not unreasonable!

MissElle

Innervision wrote: »

Would people think it's the norm for bridesmaids to get hair and make up trials? I was thinking of leaving it up to them and they could cover that if they wanted to do it, hopefully that's not unreasonable!

We're not paying for make up or hair trials either for our bridesmaids. The girls are happy not to have one or pay themselves if they change their minds.

missmatty

I had one bridesmaid and paid for the hair and makeup (and trial), but she wore a dress of her own (her wedding dress actually but it wasn't a typical bridal dress) as I loved it already. I gave her a gift of Pandora charms for her bracelet and a donation to her favourite charity. Wasn't too bothered about tan etc although I got a light spray myself. I offered to pay for the accommodation but she wouldn't let me.

Toots

Innervision wrote: »

We're paying for dresses, hair, make up, jewellery, shoes and their accommodation the night before and night of the wedding. Undecided on nails and tan at the moment, it will probably depend on how far the budget is stretched by then! But we'll hopefully cover those too.

Would people think it's the norm for bridesmaids to get hair and make up trials? I was thinking of leaving it up to them and they could cover that if they wanted to do it, hopefully that's not unreasonable!

Any time I've been a bridesmaid we've never had hair/makeup trials, so I don't think you'd be unreasonable not getting one for them.

witchgirl26

Innervision wrote: »

Would people think it's the norm for bridesmaids to get hair and make up trials? I was thinking of leaving it up to them and they could cover that if they wanted to do it, hopefully that's not unreasonable!

I've been a bridesmaid twice. The first time we did our own make-up so no trial needed but we did have a hair trial to see what kind of styles would work/how long it would take to curl hair (it was before ghds & curling wands were in common use). The bride covered the hair trial as I had to fly to the UK for it (I wasn't complaining about a weekend away though!).

Second time for my sister we had both as she really wanted them but asked us to cover the cost. To be honest it wasn't that expensive so I didn't mind.

Wouldn't think it's unreasonable at all.

mcgiggles

Never heard of trials for bridesmaids for hair or makeup!

Glitter

On my side we paid for dresses, alterations, shoes, hair, nails (we all did our own make up as we're all pretty experienced in that area and wanted to look like ourselves and not "wedding versions"), and gifts of jewellery and fancy chocolates.

I had a hair trial and paid for one of the bridesmaids to have one too as they were all getting the same style so figured seeing one in real life would be enough.

The venue was Dublin City Centre and no one in the bridal party lived far out so we didn't pay for accommodation.

On Bride 2's side the two Bridesbutches already had their own fancy suits so we paid for matching ties and cufflinks for each of them.

_Dara_

Ghekko wrote: »

Are women incapable of putting on their own makeup anymore? I wouldn't pay for make up, I'd pay for hair if I wanted a particular style done. I'd probably pay the accommodation for the wedding night but definitely not 3 nights. I wouldn't pay for nails or a spray tan either - that's personal preference and could be done without.

The point is if the bride wants professional make up done, she should pay.

qwerty13

Basically anything that the bridesmaids would not have to pay for if they were a normal guest should be covered by the bride and groom.

That includes things where the bride and groom have specific requirements - obviously a dress, but usually shoes, hair, makeup, bag & jewelry. If there is a trial for specific hair/makeup for the day, then yes, that should be paid for. Yes, the bridesmaids might get their hair or makeup professionally done anyway, but if they have to do it in the style required by the bride and groom - they pay.

If the bridesmaid is required to stay in the hotel the night before the wedding, then that should be paid for too. Same if the bridesmaid is expected to be around for a ‘day 2’ event.

In short, if the bride and groom want something they choose, then they pay. If the choice is completely and totally up to the bridesmaid, then it’s a nice gesture if the bride and groom pay.

LilRedDorcha

I was bridesmaid this year and the dress, hair, make-up, and bouquet were covered. She also bought us dressing gowns for the morning of, and jewellery as thank you gifts. The venue was only 40 minutes from where we lived so nobody stayed the night before, and I paid for my own accommodation the night of. I paid for my own shoes, shawl, and bag since she didn't mind what style I had as long as both of us kind of matched the colours, and this way I got to buy some lovely shoes that I'd wear again.

On the flip side, I know a couple getting married soon and the bride is an absolute nightmare. She expects the bridesmaids to pay for everything, even the dresses, and it's not one of those cases where they can pick their own dress so they can make sure it can be worn again. The bridesmaids are very much out of pocket because of it, and it's a huge point of contention.

All I'd really expect to be paid for is the dress, and the bouquet if the bridesmaids are having them. Hair and make-up is a nice touch, but I wouldn't expect it. I'd only expect things like that if the bride was adamant that she wanted them done a certain way.

Big Bag of Chips

mcgiggles wrote: »

Never heard of trials for bridesmaids for hair or makeup!

My bridesmaids had hair and makeup trials 15 years ago.

ShaShaBear

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

My bridesmaids had hair and makeup trials 15 years ago.

My bridesmaids had hair trials as well! No make-up trials as they both used the same beautician regularly for make-up application, the hair trial was more so to find out how long it was going to take to do all three of us in time, and to know what time to call down to the house (wedding was at 3)

I paid for the dresses and their alterations, their shoes, the bouquets and their hair and make-up. Trial for hair was done the day before the wedding and I wasn't charged for it but would happily have paid for it regardless. Nails/tan/jewelry was left to them - I had none of the three as I have no interest in nails, tan looks awful on me and I don't do jewelry. They had liquid gold silk dresses so they both actually skipped on the tan in the end!
I got a set amount of complimentary rooms on the night and gave one to my sister (bridesmaid 1) and her boyfriend as I needed her about due to health issues. My other bridesmaid was my cousin and she went home with her family who lived five minutes away

I think what people suggest is what is fair and normal. If you expect your bridesmaids to look and dress a certain way for your wedding, YOU should be paying to achieve that look. Any personal preferences of the BMs is on them.

Lia_lia

I was a bridesmaid for a good friend of mine a few years ago (she just had one bridesmaid) and they paid for:

My dress, which I got to choose myself and have worn again.
Hair appointment.

We did our own makeup and she bought some lovely new makeup for us to use and gave me some to take home. I wore dove gradual tanner for my tan. Bought the shoes myself in Penneys for 8 euro. My accommodation was not paid for but that was fair enough, didn't except it.

Always number 1

My 3 sisters were my bridesmaids a few years back.
We paid for their dresses and alterations, hair and make up and for their gift I got them their jewellery - a necklace and a Pandora charm each. We also paid for their bouquets.
They bought their own shoes and paid for their own accommodation.

wexpat girl

ger vallely wrote: »

I remember my sister getting married. It was almost 2 months after my first child was born. I was 'chief bridesmaid'. I had to sleep in my car in the hotel car park as there was no accomadation paid for. We had to give back the dress and shoes, there was no make up done and no jewellery given. It was mildly uncomfortable sleeping on the back seat of a car 2 months after a c section I can tell you! So if you give any more than that then you're not the worst!!

Wwwwwwhat???!!!!!! My god!!!!

wexpat girl

Having a relatively simple wedding. No bridal party. Sister will be my witness, not BM. Have told her to wear whatever she wants. I plan to pay for her hair.makeup tan, nails as she and my mother will be getting the beautifying done together. She has a large family of her own - all coming- and accommodation is independent of.venue so didn't think I'd be paying for that. Is that mean? I was a student when she got married and stayed at home and got taxi.

GingerLily

No, she's not a bridesmaid anyway so there's no reason to pay her accommodation.

woodchuck

Sorry for resurrecting an old thread, but have been wondering about this myself. I'm only having one bridesmaid and have told her she can wear whatever she likes. I've offered to pay for a new dress entirely of her choosing, but she said not to be silly. I'm wondering if I should press this point and insist on paying?

I'll be paying for a makeup artist on the day and a friend of the family has offered to do our hair (she's professionally trained).
I'll also obviously pay for her bouquet if we decide to have them.
And I'll get her some sort of thank you gift.

Do I need to worry about anything else though? In particular:
- Hair/makeup trial. I'm getting the impression here that normally only the bride needs a trial, so there's no need to offer to do this for my bridesmaid?
- Accommodation. Our venue doesn't have accommodation, but it's in the same county as most of our guests. So we're just leaving it completely up to our guests if they want to travel home afterwards (drive or taxi) or stay in a nearby hotel. For my bridesmaid, it would be about a 35-40min drive home, just across the border into another county. She doesn't drink, so she might just decide to drive home. But I'm wondering if it's scabby not to offer to pay for a room somewhere for the night?
- Accessories. Atm I have no plans to dictate what shoes, jewellery etc she wears. Is this ok just to leave it up to her? I don't need to offer to pay for something new?

cant26

woodchuck wrote: »

Sorry for resurrecting an old thread, but have been wondering about this myself. I'm only having one bridesmaid and have told her she can wear whatever she likes. I've offered to pay for a new dress entirely of her choosing, but she said not to be silly. I'm wondering if I should press this point and insist on paying?

I'll be paying for a makeup artist on the day and a friend of the family has offered to do our hair (she's professionally trained).
I'll also obviously pay for her bouquet if we decide to have them.
And I'll get her some sort of thank you gift.

Do I need to worry about anything else though? In particular:
- Hair/makeup trial. I'm getting the impression here that normally only the bride needs a trial, so there's no need to offer to do this for my bridesmaid?
- Accommodation. Our venue doesn't have accommodation, but it's in the same county as most of our guests. So we're just leaving it completely up to our guests if they want to travel home afterwards (drive or taxi) or stay in a nearby hotel. For my bridesmaid, it would be about a 35-40min drive home, just across the border into another county. She doesn't drink, so she might just decide to drive home. But I'm wondering if it's scabby not to offer to pay for a room somewhere for the night?
- Accessories. Atm I have no plans to dictate what shoes, jewellery etc she wears. Is this ok just to leave it up to her? I don't need to offer to pay for something new?

I would Definitely pay for her room.
Regardless of whether she drinks or not it’s a long day. Wedding days usually have early starts for the bridal party.
I wouldn’t like any of my bridesmaids face into any type of drive after my wedding, 40 minutes it’s long enough when you’ve been on the go all day and are wrecked.
Either pay for the room or pay for her taxi home but the room is probably cheaper!

woodchuck

Really? I got the impression from this thread that sometimes the bridesmaid accommodation is paid for and sometimes it's not (including travelling much further distances), but that it's by no means expected.

I thought this was a good rule of thumb:

qwerty13 wrote: »

Basically anything that the bridesmaids would not have to pay for if they were a normal guest should be covered by the bride and groom.

If she decides she needs accommodation, she'd have to pay for it if she was a normal guest. That's why I thought it wasn't necessary for me to offer to pay. Again, our venue doesn't actually have accommodation and I'd feel a little weird dictating what hotel she should spend the night in.

For context, our wedding day will be shorter than most. The ceremony is only a 15 minute drive from where we're getting ready and isn't until 2.30pm. The dinner will be in the same location. So there won't be an early start or long distances to travel.

bee06

woodchuck wrote: »

Really? I got the impression from this thread that sometimes the bridesmaid accommodation is paid for and sometimes it's not (including travelling much further distances), but that it's by no means expected.

I thought this was a good rule of thumb:



If she decides she needs accommodation, she'd have to pay for it if she was a normal guest. That's why I thought it wasn't necessary for me to offer to pay. Again, our venue doesn't actually have accommodation and I'd feel a little weird dictating what hotel she should spend the night in.

For context, our wedding day will be shorter than most. The ceremony is only a 15 minute drive from where we're getting ready and isn't until 2.30pm. The dinner will be in the same location. So there won't be an early start or long distances to travel.

Since she’s already said she’ll pay for her own dress I’d offer to pay for the accommodation instead. She might say no but I think it’s a nice thing to do.

Addle

You’ve offered to pay for the dress and she declined so I’d leave that be.

If you want her around, then I’d organize and pay for her accommodation. I’d do that ahead of buying a thank you gift tbh.

qwerty13

I’d definitely pay for accommodation for her. I know others might disagree, but I think this should be done at weddings, as it is a ‘working day’ for a bridesmaid. And 40 mins after a long day is a bit much of a drive.

I know you’re very open to her wearing whatever she likes, but the flip side of this that she’s probably going to go out and buy herself some things - I think you need to pay for more stuff for her, as I suspect she’s going to be out of pocket the way things are going, and I don’t think that’s fair.

I know you quoted what I said ages back re “if you pick, you pay” - but I meant stuff like if nails / tan / specific hairstyle etc were wanted. Not the basics like dresses. I don’t think it’s fair to pick nothing and pay nothing, for reasons as above, ie I suspect your bridesmaid will be left out of pocket.

I think what you’re describing is more like the witness to a wedding - not someone like a bridesmaid, who are expected to look, well, ‘bridesmaid-y’ - and to help out the bride possibly before the wedding day, and definitely on the day.

woodchuck

Thanks for the replies guys!

I know you quoted what I said ages back re “if you pick, you pay” - but I meant stuff like if nails / tan / specific hairstyle etc were wanted. Not the basics like dresses. I don’t think it’s fair to pick nothing and pay nothing, for reasons as above, ie I suspect your bridesmaid will be left out of pocket.

Sorry, I'm probably being thick, but aside from the dress, how would she be out of pocket? I have absolutely no problem paying for a dress btw. It's not about the money, I genuinely want her to be comfortable and hate the idea of telling someone what they should wear. I'll push the issue of me paying for dress again when she's actually looking to buy something, but I reckon that won't be until much closer to the date.

I'll have her hair and makeup covered. I actually don't mind what way her hair and makeup is on the day, but I know it's the done thing, so happy to do that. I won't be going down the fake tan or nails route though (not even for myself - neither of us are girly girls!).

What else is there that I'm overlooking? A genuine question btw! That's why I'm on here - I have no idea what the norm is.

I think what you’re describing is more like the witness to a wedding - not someone like a bridesmaid, who are expected to look, well, ‘bridesmaid-y’ - and to help out the bride possibly before the wedding day, and definitely on the day.

That's how it started off. I needed a witness. But then I figured I might as well as her to be the maid of honor too, as it's nice to have someone to help me out if needed and get ready with on the morning. But the most "bridesmaid-y" things I might ask her to do is help organise a very low key hen party, walk up the aisle before me and be in some of the photos. That's about it - I don't know what other people normally expect of their bridesmaids

Sorry, I'm such a non-bridey bride There are loads of things about traditional weddings that I hate and we're not bothering with. I just want to make sure that I'm not forgetting anything that I should be doing when it comes to other people though!

qwerty13

People have different views. Mine is that you absolutely completely insist on paying for the dress. And that I think you should offer to put her up wherever you or other guests are staying in the night of your wedding.

Personally, I’d pay for a make up trial for her - she’ll be ‘on show’ more than a normal guest, and these photos are forever. Plus people can have reactions, or request for more of x product less of y product etc.

If the shoes are going to be standard enough, like black mid height, then fair enough if she provides her own. If there’s any talk of sparkly wedding type shoes / shoes to match a dress colour / particular shoe type because she’ll be wearing a dress where her shoes are visible and noticeable - then I think you should pay.

In my opinion all of these things come well before bouquets or thank you gifts.