Bridesmaids - what should the bride pay for?

mcgiggles

Never heard of trials for bridesmaids for hair or makeup!

Glitter

On my side we paid for dresses, alterations, shoes, hair, nails (we all did our own make up as we're all pretty experienced in that area and wanted to look like ourselves and not "wedding versions"), and gifts of jewellery and fancy chocolates.

I had a hair trial and paid for one of the bridesmaids to have one too as they were all getting the same style so figured seeing one in real life would be enough.

The venue was Dublin City Centre and no one in the bridal party lived far out so we didn't pay for accommodation.

On Bride 2's side the two Bridesbutches already had their own fancy suits so we paid for matching ties and cufflinks for each of them.

_Dara_

Ghekko wrote: »

Are women incapable of putting on their own makeup anymore? I wouldn't pay for make up, I'd pay for hair if I wanted a particular style done. I'd probably pay the accommodation for the wedding night but definitely not 3 nights. I wouldn't pay for nails or a spray tan either - that's personal preference and could be done without.

The point is if the bride wants professional make up done, she should pay.

qwerty13

Basically anything that the bridesmaids would not have to pay for if they were a normal guest should be covered by the bride and groom.

That includes things where the bride and groom have specific requirements - obviously a dress, but usually shoes, hair, makeup, bag & jewelry. If there is a trial for specific hair/makeup for the day, then yes, that should be paid for. Yes, the bridesmaids might get their hair or makeup professionally done anyway, but if they have to do it in the style required by the bride and groom - they pay.

If the bridesmaid is required to stay in the hotel the night before the wedding, then that should be paid for too. Same if the bridesmaid is expected to be around for a ‘day 2’ event.

In short, if the bride and groom want something they choose, then they pay. If the choice is completely and totally up to the bridesmaid, then it’s a nice gesture if the bride and groom pay.

LilRedDorcha

I was bridesmaid this year and the dress, hair, make-up, and bouquet were covered. She also bought us dressing gowns for the morning of, and jewellery as thank you gifts. The venue was only 40 minutes from where we lived so nobody stayed the night before, and I paid for my own accommodation the night of. I paid for my own shoes, shawl, and bag since she didn't mind what style I had as long as both of us kind of matched the colours, and this way I got to buy some lovely shoes that I'd wear again.

On the flip side, I know a couple getting married soon and the bride is an absolute nightmare. She expects the bridesmaids to pay for everything, even the dresses, and it's not one of those cases where they can pick their own dress so they can make sure it can be worn again. The bridesmaids are very much out of pocket because of it, and it's a huge point of contention.

All I'd really expect to be paid for is the dress, and the bouquet if the bridesmaids are having them. Hair and make-up is a nice touch, but I wouldn't expect it. I'd only expect things like that if the bride was adamant that she wanted them done a certain way.

Big Bag of Chips

mcgiggles wrote: »

Never heard of trials for bridesmaids for hair or makeup!

My bridesmaids had hair and makeup trials 15 years ago.

ShaShaBear

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

My bridesmaids had hair and makeup trials 15 years ago.

My bridesmaids had hair trials as well! No make-up trials as they both used the same beautician regularly for make-up application, the hair trial was more so to find out how long it was going to take to do all three of us in time, and to know what time to call down to the house (wedding was at 3)

I paid for the dresses and their alterations, their shoes, the bouquets and their hair and make-up. Trial for hair was done the day before the wedding and I wasn't charged for it but would happily have paid for it regardless. Nails/tan/jewelry was left to them - I had none of the three as I have no interest in nails, tan looks awful on me and I don't do jewelry. They had liquid gold silk dresses so they both actually skipped on the tan in the end!
I got a set amount of complimentary rooms on the night and gave one to my sister (bridesmaid 1) and her boyfriend as I needed her about due to health issues. My other bridesmaid was my cousin and she went home with her family who lived five minutes away

I think what people suggest is what is fair and normal. If you expect your bridesmaids to look and dress a certain way for your wedding, YOU should be paying to achieve that look. Any personal preferences of the BMs is on them.

Lia_lia

I was a bridesmaid for a good friend of mine a few years ago (she just had one bridesmaid) and they paid for:

My dress, which I got to choose myself and have worn again.
Hair appointment.

We did our own makeup and she bought some lovely new makeup for us to use and gave me some to take home. I wore dove gradual tanner for my tan. Bought the shoes myself in Penneys for 8 euro. My accommodation was not paid for but that was fair enough, didn't except it.

Always number 1

My 3 sisters were my bridesmaids a few years back.
We paid for their dresses and alterations, hair and make up and for their gift I got them their jewellery - a necklace and a Pandora charm each. We also paid for their bouquets.
They bought their own shoes and paid for their own accommodation.

wexpat girl

ger vallely wrote: »

I remember my sister getting married. It was almost 2 months after my first child was born. I was 'chief bridesmaid'. I had to sleep in my car in the hotel car park as there was no accomadation paid for. We had to give back the dress and shoes, there was no make up done and no jewellery given. It was mildly uncomfortable sleeping on the back seat of a car 2 months after a c section I can tell you! So if you give any more than that then you're not the worst!!

Wwwwwwhat???!!!!!! My god!!!!

wexpat girl

Having a relatively simple wedding. No bridal party. Sister will be my witness, not BM. Have told her to wear whatever she wants. I plan to pay for her hair.makeup tan, nails as she and my mother will be getting the beautifying done together. She has a large family of her own - all coming- and accommodation is independent of.venue so didn't think I'd be paying for that. Is that mean? I was a student when she got married and stayed at home and got taxi.

GingerLily

No, she's not a bridesmaid anyway so there's no reason to pay her accommodation.

woodchuck

Sorry for resurrecting an old thread, but have been wondering about this myself. I'm only having one bridesmaid and have told her she can wear whatever she likes. I've offered to pay for a new dress entirely of her choosing, but she said not to be silly. I'm wondering if I should press this point and insist on paying?

I'll be paying for a makeup artist on the day and a friend of the family has offered to do our hair (she's professionally trained).
I'll also obviously pay for her bouquet if we decide to have them.
And I'll get her some sort of thank you gift.

Do I need to worry about anything else though? In particular:
- Hair/makeup trial. I'm getting the impression here that normally only the bride needs a trial, so there's no need to offer to do this for my bridesmaid?
- Accommodation. Our venue doesn't have accommodation, but it's in the same county as most of our guests. So we're just leaving it completely up to our guests if they want to travel home afterwards (drive or taxi) or stay in a nearby hotel. For my bridesmaid, it would be about a 35-40min drive home, just across the border into another county. She doesn't drink, so she might just decide to drive home. But I'm wondering if it's scabby not to offer to pay for a room somewhere for the night?
- Accessories. Atm I have no plans to dictate what shoes, jewellery etc she wears. Is this ok just to leave it up to her? I don't need to offer to pay for something new?

cant26

woodchuck wrote: »

Sorry for resurrecting an old thread, but have been wondering about this myself. I'm only having one bridesmaid and have told her she can wear whatever she likes. I've offered to pay for a new dress entirely of her choosing, but she said not to be silly. I'm wondering if I should press this point and insist on paying?

I'll be paying for a makeup artist on the day and a friend of the family has offered to do our hair (she's professionally trained).
I'll also obviously pay for her bouquet if we decide to have them.
And I'll get her some sort of thank you gift.

Do I need to worry about anything else though? In particular:
- Hair/makeup trial. I'm getting the impression here that normally only the bride needs a trial, so there's no need to offer to do this for my bridesmaid?
- Accommodation. Our venue doesn't have accommodation, but it's in the same county as most of our guests. So we're just leaving it completely up to our guests if they want to travel home afterwards (drive or taxi) or stay in a nearby hotel. For my bridesmaid, it would be about a 35-40min drive home, just across the border into another county. She doesn't drink, so she might just decide to drive home. But I'm wondering if it's scabby not to offer to pay for a room somewhere for the night?
- Accessories. Atm I have no plans to dictate what shoes, jewellery etc she wears. Is this ok just to leave it up to her? I don't need to offer to pay for something new?

I would Definitely pay for her room.
Regardless of whether she drinks or not it’s a long day. Wedding days usually have early starts for the bridal party.
I wouldn’t like any of my bridesmaids face into any type of drive after my wedding, 40 minutes it’s long enough when you’ve been on the go all day and are wrecked.
Either pay for the room or pay for her taxi home but the room is probably cheaper!

woodchuck

Really? I got the impression from this thread that sometimes the bridesmaid accommodation is paid for and sometimes it's not (including travelling much further distances), but that it's by no means expected.

I thought this was a good rule of thumb:

qwerty13 wrote: »

Basically anything that the bridesmaids would not have to pay for if they were a normal guest should be covered by the bride and groom.

If she decides she needs accommodation, she'd have to pay for it if she was a normal guest. That's why I thought it wasn't necessary for me to offer to pay. Again, our venue doesn't actually have accommodation and I'd feel a little weird dictating what hotel she should spend the night in.

For context, our wedding day will be shorter than most. The ceremony is only a 15 minute drive from where we're getting ready and isn't until 2.30pm. The dinner will be in the same location. So there won't be an early start or long distances to travel.

bee06

woodchuck wrote: »

Really? I got the impression from this thread that sometimes the bridesmaid accommodation is paid for and sometimes it's not (including travelling much further distances), but that it's by no means expected.

I thought this was a good rule of thumb:



If she decides she needs accommodation, she'd have to pay for it if she was a normal guest. That's why I thought it wasn't necessary for me to offer to pay. Again, our venue doesn't actually have accommodation and I'd feel a little weird dictating what hotel she should spend the night in.

For context, our wedding day will be shorter than most. The ceremony is only a 15 minute drive from where we're getting ready and isn't until 2.30pm. The dinner will be in the same location. So there won't be an early start or long distances to travel.

Since she’s already said she’ll pay for her own dress I’d offer to pay for the accommodation instead. She might say no but I think it’s a nice thing to do.

Addle

You’ve offered to pay for the dress and she declined so I’d leave that be.

If you want her around, then I’d organize and pay for her accommodation. I’d do that ahead of buying a thank you gift tbh.

qwerty13

I’d definitely pay for accommodation for her. I know others might disagree, but I think this should be done at weddings, as it is a ‘working day’ for a bridesmaid. And 40 mins after a long day is a bit much of a drive.

I know you’re very open to her wearing whatever she likes, but the flip side of this that she’s probably going to go out and buy herself some things - I think you need to pay for more stuff for her, as I suspect she’s going to be out of pocket the way things are going, and I don’t think that’s fair.

I know you quoted what I said ages back re “if you pick, you pay” - but I meant stuff like if nails / tan / specific hairstyle etc were wanted. Not the basics like dresses. I don’t think it’s fair to pick nothing and pay nothing, for reasons as above, ie I suspect your bridesmaid will be left out of pocket.

I think what you’re describing is more like the witness to a wedding - not someone like a bridesmaid, who are expected to look, well, ‘bridesmaid-y’ - and to help out the bride possibly before the wedding day, and definitely on the day.

woodchuck

Thanks for the replies guys!

I know you quoted what I said ages back re “if you pick, you pay” - but I meant stuff like if nails / tan / specific hairstyle etc were wanted. Not the basics like dresses. I don’t think it’s fair to pick nothing and pay nothing, for reasons as above, ie I suspect your bridesmaid will be left out of pocket.

Sorry, I'm probably being thick, but aside from the dress, how would she be out of pocket? I have absolutely no problem paying for a dress btw. It's not about the money, I genuinely want her to be comfortable and hate the idea of telling someone what they should wear. I'll push the issue of me paying for dress again when she's actually looking to buy something, but I reckon that won't be until much closer to the date.

I'll have her hair and makeup covered. I actually don't mind what way her hair and makeup is on the day, but I know it's the done thing, so happy to do that. I won't be going down the fake tan or nails route though (not even for myself - neither of us are girly girls!).

What else is there that I'm overlooking? A genuine question btw! That's why I'm on here - I have no idea what the norm is.

I think what you’re describing is more like the witness to a wedding - not someone like a bridesmaid, who are expected to look, well, ‘bridesmaid-y’ - and to help out the bride possibly before the wedding day, and definitely on the day.

That's how it started off. I needed a witness. But then I figured I might as well as her to be the maid of honor too, as it's nice to have someone to help me out if needed and get ready with on the morning. But the most "bridesmaid-y" things I might ask her to do is help organise a very low key hen party, walk up the aisle before me and be in some of the photos. That's about it - I don't know what other people normally expect of their bridesmaids

Sorry, I'm such a non-bridey bride There are loads of things about traditional weddings that I hate and we're not bothering with. I just want to make sure that I'm not forgetting anything that I should be doing when it comes to other people though!

qwerty13

People have different views. Mine is that you absolutely completely insist on paying for the dress. And that I think you should offer to put her up wherever you or other guests are staying in the night of your wedding.

Personally, I’d pay for a make up trial for her - she’ll be ‘on show’ more than a normal guest, and these photos are forever. Plus people can have reactions, or request for more of x product less of y product etc.

If the shoes are going to be standard enough, like black mid height, then fair enough if she provides her own. If there’s any talk of sparkly wedding type shoes / shoes to match a dress colour / particular shoe type because she’ll be wearing a dress where her shoes are visible and noticeable - then I think you should pay.

In my opinion all of these things come well before bouquets or thank you gifts.

Neady83

I've been on both sides, I've been a bridesmaid a few times and I got married 18 months ago and had one bridesmaid/witness.

As a bridesmaid, my dress was paid for, hair and make-up and my accommodation was covered each time. I really enjoyed being a bridesmaid each time and it was a pleasure to help out on the day. However I had to take days off work for the hens, the wedding and things like wedding dress shopping etc. None of the weddings were local so I had to do a lot of travelling for the wedding day, the hens and the dress shopping. I played a considerable part in organising each of the hens and gave very generous gifts to my friends to say thank you for inviting me to celebrate their special day with them. Being a bridesmaid is a lot of work though and does cost quite a bit even when most things are paid for e.g. the cost of days off work, contribution to hen, present and any other trimmings (I got robes for the wedding party etc.).

I didn't have a traditional wedding as like you OP, I'm not a typical bride. One of my friends was my witness and I told her she could wear whatever she liked but that I'd pay for it. As it turned out she wanted to wear a dress she already had so that was fine.

We didn't do hair and make-up trials (as neither of us wanted them) and I didn't have a hen so she didn't need to organise anything. My other half and I covered hair and make-up for my witness (and his witness who was also a girl), accommodation for both witnesses for the night before and the night of the wedding and we got personal hand made gifts for them and left them in their hotel rooms to thank them both for giving up their time and being by our sides and being such a support to us on such a special day.

What I'm saying is, it's up to you and what you think is appropriate.

Personally, I was glad to have accommodation covered for me when I was bridesmaid and I was glad to do it for my witness as I felt that I asked her to be part of our special day and the last thing I wanted was for her to be out of pocket or inconvenienced.

Lia_lia

I was a bridesmaid for my friends wedding a few years ago. At the time I was a student and was completely broke as I was in my final year and stopped working part time for a few months to concentrate on my degree. She paid for my dress, hair and shoes. We did our own makeup but she bought me very fancy makeup.

Accommodation was not paid for and my partner and I couldn’t afford to stay in the hotel. Was €150 for the room so we stayed in a b&b for €70 a room. She was a bit annoyed about this for some reason. Maybe she thought we were hinting at her to cover it? I dunno. We just couldn’t afford it! Gift was also an actual sentimental present which they loved as we couldn’t afford a cash gift.

If I was now we could easily afford to stay in the hotel, give a big gift etc. Just good to be mindful that being a bridesmaid is very expensive for some people.

pwurple

woodchuck wrote: »

it's nice to have someone to help me out if needed and get ready with on the morning. But the most "bridesmaid-y" things I might ask her to do is help organise a very low key hen party, walk up the aisle before me and be in some of the photos. That's about it - I don't know what other people normally expect of their bridesmaids

That's pretty much the whole bridesmaid gig there.

• Help you that morning
• Hen do
• Witness and ceremony
• Photos

As you're not getting her outfit, then yes, I agree, accommodation should be covered.

woodchuck

Thanks again for all of the feedback guys

I think everyone is under the impression that I'm definitely not paying for her outfit though. I just wanted to clarify that I HAVE offered and she has done the polite refusal. That's not to say I won't be paying though! I'll definitely push the issue again when she starts thinking about what she wants to wear. If she buys a new dress, I'd prefer to pay for it than leave her out of pocket.

I'll also offer to pay for her accommodation. The situation is a little unusual though as our venue doesn't have accommodation on site. There are a few places nearby, so do I just go ahead and book a room for her or do I ask her where she'd prefer to stay first? If I ask though, she'll just say there's no need!! My fiance and I will be staying somewhere further out and I have no idea if/where the other guests might decide stay - we'll recommend a few places on the invitation, but obviously it'll be up to them. I guess I should try to book somewhere with a flexible policy if she wants to change her mind if she founds out some friends are staying somewhere else?

Her hair and makeup will be sorted on the day. I think I'll just do the trials for myself though. Having asked around, it seems to be common that it's just the bride, unless there is a very specific style in mind for the bridesmaid.

Toots

Any time I've been bridesmaid, it has only been the bride that's had trials for hair and makeup, so I don't think it would be expected to do trials for her.

With the accommodation, just tell her that you and your fiance want to put her up for the night as a thank you and ask has she a preference where she'd like to stay.

woodchuck

Thanks Toots! I think it's going to end up in a Mrs Doyle type fight

PhoenixParker

Where will you be staying and getting ready the night before yourself Woodchuck?

If your venue doesn’t have accommodation, maybe book a 2 or 3 bed self catering place for the two nights, you stay with sis and family (whoever you want really) the night before and they can have it the night of the wedding too.

It’s nice to have everyone together like that from a build up and excitement perspective and logistically it’s usually more straightforward and less stressful.

woodchuck

That's a nice idea PhoenixParker, but unfortunately it's not a runner for me. I'll be getting ready in my parents house on the morning, so will probably stay over there the night before too. For personal reasons in relation to a family member (I'd prefer not to get into the details), this is the way it has to be. If we stay and get ready somewhere else, I risk excluding this close family member.

I've said it to her that we'd like to pay for her accommodation for the night. As expected she has said it's too much and there's no need :rolleyes: I'm trying to insist, but can't do much more now until she lets me know her preferred accommodation for the night!