Anyone else fed up of dating apps?

S.G.M. · 01-10-2019 04:44PM

Dial Hard wrote:

What is it with people on AH and their absolute bitterness towards anyone who's happy with their looks/life/personality and confident enough to admit it? It's bizarre.

I call it arrogance. Humility is a nice asset.

Dial Hard · 01-10-2019 04:45PM

There's a yawning gulf between arrogance and confidence.

S.G.M. · 01-10-2019 04:48PM

Dial Hard wrote:

There's a yawning gulf between arrogance and confidence.

True but I put it firmly in the camp of arrogance as the part after how he described himself was him looking down on other guys in this thread.

SusieBlue · 01-10-2019 04:54PM

S.G.M. wrote: »

True but I put it firmly in the camp of arrogance as the part after how he described himself was him looking down on other guys in this thread.

Its not hard when you consider some of the bitter, self entitled bile being spewed here. I'd hope that most men would look down on other guys with such attitudes.

S.G.M. · 01-10-2019 04:58PM

SusieBlue wrote:

Its not hard when you consider some of the bitter, self entitled bile being spewed here. I'd hope that most men would look down on other guys with such attitudes.

You should never look down on anyone imo. It's right they are called out on their crap and it's obvious that they have to work on themselves if they view women negatively but to think you're better than them, is a poor way to be and shows a lot about your own character.

Jimmy Bottlehead · 01-10-2019 05:07PM

S.G.M. wrote: »

I call it arrogance. Humility is a nice asset.

It's only arrogance if you can't back it up.

SusieBlue · 01-10-2019 05:10PM

S.G.M. wrote: »

You should never look down on anyone imo. It's right they are called out on their crap and it's obvious that they have to work on themselves if they view women negatively but to think you're better than them, is a poor way to be and shows a lot about your own character.

Pot calling kettle black there. You yourself judged and looked down on PP for being "arrogant" and not having "humility".
Double standards? Or are they only ok when you're being nasty about women?

S.G.M. · 01-10-2019 05:13PM

SusieBlue wrote: »

Pot calling kettle black there. You yourself judged and looked down on PP for being "arrogant" and not having "humility".
Double standards? Or are they only ok when you're being nasty about women?

I didn't look down on him, I called him out for what I felt was poor behaviour as I would do to any guy that was nasty to women as I stated earlier. I don't appreciate the last comment at all as I have a lot of female friends and I see the **** they go through when it comes to dating. A lot is frankly terrifying so don't throw that dirt my way.

B.A._Baracus · 01-10-2019 05:19PM

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

I had a great time while I was on them, several relationships along with a couple heart breaks.

Met my girlfriend on it back in January after three dates with another girl. Knew straight away that the spark was there and it's been fantastic.

Also had the pleasure to meet many wonderful women, and a couple of absolutely amazing, talented, intelligent and beautiful women with whom any man would be lucky to be with but who just weren't right for me.

I'm a relatively tall, built handsome chap who's intelligent, witty, and many other good attributes so I had a very good experience, but it startles me to read how bitter and misguided some of the lads are on there.

If women as a whole aren't into you, they aren't the problem. YOU are, so do some introspection /work on yourself / therapy and sort your self out.

Biggest load of shi*e i've read on here in a while... and thats saying something!
I'd expect shi*e like that to be said on some dating forum. Like "look at me girls... i'm a nice guy" angle. But ffs :pac:

Jimmy Bottlehead · 01-10-2019 05:22PM

S.G.M. wrote: »

I didn't look down on him, I called him out for what I felt was poor behaviour as I would do to any guy that was nasty to women as I stated earlier. I don't appreciate the last comment at all as I have a lot of female friends and I see the **** they go through when it comes to dating. A lot is frankly terrifying so don't throw that dirt my way.

S.G.M. wrote: »

I'm 25 and not a bad looking fella but I'm not the type where a woman will take a second look and I find online dating quite poor. I'm in a rural enough area so not close to any of the major cities in Ireland. Ive personally never had any luck with matches or replies from the women I want to get to know but I know people that get on quite well. The best looking people get on the best (obviously) but I've firmly veered away from online dating sites now and am focusing on real world interactions.

You reacted because you're (by your own admission) not a guy that women will give a second glance to, and my confidence caused anger. Simples.

Plus add in your rural background (both geographically and culturally) where nobody talks like this, and it was always going to ruffle your feathers.

Like I said, take a look at yourself first. See why you react rather than where you direct your reaction.

SusieBlue · 01-10-2019 05:22PM

S.G.M. wrote: »

I didn't look down on him, I called him out for what I felt was poor behaviour as I would do to any guy that was nasty to women as I stated earlier. I don't appreciate the last comment at all as I have a lot of female friends and I see the **** they go through when it comes to dating. A lot is frankly terrifying so don't throw that dirt my way.

Saying he considered himself to be witty, good looking, intelligent etc. is poor behaviour that needs to be called out? Really?

It sounds like you felt the need to take him down a peg or two for daring to have a good opinion of himself.

Jimmy Bottlehead · 01-10-2019 05:22PM

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Biggest load of shi*e i've read on here in a while... and thats saying something!
I'd expect shi*e like that to be said on some dating forum. Like "look at me girls... i'm a nice guy" angle. But ffs :pac:

Go on, I'm curious. Break down why it's ****e.

Homelander · 01-10-2019 05:22PM

To be honest SGM it sounds like you have your own insecurities triggered by someone elses confidence in their appearance, personality and success with women.

'Poor behavior', 'arrogant', 'looking down on other guys in the thread'? Seriously? I didn't get that from his post. In fact I didn't even really pay it much attention until it clearly resonated with you.

You might not realise it, but it genuinely makes you look bitter or jealous/envious.

ToddyDoody · 01-10-2019 05:23PM

Humans and their stupid need for 'love'.

S.G.M. · 01-10-2019 05:25PM

SusieBlue wrote: »

Saying he considered himself to be witty, good looking, intelligent etc. is poor behaviour that needs to be called out? Really?

It sounds like you felt the need to take him down a peg or two for daring to have a good opinion of himself.

It was that coupled with his looking down on the other guys that I felt was poor behaviour.

S.G.M. · 01-10-2019 05:27PM

Homelander wrote: »

To be honest SGM it sounds like you have your own insecurities triggered by someone elses confidence in their appearance, personality and success with women.

'Poor behavior', 'arrogant', 'looking down on other guys in the thread'? Seriously? I didn't get that from his post. In fact I didn't even really pay it much attention until it clearly resonated with you.

You might not realise it, but it genuinely makes you look bitter or jealous/envious.

We'll have to agree to disagree then as I saw quite an arrogant tone.

Dial Hard · 01-10-2019 05:27PM

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Biggest load of shi*e i've read on here in a while... and thats saying something!

I genuinely don't get this. Why the assumption that because someone's experience doesn't directly match your own, they must be bullsh*tting?

SusieBlue · 01-10-2019 05:29PM

S.G.M. wrote: »

It was that coupled with his looking down on the other guys that I felt was poor behaviour.

He was looking down on guys for having self entitled, bitter attitudes towards women for unwarranted reasons. Yet instead of calling out those guys, you chose to call out him instead?
While judging him for being arrogant? That's completely bizarre, sorry.

Jimmy Bottlehead · 01-10-2019 05:32PM

S.G.M. wrote: »

We'll have to agree to disagree then as I saw quite an arrogant tone.

An arrogant tone?

Tremendous.

Do tell, is any admission of self confidence arrogance? For example, if you were me, how would you describe your own looks?

S.G.M. · 01-10-2019 05:33PM

SusieBlue wrote: »

He was looking down on guys for having self entitled, bitter attitudes towards women for unwarranted reasons. Yet instead of calling out those guys, you chose to call out him instead?
While judging him for being arrogant? That's completely bizarre, sorry.

I did call out another guy for those views where I said 'Women don't owe him anything' if you looked close enough.
Those guys are hurting. They have no right to treat women the way they do but as I said call them out and instruct them on how to correct it rather than saying how great you are coupled with a statement that makes you feel better than them.

S.G.M. · 01-10-2019 05:36PM

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

An arrogant tone?

Tremendous.

Do tell, is any admission of self confidence arrogance? For example, if you were me, how would you describe your own looks?

I have nothing against you as I don't know you from Adam but as I mentioned earlier the way you described yourself saying how great you were and then add that to implying that so many other men in this thread aren't as good as you.
I have no interest in arguing with you tbh but I'm the type of person that values modest, that's all.

ceadaoin. · 01-10-2019 05:38PM

S.G.M. wrote: »

I did call out another guy for those views where I said 'Women don't owe him anything' if you looked close enough.
Those guys are hurting. They have no right to treat women the way they do but as I said call them out and instruct them on how to correct it rather than saying how great you are coupled with a statement that makes you feel inferior than them.

Hurting? Is that the new term for bitter and entitled? Theres only so many times you can tip toe around someone's entirely self inflicted problems before a bit of bluntness becomes necessary

SusieBlue · 01-10-2019 05:38PM

S.G.M. wrote: »

I did call out another guy for those views where I said 'Women don't owe him anything' if you looked close enough.
Those guys are hurting. They have no right to treat women the way they do but as I said call them out and instruct them on how to correct it rather than saying how great you are coupled with a statement that makes you feel inferior than them.

Those guys are hurting, but their behavior isn’t acceptable and you are all but justifying it here.

Other people having inferiority complexes and confidence issues is not PP’s problem. He shouldn’t have to modify how he talks about HIMSELF just because those other guys are oversensitive and will get butthurt.

S.G.M. · 01-10-2019 05:38PM

Jimmy Bottlehead, I don't wish to keep arguing as I have other things to do believe it or not. I felt your tone quite arrogant and condescending but its totally within your right to disagree if you didn't mean it like that.

S.G.M. · 01-10-2019 05:40PM

ceadaoin. wrote: »

Hurting? Is that the new term for bitter and entitled? Theres only so many times you can tip toe around someone's entirely self inflicted problems before a bit of bluntness becomes necessary

Well I don't know many guys that are bitter and entitled that deep down aren't happy with themselves or their lives. Hurting may sound like its letting them of the hook though which I by no means want to convey it like that.

Earthhorse · 01-10-2019 06:18PM

For the record, I agree with SGM's take here, more or less (but also don’t want to get bogged down in a back and forth).

I think you can recognise someone is in the wrong and call them on it in a way that’s less likely to make them defensive about it than many of the posts in this thread. But a lot of people go straight for the jugular online then wonder why there’s so much division in debate these days.

Ruraldweller56 · 01-10-2019 06:18PM

This is a very funny thread.

Jimmy Bottlehead · 01-10-2019 06:32PM

S.G.M. wrote: »

I have nothing against you as I don't know you from Adam but as I mentioned earlier the way you described yourself saying how great you were and then add that to implying that so many other men in this thread aren't as good as you.
I have no interest in arguing with you tbh but I'm the type of person that values modest, that's all.

S.G.M. wrote: »

Jimmy Bottlehead, I don't wish to keep arguing as I have other things to do believe it or not. I felt your tone quite arrogant and condescending but its totally within your right to disagree if you didn't mean it like that.

I meant it as factual and confident. It's not my issue if you can't handle another person's self belief and confidence.

Maybe go and see what you can improve on and get to a point where you can say it loud and proud. I don't subscribe to 'The meek shall inherit the earth', and you sound more frightened of confidence than truly modest.

NewMan1982 · 01-10-2019 06:35PM

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Sick of online dating myself, been on and off POF for years, am on Bumble as well, was on Tinder but found it the most boring of all.

All of my dates (5 in all, 2 with the same person) were got from POF, one girl she was nice but had a bit of baggage, and I think both of us thought it wouldn't go beyond the first date and contact with her fizzled out, another girl went on one date and she claimed to want to go out again but it was impossible to get a meet up with her, then last year I went on two dates with one girl who I thought was lovely, she friendzoned me after the second date, which I thought was a bit unfair, didn't really keep in touch with her.

Then in June I had this amazing date, talked to her on POF also, what led up to it was a said I was attending the Fleetwood Mac concert with a mate and she was a big fan of Fleetwood Mac but she couldn't go because of work, I said "oh Ill record your fave song at the front of the audience since I got a Gold circle ticket" her fave song was "Rhiannon"

At the gig my phone had a weird meltdown and switched off and couldn't get it to come back on, my mate knew I was in the process of chatting this one up, and saw my phone was f**ked and lent me his phone to get a snippet of the song, got the whole track on camera, sounded great, sent it to her the next day, she was delighted and couldn't believe I did that for her. Anyway, I got back home and was just chilling out after the journey home, she texts me saying she was off out with a friend, sent me a selfie asking she she look nice, the picture was gorgeous and I said she she looked fab and to have a nice time out.

An hour went by and I get another text saying her friend couldn't make it at the last minute, and asked was I around for the evening, I hadn't planned on it, and I spent enough cash the night before at the gig, but I said "f**k it, not often I land this kind of encounter" so I washed real quick, brushed my teeth, put on my best shirt and made my way down to the bar, which is both one of our local spots. Met her near the bar, she looked great, and we had a great night, just having a laugh and a few friends of mine came over and we had the banter and they went off to other bars.

Next thing she jumps on me in the beer garden, kissing, groping etc. Not something that happens on a first date for me anyway, I've always had to work for it, so it had been nearly 3 years since...eh...well...you know! Wasn't thinking of it as a possible one night stand, I was just enjoying the moment and the date in general, wasn't out looking for it either, kind of just happened. Next thing we're back in her house, where she stated she doesn't sleep around, I believed her, so the obvious happened, all f**king night. Easily the best date and sex I had in 5 years and she was up for it again the next morning, even some cuddling after, was the first time in years I felt good about myself after many a rejection.

After that, we went out and I bought us breakfast some where nice and we chatted away, then went to Dunnes and helped her pick out a Father's day present, she bought a big heavy ceramic pot and I carried it back to her car which was 15 mins away near her house, she then gave me a lift home before she had to return to her parents for the weekend, got a kiss goodbye. It was nice.

Spent the weekend on a bit of a high, thinking I might have something going here, felt sure of it. Monday comes, I get ready for work, half an hour before I'm due in, a text rolls in from her, reading "hey I had a lot of fun with you the other night, but I'm not looking for anything serious right now can we be friends"

It was a total sickener, tried to convince her and talk her around but she wouldn't go for it, was just a slap in the face for me. Tried to not be the bollocks and tried to do the friends thing. Stayed in contact, didn't hound her with texts, she then gave me some spiel about needing to do an exam in order to obtain a promotion in work, and needed to focus on that until early September and she wasn't looking for a relationship, she took the same exam in June but didn't pass it, she mentioned it on our date and I said she'd be grand and she'll pass it the next time, and not to worry about it etc.

Didn't think about her for a while, but September came, and I was wondering could I win her over when she passed the exam, thought about sending her flowers if she passed her exam, so well into September I text and said "hey, how goes the study?" and she said she hasn't studied yet, and that was on holiday out in Ibiza and when she gets back she has two other trips to plan both Octoberfest and a trip to Japan, I said "oh well, ok, enjoy your holiday, have fun"

So, got on with life, about a fortnight later, I became an uncle for the second time, took a snap of my new niece, sent it to her, and she outright blocks me on whatsapp. The next day I text her asking what was her problem, she claimed she wanted to stay in touch, thought she'd have liked the snap, just blocked out of f**king nowhere after a friendly text, and I then text her said "No idea what I did to deserve to be blocked, just text you with some news and to see how you were. No reply for a few hours.

I was stewing after not getting a text back, and I fired one more saying "and to think, I was actually going to send you flowers when you passed your exam, thanks, thanks for making me feel like s**t, sorry I bothered, have a nice life"

Finally I get a text back saying saying I'm being unfair since we only had one date and she said she didn't want anything serious, and she was sorry that I feel bad, and that I'm a lovely guy and should put my energy into someone else, that we're too different and that she'd like to have a drink with me and chat, not all this negativity.

She f**king blocked me like! She didn't really know my exact feelings and what I was thinking of doing before she blocked me, which to me says she didn't even want to be friends at all.

I being tick at the time, text back "Unfair, you blocked me when all I did was send a friendly message, and also, too different? but good enough to bring home and discard a few days after, you can just f**k off now"

Probably nasty to send that, but I was really angry at being blocked like that, after I send a generally sweet kind of photo, you know? Thinking she'd be happy for me or whatever. I'm just generally sick of being the nice guy that never gets a look in or a chance like. I'm sure there are plenty of blokes that feel the same way.

Like this one is in her early 30's, she more interested in the career and galivanting around the globe than putting any effort into daily life at home, whats with all this waiting around? Who is she and women in general waiting around for? And choosing to rot on these apps for years on end. Like I'm no oil painting, I'm a pretty average guy, a lot of Irish men are f**king average, but come on, if you're in your 30's you should be thinking a bit more long term about your dating life and making more of an effort in person and on these dating apps, I mean in my area, I live in the south east, I use POF most of the time, and it's the same f**king handful of women aged between 26-35, that would be the age bracket I'd message I suppose, close to my age. And none of them would say as much as boo to you.

Honestly think Irish women are the pickiest women on Earth, and are only on these apps to be plamased more so than dating anyone! Probably a very long rant for this thread, but sure if people don't like what I said, whatever, my opinion.

You are far too eager. That’s gonna count against you dating.

You should have went home the morning after and played it cool.

Never believe the “I never normally do this” line

Airyfairy12 · 01-10-2019 06:37PM

NewMan1982 wrote: »

You are far too eager. That’s gonna count against you dating.

You should have went home the morning after and played it cool.

Never believe the “I never normally do this” line

Regardless of playing it cool or not, true colours come out eventually and she would have cut contact sooner or later. You cant trick someone into liking you.

Anyone else fed up of dating apps?

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