Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Married but confused

13

Comments

  • #62
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm getting conflicting messages here, just leave my wife because it's not fair on her and just deal with having crushes and move on. If only it were that easy. Some will say it really is and that's great for them but Im struggling with it. It's getting worse, I woke up this morning and my first thought was about this girl. In some ways that's nice but mostly it's really draining because it has become so obsessive. The more j think about it the more sick I feel but also the more I convince myself something will happen. Yet the logical side says absolutely not because this girl won't be interested but I should be saying no because I'm married


  • #63
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Paddy Cow has given some really good advice, I'd suggest reading it back a few times to really let it sink in.

    There are two people in this world: those who can do commited relationships and those who can't. For those who can't, I will never understand why those people get into serious relationships. All they cause is havoc as, like you, they want their cake and to eat it too. It's disgustingly selfish.

    This whole thread has been about you and this other woman, your wife only gets a mention when other people remind you of her. Selfish.

    At the very least, OP, own your sh*t. You want to cheat, simple as that really. There's nothing fated about this, it's not destiny, not some star crossed lovers, mystical, magical connection. You want to stick your penis in another woman's vagina, that's what it boils down to. Stop trying to dress it up as more.

    Show your wife this thread, let her decide whether SHE wants to continue being with you. You're not the only one in this relationship, you're not the only one who gets to decide what happens with it.


  • #64
    Idle Passerby
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,132 ✭✭✭Idle Passerby


    If your crush is affecting to the point that you are feeling physically ill your wife will know something's wrong. Talk to her. If you really want to stay in your marriage and be faithful admit your feelings and work through it together.

    If on the other hand you'd rather just chase a random pretty girl (and come on OP your protests about how she's different, it's more than looks blah blah sound incredibly juvenile. You don't know her, you just like the look of her) then leave your marriage so you can do that without making a fool of the woman you supposedly love.

    It's obvious to me you have every intention of cheating once you find a willing partner. I hope when you do it's obvious to your wife and she can leave you because judging by this thread you have never had any intention of being in a faithful relationship with her.

    You know the best way for you to have your cake and eat it? Find a woman who is interested in a polygamous relationship. You can't decide unilaterally to have your bit on the side and expect your wife to live in ignorant bliss of it forever.


  • #65
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Married and happy wrote: »
    I'm getting conflicting messages here, just leave my wife because it's not fair on her and just deal with having crushes and move on.
    Most people's crushes don't stray into the obsessive territory this one has. What's more, you sound like you've every intention of acting on it should the opportunity arise. You're only going through the motions, waiting until you can get your rocks off.

    Your wife is remarkably absent from all of this. Why did your marry her? Do you resent her from stopping you from acting on your impulses? You really should be asking yourself hard questions about your marriage and if you're compatible. If you're the sort of man who just wants a series of new women in his life, it's time to end this.


  • #66
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    People are posting like something has happened, it hasn't, these are merely thoughts and the point of me putting it here was really to figure out what's going on in my head not to end my marriage because I've been having thoughts about another woman.
    I'm pretty sure people are right when saying it's just about the thrill of the whole thing so maybe I don't have any interest in acting on anything and I just like the idea of it. It's quite a leap to go from feeling one thing to acting on it.
    I don't see a big problem with flirting with someone and knowing what you want to do without actually following through.


  • Advertisement
  • #67
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    badcheat wrote: »
    my advice

    Just to add, OP, my advice is coming from the perspective of having once been the other woman. Like you, I convinced myself of intense feelings, amazing connection, blah blah blah. He was saying the same things you are writing here. Sure, we convinced ourselves that it was something amazing in order to justify the cheating. But let me tell you, the reality was the deliberate, intentional choice to engage in extremely selfish behaviour.

    We made the choice to cheat, it was absolutely within our power not to, but instead of doing the right thing we gave into base feelings. I live with the shame of it to this day, and rightly so.

    Cheating or not cheating is entirely within your control. Like choosing to get take away rather than cook a healthy dinner is entirely within our control - people just like to convince themselves that the harmful choices are outside of their control. We justify such choices with statements like "I just couldn't help myself", because convincing ourselves we have no choice makes it easier to do the wrong thing.

    Wise up and focus on your marriage, work on trying to get that back on track. If, after trying, you realise you want out then do it the right way.


  • #68
    ElizaBennett
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 244 ✭✭ElizaBennett


    You need to decide what outcome you want here. Where do you see yourself in a year's time. If you genuinely want to stay married and for that to be a success and for you to remain blameless and faithful then I would strongly suggest you seek counselling. Maybe CBT could help you rid yourself of the obsessive thinking and fixation on this woman at work. You're thinking of her first thing in the morning. If you really want to, you can learn coping mechanisms for this and ways to stop yourself doing it or to lessen it at least - up to and including cold showers... Take positive action if you want to rid your head of her. The other option is to allow yourself to indulge in the fantasies knowing nothing will happen and things will run their course but that's only safe if you are certain nothing will ever happen and you don't seem at all certain of that. So I think it all comes back to you deciding what you actually want and then take action.


  • #69
    Paddy Cow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,576 ✭✭✭Paddy Cow


    Married and happy wrote: »
    People are posting like something has happened, it hasn't, these are merely thoughts and the point of me putting it here was really to figure out what's going on in my head not to end my marriage because I've been having thoughts about another woman.
    I'm pretty sure people are right when saying it's just about the thrill of the whole thing so maybe I don't have any interest in acting on anything and I just like the idea of it. It's quite a leap to go from feeling one thing to acting on it.
    I don't see a big problem with flirting with someone and knowing what you want to do without actually following through.
    Nothing has happened yet but the way you talk about her suggests that you are talking yourself into justifying an affair. That's a dangerous road to go down. When people pull you up on it, you get defensive. What do you want us to say? It's ok for you to cheat with her because you're immature and impulsive? What everyone is telling you is that if you don't want to be in a monogamous relationship, that's ok but cheating is not. Like the above poster said, if you really don't want to cheat you can try CBT or even look for a new job. Flirting with someone you are obsessing about is not going to lead to anything good.


  • #70
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Married and happy wrote: »
    People are posting like something has happened, it hasn't, these are merely thoughts and the point of me putting it here was really to figure out what's going on in my head not to end my marriage because I've been having thoughts about another woman.

    It's irrelevant whether you've actually done something or not. You're thinking obsessively about this woman. Even if nothing ever happens between you, there's every possibility this will happen again in the future with other women.

    I'm not sure what you're looking for from this thread. You've mostly been told what you already know. What good is being told the same thing over and over again? If you genuinely want to save your marriage and to figure out what is behind all this, you'd be best served going to a counsellor. None of us are equipped to help you sort your head out.


  • #71
    SirChenjin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,111 ✭✭✭SirChenjin


    Plenty of good advice already given so I'm not going to add anything on that front.

    One thing strikes me OP, you mentioned losing someone this year.
    Grief can do strange things to one's mindset. You may not have allowed yourself to grieve.

    I would say it would be worthwhile talking about your loss to someone, a counsellor perhaps.


  • Advertisement
  • #72
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    We're going in circles here a bit OP. On the one had you're saying that you're trying to figure things out and you've no intention of doing anything and you don't think she would reciprocate anyway, on the other you've said that you see no harm in a bit of flirting, which makes it sound like that's what you intend to do.

    I'm no longer sure what you're asking, and to be honest, posters are right: your wife is conspicuously absent from your concerns. It's not really good enough to say there's no harm in flirting because you wouldn't cheat. She wouldn't be too impressed if she found out you were flirting with people at work, harmless or not. It's like you're guaging how much you can reasonably get away with in your interactions with this crush of yours before you should feel guilty about it.

    Paddy Cow has made this as clear as day. If you want to be with someone else, that's fine, but it's not okay to cheat. It's not okay to flirt either, not only because of where it can lead but because your wife expects you to be loyal to her alone, like you promised you would.

    With respect, you're getting into navel gazing and hypotheticals now, which is not going to help you. What do you actually intend to do when you work with this woman again?


  • #73
    ZiabR
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,575 ✭✭✭ZiabR


    Married and happy wrote: »
    I don't see a big problem with flirting with someone and knowing what you want to do without actually following through.

    From reading all of your posts OP I don't get that vibe from any of them. In fact, the vibe I get is that if this woman was to tell you she had feelings for you, you would almost be guaranteed act on your feelings. I would even go so far as to say, a part of you is hoping she has feelings for you.

    There is some very sound advise in this thread, you would do well to take it on board and understand what you risk by making a "stupid" mistake. You are married, you stand to lose alot more than your wife.


  • #74
    Scarinae
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 11,362 ✭✭✭✭Scarinae


    Married and happy wrote: »
    However, I can't stop thinking about this girl in work despite never having had a conversation with her.
    Married and happy wrote: »
    You're 100% right in saying this girl most likely has zero interest in a married man and I've just been flattering myself. For all I know she could be involved with someone else.
    Married and happy wrote: »
    I obviously see attractive girls everyday but I don't get the feeling I do with this girl. And it's not to do with the fact that I see her regularly because I felt it the first time I saw her.
    Married and happy wrote: »
    I've had a knit in my stomach for the past two weeks and I have any even done anything. I have been seeing said girl more at work as I've been doing more stuff with her department so I guess that's not helping. At the same time I like it but it's probably more the fantasy that excites me. Maybe if I got to know her more that would die off a bit.
    Married and happy wrote: »
    As I said before I don't have a wandering eye, this is the only girl I've ever had thoughts about. Sure I see lots of attractive girls every day but I never have any thoughts about cheating. That's what makes this one so difficult for me to understand. It sounds silly but it doesnt feel just physical. I know that sounds utterly ridiculous but its how I feel. I know I am basing this on looks alone but I'm not fantasizing about just having sex etc, there's something's Ng else that has me hooked.
    You've never spoken to this girl, or know really anything about her - you've just made eye contact - and yet it is more than just physical?
    Married and happy wrote: »
    The more j think about it the more sick I feel but also the more I convince myself something will happen.
    Whether or not something will happen isn't just up to you. You've never even spoken to her! But you've been obsessing about her and building this up in your head like an affair is inevitable, as if you have no control over what happens in your life. Even on the off chance she is interested in you, you still have a choice about what to do.
    Married and happy wrote: »
    I don't see a big problem with flirting with someone and knowing what you want to do without actually following through.
    I'd agree that innocent flirting is fine, but flirting with this girl after obsessing over her for weeks is not innocent flirting. I feel sorry for your wife, assuming she knows nothing about this?


  • #75
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I agree with the poster that we are going round in circles so I'm not going to harp on about the same thing over and over. I am thankful for all the advice received and sorry for my defensive responses to some of them.
    I'm not going to leave my job because I really like it so that's not an option. I think my only option is to be an adult and take more responsibility for my feelings and thoughts. I have started looking at counselling, probably sounds daft to some but I do feel like I need it. I think it would be easy to blame losing someone so I won't. I will say I feel more affected by it than I thought. However I've always been impulsive and had a tendency to think compulsively to the detriment of my mental health. Package all that and you have a not so stable person that can still function in society. Perhaps checking in with someone every now and again would be now harm.
    I have to say I don't think flirting is a big deal as long as you're someone who can leave it at that.


  • #76
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    badcheatagain wrote: »
    Just to add, OP, my advice is coming from the perspective of having once been the other woman. Like you, I convinced myself of intense feelings, amazing connection, blah blah blah. He was saying the same things you are writing here. Sure, we convinced ourselves that it was something amazing in order to justify the cheating. But let me tell you, the reality was the deliberate, intentional choice to engage in extremely selfish behaviour.

    We made the choice to cheat, it was absolutely within our power not to, but instead of doing the right thing we gave into base feelings. I live with the shame of it to this day, and rightly so.

    Cheating or not cheating is entirely within your control. Like choosing to get take away rather than cook a healthy dinner is entirely within our control - people just like to convince themselves that the harmful choices are outside of their control. We justify such choices with statements like "I just couldn't help myself", because convincing ourselves we have no choice makes it easier to do the wrong thing.

    Wise up and focus on your marriage, work on trying to get that back on track. If, after trying, you realise you want out then do it the right way.

    Thanks for the honesty. How did your relationship with this person work out? I'm pretty sure it ends terribly most of the time but some must be successful. Even if it wasn't I guess I'm interested to know the outcome because the reality is more likely to help me think more rationally and out an end to ridiculous thoughts


  • #77
    Paddy Cow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,576 ✭✭✭Paddy Cow


    Married and happy wrote: »
    I agree with the poster that we are going round in circles so I'm not going to harp on about the same thing over and over. I am thankful for all the advice received and sorry for my defensive responses to some of them.
    I'm not going to leave my job because I really like it so that's not an option. I think my only option is to be an adult and take more responsibility for my feelings and thoughts. I have started looking at counselling, probably sounds daft to some but I do feel like I need it. I think it would be easy to blame losing someone so I won't. I will say I feel more affected by it than I thought. However I've always been impulsive and had a tendency to think compulsively to the detriment of my mental health. Package all that and you have a not so stable person that can still function in society. Perhaps checking in with someone every now and again would be now harm.
    I have to say I don't think flirting is a big deal as long as you're someone who can leave it at that.
    CBT would probably suit you better than regular thought therapy because you need to work on your mindset, not work out past traumas. If you don't want to go an see a counsellor, there are loads of CBT videos on youtube which talk you through things you can do on a daily basis to improve how you process thoughts. It's worth giving them a look.


  • #78
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Married and happy wrote: »
    I have to say I don't think flirting is a big deal as long as you're someone who can leave it at that.

    Why do you feel you have to flirt? You're in work, not down the pub.


  • #79
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Paddy Cow wrote: »
    CBT would probably suit you better than regular thought therapy because you need to work on your mindset, not work out past traumas. If you don't want to go an see a counsellor, there are loads of CBT videos on youtube which talk you through things you can do on a daily basis to improve how you process thoughts. It's worth giving them a look.

    Thanks for this. I tried Cbt before but it didn't really work for me. Now that could have been down to the situation I was in and just didn't have the right mindset. I'll try with some free resources before going to anyone.
    I have come across some other good forums in this type of thing and advice from people who have been there has helped massively. A lot of people saw it as a positive e.g. it's nice to have a crush once you know you'll never act on it but I'm clearly not in that place.
    Thanks again for the help. Part of me thinks I should be able to talk about stuff like this with my wife and I thought before we could talk about anything but it's not the case. Maybe we need to look at that part of the relationship. I'd argue that I'm the more open person because she's be far more uncomfortable than me when talking about anything serious. Her usual reaction is silence and wait it out. Sorry, probably going off topic here.


  • #80
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Married and happy wrote: »
    Thanks for the honesty. How did your relationship with this person work out? I'm pretty sure it ends terribly most of the time but some must be successful. Even if it wasn't I guess I'm interested to know the outcome because the reality is more likely to help me think more rationally and out an end to ridiculous thoughts

    Let's just say the bloom came off the rose pretty damn fast. It's like anything new, initially it is exciting, but it soon becomes mundane.

    There may be people who can start and continue a relationship with the person they cheat with, but, in my opinion, those relationships will always be tainted by the cheating. You can't have something decent and pure on the back of another's misery. All you create is chaos and destruction.

    You keep talking as if cheating is inevitable. It really isn't. It's a choice you make.

    My advice would be to focus on the woman you made the commitment to, work on getting that back on track. Give your marriage 6 months of proper attention: date nights, affection, fun etc. See where you are after that. If your marriage is dead in the water then end it, but don't cheat. It's cruel and it's selfish.

    And yes, you should go to therapy.


  • #81
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    When you tried CBT before, did you buy into it? You come across as a person who doesn't actually want to change.


  • Advertisement
  • #82
    Neyite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,947 ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Married and happy wrote: »
    I'm getting conflicting messages here, just leave my wife because it's not fair on her and just deal with having crushes and move on. If only it were that easy. Some will say it really is and that's great for them but Im struggling with it. It's getting worse, I woke up this morning and my first thought was about this girl. In some ways that's nice but mostly it's really draining because it has become so obsessive. The more j think about it the more sick I feel but also the more I convince myself something will happen. Yet the logical side says absolutely not because this girl won't be interested but I should be saying no because I'm married

    What strikes me is that you don't know this other woman at all. She could be an absolute dose of a person and you've no idea but you are obsessed with her.

    Have a look at the description of limerance. It might fit your situation.

    The other recommendation I have is the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. In it, it explains the psychology of affairs and you might find it helpful.

    I know someone who went down the path you are embarking on now. His wife knew instinctively that there was something off about a particular person in her husband's life though it was nothing different to all the other female acquaintances he has. She asked him to drop this person repeatedly, he didn't see why he should - they were just friends and had not crossed any emotional or physical line and their marriage slowly started cracking. Then one day the wife found evidence. They'd eventually crossed the line, and it was over. So too was the affair because all he ever was to the other woman was a diversion from boredom. To hear him talk about it was like you - almost like he had no choice, no say in the whole affair. He told me he was irresistibly drawn to her, tried to give her up but couldn't, tried to cut her off but couldn't. All weak statements that don't ring true because if it was that much of a fated scenario, they'd be together now and he wouldn't be single, broke, unemployed, depressed and living with his parents.


  • #83
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Ursus Horribilis wrote: »
    When you tried CBT before, did you buy into it? You come across as a person who doesn't actually want to change.

    I did try the CBT seriously but I think it was my mental state that was a hindrance at the time. I know it's supposed to help you start thinking right but I was so far gone I failed to see the potential in it. I want to change my mindset of course, despite how it may come across it's not much fun having an impulsive personality and constantly going over things in your head. It's like there's no escape.


  • #84
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    You're right I don't know this girl at all so it's complete fantasy. On that point is there any real practical advice to help me not get so distracted by her. I saw her this morning and got butterflies etc. All the normal stuff when you have a crush but its bordering more on infatuation. Even when I was single I didn't have a problem talking to girls but when I see her I get knotted up and I know wouldn't even be able to talk to her. That's a good thing in many ways but as I said are there techniques to not getting so overwhelmed by feelings just because you fancy someone. In all honesty I feel like I'm fifteen years old when it happens.


  • #85
    Sittingpretty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,872 ✭✭✭Sittingpretty


    Married and happy wrote: »
    You're right I don't know this girl at all so it's complete fantasy. On that point is there any real practical advice to help me not get so distracted by her. I saw her this morning and got butterflies etc. All the normal stuff when you have a crush but its bordering more on infatuation. Even when I was single I didn't have a problem talking to girls but when I see her I get knotted up and I know wouldn't even be able to talk to her. That's a good thing in many ways but as I said are there techniques to not getting so overwhelmed by feelings just because you fancy someone. In all honesty I feel like I'm fifteen years old when it happens.

    I think you've exhausted any sympathy for your crush in this thread. You e been given stellar advice here. Please take it.

    You're starting to come off like a love struck teen now and still yet no mention of your wife. You don't appear to consider her in this foray into teen hood at all. Have you even mention you love her and you'd be horrified to hurt her?

    If I thought my husband wax waxing lyrical about a colleague he'd not even spoken to on boards and looking for crush advise on how not to allow himself act upon said crush is be having second thoughts about him to be honest.


  • #86
    Neyite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,947 ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Mod:

    Gerianam, your post was deleted for being uncivil and unhelpful for the OP. Please read the charter before posting again.


  • #87
    Sittingpretty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,872 ✭✭✭Sittingpretty


    And also apologies for my first post in this thread where I'd said you'd already cheated. I misread your post when you said you'd cheated on a past non serious relationship.


  • #88
    tomwaits48
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 861 ✭✭✭tomwaits48


    Married and happy wrote: »
    People are posting like something has happened, it hasn't, these are merely thoughts and the point of me putting it here was really to figure out what's going on in my head not to end my marriage because I've been having thoughts about another woman.
    I'm pretty sure people are right when saying it's just about the thrill of the whole thing so maybe I don't have any interest in acting on anything and I just like the idea of it. It's quite a leap to go from feeling one thing to acting on it.
    I don't see a big problem with flirting with someone and knowing what you want to do without actually following through.

    if I were you I'd take a very cold shower, forget about her, and focus on your wife. the fact you've started an internet thread about someone you haven't even spoken with is...well, plain weird.


  • #89
    nthclare
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,315 ✭✭✭nthclare


    Im not saying this about the OP but there's nothing worse than a married man lurking around the office and leering and fantasizing about some one and their other half at home unbeknownst to the situation.

    Like it's ok to look and appreciate someone who's easy on the eye, but to go down the road of getting obsessive could be a medical issue rather than something harmless.

    Then again sure there's plenty of guy's living in bedsits beside the river and the smell of dampness running down the west wall from October until April...

    All because of stupidity and thinking with their dicks.

    Huge ESB bills, maintainence, and paying for a ****ty room in heart break hotel...

    probably 20 euros a week left for a few pints at the end of the week....

    Frustratingly flicking through Tinder and Bumble thinking they'll strike the jackpot again...

    While the exe wife is at home with the kid's in a warm house, driving the family car and getting on with her life.

    Probably seeing a new guy who she spends the weekend with, while he has to entertain the kid's at his parents house....

    Think before you end up like a lot of dickheads who cheated on their wives and karma bit them up the arse.


  • #90
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    nthclare wrote: »
    Im not saying this about the OP but there's nothing worse than a married man lurking around the office and leering and fantasizing about some one and their other half at home unbeknownst to the situation.
    Like it's ok to look and appreciate someone who's easy on the eye, but to go down the road of getting obsessive could be a medical issue rather than something harmless.
    Then again sure there's plenty of guy's living in bedsits beside the river and the smell of dampness running down the west wall from October until April...
    All because of stupidity and thinking with their dicks.
    Huge ESB bills, maintainence, and paying for a ****ty room in heart break hotel...
    probably 20 euros a week left for a few pints at the end of the week....
    Frustratingly flicking through Tinder and Bumble thinking they'll strike the jackpot again...
    While the exe wife is at home with the kid's in a warm house, driving the family car and getting on with her life.
    Probably seeing a new guy who she spends the weekend with, while he has to entertain the kid's at his parents house....
    Think before you end up like a lot of dickheads who cheated on their wives and karma bit them up the arse.

    Wow what a bitter response . probably best to ignore this


  • Advertisement
  • #91
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    nthclare wrote: »
    Im not saying this about the OP but there's nothing worse than a married man lurking around the office and leering and fantasizing about some one and their other half at home unbeknownst to the situation.

    Like it's ok to look and appreciate someone who's easy on the eye, but to go down the road of getting obsessive could be a medical issue rather than something harmless.

    Then again sure there's plenty of guy's living in bedsits beside the river and the smell of dampness running down the west wall from October until April...

    All because of stupidity and thinking with their dicks.

    Huge ESB bills, maintainence, and paying for a ****ty room in heart break hotel...

    probably 20 euros a week left for a few pints at the end of the week....

    Frustratingly flicking through Tinder and Bumble thinking they'll strike the jackpot again...

    While the exe wife is at home with the kid's in a warm house, driving the family car and getting on with her life.

    Probably seeing a new guy who she spends the weekend with, while he has to entertain the kid's at his parents house....

    Think before you end up like a lot of dickheads who cheated on their wives and karma bit them up the arse.

    Pretty sound advice here as well as the previous poster. It is just getting goddamn weird now and I need to pull myself together. Thanks for all the advice, I do t want to keep dragging this out as people have stated the advice I need has already been said.
    It's been a genuinely good sounding board, a therapy or sorts I suppose so for that I am grateful.


Advertisement