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Married but confused

24

Comments

  • #32
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,655 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    Blueshoe wrote: »
    Clip her at the Xmas party and then get a new job in January

    Mod:

    Blueshoe - this falls well below the standard expected in PI/RI. Please familiarise yourself with the charter before posting here again.


  • #33
    Yellow pack crisps
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 564 ✭✭✭Yellow pack crisps


    A lot of projective nonsense going on in here. You have a crush Op, nothing more. You’re probably having fantasies in your head about how great this girl is and it’s fueling some imaginary senarios that won’t ever get fulfilled. I think maybe your marriage although you say is good is probably becoming stale, this is something you should focus on more. Is your sex life good? Is intimacy still prevailing? Kissing, touching, hugging? Do you and your wife still talk to each other? Like have interesting conversations and some fun ones? Is there still a spark? Or have you both become complacent and let your marriage become a bit stale? Something isn’t right with it anyway if a crush is making you write in here for advice.


  • #34
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Maybe my impulsiveness is very unhealthy and abnormal so I do think there might be merit in some kind of counselling. I think people are right when they say this could happen again with a different person. I genuinely don't know what causes it. I just tend to do what feels good in the moment which is very childish and the worst part is I know it's ridiculously stupid. I'm not trying to make an excuse for anything, I'm just trying to figure out why Im like this.
    As for this girl I've spoken of, I dont expect she is interested, as many people pointed out why would she be. The problem is that I like her when I shouldn't.


  • #35
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I agree that this is entirely projecting but how do I stop it? As I said I'm very impulsive and my thoughts become overwhelming sometimes. I literally play out ridiculous scenarios in my head and feel physically sick. Perhaps taking to someone qualified is a good idea. I'm a grown man and this is abnormal behaviour. I guarantee this girl has not spent a single second thinking about me yet I've played out crazy fantasies in my head and then feel like something has to happen now because I've been thinking about it.
    Are there specific therapists for this kind of stuff? This feels far more like personal issues than a relationship problems.


  • #36
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 1,478 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Bevere60 wrote: »
    Normal human sexuality is driving his behaviour. Monogomy is perverse, the OP has been brainwashed to think monogamy is something he should aspire to.

    Pretty much. It's depressing to see the damage the mock culture of monogamy does every day on this forum.

    OP, this is your reality, is "fine" how you want to live the next 50 years of your life? Sounds kinda meh to me.


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  • #37
    zanador
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 505 ✭✭✭zanador


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Pretty much. It's depressing to see the damage the mock culture of monogamy does every day on this forum.

    OP, this is your reality, is "fine" how you want to live the next 50 years of your life? Sounds kinda meh to me.


    As long as his wife knows and agrees - that's important.


  • #38
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 1,478 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    zanador wrote: »
    As long as his wife knows and agrees - that's important.

    It's certain a better option, but I don't necessarily agree it's important she should know tbh. Each relationship is a world of its own.


  • #39
    Paddy Cow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,576 ✭✭✭Paddy Cow


    Bevere60 wrote: »
    Normal human sexuality is driving his behaviour. Monogomy is perverse, the OP has been brainwashed to think monogamy is something he should aspire to.
    The go to excuse of every cheater ever.

    Op sounds like you're a bit bored. The girl is probably not into you at all. Focus on your wife. Book a weekend away or a holiday and work on getting the spark going again. Your relationship with your wife is real. Your crush is not.


  • #40
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 1,478 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Paddy Cow wrote: »
    The go to excuse of every cheater ever.

    Op sounds like you're a bit bored. The girl is probably not into you at all. Focus on your wife. Book a weekend away or a holiday and work on getting the spark going again. Your relationship with your wife is real. Your crush is not.

    Tbf, that's also the go to "stay in your mediocre marriage" response.

    Not saying it's bad advice, but I wonder how often it actually works?


  • #41
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Sounds like you have an axe to grind Harvey.


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  • #42
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I was you a few years ago , couldn't stop thinking about girl in work . I was married so was she , I started mess flirting with her we emailed next first was random default joke emails then stuff like chatting about others in office . I was falling in love with this girl .
    Made a move on her when we both stayed back to work late one night it was obvious it was going to happen . It was amazing after so long dreaming about it , we had an affair for about a year the first few months we couldn't be apart every moment we got we where together . It was exciting and fun . After a few months she wanted to leave her husband and wanted me to leave my wife , I wasn't sure . Things just got stale for me , I didn't love her really I loved the excitement of it all. I went out to the Christmas party and ended up been with another woman from the company she got jealous and we fell out , she went back to her husband. I'm very impulsive and immature in relationships. I love the excitement of the chase but once you start an affair it's not exciting and working with someone your sleeping with is not good cause there is no escape you need alone time. I'd say you should not do it , you could risk going to an escort that looks like her and get it out of your system that way. But stay married


  • #43
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 1,478 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Ursus Horribilis wrote: »
    Sounds like you have an axe to grind Harvey.

    A long time ago I worked as a divorce lawyer in Cork. I can honestly say the things I learned changed my views on human relationships. I have seen up close the terrible damage marriages (and their bitter break-ups) do to otherwise decent people, so I guess I do have an axe to grind.

    The OP has come here with presumably a serious problem and people are saying to rediscover the spark by booking a weekend away, if only it were that easy.

    Now I think every relationship should be based on mutual kindness. Things can be forgiven, things don't always need to be said. You can love your partner and make a mistake, mistakes, whatever. Life isn't black and white, unlike the answers presented here.


  • #44
    Paddy Cow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,576 ✭✭✭Paddy Cow


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Tbf, that's also the go to "stay in your mediocre marriage" response.

    Not saying it's bad advice, but I wonder how often it actually works?
    No point in staying in a dead marriage but trying to work on the marriage is far better than obsessing about someone at work and convincing yourself that an affair is ok. If the spark can't be reignited then they're better off going their separate ways. It doesn't sound like it's anywhere near that stage though and this is just a stuck in a rut patch that can be overcome.


  • #45
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Tbf, that's also the go to "stay in your mediocre marriage" response.

    Not saying it's bad advice, but I wonder how often it actually works?

    Harvey, I know you have what most people would consider to be "unconventional" views on monogamy and the associated paraphenalia. Myself, I don't have any problem with your views, but I think they're part of a separate conversation that society probably needs to have with itself at some point. The OP's relationship and issue (and his attitudes to them) still reside within the confines of the conventional view of what a relationship should be - I think that's something to be kept in mind when posting.


  • #46
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Beenthereb4 wrote: »
    I was you a few years ago , couldn't stop thinking about girl in work . I was married so was she , I started mess flirting with her we emailed next first was random default joke emails then stuff like chatting about others in office . I was falling in love with this girl .
    Made a move on her when we both stayed back to work late one night it was obvious it was going to happen . It was amazing after so long dreaming about it , we had an affair for about a year the first few months we couldn't be apart every moment we got we where together . It was exciting and fun . After a few months she wanted to leave her husband and wanted me to leave my wife , I wasn't sure . Things just got stale for me , I didn't love her really I loved the excitement of it all. I went out to the Christmas party and ended up been with another woman from the company she got jealous and we fell out , she went back to her husband. I'm very impulsive and immature in relationships. I love the excitement of the chase but once you start an affair it's not exciting and working with someone your sleeping with is not good cause there is no escape you need alone time. I'd say you should not do it , you could risk going to an escort that looks like her and get it out of your system that way. But stay married

    Thank you for this. I feel the very same, immature and impulsive. I think I like changing things up all the time for some reason. It's not healthy but it's something I find hard to shake. Im still not sure if I should speak to someone about my impulsiveness because it's not something that's going to change and I'm certain it will cause me to end up in the same situation over and over again.


  • #47
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Married and happy wrote: »
    Thank you for this. I feel the very same, immature and impulsive. I think I like changing things up all the time for some reason. It's not healthy but it's something I find hard to shake. I'm still not sure if I should speak to someone about my impulsiveness because it's not something that's going to change and I'm certain it will cause me to end up in the same situation over and over again.

    You probably should because the stakes are high here. Even though you don't actually sound like you want to change. You're married so you can't just cheat or walk away from the marriage without there being significant consequences. The first thing for you to decide is if you want to stay married. If you don't believe you can be faithful to your wife, then you've got a decision to make here. Don't get distracted by the "monogamy is a fiction" brigade who are egging you on. If your wife signed up for the "forsaking all others" part of the marriage, she isn't going to expect or want you to be shagging other women. It is also very unfair on her if the pair of you aren't on the same page. There have to be reasons why you married her in the first place. What has changed? Why are you craving the excitement of a new woman? Do you want to be single again?


  • #48
    bitofabind
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 939 ✭✭✭bitofabind


    Married and happy wrote: »
    Thank you for this. I feel the very same, immature and impulsive. I think I like changing things up all the time for some reason. It's not healthy but it's something I find hard to shake. Im still not sure if I should speak to someone about my impulsiveness because it's not something that's going to change and I'm certain it will cause me to end up in the same situation over and over again.

    Sounds like you're trying to justify doing something totally reckless and devastating for your wife with the old "I'm impulsive, it was inevitable".

    i know tonnes of people with impulsive tendencies, that character trait typically translates to buying things or booking things on a whim, making snap decisions, not cheating on their wife or husband because they're infatuated with the office crush.

    If that's what you really think is driving this desire to cheat and not a general boredom in your marriage and desire to change your situation, well then bloody own in and fix it before it owns you. sign up for a triathlon or start a boxing class to blow off some steam.

    have you cheated in previous relationships?


  • #49
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    bitofabind wrote: »
    Sounds like you're trying to justify doing something totally reckless and devastating for your wife with the old "I'm impulsive, it was inevitable".

    i know tonnes of people with impulsive tendencies, that character trait typically translates to buying things or booking things on a whim, making snap decisions, not cheating on their wife or husband because they're infatuated with the office crush.

    If that's what you really think is driving this desire to cheat and not a general boredom in your marriage and desire to change your situation, well then bloody own in and fix it before it owns you. sign up for a triathlon or start a boxing class to blow off some steam.

    have you cheated in previous relationships?

    I cheated once but not really sure I'd count it as cheating because it wasn't a long term relationship and to be honest I ended it very soon after. It's really hard to explain how I feel. As I said I get very wrapped up in my thoughts and find it hard to stop them. I've had a knit in my stomach for the past two weeks and I have any even done anything. I have been seeing said girl more at work as I've been doing more stuff with her department so I guess that's not helping. At the same time I like it but it's probably more the fantasy that excites me. Maybe if I got to know her more that would die off a bit.
    A lot of people have asked about my marriage and it is good, we still honour a lot together and don't have a feeling like we're stuck in a rut so i don't believe there is an issue there that is driving my thoughts


  • #50
    bitofabind
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 939 ✭✭✭bitofabind


    you're jeopardising a lot of serious real-life stuff that involves the stability of your marriage and the happiness of the person you're supposed to love the most... for a fantasy. something that isn't real. something that has no basis in reality.

    For all you know this woman isn't single, hasn't considered you romantically for a second, can barely differentiate you from your colleagues, doesn't know your name, has seen your ring and knows your situation....all of these scenarios are more likely than the fact of you hooking up and sailing off into the sunset.

    Try to centre yourself when the fantasies kick in. Apply some rational thought. Ask yourself: what is this fantasy about? What am I try to escape or avoid? What's painful or uncompelling about living your life as it is?

    This is almost certainly about your marriage and some element of unhappiness or "meh" sentiment you're feeling in it.


  • #51
    Sittingpretty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,872 ✭✭✭Sittingpretty


    Married and happy wrote: »
    I cheated once but not really sure I'd count it as cheating because it wasn't a long term relationship and to be honest I ended it very soon after. It's really hard to explain how I feel. As I said I get very wrapped up in my thoughts and find it hard to stop them. I've had a knit in my stomach for the past two weeks and I have any even done anything. I have been seeing said girl more at work as I've been doing more stuff with her department so I guess that's not helping. At the same time I like it but it's probably more the fantasy that excites me. Maybe if I got to know her more that would die off a bit.
    A lot of people have asked about my marriage and it is good, we still honour a lot together and don't have a feeling like we're stuck in a rut so i don't believe there is an issue there that is driving my thoughts


    You're absolving yourself of all guilt on the basis that you're a bit "kooky" and impulsive.

    You really should consider counselling. You've already cheated. I feel sorry for your wife. You sound like a bit of a liability.


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  • #52
    Idle Passerby
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,132 ✭✭✭Idle Passerby


    Why not just show your wife this thread. Maybe she has a big enough heart to help you through this difficult time.

    Or maybe she'd feel she doesn't want to stay with someone who is seriously tempted to cheat every time he sees a pretty face at work.

    I have a feeling being honest with her will kill your crush stone dead either way so it's a win win really.


  • #53
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I had this happen me i was in a relationship for 5 years not married and it was a woman who cane into my job regularly. But if i seen her at 8 a.m she would be on my mind until i went to sleep.... i finished my relationship ( it wasnt that great tbh) now im with the other woman and could not be happier. But again i wasnt married and didnt work with the other woman.


  • #54
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Sittingpretty wrote: »
    You're absolving yourself of all guilt on the basis that you're a bit "kooky" and impulsive.

    You really should consider counselling. You've already cheated. I feel sorry for your wife. You sound like a bit of a liability.

    I'm absolving myself of guilt because haven't done anything wrong. I'm not really sure that cheating on a very short term girlfriend when you're on your early 20s really comes into this.


  • #55
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    bitofabind wrote: »
    you're jeopardising a lot of serious real-life stuff that involves the stability of your marriage and the happiness of the person you're supposed to love the most... for a fantasy. something that isn't real. something that has no basis in reality.

    For all you know this woman isn't single, hasn't considered you romantically for a second, can barely differentiate you from your colleagues, doesn't know your name, has seen your ring and knows your situation....all of these scenarios are more likely than the fact of you hooking up and sailing off into the sunset.

    Try to centre yourself when the fantasies kick in. Apply some rational thought. Ask yourself: what is this fantasy about? What am I try to escape or avoid? What's painful or uncompelling about living your life as it is?

    This is almost certainly about your marriage and some element of unhappiness or "meh" sentiment you're feeling in it.

    Maybe you are right about feeling a little bored and this is just stirring up feelings that you only get when you first meet someone. Im not trying to escape or avoid anything and I don't know where this came from. I work with lots of attractive women but I never felt like this before. A few people have suggested I just see the latest pretty face and fantasies about what could be but in all honesty that's not true.
    I do know she's single and im sure she does know I'm married. If she does think I'm attractive that doesn't mean shed ever act on it but I just makes it more dangerous were we to ever spend more time together. As I said previously we will be spending time together on a project very soon.


  • #56
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 1,478 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    wiggle16 wrote: »
    Harvey, I know you have what most people would consider to be "unconventional" views on monogamy and the associated paraphenalia. Myself, I don't have any problem with your views, but I think they're part of a separate conversation that society probably needs to have with itself at some point. The OP's relationship and issue (and his attitudes to them) still reside within the confines of the conventional view of what a relationship should be - I think that's something to be kept in mind when posting.

    Not really tbh. The OP is suffering from <mod snip>


  • #57
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,655 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    Mod:

    HarveyHunt - you're by no means qualified to give a diagnosis, and as such, they are not allowed here. Please familiarise yourself with the forum charter before posting here again.


  • #58
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,412 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    If she does think I'm attractive that doesn't mean shed ever act on it but I just makes it more dangerous were we to ever spend more time together. As I said previously we will be spending time together on a project very soon.

    It doesn’t make it dangerous at all. You’re still making out like you’re a passive participant in all of this. If she declared an interest in you at some stage during this project all you would have to say is ‘sorry, I’m married’ and that would be the end of it. You speak like that’s not even an option.


  • #59
    Paddy Cow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,576 ✭✭✭Paddy Cow


    Married and happy wrote: »
    Maybe you are right about feeling a little bored and this is just stirring up feelings that you only get when you first meet someone. Im not trying to escape or avoid anything and I don't know where this came from. I work with lots of attractive women but I never felt like this before. A few people have suggested I just see the latest pretty face and fantasies about what could be but in all honesty that's not true.
    I do know she's single and im sure she does know I'm married. If she does think I'm attractive that doesn't mean shed ever act on it but I just makes it more dangerous were we to ever spend more time together. As I said previously we will be spending time together on a project very soon.
    You really need to decide what you want. You say you are happily married but have become infatuated with a woman from work and a lot of your posts seem to almost justify taking this further. Most people have told you this is a bad idea but a few have told you, you are just doing what is normal.

    I was one of those who said you might be stuck in a rut and bored and you said you aren't, your marriage is great. It's obviously not great if you have a wandering eye at work. You have admitted to immature and impulsive behaviour. That would be grand if it was just you. But it's not. You are married to someone who thinks everything is great.

    You can justify your thinking on the internet and there will always be someone who agrees and encourages it but if you act on your impulses in real life, there will be real life consequences. Lets just imagine for a moment that this woman you are crushing on reciprocates and you have an affair with her. What good could possible come from this? Either your wife never finds out and your marriage is based on a lie or she does and you get exposed as a cheater.

    If she leaves you and everyone knows why, how many people do you think are going to understand that you were just immature and impulsive? I think most will come to that conclusion themselves and instead of having empathy for you, they will brand you an as$hole. They won't be saying monogamy isn't natural, we're supposed to have multiple partners. They will say if that's what you thought, why did you marry someone under false pretences and break their heart?

    Honestly op, it's not just yourself you should be thinking about. You are in a marriage, a marriage you say is happy but it can't be full filling your needs if you are looking elsewhere. Unless your wife is open to an open marriage you really need to take a look at yourself and what you want out of life. If you want to pursue women for the thrill that's fine. If you were single.

    You said you cheated once and justified it because you were wrapped up in your thoughts. That would be ok if you were 15. But you're not. You're mid 30's and married. It's time to sh!t or get off the pot.

    Sorry to be harsh op but I don't think you are confused. You want your cake (your wife) and you want to eat it (your crush). You can't have both. Make your choice.


  • #60
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Paddy Cow wrote: »
    You really need to decide what you want. You say you are happily married but have become infatuated with a woman from work and a lot of your posts seem to almost justify taking this further. Most people have told you this is a bad idea but a few have told you, you are just doing what is normal.

    I was one of those who said you might be stuck in a rut and bored and you said you aren't, your marriage is great. It's obviously not great if you have a wandering eye at work. You have admitted to immature and impulsive behaviour. That would be grand if it was just you. But it's not. You are married to someone who thinks everything is great.

    You can justify your thinking on the internet and there will always be someone who agrees and encourages it but if you act on your impulses in real life, there will be real life consequences. Lets just imagine for a moment that this woman you are crushing on reciprocates and you have an affair with her. What good could possible come from this? Either your wife never finds out and your marriage is based on a lie or she does and you get exposed as a cheater.

    If she leaves you and everyone knows why, how many people do you think are going to understand that you were just immature and impulsive? I think most will come to that conclusion themselves and instead of having empathy for you, they will brand you an as$hole. They won't be saying monogamy isn't natural, we're supposed to have multiple partners. They will say if that's what you thought, why did you marry someone under false pretences and break their heart?

    Honestly op, it's not just yourself you should be thinking about. You are in a marriage, a marriage you say is happy but it can't be full filling your needs if you are looking elsewhere. Unless your wife is open to an open marriage you really need to take a look at yourself and what you want out of life. If you want to pursue women for the thrill that's fine. If you were single.

    You said you cheated once and justified it because you were wrapped up in your thoughts. That would be ok if you were 15. But you're not. You're mid 30's and married. It's time to sh!t or get off the pot.

    Sorry to be harsh op but I don't think you are confused. You want your cake (your wife) and you want to eat it (your crush). You can't have both. Make your choice.

    Lots of very good points made and I agree with most of this. You're 100% right that I want to have my cake and eat it. Doesn't everyone? That sounds like such a dick thing to say but I mean it, why wouldn't you want to enjoy life as much as possible. I lost someone this year, entirely unrelated to this, but sometimes it does make me think "**** it, we should experience all we can while we're here". That's more me trying to justify this so I get that it's not really relevant to the underlying issue.
    As I said before I don't have a wandering eye, this is the only girl I've ever had thoughts about. Sure I see lots of attractive girls every day but I never have any thoughts about cheating. That's what makes this one so difficult for me to understand. It sounds silly but it doesnt feel just physical. I know that sounds utterly ridiculous but its how I feel. I know I am basing this on looks alone but I'm not fantasizing about just having sex etc, there's something's Ng else that has me hooked.
    I know there will be plenty more of the same from people and they're untitled to their opinion but I'm just trying to give my side of what's happening.


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  • #61
    Paddy Cow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,576 ✭✭✭Paddy Cow


    Married and happy wrote: »
    Lots of very good points made and I agree with most of this. You're 100% right that I want to have my cake and eat it. Doesn't everyone? That sounds like such a dick thing to say but I mean it, why wouldn't you want to enjoy life as much as possible. I lost someone this year, entirely unrelated to this, but sometimes it does make me think "**** it, we should experience all we can while we're here". That's more me trying to justify this so I get that it's not really relevant to the underlying issue.
    As I said before I don't have a wandering eye, this is the only girl I've ever had thoughts about. Sure I see lots of attractive girls every day but I never have any thoughts about cheating. That's what makes this one so difficult for me to understand. It sounds silly but it doesnt feel just physical. I know that sounds utterly ridiculous but its how I feel. I know I am basing this on looks alone but I'm not fantasizing about just having sex etc, there's something's Ng else that has me hooked.
    I know there will be plenty more of the same from people and they're untitled to their opinion but I'm just trying to give my side of what's happening.
    No they don't. There's a poster here who's in his 70's (Srameen). He regularly posts about how happy his life is. He's long term married with kids and grandkids and managed to retire in his 50's. He loves his married life. My neighbours are like the Queen and Prince Philip. They're in their 90's and despite health issues, are still going strong. Margaret never drove and every time they went anywhere, even if it was just to the shop, Gilbert would always open the door for her. Gilbert is so frail now I think the only thing keeping him going is his love for Margaret. My boss's parents were like this. Her Dad was incredibly frail at the end and only held out as long as he did because he loved his wife so much.

    Despite what people will tell you it is possible to have a happy marriage and be so in love with your partner that while you might find other people attractive (you don't become blind when you put on a ring) and have little crushes, you don't talk yourself into justifying having an affair. You are in dangerous territory and you know it. The only point I'm going to make again is decide what you want - either you want a monogamous marriage or you don't. If you don't then let your wife go and be with someone who does. Don't let her live a lie. That would make you a ****** fill in your own blank.


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