The work fap

Porklife · 06-09-2019 11:51AM

Problem Of Motivation wrote: »

I could never do it outside of a bedroom.

Reminds me of that Michael Fassbender scene in 'Shame'

I love that scene :pac:

King of Kings · 06-09-2019 12:07PM

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

You have a very weird view of people who work in IT.

I work in IT and he isnt too far off the mark

JohnnyFlash · 06-09-2019 12:33PM

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

You have a very weird view of people who work in IT.

I don't think I do, pal. Stereotypes don't grow on trees, and the stereotypes of those who work in the trenches of IT are as follows:

Overweight
Neckbeard and/or long hair. Extra points if the beard has beads in it.
Combat trousers and skateboard runners. Wallet chain and hoodies.
Faint to strong smell of BO
A disdain for exercise.
Overestimate their own intelligence, and believe a narrow window of expertise in Linux or Networking makes them a worldwide authority on everything else.
Mad into New Atheism, computer gaming, man-child comic book movies, questionable Japanese cartoons.
Diet is extremely unhealthy and frozen pizza is a staple of the diet.
Love of obscure and overpowering craft beers.
Public transport user.
Overcompensates for obvious inadequacies by having a vaping 'rig' the size of a shoebox, and emits clouds of smoke that put Moneypoint to shame.
Not very successful with the women, and do that creepy 'male feminist' thing.
Message board moderators.

Wibbs · 06-09-2019 12:55PM

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Overcompensates for obvious inadequacies by having a vaping 'rig' the size of a shoebox, and emits clouds of smoke that put Moneypoint to shame.

:pac::pac::pac::pac::D

RWCNT · 06-09-2019 12:57PM

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I don't think I do, pal. Stereotypes don't grow on trees, and the stereotypes of those who work in the trenches of IT are as follows:

Overweight
Neckbeard and/or long hair. Extra points if the beard has beads in it.
Combat trousers and skateboard runners. Wallet chain and hoodies.
Faint to strong smell of BO
A disdain for exercise.
Overestimate their own intelligence, and believe a narrow window of expertise in Linux or Networking makes them a worldwide authority on everything else.
Mad into New Atheism, computer gaming, man-child comic book movies, questionable Japanese cartoons.
Diet is extremely unhealthy and frozen pizza is a staple of the diet.
Love of obscure and overpowering craft beers.
Public transport user.
Overcompensates for obvious inadequacies by having a vaping 'rig' the size of a shoebox, and emits clouds of smoke that put Moneypoint to shame.
Not very successful with the women, and do that creepy 'male feminist' thing.
Message board moderators.

Paging Aongus Von Bismark

Lewis_Benson · 06-09-2019 01:15PM

JohnnyFlash;111184315"]I don't think I do, pal. Stereotypes don't grow on trees, and the stereotypes of those who work in the trenches of IT are as follows:

Well, I work in IT

Overweight - Nope

Neckbeard and/or long hair. Extra points if the beard has beads in it - Nope

Combat trousers and skateboard runners. Wallet chain and hoodies - occasional combats when playing gigs or going to gigs, otherwise nope.

Faint to strong smell of BO - Nope

A disdain for exercise - Nope

Overestimate their own intelligence, and believe a narrow window of expertise in Linux or Networking makes them a worldwide authority on everything else - Definitely not, most are always hungry to learn to be honest and will always look up to the more knowledgeable folk.

Mad into New Atheism, computer gaming, man-child comic book movies, questionable Japanese cartoons - occasionally gaming, everything else, Nope

Diet is extremely unhealthy and frozen pizza is a staple of the diet - Nope

Love of obscure and overpowering craft beers - I like craft beers, sure what of it, I also like Guinness

Public transport user - Nope

Overcompensates for obvious inadequacies by having a vaping 'rig' the size of a shoebox, and emits clouds of smoke that put Moneypoint to shame -Nope

Not very successful with the women, and do that creepy 'male feminist' thing - Nope, married happily, definitely not a Male feminist lol

Message board moderators- nope.

Lewis_Benson · 06-09-2019 01:19PM

Anyway, not to drag this off topic, no work faps for me.

D3V!L · 06-09-2019 01:23PM

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I don't think I do, pal. Stereotypes don't grow on trees, and the stereotypes of those who work in the trenches of IT are as follows:

Overweight
Neckbeard and/or long hair. Extra points if the beard has beads in it.
Combat trousers and skateboard runners. Wallet chain and hoodies.
Faint to strong smell of BO
A disdain for exercise.
Overestimate their own intelligence, and believe a narrow window of expertise in Linux or Networking makes them a worldwide authority on everything else.
Mad into New Atheism, computer gaming, man-child comic book movies, questionable Japanese cartoons.
Diet is extremely unhealthy and frozen pizza is a staple of the diet.
Love of obscure and overpowering craft beers.
Public transport user.
Overcompensates for obvious inadequacies by having a vaping 'rig' the size of a shoebox, and emits clouds of smoke that put Moneypoint to shame.
Not very successful with the women, and do that creepy 'male feminist' thing.
Message board moderators.

Sounds more like a Unix admin to me , "IT" is such a broad term. I'm in "IT support" for 20 years and not one of those points apply to me.

Pintman Paddy Losty · 06-09-2019 01:41PM

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I don't think I do, pal. Stereotypes don't grow on trees, and the stereotypes of those who work in the trenches of IT are as follows:

Overweight
Neckbeard and/or long hair. Extra points if the beard has beads in it.
Combat trousers and skateboard runners. Wallet chain and hoodies.
Faint to strong smell of BO
A disdain for exercise.
Overestimate their own intelligence, and believe a narrow window of expertise in Linux or Networking makes them a worldwide authority on everything else.
Mad into New Atheism, computer gaming, man-child comic book movies, questionable Japanese cartoons.
Diet is extremely unhealthy and frozen pizza is a staple of the diet.
Love of obscure and overpowering craft beers.
Public transport user.
Overcompensates for obvious inadequacies by having a vaping 'rig' the size of a shoebox, and emits clouds of smoke that put Moneypoint to shame.
Not very successful with the women, and do that creepy 'male feminist' thing.
Message board moderators.

A very vivid picture you paint there Johnny...quite accurate I have to say.

Didn't you say your son was showing those type of tenancies before? What age is he now? Did he go down the neckbeard road or have you sorted him out yet?

Reviews and Books Galore · 06-09-2019 01:46PM

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Wouldn't be at it regularly but I do it the odd time.

I own a building supplies store so most people who come in to my shop are fat electricians or carpenters scratching their holes with a pencil.

The odd time tho some lad will send his wife off to the shop to pick up a few bits and pieces for him. Most of them are absolute munters to be fair.

The very odd time tho. You'll get a tasty milf in to pick up a box of nails or an angle grinder disc. Jaysus it gets me all hot and bothered. I'd be over straight away to offer assistance. Tell the young peckerheads I have working for me to get back to stacking shelves, I'll look after the lady.

One whiff of the perfume and I'm done for. Once she's gone it's straight back to the little toilet we have in the store room and I start yanking at myself like I'm trying to start a lawnmower on a cold October morning. Then splurge all over the wall. Wipe it off with a tissue and then back to work. Sometimes have a nap in my office after.

Desperate stuff.

I'm wondering did you give her a discount? :P

Reviews and Books Galore · 06-09-2019 01:49PM

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Anyone engaging in this “act” at any time before lunch is in for a long afternoon.

Wouldn’t really have the time for it these days, but would certainly have back in the day. You’d spend the morning running through “scenarios” that get the blood following. This would have been “pre 3G” so all mental exercise, day dreaming and the like.

I, personally, think the ones based on ones own imagination, the “imagiwank”, if you will, are far healthier than the hyper “aggressive” ones that the angry young men of today engage in. Strangling the knob, while looking at extremely degrading and hardcore pornography, so that it looks like it’s got grip marks and finger shaped bruises that a “forensic detective” would recognise instantly.

It really does worry me, since the advent of the “smart phone” that lads would be making three to four “trips” for relief a day. Thankfully, on my team, the lads don’t seem to be absent from their desks for any unusual amounts of time and there are more girls so productivity isn’t affected.

But you do hear complaints from other managers. There are a group of IT lads, and a couple of admin grunts, who always seem to be in and out of the toilets. Now, a couple of them are very overweight so that could explain the red face and breathlessness, but I’m not sure if it would cover the sweating.

It’s a gross thought, I mean, I’m all for a little “stress relief” but there’s certainly a line where it becomes an over indulgence.

You should read erotica before the internet. Search bodice ripper.

To be perfectly blunt, I'd be shocked if any man who isn't a teenager would masturbate more than three times per day as a man's hand is tighter than a vagina.

Moomoomacshoe · 06-09-2019 01:49PM

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

I have a little section at the front of my bag where I keep my wet wipes. Very good for wiping down toilet seats, walls, partitions, door handles etc. Probably three times a week. Sometimes I'll pull in on the way to work and pull off in plastic sleeve too. I find if I do that though, that I'll definitely be going in for another one in the work jax at 11.00. Very high libido me.

And how exactly do you travel to work?

rgmmg · 06-09-2019 01:59PM

Have worked in quite a few places over the years and have not been aware that it's been happening - at least by anyone on a regular basis.

I should know, particularly in recent times, as I spend c. 15 mins in the toilets in one sitting these days while on the ecig. Perhaps that's what they are up to?

Franz Von Peppercorn II · 06-09-2019 02:41PM

Some of the posters on this thread never seem to leave a cubicle - they are either sh1ting or ****.

Strange crowd of weirdos.

Tikki Wang Wang · 06-09-2019 02:50PM

Franz Von Peppercorn II wrote: »

Some of the posters on this thread never seem to leave a cubicle - they are either sh1ting or ****.

Strange crowd of weirdos.

Sounds like paradise!

Boom_Bap · 06-09-2019 02:58PM

Franz Von Peppercorn II wrote: »

Some of the posters on this thread never seem to leave a cubicle - they are either sh1ting or ****.

Strange crowd of weirdos.

Sounds like one messy cubicle

Corvo · 06-09-2019 03:49PM

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I don't think I do, pal. Stereotypes don't grow on trees, and the stereotypes of those who work in the trenches of IT are as follows:

Overweight
Neckbeard and/or long hair. Extra points if the beard has beads in it.
Combat trousers and skateboard runners. Wallet chain and hoodies.
Faint to strong smell of BO
A disdain for exercise.
Overestimate their own intelligence, and believe a narrow window of expertise in Linux or Networking makes them a worldwide authority on everything else.
Mad into New Atheism, computer gaming, man-child comic book movies, questionable Japanese cartoons.
Diet is extremely unhealthy and frozen pizza is a staple of the diet.
Love of obscure and overpowering craft beers.
Public transport user.
Overcompensates for obvious inadequacies by having a vaping 'rig' the size of a shoebox, and emits clouds of smoke that put Moneypoint to shame.
Not very successful with the women, and do that creepy 'male feminist' thing.
Message board moderators.

And always seem to pick the female characters in those Japanese fighting games that has massive breasts bouncing.

Tikki Wang Wang · 06-09-2019 04:04PM

Corvo wrote: »

And always seem to pick the female characters in those Japanese fighting games that has massive breasts bouncing.

Massive bub-bubs

Kenjataimu · 06-09-2019 07:03PM

Franz Von Peppercorn II wrote: »

Some of the posters on this thread never seem to leave a cubicle - they are either sh1ting or ****.

Strange crowd of weirdos.

My boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That's why I poop on company time!

Reviews and Books Galore · 06-09-2019 07:04PM

Corvo wrote: »

And always seem to pick the female characters in those Japanese fighting games that has massive breasts bouncing.

I remember those

Tikki Wang Wang · 07-09-2019 09:38AM

Do lassies engage in work time bean flicking at all?

Church on Tuesday · 07-09-2019 10:27AM

No, I'm not some savage.

JohnnyFlash · 07-09-2019 11:28AM

Tikki Wang Wang wrote: »

Do lassies engage in work time bean flicking at all?

I’m sure they do.

EmmetSpiceland · 07-09-2019 11:36AM

I really hope that any men on here who claims they’ve never “done it” are lying just to save face or just too cowardly to admit it.

If not, I would suggest they book an “appointment” with a doctor to get their testosterone levels checked. There are a number of “conditions” that can cause this is young men.

I’d also be concerned they could well suffer from something called “Gynecomastia”, a swelling of the breast. Worth looking into and don’t wait on it, do it now!

Ally Dick · 07-09-2019 12:01PM

The toilets in my job are too smelly for pedalling purposes, unless you are turned on by the smell of Indian curry

EmmetSpiceland · 07-09-2019 12:10PM

Ally Dick wrote: »

The toilets in my job are too smelly for pedalling purposes, unless you are turned on by the smell of Indian curry

Use the “special needs” toilet. Fully sealed off, generally cleaner and you won’t have to listen to some gaseous “symphony” blowing across the air.

Reviews and Books Galore · 07-09-2019 12:15PM

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I really hope that any men on here who claims they’ve never “done it” are lying just to save face or just too cowardly to admit it.

If not, I would suggest they book an “appointment” with a doctor to get their testosterone levels checked. There are a number of “conditions” that can cause this is young men.

I’d also be concerned they could well suffer from something called “Gynecomastia”, a swelling of the breast. Worth looking into and don’t wait on it, do it now!

Or they just have a lower sex drive, masturbate before work or just don't feel like masturbating before work.

You know, funnilly enough, estrogen can actually increase the sex drive when it occurs in men.

I don't masturbate during work as it's technically masturbating in a public place and I am a virile healthy young bastion of masculinity :P

JohnnyFlash · 07-09-2019 12:37PM

Not too sure about the work **** myself. I’ve a flute on me that you could dry a damp duvet on, so nothing wrong in that department. And I’ve spoken passionately on this site about my love of privacy in the jacks. So it’s not that. It’s just the act of attempting to pull the mickey off yourself in work would lead to an overwhelming desire to sleep, and a sort of melancholy I wouldn’t be able to shake.

Mr E · 07-09-2019 12:38PM

After Hours is well and truly back.

Tikki Wang Wang · 07-09-2019 12:41PM

Mr E wrote: »

After Hours is well and truly back.

And would you have a wee tug of yourself in work Mr E? You seem a techie type?

The work fap

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