How do you feel about dating someone who earns much less than you?

kikilarue2 · 25-07-2019 01:58PM #1

Right now, I’m in the middle of going solo with a freelance business so I’m not earning a whole lot, but in the last few years I’ve had jobs with good companies and great salaries (up to €75k).

In that time I’ve dated bar men and other guys on fairly low wages. It didn’t get serious with any of them, but it did make me feel a little awkward going on dates.

Like the guy would want to pay and I don’t want to emasculate him by insisting on paying for myself or both of us, but it also felt ridiculous to let him pay for me when I was earning probably three times what he was.

In another instance, I might want to do something a bit pricier but don’t want to suggest it for fear of putting pressure on him.

Any other guys and gals been in this situation? How did you feel about it?

Leg End Reject · 25-07-2019 02:02PM

I've done it, but would be reluctant to do it again. I like nice things and places and don't want to have to always think about costs.

Now I'm not on mega money, but do earn more than a lot of people I know and don't overspend on day to day things, but I do like to treat myself.

Deebles McBeebles · 25-07-2019 02:03PM

I once went out with a girl who only took home 75k and it was terribly awkward when I wanted to head to Monaco for the weekend.

Leg End Reject · 25-07-2019 02:03PM

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

I once went out with a girl who only took home 75k and it was terribly awkward when I wanted to head to Monaco for the weekend.

The horror!

kikilarue2 · 25-07-2019 02:06PM

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

I once went out with a girl who only took home 75k and it was terribly awkward when I wanted to head to Monaco for the weekend.

Ah Deebles, I’d have let you treat me!

Ush1 · 25-07-2019 02:13PM

I don't "date" people because I'm Irish, not American. You go out for a feckin' drink with them!

Deebles McBeebles · 25-07-2019 02:13PM

kikilarue2 wrote: »

Ah Deebles, I’d have let you treat me!

Darling, its always my treat. I once handed Naomi Campbell a fiver and told her to look after herself.

I usually wouldn't have a fiver on me but the Lambo salesman insisted on giving me something in exchange for allowing his family to keep eating food due to the commission.

Leg End Reject · 25-07-2019 02:14PM

Ush1 wrote: »

I don't "date" people because I'm Irish, not American. You go out for a feckin' drink with them!

Or shift them.

Feisar · 25-07-2019 02:19PM

I'm on a fair wedge at the moment but that can change, wouldn't bother me to be honest.

kikilarue2 · 25-07-2019 02:20PM

Ush1 wrote: »

I don't "date" people because I'm Irish, not American. You go out for a feckin' drink with them!

One of the few positive cultural imports from the US in recent times has been dating.

Cina · 25-07-2019 02:22PM

I couldn't really give a sh*t what someone's earning as long as they actually work hard and make the most of themselves in whatever profession it is they work in or want to work in. The only thing I intently dislike is someone who is lazy and expects everything handed to them, that's the moment you should be worried about earning more than someone.

25-07-2019 02:23PM

id never insist on paying for her. offer maybe, or if it were an understood treat like a birthday, thats different.

once things get more involved then a clear understanding around shared costs and expectations around the bracket of hols, cars, houses, school yeah you're gonna have to have the chats but at that stage it should pretty much be "our money" not "my money" really.

eviltwin · 25-07-2019 02:24PM

At one point I was earning considerably more than my husband, now he earns more than me so it wouldn't bother me.

_blaaz · 25-07-2019 02:24PM

Yerra,why not like?

None of us ever gonna have enough money to be worrying about anyway

kikilarue2 · 25-07-2019 02:24PM

Cina wrote: »

I couldn't really give a sh*t what someone's earning as long as they actually work hard and make the most of themselves in whatever profession it is they work in or want to work in. The only thing I intently dislike is someone who is lazy and expects everything handed to them, that's the moment you should be worried about earning more than someone.

Oh that hasn’t been my experience at all. I’m talking about decent guys who just happen to earn a good bit less.

kikilarue2 · 25-07-2019 02:26PM

I think there’s a definite gendered element to it e.g.

Guy treats his girl to a weekend away - he’s so romantic, such a good boyfriend.

Girl treats her fella to a weekend away - she’s a bit desperate and he’s a chancer/ taking advantage

fmpisces · 25-07-2019 02:26PM

kikilarue2 wrote: »

Right now, I’m in the middle of going solo with a freelance business so I’m not earning a whole lot, but in the last few years I’ve had jobs with good companies and great salaries (up to €75k).

In that time I’ve dated bar men and other guys on fairly low wages. It didn’t get serious with any of them, but it did make me feel a little awkward going on dates.

Like the guy would want to pay and I don’t want to emasculate him by insisting on paying for myself or both of us, but it also felt ridiculous to let him pay for me when I was earning probably three times what he was.

In another instance, I might want to do something a bit pricier but don’t want to suggest it for fear of putting pressure on him.

Any other guys and gals been in this situation? How did you feel about it?

When I met my ex I was working and he wasn't, so I financially kept us going for a few months until he found work. Didn't bother me then, wouldn't bother me now if I met someone who was earning less than me. I'm on an alright wage but there's weeks, even months where I'd have less to splurge on than others, because of well, life and bills and kids etc. I'd be more concerned about attitude towards money than how much the pay packet was. I'm independent and don't plan on ever changing that. Like EVER. I wouldn't want to be with someone who was frivolous with money, but then I wouldn't want to be with a tightwad either. Balance.

Ush1 · 25-07-2019 02:27PM

kikilarue2 wrote: »

One of the few positive cultural imports from the US in recent times has been dating.

Not likely, judging by this thread anyway. Viewed as a f*cked up social/business transaction.

How Soon Is Now · 25-07-2019 02:28PM

Money means nothing!

It's usually the ones who have it that are the scabby ***** anyway!

kikilarue2 · 25-07-2019 02:31PM

Ush1 wrote: »

kikilarue2 wrote: »

One of the few positive cultural imports from the US in recent times has been dating.

Not likely, judging by this thread anyway. Viewed as a f*cked up social/business transaction.

That’s not how I view dating at all. If you think the old system of “let’s get ****faced, have sex, and make conversation for the first time the next day” was better, good for you.

Cina · 25-07-2019 02:33PM

kikilarue2 wrote: »

Oh that hasn’t been my experience at all. I’m talking about decent guys who just happen to earn a good bit less.

It's probably a more difficult scenario for women because guys are generally expected to pay for more stuff, at least at the start, so I guess if you know you earn more than him yet he's still insisting on paying for everything, it can illicit a level of guilt?

My girlfriend earns a good bit less than me, not cause she's not as smart as me, or doesn't work as hard as me, just she got less lucky with her chosen profession than I did. It happens. She still insists we go half and half on almost everything. I pay more towards the mortgage but that was only after spending a long time telling her it would be that way, and even that was sort of for selfish reasons because I want her to still have money for dinners out, holidays etc. and not be worrying!

B.A._Baracus · 25-07-2019 02:37PM

I am gonna hazard a guess and say there's a lot more women in this world who would have an issue dating a man with a lower income than the other way around.

Ush1 · 25-07-2019 02:40PM

kikilarue2 wrote: »

That’s not how I view dating at all. If you think the old system of “let’s get ****faced, have sex, and make conversation for the first time the next day” was better, good for you.

So talking to someone in a pub is an imported American cultural phenomenon?

Balanadan · 25-07-2019 02:46PM

I have no problem dating someone who earns much less than me because otherwise a lot of the dating pool would be eliminated. I do feel a bit awkward however when women earning much less than me fight to pay the bill. With modern women, I could honestly go out with a different beautiful woman every day of the week and they'd happily pick up the bill as they place such value on my company. As a gentleman though, I must insist on paying, although I sometimes yield on small things like letting them pay for a drink.

sportsfan90 · 25-07-2019 02:51PM

It wouldn't bother me at all.

What would be an issue is if the person I was seeing was completely irresponsible with money. I've seen it with a friend of mine who has to scrape the pennies together at the end of every month trying to pay the bills. That's understandable if she was on a low wage, but she earns good money. She doesn't drive a fancy car, go on expensive holidays, have any savings and she lives with a family member at much subsidised rent than the rest of us pay, so I asked her what exactly does she spend her money on that she's in that position every month. She literally couldn't give me an answer. And this woman is in her early 30's in a responsible job, not a teenager.

I know money is for spending but still I couldn't see myself with someone like her. I'd have no issue though with someone who isn't flush with money if she was responsible with what she earns.

Always Tired · 25-07-2019 02:55PM

Ush1 wrote: »

I don't "date" people because I'm Irish, not American. You go out for a feckin' drink with them!

You probably dont date anyone because you say stupid sh!te all the time.

Dating is courtship, romantic relations. Do you do that with everyone you go for a drink with? If you don't want to say dating you might say going out with but going for a drink with isn't an expression used for romantic relations in any country

L1011 · 25-07-2019 02:58PM

I started working full time quite young (got a degree at night) so I think I've always earned more than who I was going out with. Its neither uncommon nor something worth making a bit thing out of.

25-07-2019 02:58PM

kikilarue2 wrote: »

I think there’s a definite gendered element to it e.g.

Guy treats his girl to a weekend away - he’s so romantic, such a good boyfriend.

Girl treats her fella to a weekend away - she’s a bit desperate and he’s a chancer/ taking advantage

id need to know who its mooted was saying this in order to address it tbh

kikilarue2 · 25-07-2019 02:59PM

sportsfan90 wrote: »

It wouldn't bother me at all.

What would be an issue is if the person I was seeing was completely irresponsible with money. I've seen it with a friend of mine who has to scrape the pennies together at the end of every month trying to pay the bills. That's understandable if she was on a low wage, but she earns good money. She doesn't drive a fancy car, go on expensive holidays, have any savings and she lives with a family member at much subsidised rent than the rest of us pay, so I asked her what exactly does she spend her money on that she's in that position every month. She literally couldn't give me an answer. And this woman is in her early 30's in a responsible job, not a teenager.

I know money is for spending but still I couldn't see myself with someone like her. I'd have no issue though with someone who isn't flush with money if she was responsible with what she earns.

I’m not great with money myself tbh. Rent and bills are always paid on time but I don’t pay much attention to where my money goes and would be broke reasonably often even when earning good money as a result!

But I do have probably 8-10 months of income in savings. Could stretch it to 18 months in Thailand.

endacl · 25-07-2019 03:02PM

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

I once went out with a girl who only took home 75k and it was terribly awkward when I wanted to head to Monaco for the weekend.

Leg End Reject wrote: »

The horror!

Indeed!!

75k a month? She could live on that?!?

*Drops monocle*

magic_murph · 25-07-2019 03:05PM

kikilarue2 wrote: »

Right now, I’m in the middle of going solo with a freelance business so I’m not earning a whole lot, but in the last few years I’ve had jobs with good companies and great salaries (up to €75k).

In that time I’ve dated bar men and other guys on fairly low wages. It didn’t get serious with any of them, but it did make me feel a little awkward going on dates.

Like the guy would want to pay and I don’t want to emasculate him by insisting on paying for myself or both of us, but it also felt ridiculous to let him pay for me when I was earning probably three times what he was.

In another instance, I might want to do something a bit pricier but don’t want to suggest it for fear of putting pressure on him.

Any other guys and gals been in this situation? How did you feel about it?

Any pics?

How do you feel about dating someone who earns much less than you?

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