How do you feel about dating someone who earns much less than you?

kikilarue2

Right now, I’m in the middle of going solo with a freelance business so I’m not earning a whole lot, but in the last few years I’ve had jobs with good companies and great salaries (up to €75k).

In that time I’ve dated bar men and other guys on fairly low wages. It didn’t get serious with any of them, but it did make me feel a little awkward going on dates.

Like the guy would want to pay and I don’t want to emasculate him by insisting on paying for myself or both of us, but it also felt ridiculous to let him pay for me when I was earning probably three times what he was.

In another instance, I might want to do something a bit pricier but don’t want to suggest it for fear of putting pressure on him.

Any other guys and gals been in this situation? How did you feel about it?

Leg End Reject

I've done it, but would be reluctant to do it again. I like nice things and places and don't want to have to always think about costs.

Now I'm not on mega money, but do earn more than a lot of people I know and don't overspend on day to day things, but I do like to treat myself.

Deebles McBeebles

I once went out with a girl who only took home 75k and it was terribly awkward when I wanted to head to Monaco for the weekend.

Leg End Reject

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

I once went out with a girl who only took home 75k and it was terribly awkward when I wanted to head to Monaco for the weekend.

The horror!

kikilarue2

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

I once went out with a girl who only took home 75k and it was terribly awkward when I wanted to head to Monaco for the weekend.

Ah Deebles, I’d have let you treat me!

Ush1

I don't "date" people because I'm Irish, not American. You go out for a feckin' drink with them!

Deebles McBeebles

kikilarue2 wrote: »

Ah Deebles, I’d have let you treat me!

Darling, its always my treat. I once handed Naomi Campbell a fiver and told her to look after herself.

I usually wouldn't have a fiver on me but the Lambo salesman insisted on giving me something in exchange for allowing his family to keep eating food due to the commission.

Leg End Reject

Ush1 wrote: »

I don't "date" people because I'm Irish, not American. You go out for a feckin' drink with them!

Or shift them.

Feisar

I'm on a fair wedge at the moment but that can change, wouldn't bother me to be honest.

kikilarue2

Ush1 wrote: »

I don't "date" people because I'm Irish, not American. You go out for a feckin' drink with them!

One of the few positive cultural imports from the US in recent times has been dating.

Cina

I couldn't really give a sh*t what someone's earning as long as they actually work hard and make the most of themselves in whatever profession it is they work in or want to work in. The only thing I intently dislike is someone who is lazy and expects everything handed to them, that's the moment you should be worried about earning more than someone.

id never insist on paying for her. offer maybe, or if it were an understood treat like a birthday, thats different.

once things get more involved then a clear understanding around shared costs and expectations around the bracket of hols, cars, houses, school yeah you're gonna have to have the chats but at that stage it should pretty much be "our money" not "my money" really.

eviltwin

At one point I was earning considerably more than my husband, now he earns more than me so it wouldn't bother me.

_blaaz

Yerra,why not like?

None of us ever gonna have enough money to be worrying about anyway

kikilarue2

Cina wrote: »

I couldn't really give a sh*t what someone's earning as long as they actually work hard and make the most of themselves in whatever profession it is they work in or want to work in. The only thing I intently dislike is someone who is lazy and expects everything handed to them, that's the moment you should be worried about earning more than someone.

Oh that hasn’t been my experience at all. I’m talking about decent guys who just happen to earn a good bit less.

kikilarue2

I think there’s a definite gendered element to it e.g.

Guy treats his girl to a weekend away - he’s so romantic, such a good boyfriend.

Girl treats her fella to a weekend away - she’s a bit desperate and he’s a chancer/ taking advantage

fmpisces

kikilarue2 wrote: »

Right now, I’m in the middle of going solo with a freelance business so I’m not earning a whole lot, but in the last few years I’ve had jobs with good companies and great salaries (up to €75k).

In that time I’ve dated bar men and other guys on fairly low wages. It didn’t get serious with any of them, but it did make me feel a little awkward going on dates.

Like the guy would want to pay and I don’t want to emasculate him by insisting on paying for myself or both of us, but it also felt ridiculous to let him pay for me when I was earning probably three times what he was.

In another instance, I might want to do something a bit pricier but don’t want to suggest it for fear of putting pressure on him.

Any other guys and gals been in this situation? How did you feel about it?

When I met my ex I was working and he wasn't, so I financially kept us going for a few months until he found work. Didn't bother me then, wouldn't bother me now if I met someone who was earning less than me. I'm on an alright wage but there's weeks, even months where I'd have less to splurge on than others, because of well, life and bills and kids etc. I'd be more concerned about attitude towards money than how much the pay packet was. I'm independent and don't plan on ever changing that. Like EVER. I wouldn't want to be with someone who was frivolous with money, but then I wouldn't want to be with a tightwad either. Balance.

Ush1

kikilarue2 wrote: »

One of the few positive cultural imports from the US in recent times has been dating.

Not likely, judging by this thread anyway. Viewed as a f*cked up social/business transaction.

How Soon Is Now

Money means nothing!

It's usually the ones who have it that are the scabby ***** anyway!

kikilarue2

Ush1 wrote: »

kikilarue2 wrote: »

One of the few positive cultural imports from the US in recent times has been dating.

Not likely, judging by this thread anyway. Viewed as a f*cked up social/business transaction.

That’s not how I view dating at all. If you think the old system of “let’s get ****faced, have sex, and make conversation for the first time the next day” was better, good for you.

Cina

kikilarue2 wrote: »

Oh that hasn’t been my experience at all. I’m talking about decent guys who just happen to earn a good bit less.

It's probably a more difficult scenario for women because guys are generally expected to pay for more stuff, at least at the start, so I guess if you know you earn more than him yet he's still insisting on paying for everything, it can illicit a level of guilt?

My girlfriend earns a good bit less than me, not cause she's not as smart as me, or doesn't work as hard as me, just she got less lucky with her chosen profession than I did. It happens. She still insists we go half and half on almost everything. I pay more towards the mortgage but that was only after spending a long time telling her it would be that way, and even that was sort of for selfish reasons because I want her to still have money for dinners out, holidays etc. and not be worrying!

B.A._Baracus

I am gonna hazard a guess and say there's a lot more women in this world who would have an issue dating a man with a lower income than the other way around.

Ush1

kikilarue2 wrote: »

That’s not how I view dating at all. If you think the old system of “let’s get ****faced, have sex, and make conversation for the first time the next day” was better, good for you.

So talking to someone in a pub is an imported American cultural phenomenon?

Balanadan

I have no problem dating someone who earns much less than me because otherwise a lot of the dating pool would be eliminated. I do feel a bit awkward however when women earning much less than me fight to pay the bill. With modern women, I could honestly go out with a different beautiful woman every day of the week and they'd happily pick up the bill as they place such value on my company. As a gentleman though, I must insist on paying, although I sometimes yield on small things like letting them pay for a drink.

sportsfan90

It wouldn't bother me at all.

What would be an issue is if the person I was seeing was completely irresponsible with money. I've seen it with a friend of mine who has to scrape the pennies together at the end of every month trying to pay the bills. That's understandable if she was on a low wage, but she earns good money. She doesn't drive a fancy car, go on expensive holidays, have any savings and she lives with a family member at much subsidised rent than the rest of us pay, so I asked her what exactly does she spend her money on that she's in that position every month. She literally couldn't give me an answer. And this woman is in her early 30's in a responsible job, not a teenager.

I know money is for spending but still I couldn't see myself with someone like her. I'd have no issue though with someone who isn't flush with money if she was responsible with what she earns.

Always Tired

Ush1 wrote: »

I don't "date" people because I'm Irish, not American. You go out for a feckin' drink with them!

You probably dont date anyone because you say stupid sh!te all the time.

Dating is courtship, romantic relations. Do you do that with everyone you go for a drink with? If you don't want to say dating you might say going out with but going for a drink with isn't an expression used for romantic relations in any country

L1011

I started working full time quite young (got a degree at night) so I think I've always earned more than who I was going out with. Its neither uncommon nor something worth making a bit thing out of.

kikilarue2

kikilarue2 wrote: »

I think there’s a definite gendered element to it e.g.

Guy treats his girl to a weekend away - he’s so romantic, such a good boyfriend.

Girl treats her fella to a weekend away - she’s a bit desperate and he’s a chancer/ taking advantage

id need to know who its mooted was saying this in order to address it tbh

kikilarue2

sportsfan90 wrote: »

It wouldn't bother me at all.

What would be an issue is if the person I was seeing was completely irresponsible with money. I've seen it with a friend of mine who has to scrape the pennies together at the end of every month trying to pay the bills. That's understandable if she was on a low wage, but she earns good money. She doesn't drive a fancy car, go on expensive holidays, have any savings and she lives with a family member at much subsidised rent than the rest of us pay, so I asked her what exactly does she spend her money on that she's in that position every month. She literally couldn't give me an answer. And this woman is in her early 30's in a responsible job, not a teenager.

I know money is for spending but still I couldn't see myself with someone like her. I'd have no issue though with someone who isn't flush with money if she was responsible with what she earns.

I’m not great with money myself tbh. Rent and bills are always paid on time but I don’t pay much attention to where my money goes and would be broke reasonably often even when earning good money as a result!

But I do have probably 8-10 months of income in savings. Could stretch it to 18 months in Thailand.

endacl

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

I once went out with a girl who only took home 75k and it was terribly awkward when I wanted to head to Monaco for the weekend.

Leg End Reject wrote: »

The horror!

Indeed!!

75k a month? She could live on that?!?

*Drops monocle*

magic_murph

kikilarue2 wrote: »

Right now, I’m in the middle of going solo with a freelance business so I’m not earning a whole lot, but in the last few years I’ve had jobs with good companies and great salaries (up to €75k).

In that time I’ve dated bar men and other guys on fairly low wages. It didn’t get serious with any of them, but it did make me feel a little awkward going on dates.

Like the guy would want to pay and I don’t want to emasculate him by insisting on paying for myself or both of us, but it also felt ridiculous to let him pay for me when I was earning probably three times what he was.

In another instance, I might want to do something a bit pricier but don’t want to suggest it for fear of putting pressure on him.

Any other guys and gals been in this situation? How did you feel about it?

Any pics?

Ush1

Always Tired wrote: »

You probably dont date anyone because you say stupid sh!te all the time.

Dating is courtship, romantic relations. Do you do that with everyone you go for a drink with? If you don't want to say dating you might say going out with but going for a drink with isn't an expression used for romantic relations in any country

I'm happily married and never once "dated" in my life thanks.

I'll leave that to the rather sad, vacuous wannabe D4 types who talk like they have a euro coin stuck up their hole.:)

kikilarue2

Ush1 wrote: »

Always Tired wrote: »

You probably dont date anyone because you say stupid sh!te all the time.

Dating is courtship, romantic relations. Do you do that with everyone you go for a drink with? If you don't want to say dating you might say going out with but going for a drink with isn't an expression used for romantic relations in any country

I'm happily married and never once "dated" in my life thanks.

I'll leave that to the rather sad, vacuous wannabe D4 types who talk like they have a euro coin stuck up their hole.:)

I’d say you’re great craic at parties anyway though.

facehugger99

I'd really be hoping my OH is ok with this.

Ush1

kikilarue2 wrote: »

I’d say you’re great craic at parties anyway though.

Yep, I like the "let’s get ****faced, have sex, and make conversation for the first time the next day" type parties.

These American ones you go to sound amazing though.

kikilarue2

facehugger99 wrote: »

I'd really be hoping my OH is ok with this.

I don’t think it makes too much of a difference in an established relationship.

Moreso in the early days of dating.

homosapien91

My ex earned a lot more than me yet he was always coming to me for loans, so to me it doesn't really matter once your sensible with your money

bear1

I think money is probably the biggest issue you'll have in a relationship.
The amount of times I've seen it destroy couples is ridiculous.
I couldn't give a crap if the person earnt less as long as we could both put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads.
Being open about finances would probably be the best thing you could do imo.

kikilarue2

Ush1 wrote: »

kikilarue2 wrote: »

I’d say you’re great craic at parties anyway though.

Yep, I like the "let’s get ****faced, have sex, and make conversation for the first time the next day" type parties.

These American ones you go to sound amazing though.

For the purposes of getting back on topic, what term are you most comfortable with for two strangers who begin spending time together for romantic purposes in the hopes of ending up in a relationship?

nthclare

Most of my execs earned a lot more than I

I'd love to meet someone who's not earning as much but unfortunately I just seem to attract high flyer's and women who are looking for a bit of rough.

But eventually the money comes between us, and I don't like foreign holidays, city breaks etc

I suppose I dress well have a house which I bought from inheritance, like my rugged Bellstaf wax biker jacket s and rustic looking boot's and worn looking jeans...

My date's are usually the lady who shop's in Brown Thomas, love's her couture and agent provocateur etc..

Im told I'm great arm candy, no more am I going to undermine my dignity by being arm candy etc....

It's farmers market s and rustic car boot sales from now on 😆

Ush1

kikilarue2 wrote: »

For the purposes of getting back on topic, what term are you most comfortable with for two strangers who begin spending time together for romantic purposes in the hopes of ending up in a relationship?

Butt buddies.

Balanadan

nthclare wrote: »

Most of my execs earned a lot more than I

I'd love to meet someone who's not earning as much but unfortunately I just seem to attract high flyer's and women who are looking for a bit of rough.

But eventually the money comes between us, and I don't like foreign holidays, city breaks etc

I suppose I dress well have a house which I bought from inheritance, like my rugged Bellstaf wax biker jacket s and rustic looking boot's and worn looking jeans...

My date's are usually the lady who shop's in Brown Thomas, love's her couture and agent provocateur etc..

Im told I'm great arm candy, no more am I going to undermine my dignity by being arm candy etc....

It's farmers market s and rustic car boot sales from now on ��

Them wans would do you bleedin' nut in after a while regardless of how much money you earn.

nthclare

Balanadan wrote: »

Them wans would do you bleedin' nut in.

I know sure the guy's who have similar earnings as them want the newer model, and the beat goes on....

Opposites attract alright ha ha

Greyfox

nthclare wrote: »

Most of my execs earned a lot more than I

Same here, pretty much all the women I have dated have earned more then me. Its never been an issue for me though and i'm guessing the woman I'm dating now earns more than me too. I generally dont tell the person im dating what I earn and don't get myself into situations where it needs to be discussed. I think you should be with someone a few years before to have to tell them your salary.

Franz Von Peppercorn II

It would be good to state sex/gender here. Or run a Pole.

Male — don’t care.

In fact my oh is back to being a student at the mo.

Franz Von Peppercorn II

nthclare wrote: »

Most of my execs earned a lot more than I

I'd love to meet someone who's not earning as much but unfortunately I just seem to attract high flyer's and women who are looking for a bit of rough.

But eventually the money comes between us, and I don't like foreign holidays, city breaks etc

I suppose I dress well have a house which I bought from inheritance, like my rugged Bellstaf wax biker jacket s and rustic looking boot's and worn looking jeans...

My date's are usually the lady who shop's in Brown Thomas, love's her couture and agent provocateur etc..

Im told I'm great arm candy, no more am I going to undermine my dignity by being arm candy etc....

It's farmers market s and rustic car boot sales from now on 😆

If you own a house you are probably better off than many. Assuming you are in your twenties. Or even early 30s. It probably signals a biggish income.

So they may not like a bit of rough at all.

nthclare

Franz Von Peppercorn II wrote: »

If you own a house you are probably better off than many. Assuming you are in your twenties. Or even early 30s. It probably signals a biggish income.

So they may not like a bit of rough at all.

I'm 44

Wibbs

A few times yeah. Some were studying part time to increase career knowledge so would have had little enough disposable and that's grand. I was happy to help when required and when I could. Others were more into the old style man/woman dynamic(even though would have claimed they weren't) so TBH I tended to think - and this was usually confirmed - that her money was hers, but my money was more a collective entity in the relationship, so I just accepted that. It is what it is.

One eyed Jack

It’s not something I really ever considered tbh. Like that’s not to say it wouldn’t occur to me, but that’s only because I’d be conscious I wasn’t making them feel shìte about earning more or less than me or being wealthier or not as wealthy, whatever.

I can’t stand the idea though of people who tot up and divvy up every last cent 50/50 or one person pays whatever bills out of their income and the other person pays whatever bills out of their income and each person has “their own money” and their own individual accounts and all the rest of it. I know some people in relationships are like that and it works for them and fair enough, but it just seems to me like a penny pinching attitude or something, frugal I suppose? I dunno, just not something I’d be into anyways.

sportsfan90

Wibbs wrote: »

A few times yeah. Some were studying part time to increase career knowledge so would have had little enough disposable and that's grand. I was happy to help when required and when I could. Others were more into the old style man/woman dynamic(even though would have claimed they weren't) so TBH I tended to think - and this was usually confirmed - that her money was hers, but my money was more a collective entity in the relationship, so I just accepted that. It is what it is.

Screw that!

Again I've no problem if a partner didn't earn much money, which was the case in my last relationship when she was still in college. In that case there's no issue with me paying a bit more. But I'm not paying more for no other reason just that I'm a man.

blackcard

I went on a second date with a girl, offered and paid for the meal as I had after our first date. 2 minutes later, she told me that there was no chemistry etc. and was ending it. It had nothing to do with money but I reckon I was better off