How common is it for people to never find an other half or have kids?

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Where do these women live? It's common enough in Dublin, but in rural Ireland (where half my family is from), people still get married and/or have kids around their mid twenties. Several of my friends from primary school have kids in secondary school by now. We're 34.

And I don't count women who met their partners in their twenties as 'single'. Half of your sample group were indeed settled with partners in their twenties and the third met her partner around 30. You're kind of proving my point here.

Three of the four are from county towns in Galway. The fourth is from Eastern Europe.

If your point remains "people see single women over 30 as worthless" then I'm absolutely not proving that point. I have never been made to feel that way either in Dublin or Galway. It's not regarded as unusual at all to be single at 30 in my peer group or in any office I've worked in.

There's a meme about it that goes something like "I'm at that age where half my friends are getting married and having babies and the other half are too drunk to find their phones".

That sums it up pretty well for me, we're in that 'in between' phase - certainly not on the shelf for life.

kikilarue2 wrote: »

Just thinking about my female friends for a sec

A is 32, she met her fella in school married him at 27 and they have no kids yet.

E is 31 and was single up to a year ago, in a steady relationship now.

L is 33, met her fella at 22, getting married probably next year

V is 38, met her fella at 33 and had their first kid at 36, married at 37, will prob have number 2 at 39

Almost no woman I know in her 30s was properly settled down - married with kids - by 30. Which is why the idea that a single woman at 30 is 'worthless' is a bizarre point of view and definitely not commonplace. In fact, the only ones I can think of are girls who stayed in my hometown, didn't go to college or travel - work in the local pharmacy or solicitor's office. Absolutely nothing wrong with that either.

I can think of one explicit comment I've gotten recently, there's an Italian Roma guy who sells the Big Issue beside where I work, he brings his son in for ice cream some afternoons, we get on well and have a good chat in that way people do when they've about fifty words of each other's languages :pac: anyways he had another kid recently and was showing me pictures then mimed his way through the "and what about your kids" question. I said no, no babies and his jaw nearly hit the floor "whaaaat?? No babies???"

That's obviously coming from a different culture though. I've worked with and dealt with some sexist dinosaurs over the years in this country, and while there can certainly be an unconscious or more subtle negative attitude, explicit comments like that are a vanishingly small exception in my experience.

I do get comments from my older family members and they do sometimes get to me, but I know they wouldn't be talking to co-workers or acquaintances that way either.

I'm 30 and in a LTR, most of my friends would be coupled up, very few with kids, very few married, I can't think of any who are both, any of the married ones visas/residency played a big part.

Edit: I'm from the ruralest of rural Ireland.

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

And where did I say otherwise? I've ended relationships, I know people are allowed to leave.

What I'm saying is that it's a normal reaction to be heartbroken and devastated after the end of a long relationship where your lives were totally entwined and you'd made all kinds of future plans together.

It's not remotely normal to be heartbroken and devastated because the woman you kissed ONCE doesn't want to see you again.


I can't believe this needs explaining.

I cried for three days in October over a guy I had never met. He lived far away and we texted a lot for about six weeks, and then he told me he wasn't interested. I was absolutely gutted.

You don't get to tell people how upset they are allowed to feel about something.

I have a cousin who ended an 11 year relationship and felt nothing but relief.

Talia Late Crosswalk wrote: »

I can think of one explicit comment I've gotten recently, there's an Italian Roma guy who sells the Big Issue beside where I work, he brings his son in for ice cream some afternoons, we get on well and have a good chat in that way people do when they've about fifty words of each other's languages :pac: anyways he had another kid recently and was showing me pictures then mimed his way through the "and what about your kids" question. I said no, no babies and his jaw nearly hit the floor "whaaaat?? No babies???"

Oh I did get a lot of that when I lived in the Middle East, where a woman being single and unmarried at my age would be very unusual and fairly frowned upon.

I get the odd "you career girls think you can have it all" type comment. The only hurtful one I got lately was about a year ago - an aunt who's pretty miserable in her own marriage told me I'm too picky (if anything I'm not picky enough!) and I said to her "Do you not think I should be fairly picky about choosing someone to spend ther est of my life with?"

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Well, I certainly agree with that. I don't think 30s is old at all and find that viewpoint ridiculous, but I am one of very few mid 30s women at my (very big) workplace who isn't married/engaged/a mother. Very, very few of the men are single. Maybe it is unusual, who knows?

Okay, now we're getting somewhere. Do you see the distance between "very few women in their mid-30s are single" and "women in their mid-30s who are single are worthless"?

kikilarue2 wrote: »

Oh I did get a lot of that when I lived in the Middle East, where a woman being single and unmarried at my age would be very unusual and fairly frowned upon.

I get the odd "you career girls think you can have it all" type comment. The only hurtful one I got lately was about a year ago - an aunt who's pretty miserable in her own marriage told me I'm too picky (if anything I'm not picky enough!) and I said to her "Do you not think I should be fairly picky about choosing someone to spend ther est of my life with?"

My mother, god bless her, seems to think there's some magical number of pictures of my cousins'/her friend's kids' babies that she can send me on WhatsApp that will suddenly make me broody :rolleyes: My dad likes to inform my siblings and I in quite an injured tone "Wee Brian just had another daughter. That's six grandkids Brian has now. He'd four by my age "

Both my siblings will definitely be parents I'd say, they're both younger than me and I wish they'd hurry it up, pull a bit of focus from me! My brother is only 25 and his girlfriend a bit younger and just getting started on her career, my sister is just starting her MA in September so probably another few years of my phone being clogged up with identical pictures of babies I really don't care about...

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I've never sought an explanation for a man I've kissed once not wanting to pursue something. What would it achieve? In what way could it possibly be helpful, other than drawing my attention to something objectively off putting and also fixable, like having bad breath? If someone doesn't want to date me, I don't see the point in pressing to know why.

If I see someone isn't interested (and it has happened, and in a couple of cases without giving me the courtesy of telling me so), I move on. Like a normal person.

And it's totally fine that that's your approach to dating. I don't see anything wrong with it. Your thoughts on this are not universally held though, and other people are allowed have different opinions on dating etiquette.

The Dalai Lama wrote: »

She can dish it out, she can take it.

Start of a beautiful romance if ever I read one!

:pac:

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Yourself and Lainey should totally hook up already, it’s making for gripping reading




ps. Welcome back Kiki!

Talia Late Crosswalk wrote: »

Start of a beautiful romance if ever I read one!

:pac:

Boards Beers 2019 #shagfest ??