Have you ever ghosted someone?

CPTM · 10-05-2019 03:26PM

I find that almost everyone who says they haven't ghosted someone actually has ghosted someone at some point and that person was so insignificant to them at the time, they hardly remember doing it. Everyone has phased someone out of their lives (be it friends or relationships) because it's easier than sitting a person down and basically telling them

"Listen, I used you for a period of time and I'm done now. There's nothing more I need from this relationship so I'm going to continue on for the rest of my life like this never happened. From this moment on, you are basically nothing to me. I will probably only think about you during periods of time where I'm relieved that this is all over and I never have to deal with your needy-ness again. If I see you, I'll cross the street, or pretend to look at my phone, or just ignore you altogether.

I wanted to tell you that you know, just in case ghosting you would be hurtful."

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 10-05-2019 03:31PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Ah the sexist card, I was waiting for that old chestnut.

There's nothing remotely sexist about anything I have said and it's not my problem if you can't handle a frank discussion about this particular topic.

I'm handling it fine, I'd be happy to continue it, if you want to flounce out of it then that's no skin off my nose however. My frank observation is that your views are sexist and I've laid out why I think so. if you find yourself incapable of defending them (or let me guess, "there's no point talking to you if you're so wound up/can't handle the truth" :pac:) then grand, have a nice weekend

Wanderer2010 · 10-05-2019 03:37PM

Do men ghost each other as friends, particularly Irish men?! Or is it more a man to woman thing and two men who don't like each other just stay away from each other?

KikiLaRue · 10-05-2019 03:37PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Ah the sexist card, I was waiting for that old chestnut.

There's nothing remotely sexist about anything I have said and it's not my problem if you can't handle a frank discussion about this particular topic.

Stereotyping people based on their sex is sexism. Your first post on this thread said that "women don't like conflict" and men are immature. Since we all know that women are perfectly capable of conflict and men are perfectly capable of being mature, your views are very clearly sexist toward both.

Unless you'd like to take back what you said, or clarify what you meant...?

Pro-tip: If you don't want to be called sexist, don't say sexist things.

Kimbot · 10-05-2019 03:40PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Ah the sexist card, I was waiting for that old chestnut.

There's nothing remotely sexist about anything I have said and it's not my problem if you can't handle a frank discussion about this particular topic.

Because it is sexist, women have emotions and men dont. Women can ghost but men do it and they are immature. What ever happened to equality eh......

completedit · 10-05-2019 03:45PM

Bobblehats wrote: »

Ghosting became a real problem for me, so I turned off the noise reduction in the picture settings. Worked a treat.

Can ya explain.

Church on Tuesday · 10-05-2019 03:58PM

Edith Early Upstairs wrote: »

I'm handling it fine, I'd be happy to continue it, if you want to flounce out of it then that's no skin off my nose however. My frank observation is that your views are sexist and I've laid out why I think so. if you find yourself incapable of defending them (or let me guess, "there's no point talking to you if you're so wound up/can't handle the truth" :pac:) then grand, have a nice weekend

I really don't see what the point is to be honest, I think I've made myself fairly clear. In fact you've pre emptied that fact by trotting out the tried and true "there's no point talking to you if you're so wound up/can't handle the truth"

You're just trying to get a rise and tbh you lost all credibility once you used the sexism card.

Good weekend to you too

Church on Tuesday · 10-05-2019 03:59PM

KikiLaRue wrote: »

Stereotyping people based on their sex is sexism. Your first post on this thread said that "women don't like conflict" and men are immature. Since we all know that women are perfectly capable of conflict and men are perfectly capable of being mature, your views are very clearly sexist toward both.

Unless you'd like to take back what you said, or clarify what you meant...?

Pro-tip: If you don't want to be called sexist, don't say sexist things.

It's not sexism, it's fact.

KikiLaRue · 10-05-2019 04:02PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

It's not sexism, it's fact.

Cool, cool, cool. Thank you for clarifying that you don't know what a fact is. And that you don't know what sexism is. That's grand. You don't seem particularly stupid though, so you should considering learning the proper meaning of the words you use.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 10-05-2019 04:04PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

I really don't see what the point is to be honest, I think I've made myself fairly clear. In fact you've pre emptied that fact by trotting out the tried and true "there's no point talking to you if you're so wound up/can't handle the truth"

You're just trying to get a rise and tbh you lost all credibility once you used the sexism card.

Good weekend to you too

You have made clear that you don't think your sexist views are sexist, yes. You haven't defended, validated, backed up anything though, that's what I'm trying to get, not a rise. I'm sorry, though not hugely surprised I saw your exit plan coming.

Hey guys, Jews run the world and subjugate the white race and the holocaust is made up. That's not anti-Semitism, it's fact, and there's no point talking to anyone who accuses me of anti semitism, sure they lose all credibility as soon as they use that term, ok?

Autecher · 10-05-2019 04:05PM

The messer in me can no longer resist posting this

Church on Tuesday · 10-05-2019 04:12PM

KikiLaRue wrote: »

Cool, cool, cool. Thank you for clarifying that you don't know what a fact is. And that you don't know what sexism is. That's grand. You don't seem particularly stupid though, so you should considering learning the proper meaning of the words you use.

It's not sexism, it's fact.

Yup, women are capable of conflict but that's a whole other thread.

The OPs original post was 'have you ever been ghosted' and I have given the very obvious common sense reasons why woman and men ghost based on life experiences, the experiences of my friends and people I have lived with and watching the actions, or rather the inaction, of men and women very closely.

If some women here are stating that they are not emotional beings, simply because they have their back up as they see it as some kind of weakness and never make decisions based on their emotions then they are A. acting deluded and B. not being honest with themselves.

Church on Tuesday · 10-05-2019 04:13PM

Edith Early Upstairs wrote: »

You have made clear that you don't think your sexist views are sexist, yes. You haven't defended, validated, backed up anything though, that's what I'm trying to get, not a rise. I'm sorry, though not hugely surprised I saw your exit plan coming.

Hey guys, Jews run the world and subjugate the white race and the holocaust is made up. That's not anti-Semitism, it's fact, and there's no point talking to anyone who accuses me of anti semitism, sure they lose all credibility as soon as they use that term, ok?

I thought you were leaving?

Church on Tuesday · 10-05-2019 04:14PM

Autecher wrote: »

The messer in me can no longer resist posting this

Now that's sexism

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 10-05-2019 04:15PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

I thought you were leaving?

Where'd you get that impression?

KikiLaRue · 10-05-2019 04:16PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

It's not sexism, it's fact.

Yup, women are capable of conflict but that's a whole other thread.

The OPs original post was 'have you ever been ghosted' and I have given the very obvious common sense reasons why woman and men ghost based on life experiences, the experiences of my friends and people I have lived with and watching the actions, or rather the inaction, of men and women very closely.

Cool, I think the problem is you're stating these things as though they are facts as opposed to your opinion based on your own experiences, and then generalising them to apply to the entire population.

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

If some women here are stating that they are not emotional beings, simply because they have their back up as they see it as some kind of weakness and never make decisions based on their emotions then they are A. acting deluded and B. not being honest with themselves.

Both men and women are emotional beings. That's what science and common sense would tell you. Both men and women make decisions based on their emotions, it's part of what makes us human.

The fact that you think this is a purely female thing is a sexist opinion to hold, as well as just being factually incorrect.

....... · 10-05-2019 04:28PM

CPTM wrote: »

I find that almost everyone who says they haven't ghosted someone actually has ghosted someone at some point and that person was so insignificant to them at the time, they hardly remember doing it. Everyone has phased someone out of their lives (be it friends or relationships) because it's easier than sitting a person down and basically telling them

Phasing out isnt ghosting though.

Ghosting means that you go from having a normal relationship with the person one minute to total silence the next.

Phasing someone out means you see them less and less and respond to them less and less. You dont just go from lots of contact to zero contact with no explanation.

blue note · 10-05-2019 04:59PM

I did once and I still feel bad about it. I met a girl on the way to get my coat in D2 and we pretty much went straight home together. I was hammered but had a great night (to the best of my recollection) but definitely a great morning with her so asked her out on a date (I got her to put her number into my phone to find out her name). But then the date was dreadful. She was so hard to get any conversation out of and it wasn't just that we had nothing in common, but our personalities were miles apart. I really just didn't enjoy her company. At the end of the night I was really surprised when she said she'd like to come back to my place.

Then the next morning after we parted at the luas I got a lovely text from her. But I drafted a heap of replies throughout the day and then the next day but just couldn't get a wording I was happy with so ended up sending nothing.

The thing that bothers me about it is that she might feel that I judged her for being slutty or something. Being frank, the second night in particular she did things that must girls in relationships wouldn't do, and didn't care about the order she did them in. Most one night stands are fairly bland. But the second ons in particular was absolutely fantastic. But I didn't think it was fair to lead her along when I had no interest in a relationship so didn't want to drag her along just for sex. I just wish I could have found a text I was happy with to say thanks for a great night but I'm not looking for a relationship.

KikiLaRue · 10-05-2019 05:05PM

blue note wrote: »

I did once and I still feel bad about it. I met a girl on the way to get my coat in D2 and we pretty much went straight home together. I was hammered but had a great night (to the best of my recollection) but definitely a great morning with her so asked her out on a date (I got her to put her number into my phone to find out her name). But then the date was dreadful. She was so hard to get any conversation out of and it wasn't just that we had nothing in common, but our personalities were miles apart. I really just didn't enjoy her company. At the end of the night I was really surprised when she said she'd like to come back to my place.

Then the next morning after we parted at the luas I got a lovely text from her. But I drafted a heap of replies throughout the day and then the next day but just couldn't get a wording I was happy with so ended up sending nothing.

The thing that bothers me about it is that she might feel that I judged her for being slutty or something. Being frank, the second night in particular she did things that must girls in relationships wouldn't do, and didn't care about the order she did them in. Most one night stands are fairly bland. But the second ons in particular was absolutely fantastic. But I didn't think it was fair to lead her along when I had no interest in a relationship so didn't want to drag her along just for sex. I just wish I could have found a text I was happy with to say thanks for a great night but I'm not looking for a relationship.

Of course she thought you judged her.

Why couldn’t you have just sent the last line you wrote there “thanks for a great night but I’m not looking for a relationship”?

Do you not see how that would have been infinitely better than blanking her?

blue note · 10-05-2019 05:06PM

KikiLaRue wrote: »

Of course she thought you judged her.

Why couldn’t you have just sent the last line you wrote there “thanks for a great night but I’m not looking for a relationship”?

Do you not see how that would have been infinitely better than blanking her?

I know. I wish I did. I just kept writing it different ways hoping to find a way it came across well but couldn't. And here we are 5 years later.

KikiLaRue · 10-05-2019 05:10PM

blue note wrote: »

I know. I wish I did. I just kept writing it different ways hoping to find a way it came across well but couldn't. And here we are 5 years later.

I honestly think that’s so cowardly and cruel. “I couldn’t find a way to do it that made me look good/ feel good about myself so I decided to let her believe the worst”.

I’m trying not to judge you because you seem remorseful, but I’m failing tbh.

I hope she had a good gang of friends around her saying “never mind him, he was only a dickhead anyway”

....... · 10-05-2019 05:13PM

blue note wrote: »

Being frank, the second night in particular she did things that must girls in relationships wouldn't do, and didn't care about the order she did them in.

I am curious!!!

Particularly about the order?

Church on Tuesday · 10-05-2019 05:16PM

Edith Early Upstairs wrote: »

Where'd you get that impression?

You wished me a good weekend, it read like a parting of the ways.

blue note · 10-05-2019 05:18PM

KikiLaRue wrote: »

I honestly think that’s so cowardly and cruel. “I couldn’t find a way to do it that made me look good/ feel good about myself so I decided to let her believe the worst”.

I’m trying not to judge you because you seem remorseful, but I’m failing tbh.

I hope she had a good gang of friends around her saying “never mind him, he was only a dickhead anyway”

So do I. If someone ghosted a friend of mine after just a date I wouldn't have anything decent to say about them and if they did it after a night like the one we had I'd think they're an absolute scumbag. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm more bothered about it than her to be honest. Even if nothing developed from it or kind of spoiled what should have been a great memory.

beejee · 10-05-2019 05:18PM

I ghosted three mutha's in Compton last weekend. (Tayto) Crips for life!

Church on Tuesday · 10-05-2019 05:22PM

KikiLaRue wrote: »

Cool, I think the problem is you're stating these things as though they are facts as opposed to your opinion based on your own experiences, and then generalising them to apply to the entire population.

Both men and women are emotional beings. That's what science and common sense would tell you. Both men and women make decisions based on their emotions, it's part of what makes us human.

The fact that you think this is a purely female thing is a sexist opinion to hold, as well as just being factually incorrect.

Women are far far more emotional than men, not half as forth coming as men and for a lot of men who are inexperienced it is hard to read a woman's true intentions.

You keep confusing basic human feelings with heightened feminine emotions, you simply can't compare masculine emotion to feminine emotion.

Church on Tuesday · 10-05-2019 05:24PM

blue note wrote: »

So do I. If someone ghosted a friend of mine after just a date I wouldn't have anything decent to say about them and if they did it after a night like the one we had I'd think they're an absolute scumbag. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm more bothered about it than her to be honest. Even if nothing developed from it or kind of spoiled what should have been a great memory.

Stop beating yourself up.

It's in the past and the experience will lead you to make better decisions in the future.

Daisy78 · 10-05-2019 06:16PM

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

My teeth are in good nick and I haven't got my delph showing either, doesn't seem to cause any probs I just don't have a toothy smile usually

Same here. My natural smile is “closed mouth”. If I was to show my “delph” it would look more like a grimace!

KikiLaRue · 10-05-2019 07:09PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Women are far far more emotional than men, not half as forth coming as men and for a lot of men who are inexperienced it is hard to read a woman's true intentions.

You keep confusing basic human feelings with heightened feminine emotions, you simply can't compare masculine emotion to feminine emotion.

I'm not confusing anything. You're the one who keeps confusing your personal opinions with facts.

I think it's true that women are more likely to express their emotions, but men feel things just as deeply. Look it, whatever you need to tell yourself to justify being too cowardly to have a slightly awkward conversation is grand.

Church on Tuesday · 10-05-2019 08:21PM

KikiLaRue wrote: »

I'm not confusing anything. You're the one who keeps confusing your personal opinions with facts.

I think it's true that women are more likely to express their emotions, but men feel things just as deeply. Look it, whatever you need to tell yourself to justify being too cowardly to have a slightly awkward conversation is grand.

Wait... what?

Have you ever ghosted someone?

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