Have you ever ghosted someone?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 09-05-2019 05:05PM

mariaalice wrote: »

Well he said do you remember me and I vaguely did, he then said could we meet up I told him I was in a relationship and said good bye.

Why would you get in touch with someone after five years with never a word between its percuiluer.

My friend got a "happy Valentine's day!" message from an unknown number this year, turned out to be someone she'd briefly messaged on plentyoffish or something years ago. Asked did she remember him, she said no, would she be interested in going out, she said no thank you, so he signed off with a dick pic. It's a jungle out there!

Wanderer2010 · 09-05-2019 05:09PM

Yes I have and I did it to a so called friend recently. After 6 years of little hidden sly digs about me, always said with a smile to mask his true message, I finally had enough and completely cut him out of my life and im delighted. I ignored every single text and email, bumped into him in the pub 2 months later it was awkward and he said to me "you are one of my closest friends, I hope I haven't upset you". I said to him "too little too late but all the best" and walked off. Absolutely delighted to see the back of him. Its only when you take a step back and see what people are like do you realise how much crap you put up with.

Autecher · 09-05-2019 05:16PM

Edith Early Upstairs wrote: »

My friend got a "happy Valentine's day!" message from an unknown number this year, turned out to be someone she'd briefly messaged on plentyoffish or something years ago. Asked did she remember him, she said no, would she be interested in going out, she said no thank you, so he signed off with a dick pic. It's a jungle out there!

Dafuq is wrong with some people!? Did he send her the picture of his willy as a "this is what you're missing out on" kind of thing? Or was he so upset at being rejected that he was harassing her?

I don't expect you to know the actual answer of course Edith Early Upstairs but I would be curious to know why he would do that.

ginandtonicsky · 09-05-2019 05:27PM

....... wrote: »

The story here about the guy with the bad teeth is difficult. It probably would have been better to be straight up and tell him his dental hygiene/condition was extremely off putting so you werent interested.

It's a tricky one though because how do you bring that up..."I did some facebook stalking and it turns out your teeth are in pretty bad shape...which I can't really work with, sorry"

I can totally see why you wouldn't want to be the deliverer of that news, not that the chap isn't aware of his poor dental hygiene.

Mister Vain · 09-05-2019 05:54PM

Dial Hard wrote: »

If I can't get a decent butcher's at someone's teeth in any of their profile pics, I won't swipe right, genuinely. If someone isn't showing their delph in *any* of their pics, there's a reason for it.

Really? I have five photos on my profile. Two are close ups where my mouth is closed and the other three are full length shots so my teeth aren't clearly visible. My teeth are fine so it's not like I'm trying to hide them or anything. I just never really took it into consideration. I might try uploading a few shots with my teeth clearly visible to see if it makes much difference in the amount of matches I get.

Your Face · 09-05-2019 06:37PM

Ive never ghosted someone to break up with them.
I have technically ghosted toxic friends and nutjob ex's though.

Atoms for Peace · 09-05-2019 06:46PM

I'm not into the social media much and not very confident socialy, so I've probably inadvertently ghosted just about everyone I know.

Thelonious Monk · 09-05-2019 07:35PM

Mister Vain wrote: »

Really? I have five photos on my profile. Two are close ups where my mouth is closed and the other three are full length shots so my teeth aren't clearly visible. My teeth are fine so it's not like I'm trying to hide them or anything. I just never really took it into consideration. I might try uploading a few shots with my teeth clearly visible to see if it makes much difference in the amount of matches I get.

My teeth are in good nick and I haven't got my delph showing either, doesn't seem to cause any probs I just don't have a toothy smile usually

fxotoole · 09-05-2019 07:38PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDw3E9EgW5I

^ how to deal with someone who’s ghosting you

fonecrusher1 · 09-05-2019 07:49PM

mariaalice wrote: »

Kinda related, went on a few dates with someone one onetime never really came to anything did not think he was that interested he seemed to be all over the place, anyway five years later I get a phone call from him.

He was pregnant?

JupiterKid · 09-05-2019 08:14PM

No, I have never done such a thing. I would always break it off with someone I’ve been having a relationship with, however brief, in person and in a direct manner. It’s better to be up front and honest and direct. Ghosting seems like a cowardly and selfish way out and can keep the other party left hanging and wondering.

I was myself “ghosted” a couple of times, by guys I met on dating/hookup apps and in hindsight I was glad nothing more came of our flings because if that was the way they treated people they ended a relationship with then they weren’t worth having a proper relationship with in the first place.

Bobblehats · 09-05-2019 08:28PM

Can’t see the harm in it? Long as the relationship is maintained

I don’t see why anyone should feel haunted by a bit of friendly caspering.

Church on Tuesday · 09-05-2019 10:28PM

Edith Early Upstairs wrote: »

You got some odd and inflexible views on women man. "They're ruled by their emotions poor little pets, we must coddle them and be strong manly men for these mysterious sexy princesses" isn't any less sexist than similar infantilising opinions expressed without your veneer of respect or whatever it is you think you're conveying you know.

Anyways yeah I did once ghost someone, and it took some doing considering we had three classes together and were on the same school bus route :pac: I literally didn't know what to do so I just ignored the whole situation.

Well I guess the username was a giveaway but you can't just assume gender these days y'know.

I don't think women are particularly mysterious TBH. There are any amount of men who put women on a pedestal and yes, certainly think of women as almost mythical beings.

There's nothing 'mysterious' abut women at all. Nothing. We're all just human beings at the end of the day, but there are differences between both sexes.

I'm not quite sure what your later point is, but yeah I don't particularly think women 'need' a man but you can bet your bottom dollar a woman, a straight woman, wants and needs to be with a confident masculine man. Conversely, I only date and want to be with women who have their **** relatively together. I'm not your fixer.

You did, more or less, what I stated in the post you quoted and I bet you did that because you didn't want to hurt that lads feelings and thus avoid conflict which pretty much backs up the point I made earlier.

Also, I've no real interest in going through your past posts no offence and I don't really have the time either, the football has been on.

ILoveYourVibes · 09-05-2019 10:39PM

Someone I knew had a claim of professional misconduct against my devilmaster. It was ridiculous and she ended up dropping it. Or was prob advise to.

I SO ghosted that self entitled bitch.

She could have ****ed up my place if the claim went anywhere and it was ridic.

stoneill · 10-05-2019 07:49AM

I once jumped out from behind a pillar and shouted "BOO!"
Is that the same thing?

....... · 10-05-2019 11:01AM

stoneill wrote: »

I once jumped out from behind a pillar and shouted "BOO!"
Is that the same thing?

Its very close but unless you were wearing a white sheet it doesnt count.

arybvtcw0eolkf · 10-05-2019 11:09AM

Genuine question. But what is 'ghosting?

....... · 10-05-2019 11:26AM

Alice Greasy Trauma wrote: »

Genuine question. But what is 'ghosting?

Its when you just disappear from the face of the earth from someone without ever telling them.

So you had a phone call or meeting with your partner as normal and then you just never contacted them again and ignored any communication from them, blocked them on social media, changed phone number and moved house in extreme cases. With no explanation.

We used to just call it "blanking someone" but ghosting seems to be the current word for it.

BrokenArrows · 10-05-2019 11:26AM

Alice Greasy Trauma wrote: »

Genuine question. But what is 'ghosting?

Where you just cut off all contact with a person without explanation. You disappear from their lives like a ghost.

Mainly used in related to dating, where someone just stop responding to phone calls or texts. One party usually thinks everything was going fine and all of a sudden, silence.

10-05-2019 11:39AM

Yeah, but I had no choice. Turned up to dates and they were total munters.

wakka12 · 10-05-2019 11:50AM

No I think its horribly rude. I would much prefer if somebody told me sorry but Im not feeling it instead of just ignoring me and wondering what Ive done wrong to make them stop replying so I would have always shown the same courtesy with others

Its awkward saying it yeh but any mature adult should be able to deal with the fact that somebodys not into them, and theyll appreciate you not wasting their time in the long run instead of avoiding telling them the truth and drawing out the whole process with childish games

ginandtonicsky · 10-05-2019 11:54AM

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Yeah, but I had no choice. Turned up to dates and they were total munters.

"Total munters", so eloquent. Would you not have scoped them out a bit more before committing to a date with someone after seeing 1 - 3 one dimensional photos of them online?

People lie online, we all know that. And men jump to meet up if you match and have five seconds of chit chat. I won't give someone my number and do that quick move to whatsapp without knowing a bit more about them, at least enough to know they're not a total lunatic, totally unsuitable or look nothing like their profile pics.

Kimbot · 10-05-2019 02:18PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Man here.

Woman are emotional beings. They don't like conflict, so it is easier to ghost. You can call it immature behavior if you want,but there's more to it than that. If a woman's attraction level in you is low in the first place, and you've been pen pals for a few weeks (not recommended BTW) and won't commit to a date and you then keep badgering her, when she has actually subliminally told you she's not interested, she will then ghost.

Men who ghost are immature. It's a man who typically will ask the date, set the date etc. If he can set the date, then he should have the cop on to cancel the date also or express his lack of attraction after the initial date. Men are supposed to be assertive after all.

Nah thats a load of bull, both men and women are emotional. If one lacks maturity for doing it then so do the others, its as plain and as simple as that.

bear1 · 10-05-2019 02:32PM

The whole social media aspect has completely changed the way people seem to think.
Why you simply can't tell someone you aren't interested anymore and leave it there I don't know.
It's such a kick in the confidence balls when it happens and the person will only end up evaluating his or herself in a negative way.
I've been ghosted and yes I did wonder what I had done wrong but not for too long cause I realised the other person must be a complete and utter ****ebag to be able to do easily do that to someone.
Which brings me onto another point of social media, the amount of times I've gone out to see a couple sit no more than 20cm from each and their heads buried into their phones.
If I could I'd ban Facebook and instagram in an instant and let the humans get back to how things used to be.

Bobblehats · 10-05-2019 02:44PM

Ghosting became a real problem for me, so I turned off the noise reduction in the picture settings. Worked a treat.

ginandtonicsky · 10-05-2019 02:46PM

bear1 wrote: »

The whole social media aspect has completely changed the way people seem to think.
Why you simply can't tell someone you aren't interested anymore and leave it there I don't know.
It's such a kick in the confidence balls when it happens and the person will only end up evaluating his or herself in a negative way.

It's a good point. I think there's some considerable brain re-arranging going on with all the dating apps that are so mainstream these days. It's like slot machines. No account for the basic tenets of human interaction, just swipe, message, whatsapp, date, next. Not really surprising that ghosting is now a thing in that context.

KikiLaRue · 10-05-2019 02:46PM

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Yeah, but I had no choice. Turned up to dates and they were total munters.

Username does not check out.

Church on Tuesday · 10-05-2019 03:06PM

Kimbot wrote: »

Nah thats a load of bull, both men and women are emotional. If one lacks maturity for doing it then so do the others, its as plain and as simple as that.

They very clearly are not.

All human beings have feelings, if that's what you're getting at, but women act and make decisions based on emotions.

Women will ghost because they don't want conflict. For example, your typical woman on POF or whatever will be inundated with messages from lads because that's the ratio.

Now if that woman decides her interest level is sufficiently high enough, she will engage in a conversation with that lad. If, for whatever reason, the guy messes up by being too needy, too sexual in conversation, nearly demanding to meet etc and if they have been chatting away for a couple of weeks or it's too much hassle to meet, what do you think the woman is going to do?

She will ghost.

She, most of the time, is not going to come out and say "I'm not interested sorry" because a lot of lads on sites are thirsty and get invested too early and will therefore get the hump and start bombarding her with messages, esp if they have been chatting to said woman for a number of weeks.

It's easier for a woman to just delete the conversion or just ignore messages as a result.

It's a plain and simple as that and it's happening up and down the country as we speak.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 10-05-2019 03:15PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Well I guess the username was a giveaway but you can't just assume gender these days y'know.

I don't think women are particularly mysterious TBH. There are any amount of men who put women on a pedestal and yes, certainly think of women as almost mythical beings.

There's nothing 'mysterious' abut women at all. Nothing. We're all just human beings at the end of the day, but there are differences between both sexes.

I'm not quite sure what your later point is, but yeah I don't particularly think women 'need' a man but you can bet your bottom dollar a woman, a straight woman, wants and needs to be with a confident masculine man. Conversely, I only date and want to be with women who have their **** relatively together. I'm not your fixer.

You did, more or less, what I stated in the post you quoted and I bet you did that because you didn't want to hurt that lads feelings and thus avoid conflict which pretty much backs up the point I made earlier.

Also, I've no real interest in going through your past posts no offence and I don't really have the time either, the football has been on.

My point is you have a sexist view of women, no matter how hard you work to convey it in language which isn't openly derogatory and a tone that isn't hostile.

Would you say that men make decisions and form opinions based on logic as opposed to women who as you say base these processes on emotions? If so, how do you reconcile that with your opinion/observation in that 4th paragraph? "I'm not saying women need a man[...]women need a man, and a specific type of man at that".

I did ghost that boy out of wanting to avoid conflict, but I wasn't a woman then, I was a child. What's acceptable at 15 is not at 30, regardless of gender. Patronising sexism that infantilises women and gives them a free pass for bad behaviour because god love them, EMOTIONS is still sexism. It's just the other cheek of the same arse as excusing sexual harassment etc with "boys will be boys".

Church on Tuesday · 10-05-2019 03:24PM

Edith Early Upstairs wrote: »

My point is you have a sexist view of women, no matter how hard you work to convey it in language which isn't openly derogatory and a tone that isn't hostile.

Would you say that men make decisions and form opinions based on logic as opposed to women who as you say base these processes on emotions? If so, how do you reconcile that with your opinion/observation in that 4th paragraph? "I'm not saying women need a man[...]women need a man, and a specific type of man at that".

I did ghost that boy out of wanting to avoid conflict, but I wasn't a woman then, I was a child. What's acceptable at 15 is not at 30, regardless of gender. Patronising sexism that infantilises women and gives them a free pass for bad behaviour because god love them, EMOTIONS is still sexism. It's just the other cheek of the same arse as excusing sexual harassment etc with "boys will be boys".

Ah the sexist card, I was waiting for that old chestnut.

There's nothing remotely sexist about anything I have said and it's not my problem if you can't handle a frank discussion about this particular topic.

Have you ever ghosted someone?

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