Anyone else not want children?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 04-04-2019 08:16PM

:pac:

pass-it-on-my-life-has-no-meaning-maybe-the-31913027.png

Heckler · 04-04-2019 08:36PM

I got married at 37 and my wife was 34. We agreed from the start that we didn't want kids. She was focused on traveling and I don't like kids so that was ok. We've gone our separate ways since so dunno if shes changed her mind.

Of my 3 sisters 2 have kids and their (and husbands) approach to parenting couldn't be more different. One is very rigid and strict about their behaviour whilst at the same time being very affectionate and caring while the other is more casual and relaxed and once the kids aren't doing any harm or causing anyone bother let them be kids.

Ave Sodalis · 04-04-2019 10:14PM

Western Lowland Gorilla wrote:

Tell "everyone else" to eff off, or just laugh it off. Each to their own your life. Maybe you'll change your mind, maybe you won't. Not for them to be concerned about

I'm already tired of saying it to people, the next 20 years of it sounds exhausting

Vela · 04-04-2019 10:17PM

Greentopia wrote: »

Don't you just love coming to AH to be told that not only are you an asshole, but your as yet unborn children will be too? :pac: Ah AH never change...

:pac:

Geuze · 04-04-2019 10:25PM

VivaMessi wrote: »

I'm 25 with my partner and the thoughts of having children makes me literally sick. Looking after them non stop till their 11 or 12. Then leeching money off you till they finish college or longer. Anyone else feel like this because I don't know what I'm gonna say to my partner when she wants to start trying. I never want children

I have two.

Best thing I ever did.

Pure class, great craic altogether.

They add so much joy to life.

pgj2015 · 04-04-2019 10:41PM

I am 35 and am definitely never having kids. I couldn't cope with the fact i would be responsible for another human being for 18 years.

I would rather be told i have 6 months to live than to be told i was going to become a dad.

Gimme A Pound · 05-04-2019 01:42AM

I don't have any objection to people choosing not to have children, even if it's how we're nearly all biologically destined. Plenty of people are still having families.

There are so many sad cases of unwanted, abused, neglected children - obviously being a parent is not right for everyone. I am not saying that those who choose not to have children would all abuse them if they did (the vast majority obviously wouldn't) but I think it's preferable for people to have the choice. And people who keep having children when they aren't financially or emotionally or mentally or socially set up - anywhere in the world - well that doesn't exactly work out.

What I would like is for those who cannot have children and would dearly love to, to be able to adopt those neglected children much more easily than they can at present.

spurshero · 05-04-2019 02:09AM

pgj2015 wrote: »

I am 35 and am definitely never having kids. I couldn't cope with the fact i would be responsible for another human being for 18 years.

I would rather be told i have 6 months to live than to be told i was going to become a dad.

Really ????

Trump Is Right · 05-04-2019 04:00AM

Kivaro wrote: »

I have to admit; your optimism warms the cockles of my heart.

Anyone who sees the reality of their existence, and true nature of this world and society we live in... and still manages to be largely optimistic, is quite frankly suffering from some kind of delusional mental condition!

Most functioning unhappy people, are in fact just steely eyed realists, who see this life for what it really is. And yet still derive some pleasure from it.

To be clear, I would absolutely love to be suffering from this mental condition known as "optimism"... it sounds like fun. Unfortunately I'm of sound mind, so I don't have the option of living in this make-believe fantasy land.

Canis Lupus · 05-04-2019 04:15AM

spurshero wrote: »

Really ????

I'd probably feel the same at 38. I find keeping a dog onerous enough even if he is cute. A child would just be literally awful never mind that I'd have to convert my ducktales style money vault into a nursery. I'm far far far too selfish with my time although luckily I've a partner who is of the same mind so thankfully it's not an issue.

keithkk16 · 05-04-2019 04:36AM

I'm 30 now and the only one in my family out of 6 siblings that hasn't had a child and I'm sick of people asking when I'm gonna get around to it. I'm pretty sure I don't want any and because seeing the amount of stress and tiredness my siblings go through trying to deal with work and a social life and looking after them has completely put me off having children. I love being an uncle and godfather, but if I had my own I know for sure I'd become depressed. Even if I did want one I would know for sure that I'm definitely not ready to have any. I'm happy enough with my 4 month old dog atm.

pgj2015 · 05-04-2019 08:25AM

spurshero wrote: »

Really ????

yes.

Ush1 · 05-04-2019 08:38AM

ibarelycare wrote: »

Statistically very likely.

*citation needed

05-04-2019 08:46AM

The people who genuinely don't want children have always been like that probably since their early teens its a very deep issue.

Its not about not wanting to share your money or at 36 acting like they are a 20 years old etc, they are different issues possible to do with modern life.

We are lucky to live in a society where people now have a choice about having children.

seamus · 05-04-2019 08:51AM

pgj2015 wrote: »

yes.

I mean this in all seriousness and with no malice intended, that you should probably go see a therapist for your confidence issues.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids, but being so terrified that you're too inept to have kids that you would rather die instead, sounds like a deeper problem to me.

branie2 · 05-04-2019 08:53AM

A deal-breaker in my book.

Ave Sodalis · 05-04-2019 08:54AM

Samira Shrilling Waistband wrote:

Rather be told you had six months to live? I'd say people who are actually terminally ill would prefer to be told they have a baby on the way.

Being completely honest, if abortion had not been legalised and I had fell pregnant (even though I'm taking steps to prevent it), suicide would have strongly been considered.

AulWan · 05-04-2019 08:57AM

A good friend of mine has no children, she came from a large family of 8 children, she was the eldest child. She was married but honest about not wanting to have children.

She told me the reason was because from the time she was 8 or 9 years old she was expected to be a mini-mother to her younger siblings. She said by the time she left home she had enough of looking after children to do her a lifetime.

She went on to get a job, went to college at night and had a very good career. She is a very indulgent Aunt, and contributes substantially towards her nieces and nephews college educations. She is now retired, and she and her hubby regularly post on instagram from far flung places, the latest being the Grand Canyon. She has no regrets.

limnam · 05-04-2019 09:00AM

seamus wrote: »

I mean this in all seriousness and with no malice intended, that you should probably go see a therapist for your confidence issues.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids, but being so terrified that you're too inept to have kids that you would rather die instead, sounds like a deeper problem to me.

Bit OTT.

I wish more people identified themselves as too inept to bring up kids.

There'd be a lot less lil assholes around the place.

seamus · 05-04-2019 09:05AM

limnam wrote: »

Bit OTT.

I wish more people identified themselves as too inept to bring up kids.

There'd be a lot less lil assholes around the place.

Look, there's "Wow, I'd be so bad at that", and "My own ineptness scares me so much that I would rather die than have to confront it". That's OTT.

limnam · 05-04-2019 09:14AM

seamus wrote: »

Look, there's "Wow, I'd be so bad at that", and "My own ineptness scares me so much that I would rather die than have to confront it". That's OTT.

I dunno.

Late 30's becoming a parent. you're looking at the best part of 20 years of pain.

Compared to 6 months and out.....

Trump Is Right · 05-04-2019 09:18AM

seamus wrote: »

Look, there's "Wow, I'd be so bad at that", and "My own ineptness scares me so much that I would rather die than have to confront it". That's OTT.

Not much difference really, one is probably just slightly more honest than the other tbf...

Having kids despite your ineptness, is not "confronting" it either. Too many people jump straight into being a parent, despite having huge doubts about their capabilities or even how committed they are!

Even just consider how very few people even acknowledge the possibility that they could have a profoundly disabled child. There is a huge difference between being a parent of a healthy child, and being a lifelong carer to someone with a disability... how many people consider that they might be signing up for this life, when they think about starting a family? (I would wager not too many)

yourdeadwright · 05-04-2019 09:20AM

limnam wrote: »

Bit OTT.

I wish more people identified themselves as too inept to bring up kids.

There'd be a lot less lil assholes around the place.

Strangle enough plenty of f these "little assholes " are form parents who do a good job ,
Its not always the parents fault

Also sometimes having a child can be the making of a person ,In a lot of cases its impossible to tell who will be a good or bad parent before the child actually arrives , ( obviously not all the time )

Dalomanakora · 05-04-2019 09:38AM

I don't want kids, and thankfully bar one of my parents and one friend thinking I'm an idiot for it, everyone else I know is supportive of my choice. I've never had any maternal instinct. I love kids, I think they're great. I'll dote on my friends' kids, my siblings' kids, I love them all. I just don't want my own.

I'd be willing to be a step-parent, or date a man with children, providing it's no more than 2 kids, and they're like 5+ years old, but even then, I'd have to think about it. I don't mind responsibility for kids.

Just the process of being pregnant, giving birth, having a newborn? Nah. It's not for me. Never has been, and i don't think it ever will be.

TheBoyConor · 05-04-2019 10:00AM

Could people stop talking about a preference for getting a terminal illness and dying in 6 months rather than having a baby. Fair enough, you really don't want to have kids, we get it and that is fine.

But saying you would prefer to have a terminal illness, it is very insensitive and disrespectful to people who are in such an unfortunate position or who have friends or family affected by a terminal illness.

Cop yourselves on.

Trump Is Right · 05-04-2019 10:06AM

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Could people stop talking about a preference for getting a terminal illness and dying in 6 months rather than having a baby. Fair enough, you really don't want to have kids, we get it and that is fine.

But saying you would prefer to have a terminal illness, it is very insensitive and disrespectful to people who are in such an unfortunate position or who have friends or family affected by a terminal illness.

Cop yourselves on.

No!!

You cop yourself on, and stop trying to control other people!

Besides, having some horrible little runt for 18 years could easily be compared with having a terminal illness. At least with a terminal illness you get painkillers and a possible end date! :P

SusieBlue · 05-04-2019 10:12AM

I really really want them. I'd have one now if I could, the lack of man in my life makes it a bit more difficult though.

Its a deal breaker for me and not something I'd be willing to compromise on.

TheBoyConor · 05-04-2019 10:15AM

Are you for real?

Jesus man, I really hope you are never in the position where a family member is getting news that they have motor neuron disease or incurable cancer. Sure I'm sure you will reassure them by saying, "well sis/bro, could be worse, at least you're not having a baby! Lucky break for you , wha?"

You'd wanna adjust your attitude.

Trump Is Right · 05-04-2019 10:27AM

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Are you for real?

Jesus man, I really hope you are never in the position where a family member is getting news that they have motor neuron disease or incurable cancer. Sure I'm sure you will reassure them by saying, "well sis/bro, could be worse, at least you're not having a baby! Lucky break for you , wha?"

You'd wanna adjust your attitude.

Don't bring Jebus into this... it's complicated enough without getting that fella into the mix too!

Where there is life, there is death... disease and death and birth are all interconnected.

You can't control what others consider to be their worst fear. For some it's children... but others it's disease and death. That's their choice not yours!

yourdeadwright · 05-04-2019 10:27AM

Personal my life wouldn't be the same without them ,
They change you as a person for the better in my opinion
Iv learned more about myself since iv had kids than my whole life before that ,
If iv bad day in work I can't wait to get home to just spend time with them

This morning I was in the kitchen making breakfest and my 15 month old daughter wanders in in her PJ's, with a bed head so her hair is everywhere handing me the remote for the tv while saying "Da da , Pepe pepe" these cute little moment make it all worth while ,

To me with kids its all the little moments in life that I love that before i wouldn't have noticed ,

Anyone else not want children?

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