thoughts on situation

Nobody is going to be able to tell you if they are telling the truth or not.

Maybe the lobby was too noisy or busy. And why would they tell you if it wasn't innocent.

However I wouldn't go to a colleague's bedroom on a work trip for their sake and mine. I don't think its appropriate or respectful to partners and adding alcohol the equation is very unwise.

Have they given you reason to doubt their loyalty previously? How is the relationship otherwise?

That's very unprofessional behaviour. Why not use the hotel facilities?

An overreaction I think.
What happened when you saw red?
Where do your own thoughts lie on this matter and what happens when she's home?

If they need to discuss confidential information, it makes sense that they wouldn't do it openly in a bar and go somewhere more private. They also might have needed to charge a laptop in the room if they were working.

As for people saying it's unprofessional, a lot of people are mates with their work colleagues. It's likely their work put them up in a decent hotel/rooms, which would have a separate seating area. It's extremely unlikely that they were sprawled out on the bed together or anything like that.

Taking this event in isolation, I really wouldn't be worried. Do you have other reasons to be concerned though OP? The fact that you "saw red" is worrying - is there more reason to be concerned than you're telling us here, or do you generally have a short fuse? If it's the latter, I can see why she would've been reluctant to volunteer the information.

What if they need to go over a pitch/presentation for the next day though? You can't rehearse in a bar.

Again, taken in isolation I wouldn't be worried. There may be more context though that hasn't been revealed.

dartboardio wrote: »

There are chargers in bars and restaurants and in the lobby.

I have never ever heard of someone on business discussing business in their hotel bedrooms together. That is unheard of.

I've actually done this on business trips. Quite rarely to be fair but the information that needed to be discussed was highly confidential and therefore totally inappropriate to discuss in the bar or lobby area of a hotel.

That said, like someone else said, it was in a seating area of my room that was slightly separate to the bedroom part. I didn't see it as a massive deal at all. It was out of necessity.

OP no one can tell you what went on there but if you think that your partner would cheat on you that easily, then you have an issue in your relationship that you need to discuss. It could have been the most innocent thing in the world.

wiggle16 wrote: »

I think if your partner was up to something, it's unlikely they would have told you about the hotel room.

This resonates a lot with me.

On the other hand...

anonnnoonomus wrote: »

It niggled with me a bit so I asked her the day after where they went after dinner; turns out they went back to the hotel room of the work colleague with beers, but that it was just talking about work.

It is weird that your partner didn't get defensive or see red herself when questioned here, while also choosing to leave that part out of the original story. If I was chatting to my partner about what I got up to the night before, not only would I not leave stuff like that out, but I'd be pretty pissed if they started questioning me like this after the fact. She did leave it out and wasn't defensive. That's odd.

Ultimately, if I had to guess, I'd say nothing happened because they told you, but also that they knew it wouldn't get a good reaction if they did.

Also, as others have said, there's trust issues here. She could have not told you because she knew what your reaction would be like, or because she's sketchy. To break down which one this was, ask yourself if it was the first time you've ever questioned her with a view to seeing if she'd done anything like cheating? If you ever have, the pendulum swings towards you being jealous and her not wanting to tell you because she knows what your reaction will be. Now you're seeing the consequences of jealousy, you basically set up an infrastructure that guarantees your partner will lie or leave stuff out of stories to not worry you and that's just going to keep feeding itself (up to and including pushing her towards actually cheating or just leaving you down the line) until you sort it out.

On the other hand, if it niggled for good reason and you've never, ever questioned her about stuff like this before, maybe she knows she did wrong. Maybe she was curious or tempted or loving the freedom. That's worth an honest conversation too. But not if you're going to see red. Chat to her calmly about your feelings with a view to getting to the truth of the matter for the benefit of both of your lives. Even if you don't get the answer you're looking for, it's better to know and be able to deal with the facts. But that can only happen in an atmosphere without any anger or arguments or walls will go up.

acer911 wrote: »

What are you talking about? Obviously no experience of travelling for work. Unprofessional to be discussing confidential work information in the public spaces of the hotel more like it.

OP on the face of it you appear to be overreacting.

I've actually spent years travelling with work and never was the information so confidential that I couldn't find a quite corner of the bar or lobby to discuss it.

witchgirl26 wrote: »

Business isn't vague if they're away on a business trip. We don't need to know what the partner does or what the business actually is.

And in terms of need to discuss - if they're on a business trip, often things will come up that will have to be dealt with out of hours as normal working hours taken up with the meaning for the trip. I had to do it because during the day was meeting and presentations so no time to deal with normal work.



That is fine but it does happen. I was in charge of the whistleblowing line for my previous company so therefore discussing any of the details of cases when away with colleagues who I needed to talk to about the case in an open area would have been highly inappropriate. I wouldn't even discuss them at my desk in the office but in a meeting room.

So you went back to a hotel room to discuss confidential whistleblowing with beer? (reading the OP beer was brought back to the room).

JeffKenna wrote: »

So you went back to a hotel room to discuss confidential whistleblowing with beer? (reading the OP beer was brought back to the room).

Not with beer coz I can't stand it but yes I did have a drink. Reason being was a case had just come in and needed to be discussed fairly urgently. Next steps had to be decided there and then and weren't in a position to wait until the next morning.

I've also done it when sorting out the presentation myself and a colleague were due to give the next day. Some last minute tweaks needed doing and practice as to how we were going to handover during the course of it. Didn't exactly want to be practising a presentation in the lobby.