thoughts on situation

blue note

I feel so innocent reading this chat. My fiance travels a lot for work. I can think of plenty of times where the hotel room would be more suitable than the bar / lobby. If you had a few documents out and you don't want them visible to people, or if you had to make a call and put it on speaker. Rooms i stay in usually have two chairs and a table as well as the makeup area, so I'd say the room would work fine. I wouldn't expect her to bother asking for a meeting room unless she wanted to because the bedroom would work fine. I don't regard a hotel bedroom as like your own bedroom, it's pretty much your living area when you're staying in a hotel.

Aside from work, if she's got the inconvenience of being in a hotel for a week or two, I think it's a good idea to get out and go for dinner or have a drink or two providing you like who you're there with. In her industry that's pretty much all men, but that's grand. If she's friends with them having a drink in the room can be nicer than the bar at times.

I was once uncomfortable with a guy she was with for a conference, but that was completely to do with him. He has a girlfriend and new born baby, but literally never mentions them. My girlfriend seems to feel sorry for him because she thinks he sounds unhappy. He very possibly is, but I think it's a convenient impression to give off if you're looking for some the side fun. But that said - really my concern is that he'd try it on and make her uncomfortable as opposed to anything happening.

Anyway, I'm saying it's fine. Working away from home can be boring, a few drinks in the room with a work friend sounds like a reasonable way to relax to me.

heretothere

In one of my first jobs I didn't have to go away for work too often but some of my colleagues did. I don't know if they had beers in the rooms or not but we were on brutal wages so the bar would have been way to expensive. And as someone else said you can't just expense everything.

We would get our food paid for but had to provide receipts you couldn't really pull out one with 3 pints on it!

ManOfMystery

Context and detail is very important here.

Sitting together on a hotel bed with a beer each discussing something that could easily have been discussed in the hotel lobby or bar? Probably a bit inappropriate for work colleagues.

Sitting at a table in a separate section of a business class room (or suite) discussing something that was confidential or couldn't be done in a noisy area of the hotel? Understandable.

I've stayed in hotels many times with work and on the odd occasion a colleague has been in my room to discuss something (or vice versa) but it's usually sitting on chairs or round a table in a business class room and keeping it relatively formal.

LolaJJ

My partner travels a lot for work. While I would think it odd, inappropriate and somewhat irresponsible to put himself in the position of entering female colleagues hotel room I wouldn't ever jump to the conclusion anything happened or was suggested. I guess it's a trust thing.

xi5yvm0owc1s2b

OP, I for one have spent time in a female colleague's hotel room discussing a sensitive set of issues relating to her job and future. We went there for privacy -- other work colleagues were staying in the same hotel at the time, and we didn't want to be overheard in a public area.

Reserving a meeting room can leave a paper trail. Your work account will often be charged for the service, leaving you open to questions or suspicion about what you and X were doing in a meeting room at 10:30 p.m.

"Seeing red" is an inappropriate response, in my view. If it makes you uncomfortable, talk to her about it and explain why in a way that doesn't make her feel attacked and distrusted.

As others have said, if she went back to a colleague's room and slept with him, she's highly unlikely to have told you that she went there at all. In all likelihood, she told you the truth and you overreacted.

Fiftyfilthy

Talking confidential business in his bedroom on their own after drinks?

Is talking about business after a few drinks the norm?

Why couldn’t they discuss it in the morning, fresh and a quiet table in the hotel


It’s great people in this thread are so trusting. I would find it highly suspicious

Dtp1979

Yea it really comes down to trust. She could be saying it about the bedroom because she had nothing to hide.
She could also be saying it to cover her tracks in case she ever lets it slip in future. Has her line of work the need for strict confidentiality that it has to be discussed behind closed doors?? Only the op knows this, and if she’s a trustworthy person or not.

suicide_circus

going to a colleague's hotel room after dinner for any reason is incredible bad optically. it was a dumb thing to do but its unlikely anything happened as they told you about it.

LolaJJ

Fiftyfilthy wrote: »

It’s great people in this thread are so trusting. I would find it highly suspicious

I think the point is.....you either trust your partner or you don't.

Fiftyfilthy

LolaJJ wrote: »

I think the point is.....you either trust your partner or you don't.

Thanks for clarifying

wiggle16

Mod note:
Fiftyfilthy

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Thanks

Benny Biscotti

Dont forget that his partner lied when he first asked did she have drinks or anything after.

If it's as innocent and the norm for workers to have meetings in hotel room why was she uncomfortable enough not to tell you the first time you asked?

Dtp1979

Benny Biscotti wrote: »

Dont forget that his partner lied when he first asked did she have drinks or anything after.

If it's as innocent and the norm for workers to have meetings in hotel room why was she uncomfortable enough not to tell you the first time you asked?

Well spotted and I totally agree

silverharp

I’d assume it was innocent but seems to be awkward for her to explain it, which feeds back into why work meetings shouldn’t happen in hotel bedrooms, there is no upside and only potential downsides. In this day and age it seems like a complete outlier in terms of what would be deemed reasonable.

JustAThought

Agtee totally with the above - talk about putting HIM in a compromising position and hia stupidity in going for it. (If that is what happened). Alongside that is her original lue - not to mention that most business accounts would either have a reasonable vysiness use allocation for vusiness drinks (cluent$wine with meal) but would rarely allow for the extra cost od roomservixe for a beer or minubar loaded charges . Begs the qyeation - did they BYOB after a days work and meetings and 'business shopping' (really?) for a late night 'business meeting' in a bedroom. Sounds entirely unlukely on every call. But hey. Maybe its google they're working for and all normal rules or business observations uncluding basic HR and cop-on are by the wayside. Or she is lying again. Your pick.

Dark Phoenix

I have to be honest i'd be livid. Its not about you trusting she didnt cheat its about respect - if you respect your partner you dont put yourself willingly and deliberatly in a position where the other person could claim you cheated with them, where other colleagues on the trip could assume you cheated or where the other person could try it on. Its just not respectful at all and there was no reason or need for it - they could have worked in the hotel bar / foyer / meeting room but instead chose to be alone with a colleague of the other sex in their bedroom

dartboardio

Yep it would be a pretty big thing for me and my partner if one of us found out and the other had lied. It screams sketchy!

beauf

suicide_circus wrote: »

going to a colleague's hotel room after dinner for any reason is incredible bad optically. it was a dumb thing to do but its unlikely anything happened as they told you about it.

Maybe he was told because that's the only way to make it look less bad. It's not credible situation for me.

okatied

I've done this a few times and I didn't get up to any mischief. Sometimes because we work with sensitive information, sometimes we'd flick through channels and chat. Mostly because I love tasting local beers. These are usually not available in the hotel bar so I'd pop to an offie/supermarket/7eleven before dinner and get an ice bucket to keep them cool.

LegacyUser

Op, my heart goes out to you. This happened to me. I had complete trust in my then fiance, complete! Never for a second doubted him. Then, he went to a work conference for three days to the UK. At the time, he said that there were a few people from work going. What I didn't realise was that there were a few from another office and one woman from his team. If I had known, I wouldn't have thought anything of it.
Anyway, there was something one night that made me feel slightly off. It was a phone call and it just seemed slightly odd. I don't know why or how, but I had a feeling that something was not right. I probed and probed and I actually didn't get more of the story until a few weeks later. I never got the full story. What I eventually found out was that they had been out for dinner, had a few drinks and went back to one of the hotel rooms to practice a presentation. I am not a complete fool, nobody practices a presentation at night after a few drinks. This had been hidden from me. After that, I saw everything in a different light and I was suspicious of him and them. We broke up because of it. He protested his innocence, but he had no respect for me. He would never be honest about it. I knew that.
Ironically, I ended up working with someone who used to work in their company (different section) and they told me that there was fallout in work after that conference. They were known to be in that room together and a few weeks later they were both dumped by their other halves. Tongues wagged and they were always assumed to have slept together. My colleague does not know my connection to it, if came up in conversation about stupid things that people do.
To this day, I think that something happened. If nothing else, what happened was that he had no respect for me.

wiggle16

Thread locked as the OP hasn't been back since.