If a man wants a woman......

ginandtonicsky · 27-02-2019 02:57PM

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Anyway, don't think men will always chase when they're interested. Especially Irish men who I find to be a lot less forward when it comes down to it

Irish men can be brutal IME, sorry lads :pac: I've lived in many different countries and had pure shyte luck in Ireland, versus being hit on in the street or casually asked out in all kinds of scenarios elsewhere (this is a totally normal thing in the US, as an example)

It's this "men don't ask me out" vs "Irish women are rude" dynamic playing out, I know the apps are changing things but we've historically not been so comfortable with the notion of "Dating". People met their partners either whilst comatosed drunk down the pub or a friend-that-became-more-slowly typa thing. And the "hey baby" Italian-style attitude towards flirting doesn't really exist in Ireland, we slag each other off by way of expressing interest!

buried wrote: »

I find when I do the chasing at the start, all this chasing puts the ladies off and they not long to finish it
Without fail 5 - 6 months after the same women are back looking for me to start the chase again

Do you do a lot of online dating? I find the chaser/chasee dynamic can be strong on the apps. Women get so many messages that they expect men to do some serious chasing, and then everyone's so non-committal on these things that women don't want to come on too strong to kill the interest, etc

kowloon · 27-02-2019 02:58PM

Johnnyhpipe wrote: »

If he’s good looking its romantic. If he’s ugly its harassment.

Idea: Remake Romcoms shot for shot but have the leading man played by someone with a face like a slapped arse.

Blitzkrieger · 27-02-2019 03:13PM

Broadly speaking the OPs statement is true, but this should by no means be interpreted to mean that because he hasn't made a move, means he wouldn't be interested. As biko said :

biko wrote: »

Men can be shy, and are also fairly stupid..

I have at least one of these qualities in spades...

orourkeda1977 wrote: »

I was crazy about a girl I used to work with. It took me months to work up the courage to ask her out and she crushed my balls in about 3 seconds flat. In the metaphorical sense of course.

I feel for you - when that happens it's a fair auld knock to the confidence, self worth, etc. Hopefully you'll get a good response with the next lady.

Gimme A Pound · 27-02-2019 03:14PM

I've been led to believe that he... can't keep his mind on nothing else.

Church on Tuesday · 27-02-2019 03:19PM

At the end of the day, you won't get unless you ask.

killanena · 27-02-2019 03:20PM

I wouldn't say its very accurate, ever hear of friend zone? I know 2 lads in this position, they don't want to follow up on their feelings because they fear loosing that person from their lives if things go south. Also some lads are just shy,especially around a woman they find attractive and might never chase.

I was asked out by my fiancee. We were 17 at the time. Best friends, but I was seeing someone else (not going out, just shifting for lack of a better word lol). We had basically friendzoned each other. We both had feelings for eachother but feared ruining our friendship. She asked me if I would be her boyfriend one day we were in the local park on a beautiful day during the leaving cert.

I, of course said yes and we're together sense (8 years nearly!).

lainey_d_123 · 27-02-2019 03:27PM

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Not in my experience. Have had a good few situations where I found out years later that a male mate or colleague was into me years earlier. Either by them telling me directly “ah yeah I used to fancy you rotten back when we were in college” or by other means.

Dated a work acquaintance briefly who told me he’d go out of his way not to look at me / spend too much time talking to me because he was so shy and didn’t want to seem inappropriate. I thought he had no time for me at all!

Last major ex was pretty direct though, he was hook line and sinker from the get go. You’d need to be to get anywhere with me these days as I’m the opposite of direct myself most of the time

Is there anything more tragic than to hear that? As someone who is also terrible at reading signals, it's resulted in so many missed opportunities. The only men I've ended up dating are the ones who came on incredibly strong and as I'm sure you know, they can often end up being the narcissists or super cocky ones.

Floppybits · 27-02-2019 03:28PM

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Irish men can be brutal IME, sorry lads :pac: I've lived in many different countries and had pure shyte luck in Ireland, versus being hit on in the street or casually asked out in all kinds of scenarios elsewhere (this is a totally normal thing in the US, as an example)

Ah come on, if a guy was to approach a woman on the street in Ireland out of the blue and ask her out, he would looked at as if he was some sort of serial killer and either ignored or told to F**k Off.

Nothing worse that a woman play this hard to get crap, you are better of walking away from them, its not worth the time or effort.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 27-02-2019 03:32PM

I like shyer men so I've done most of the chasing. Weeks it took me with my OH. There's another friend I have, he's good looking, lovely guy, gainfully employed and all that and has no luck with the women at all. Used to be mystified by it until I saw him with a woman who, while not being direct, was dropping some pretty clear encouraging hints, all of which he was cheerfully 100% oblivious to. You could see the moment she decided he was either gay or not interested.

izzyflusky · 27-02-2019 03:41PM

What are people's definition of chasing? Just showing clear interest or making all the effort to see if something happens while the other person just sits and watches?

By the messages I've read I find that posters have different interpretations of it.

professore · 27-02-2019 03:44PM

Hayley Many Peak wrote: »

I like shyer men so I've done most of the chasing. Weeks it took me with my OH. There's another friend I have, he's good looking, lovely guy, gainfully employed and all that and has no luck with the women at all. Used to be mystified by it until I saw him with a woman who, while not being direct, was dropping some pretty clear encouraging hints, all of which he was cheerfully 100% oblivious to. You could see the moment she decided he was either gay or not interested.

Speaking from experience, this can come from a bad experience early on in the dating career where a girl dropped obvious hints but then either publicly rejected him or turned out to be leading him on for her own amusement. After that you think that's what's happening in every case.

professore · 27-02-2019 03:47PM

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Irish men can be brutal IME, sorry lads :pac: I've lived in many different countries and had pure shyte luck in Ireland, versus being hit on in the street or casually asked out in all kinds of scenarios elsewhere (this is a totally normal thing in the US, as an example)

I knew a Spanish woman who saw this as a major advantage of Irish men. She would be very confident and approachable however, unlike a lot of Irish women.

aloneforever99 · 27-02-2019 03:49PM

Floppybits wrote: »

Ah come on, if a guy was to approach a woman on the street in Ireland out of the blue and ask her out, he would looked at as if he was some sort of serial killer and either ignored or told to F**k Off.

Nothing worse that a woman play this hard to get crap, you are better of walking away from them, its not worth the time or effort.

This happened me for the first time in my life the other day.

I was walking to a restaurant to meet a friend and I was done up for a night out. A French guy told me he liked my hair and we chatted a bit for a few minutes as we were walking in the same direction. When it was time to go our separate ways he asked could he see me again and took my number.

I'm not interested in him, but it was a huge compliment and I let him down as gently as possible when he texted.

Autecher · 27-02-2019 03:50PM

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

And the "hey baby" Italian-style attitude towards flirting doesn't really exist in Ireland, we slag each other off by way of expressing interest!

I agree with that you bítch. :pac:

King of Kings · 27-02-2019 03:53PM

Never really chased women ever. If my initial "story luv?" didnt have her swooning I gave up and moved on.

Im a believer in that women either like you or not and I'd no time for chasing them or trying to convince them

Gimme A Pound · 27-02-2019 04:02PM

Why are men calling themselves stupid? There's about the same level of stupidity among men as there is among women surely.

RacoonQueen wrote: »

No such thing as ugly. One woman's 'ugly' is another woman's brutally handsome.

That's not always true though. Some people might be very attractive in terms of character but their looks are what's noticeable first.

I know the line about it being romantic if he's good-looking but sleazy harassment if he's not, gets used as a stick to beat women with, but there's more than an element of truth to it.

Not that it doesn't apply to men either though - if she's gorgeous, nice one; if she's not attractive, ew, get her away.

aloneforever99 · 27-02-2019 04:14PM

Mya Poor Greenery wrote: »

I know the line about it being romantic if he's good-looking but sleazy harassment if he's not, gets used as a stick to beat women with, but there's more than an element of truth to it.

One night after a houseparty I fell asleep on a couch and when I woke up this guy was fingering me while two other guys watched. I don't think I'd have been okay with this if the guy was better looking.

Very insulting stance tbh.

buried · 27-02-2019 04:29PM

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Do you do a lot of online dating? I find the chaser/chasee dynamic can be strong on the apps. Women get so many messages that they expect men to do some serious chasing, and then everyone's so non-committal on these things that women don't want to come on too strong to kill the interest, etc

Nah G, that's the thing I don't do any online dating at all. All the dates I've been on the last few years are women I've met in real life situations, out in pubs, mutual friends places, that sort of thing.

But yeah, these women probably are on these apps themselves too which could play in to it someway on their side.

Its just very annoying to be told by these types "this is isn't working", which is fair feicin enough BTW, that's no problem. Its annoying when you leave them be, which is what they are telling you they want, and you get on with your own stuff, but then for them to try to come back at you 5 - 6 months time to get on to you again. Its just plain $hitty. It happens a lot to me. I can set me calendar to it and its put me off trying to do anything dating wise, just a waste a time both in the present and without fail, down the road in 5-6 months like I said!

Zorya · 27-02-2019 04:32PM

aloneforever99 wrote: »

One night after a houseparty I fell asleep on a couch and when I woke up this guy was fingering me while two other guys watched. I don't think I'd have been okay with this if the guy was better looking.

Very insulting stance tbh.

:eek: Isn't that rape?

Floppybits · 27-02-2019 04:33PM

buried wrote: »

Its just very annoying to be told by these types "this is isn't working", which is fair feicin enough BTW, that's no problem. Its annoying when you leave them be, which is what they are telling you they want, and you get on with your own stuff, but then for them to try to come back at you 5 - 6 months time to get on to you again. Its just plain $hitty. It happens a lot to me. I can set me calendar to it and its put me off trying to do anything dating wise, just a waste a time both in the present and without fail, down the road in 5-6 months like I said!

I don't get this, so you go out on a few dates with a woman and then she says this is not working and you say fair enough and say your goodbyes and then 5-6 months later the same one contacts you out of the blue and says want to have another go?

Floppybits · 27-02-2019 04:34PM

Zorya wrote: »

:eek: Isn't that rape?

To me it would be rape or the high end of sexual assault and I hope the Poster that it happened too called the police and had the scumbag and his 2 mates charged.

buried · 27-02-2019 04:35PM

Floppybits wrote: »

I don't get this, so you go out on a few dates with a woman and then she says this is not working and you say fair enough and say your goodbyes and then 5-6 months later the same one contacts you out of the blue and says want to have another go?

That is exactly it. Literally the last 4 dates I went on over the space of a few years, this is exactly what happened.

Floppybits · 27-02-2019 04:42PM

buried wrote: »

That is exactly it. Literally the last 4 dates I went on over the space of a few years, this is exactly what happened.

I can kinda understand the women who like the chase and keep saying No and then say yes when the guy has jumped through enough hoops, but like not contacting someone of 5-6 months and then out of the blue contacting that person and asking them out, that I cant understand.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 27-02-2019 04:45PM

Mya Poor Greenery wrote: »

Not that it doesn't apply to men either though - if she's gorgeous, nice one; if she's not attractive, ew, get her away.

The "crazy/hot axis" from How I Met Your Mother is probably the best comparison.

That bad behaviour and romantic advances are more likely to be well received from attractive people is hardly contentious or a game-changing insight like, it's just that a contingent of socially incompetent misogynists have warped it into "women don't like my behaviour but me or my behaviour can't be the problem, it's that the women are shallow hypocrites and the world is out to get me and it's the women's fault!"

buried · 27-02-2019 04:45PM

Floppybits wrote: »

I can kinda understand the women who like the chase and keep saying No and then say yes when the guy has jumped through enough hoops, but like not contacting someone of 5-6 months and then out of the blue contacting that person and asking them out, that I cant understand.

I know, I don't understand it either. Its the height of $hittyness for it to happen too. You have to block them totally then and it just leaves a bad vibe, whereas before, it was grand to go separate ways. I must just be attracted to drama seekers on some sort of level lol

Floppybits · 27-02-2019 04:55PM

buried wrote: »

I know, I don't understand it either. Its the height of $hittyness for it to happen too. You have to block them totally then and it just leaves a bad vibe, whereas before, it was grand to go separate ways. I must just be attracted to drama seekers on some sort of level lol

Are they like having a competition when they first date you? Like they date you and someone else to see who they like more and then they chose the other person giving you the auld "its not working excuse" and then they see the other person but that doesn't work so they go back to you.

I mean I can understand that you see someone, it doesn't work, go your separate ways but a few months later you bump into each other in a bar or something by accident and decide to take it from there, but like no contact and then BAM a text or call out of the blue "how is it going? Are ya still single? Wanna go for a drink?" that's mad.

buried · 27-02-2019 05:09PM

Floppybits wrote: »

Are they like having a competition when they first date you? Like they date you and someone else to see who they like more and then they chose the other person giving you the auld "its not working excuse" and then they see the other person but that doesn't work so they go back to you.

I don't know, that could be it, like G was saying there, could be the online dating thing too that they might be on but I don't know if they are either because I don't go on those things. I stay away totally when it is finished so I don't know at all what they could be doing or who they could be seeing. All I know is I get hit back months afterwards. Twice was funny, third and fourth times, its "ahhhh here fook this"

lainey_d_123 · 27-02-2019 05:10PM

Floppybits wrote: »

Are they like having a competition when they first date you? Like they date you and someone else to see who they like more and then they chose the other person giving you the auld "its not working excuse" and then they see the other person but that doesn't work so they go back to you.

I mean I can understand that you see someone, it doesn't work, go your separate ways but a few months later you bump into each other in a bar or something by accident and decide to take it from there, but like no contact and then BAM a text or call out of the blue "how is it going? Are ya still single? Wanna go for a drink?" that's mad.

I met a guy through an app a while back who I really liked and we got on well, but a few days later, he decided to go exclusive with a woman he'd been seeing a bit longer. We sent the odd message back and forth and he texted a few weeks ago to say he was single again and up for going for a drink or something if I fancied it. I didn't take it badly, and in fact it was a plus point for me that he was upfront and honest and not trying to string us both along while he decided. I'm not going to pursue it for other reasons, but I wish more people would just be honest. No need for the lying and game playing that goes on.

RacoonQueen · 27-02-2019 05:26PM

Mya Poor Greenery wrote: »

That's not always true though. Some people might be very attractive in terms of character but their looks are what's noticeable first.
.

Disagree. Anyone I've dated I've never been attracted to / immediately interested in on meeting, it has only been after I get to know them that I notice I find their face pretty too.

Different strokes.

My point still stands, no person looks 'ugly'.

jester77 · 27-02-2019 05:37PM

izzyflusky wrote: »

What are people's definition of chasing? Just showing clear interest or making all the effort to see if something happens while the other person just sits and watches?

By the messages I've read I find that posters have different interpretations of it.

You know when they play hard to get, and you start to get a bit more persistent and then they get up and leave the pub, appearing as if they are playing even harder to get. Well, the part where you follow them outside and run down the street after them is called the chase.

If a man wants a woman......

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