I don’t know what’s wrong with me

LonelyBoy84 · 10-07-2018 03:54PM

I've been on them on & off since end of April at this stage. However, I'm on 2mg tablets (which is lowest dosage) and I take between 1 & 3 tablets depending on level of difficulty sleeping once I wake up. The doctor seemed to be saying that because I only use them maybe 3/4 nights per week, the level of dependency/withdrawal should be minimal?

I've only taken them for general anxiety once or twice.

LonelyBoy84 · 10-07-2018 04:01PM

Sorry - I'm only seeing this now.

Needsometimeout wrote: »

It sounds like you've had a lot of change in the last eighteen months. You thought you had a break when you were on holiday but it wasn't really an opportunity to relax because you were aware you were starting in a new position when you returned home. Additionally, you need more than a short holiday to recover from that amount of stress.

To be fair I didn't know about the role change when I was leaving. I found out the day I got back - the last thing I needed!

Needsometimeout wrote: »

I went through a period like you've described above, one with a lot of life changes. I was more stressed than I had been in my life. When helped for me was that I had a month off before starting a new job. It actually took a month for me to get back to normal. It helped that I was looking forward to the new job and therefore, the prospect of starting was too stressful.

It's just mad. I didn't quite realize how stressed I was though.

My partner told me that she knew I was stressed as she'd catch me making hand movements while driving as I rehearsed in my head how I'd handle topics in meetings the following day. I guess my mind was racing so much it didn't even shut off while driving!

Needsometimeout wrote: »

The reality OP is that you are still in that stressful period because you actually haven't had enough of an opportunity to get over it. Additionally, your job is stressful and you are planning a wedding, which can be stressful too.

We don't have a date for the wedding yet - and my awesome partner has said we don't need to start thinking about all that until I'm feeling back to myself and this rocky period is behind us.

Needsometimeout wrote: »

What it comes down to is that when we are stressed, it's a message that we are overloaded. The only thing that is really going to help is making changes to give yourself time to recover. Whether that's trying to take some leave or making changes at work, that's up to you. Talk therapy is a great tool but it can't cancel out the impact of being in a difficult environment.

I've made loads of changes & won't be getting there again.
Over the next couple of weeks I'm going to meet a few new therapists and go with the one I feel best suited.
I'm also going to take some time off work & line up some relaxing stuff to unwind.

Its so odd, even when I feel relatively ok now - it's like the extremeness of the attacks, the fear, the feeling and the doubts have rocked me so much I'm afraid I'll never be able to forget it and will never feel like myself again

tara73 · 10-07-2018 04:20PM

LonelyBoy84 wrote: »

I've been on them on & off since end of April at this stage. However, I'm on 2mg tablets (which is lowest dosage) and I take between 1 & 3 tablets depending on level of difficulty sleeping once I wake up. The doctor seemed to be saying that because I only use them maybe 3/4 nights per week, the level of dependency/withdrawal should be minimal?

I've only taken them for general anxiety once or twice.

so you take every night up to 6mg for the last two month? Jesus, I would disucuss this with your doctor.

Regarding the root of your anxiety, I think your main problem is your job. May I ask which profession it is? I don't know but I have a bit of a feeling we might work in the same profession..

I guess you feel and are completely overburdened with what people in your job expect from you. But you don't want to admit it. Your conscious mind says you need to be able to do it. Because you have a mortgage to pay, you will get married and you probably also have in the back of your mind you'll have to provide for kids soon enough.
You want to function no matter what, but your body and soul are showing you your limits with this anxiety attacks.

People and their bodies react differently to overloads of stress and the feeling of overburdendness. Some people get extreme pain, backpain, headaches or pain everywhere. Many people get this anxiety attacks.

Please listen to your body and ask yourself whether you really need to do this stressful job. the economy is really picking up and I'm sure there are jobs on offer with lesser expectations and stressload? Even if it means to scale down moneywise or reputationwise. Your life, health and wellbeing is worth more than any money or reputation.

shesty · 10-07-2018 04:26PM

I thought that too.And the pressure on myself was mostly from me, but was not helped by long hours and a fairly crazy job.I just got into a spiral of negative thinking.And tiredness.So so tired, but unable to get enough sleep.

You do feel like you will never be the same again but you will come out of it.Not exactly the same, because you will have an increased appreciation of how hard depression and anxiety are, and you will know better how to take care of your mental health....how to say no and when to draw the line with what people want from you.You will get there, but it's all time.As with many things in life.I mean long, slow time.

For a positive thought, I did marry himself (the same guy) And we are now proud (and exhausted) parents to three fantastic little people.

LonelyBoy84 · 10-07-2018 04:43PM

tara73 wrote: »

so you take every night up to 6mg for the last two month? Jesus, I would disucuss this with your doctor.

No some nights I take nothing & can eventually fall back asleep naturally for a couple of hours.

Some nights, I take 1. Some nights 2. Some nights 3.

I've taken probably on average 1 per night since the last week in April....but during that period have multiple times gone 4/5 nights taking nothing

Needsometimeout wrote: »

Regarding the root of your anxiety, I think your main problem is your job. May I ask which profession it is? I don't know but I have a bit of a feeling we might work in the same profession..

It's financial services/insurance sector

I think overworking depleted my ability to handle any real stress gradually over time - and then with the proposal/holiday/continuous overthinking/anxiety attach, I think it just spiraled rapidly. I'm also from a broken home (who isn't?!) and I'm sure that features into my thinking of being "afraid" of this next step of commitment.

Like I remember when we bought our house being a little anxious - but in a natural way, I've always been an over-thinker, but knowing it was the right thing to do & rationalising it meant it just went away. The year since that has been the happiest I've ever been I think (albeit very busy in work!!!)

Needsometimeout wrote: »

I guess you feel and are completely overburdened with what people in your job expect from you. But you don't want to admit it. Your conscious mind says you need to be able to do it. Because you have a mortgage to pay, you will get married and you probably also have in the back of your mind you'll have to provide for kids soon enough. You want to function no matter what, but your body and soul are showing you your limits with this anxiety attacks.People and their bodies react differently to overloads of stress and the feeling of overburdendness. Some people get extreme pain, backpain, headaches or pain everywhere. Many people get this anxiety attacks.

In my early twenties, I had a tough time with anxiety where I had to go to counseling for a few months. Since coming out of it, I always felt I had a very strong grasp on my mental health though - until now. I think just the way it creeped up on me here has me rattled

Needsometimeout wrote: »

Please listen to your body and ask yourself whether you really need to do this stressful job. the economy is really picking up and I'm sure there are jobs on offer with lesser expectations and stressload? Even if it means to scale down moneywise or reputationwise. Your life, health and wellbeing is worth more than any money or reputation.

Honestly, the problem here is probably more with my own expectations of myself rather than my employers. I spoke to my boss the day I was back & told him that I'd started having anxiety attacks and was struggling with sleep.

He said to do whatever I need and asked was there anything needed from him for me (ie. did he need to be any different with me) - I said no, as to be fair, up to this point he used to give out to me for not leaving my work at the office door and pushing myself too much. I'm now listening to him and taking him up on his advice. He also said if I need any time off, don't consider it a burden and take whatever I need. He's been great

Carrie50 · 10-07-2018 06:38PM

Op your post wuld make me feel exhausted,you have been through so much in a short space of time,I found in my overwhelming stages a doctor will usually throw pills at you but they dont always help,after years of learning for myself I find excerise healthy eating and counselling work for me,you have a lot going on and gpibg over it all in your head is exhausting,you need to make yourself a priority,be gentle with yourself..I doubt its anything to do with your relationship with your partner..ye sound solid..but acknowledge the stress u are under,its OK..you dont feel in control,its OK..I think CBT therapy would benefit you..and resting your mind and body..get away on your own..even a walk..explain to your partner its nothing personal,its about u.I.m sure she wuld support u in taking care of yourself,.write in a journal..it is great therapy..its a rough patch in your life you will come through it and learn from it...learn to take care of you....only then can you take care of your partner...be kind to youself..

LonelyBoy84 · 10-07-2018 09:09PM

Carrie50 wrote: »

I doubt its anything to do with your relationship with your partner..ye sound solid..

This is the frustrating thing, if it was something clearly to do with our relationship....that’d nearly be easier - cause the rational me knows we’d just talk about whatever the issue was & then work on it together. That’s what a real relationship is. But it’s just this random anxious feeling & crazy irrational overthinking that has no basis in anything tangible

Carrie50 · 11-07-2018 10:16AM

Just a thought u say u always felt in control,you could handle things,some of the stresses you mentioned you had no control over,your mums health,your friends suicide attempt..possibly your job..the one thing you have control over is your relationship and as you said if it was that you could do something about it,,you wouldnt feel powerless,whereas all your other life events you had no power over,you possibly felt "out of control"and this will cause panic and anxiety sleep disorder etc,you were used to having things "under control"..I dont mean you were a control freak or anything I just mean you were handling things..but events happened that you couldn't handle and you didnt know what to do..as I said there wasnt much you could do in the circumstances..I hope you can make sense of this,I felt I always had things under control until I lost my baby girl I it knocked me for six,I could always "fix" things,I couldn't fix this..its such a frightening place to be,helpless,powerless,life looks so frightening because I was not in contol and this could happen again..I could not feel secure again..everything was scary,I think the events in your life you had no control over,that you couldnt fix is what's caused your anxiety etc..your relationship is the one secure thing in your life and now you feel even that is threatened..what if it ends..what if its not what I want..these are irrational fears from the other events in your life..they have made u question everything,,it seems you feel out of control,.I can only try and explain it like this when I lost my little girl I would keep checking my other kids at night,was over protective during the day because I thought this could happen again,so with you almost losing your friend,your mams health,maybe fear of losing her,possibly has made you fear losing your partner..and you realise now you would have no control over that..because you love her so much the idea you could lose her sends you into panic..its a lesson life teaches us sooner or later..we don't always get to have everything under contol..I.hope this makes sense to you..your head must be spinning...

LonelyBoy84 · 11-07-2018 10:29AM

I always have been a bit of a control freak tbh

I was off work on Monday as I had a long standing appointment & tbh Monday and Tuesday this week were about as good as I've felt in the last few months. Then spent some time on Monday looking up new a new therapist - going to meet a few over the next couple of weeks and then select the one I think I have the best fit with.

Is it weird that I always seem to be way worse in the morning?! As the day goes on my head tends to clear & the anxiety or worry seems to fade away to a large extent. It's very strange.

Carrie50 · 11-07-2018 11:53AM

Possibly you had less stress on monday and tuesday,you could relax,and maybe the mornings its the dread of "what could go wrong today"but as the day goes on and no major crisis you relax into things!! I found thearpy very helpful,CBT cognitive behaviour therapy especially..some people are very carefeee and live their lives in that way,accepting whatever comes to them,and some think things should be a certain way and when they are,nt it can make us question everything..I find if things dont happen as I want them too I get anxiety,panic,full of fear.I think I need to be in control or something really bad will happen...what we learn in this life is that bad things will happen sometimes no matter what we do..my husband tells me I have "control issues"ðŸ˜so I am working on it as I cant cope with what it brings,sleeplessness,anxiety,depression,panic,I cant enjoy my life because I in a constant state of fear of what might happen if I let go..I wish you luck finding the right therapy and much happiness in your marraige when you come through this..what a wonderful life is ahead for you..I have just celebrated 25years of marriage and it is a blessing not everyone gets to experience..you and your partner are very blessed..ðŸ˜

Emme · 11-07-2018 01:09PM

LonelyBoy84 wrote: »

Is it weird that I always seem to be way worse in the morning?! As the day goes on my head tends to clear & the anxiety or worry seems to fade away to a large extent. It's very strange.

Not at all. Brain fog and feeling worse in the morning are signs of burnout. Throwing valium at problems like this will only make things worse. If you can afford it I would advise you to go to a functional doctor who takes a 360 view of your health. Dr Fionnuala McHale qualified from Trinity Medical School and has other qualifications as well. You can see from her website below that she takes a completely different approach from a standard GP. She is not cheap but I think for you it would be money well spent.

http://invigorateclinic.com/

LonelyBoy84 · 11-07-2018 06:48PM

Emme wrote: »

Not at all. Brain fog and feeling worse in the morning are signs of burnout. Throwing valium at problems like this will only make things worse. If you can afford it I would advise you to go to a functional doctor who takes a 360 view of your health. Dr Fionnuala McHale qualified from Trinity Medical School and has other qualifications as well. You can see from her website below that she takes a completely different approach from a standard GP. She is not cheap but I think for you it would be money well spent.

http://invigorateclinic.com/

Very interesting. I think I’ll stick with the traditional medicine for now, but I’m open to anything!

Saw new potential therapist today for consultation. They think it’s related to unresolved childhood trauma from fractuius relationship between my parents who eventually split. All these emotions are coming up now for me that I’m engaged cause I have never really dealt with them & now have no grounding in what a happy marriage looks like. All compounded by the stress of work having worn me down to such an extent I can’t deal with the overwhelm & it all just catching up with me!

shesty · 11-07-2018 09:35PM

Also a complete control freak here....

OP just watch out for the differences between a counsellor and a psychologist/therapist... I know I visited a psychologist and they were trying to get into my relationship with my mother (which is fine), and I just felt they were not for me - it wasn't addressing my issues.

The counsellor on the other hand listened, advised and gave me strategies to cope, rather than delving deep in my past. My gut feeling was that the past hadn't really got anything to do with my problem at the time.

It may be in your case it does, but I suppose be a bit wary of therapists wanting to see you for endless visits, and things maybe not really improving as a result - be open to rethinking your strategy if needed.

LonelyBoy84 · 11-07-2018 09:53PM

shesty wrote: »

Also a complete control freak here....

OP just watch out for the differences between a counsellor and a psychologist/therapist... I know I visited a psychologist and they were trying to get into my relationship with my mother (which is fine), and I just felt they were not for me - it wasn't addressing my issues.

The counsellor on the other hand listened, advised and gave me strategies to cope, rather than delving deep in my past. My gut feeling was that the past hadn't really got anything to do with my problem at the time.

It may be in your case it does, but I suppose be a bit wary of therapists wanting to see you for endless visits, and things maybe not really improving as a result - be open to rethinking your strategy if needed.

I’m re-thinking at the moment I guess. My current therapist is obsessed with my past, parents, all kinds of stuff.

Guy I saw today reckons it’s the same. Ie. Hangover from traumatic childhood and need to address the root of the problem, exasterbsted by stress in work etc.

I guess if all these therapists are saying it - there must be something to it?!

Maybe psychotherapy while getting some CBT at the same time to assist in coping with the more immediate might be the way forward?!

WIZWEB · 11-07-2018 10:07PM

LonelyBoy84 wrote: »

?....Saw new potential therapist today for consultation. They think it’s related to unresolved childhood trauma from fractuius relationship between my parents who eventually split....

It's very early for this potential therapist to make such an assessment. However it is highly likely to be relevant if you brought the topic up in conversation. Our parents are the template for our future adult relationships. They teach us consciously and subconsciously how to relate to others. If there are unresolved issues or past problems this baggage can carry forward into our own couplings. Dysfunction in parental relationships will be a poor foundation for our own. There's no blame involved as they each learned their skills from their own parental caregivers and life experiences.

As well as CBT which I previously suggested you should be offered inner critic work. This harmful parental influence in such circumstances can strongly guide our worldview with a negative internal dialogue. Lots of things including our self-esteem, depression, temparment and personality can be severely influenced. Work may and/or recent events may have been your trigger. A good therapist will get to the route of your issues and give you the skills to empower yourself and reach an equilibrium of 'I'm good enough'. As your mind clears you'll realise that you most likely are already good enough. That will happen when you diffuse the power of the your inner critic. Again I'm only speculating based on your posts. A full assessment of you and engagement by you will be required. It will take some time but a good therapist will expediate your recovery.

LonelyBoy84 · 11-07-2018 10:24PM

WIZWEB wrote: »

It's very early for this potential therapist to make such an assessment. However it is highly likely to be relevant if you brought the topic up in conversation. Our parents are the template for our future adult relationships. They teach us consciously and subconsciously how to relate to others. If there are unresolved issues or past problems this baggage can carry forward into our own couplings. Dysfunction in parental relationships will be a poor foundation for our own. There's no blame involved as they each learned their skills from their own parental caregivers and life experiences.

As well as CBT which I previously suggested you should be offered inner critic work. This harmful parental influence in such circumstances can strongly guide our worldview with a negative internal dialogue. Lots of things including our self-esteem, depression, temparment and personality can be severely influenced. Work may and/or recent events may have been your trigger. A good therapist will get to the route of your issues and give you the skills to empower yourself and reach an equilibrium of 'I'm good enough'. As your mind clears you'll realise that you most likely are already good enough. That will happen when you diffuse the power of the your inner critic. Again I'm only speculating based on your posts. A full assessment of you and engagement by you will be required. It will take some time but a good therapist will expediate your recovery.

It’s quite frustrating that there’s limited (none) resources online to actually get patient feedback on therapists - other than checking their accreditation & areas they’ve experience in

WIZWEB · 11-07-2018 10:54PM

My own experience of engaging therapy was that I hadn't got the 'most perfect' relationship with my therapist. However he challenged me which I asserted from the beginning that he must do (I'm stubborn but knew I needed my buttons pushed or I wouldn't change). I wasn't always happy with his techniques or ideas. He admitted though that I was one of his few clients that religiously followed them (I was clutching at straws so I totally engaged for my remaining sanity). What I've shared with you earlier is a bit of personal projection though my issues were similar to yours though different too if you get me. We are all guilty of that in our responses. It took time but now almost a year after my last therapy session I feel much better. For me utilising his simple techniques (my mind was in a complete fog and unable for anything more at the time) helped then and immensely since as I continue to practise them now. I also found as my head cleared relevant books helped immensely. There are also several free apps and YouTube videos with simple mindfulness techniques (Believe me I was the biggest sceptic) that helped me curtail my thoughts. Thoughts can be challenged and changed. They are not necessarily reality.

In my case my dysfunctional parenting experience (not violent just lots of drama) gave me an insane framework to work from. I ended up attracted to dysfunctional partners and brought my issues to the table. My career was disjointed and involved helping others when some of my ongoing issues could be deemed more extreme than theirs. I certainly brought experience to the job! Actually a sense of humour and rediscovering an ability to laugh at myself helped me a lot too. As a footnote I've never been diagnosed with anxiety or depression but I've had my experience with them.

We can all give you advice here but ultimately the choice is yours. You have lots of choices. Source a therapist you respect and trust. Do the work they recommend even if you don't see the point at the time. Follow the sessions through until recommended unless they are going on for years (I would question the personal and financial value then and your level of engagement). There's no miracle cure (medication though needed in some cases doesn't alter your lived experience) though little lifestyle changes will help you in your recovery.

LonelyBoy84 · 12-07-2018 10:49AM

I have another couple to meet over the next couple of weeks & then I'll decide. The guy yesterday doesn't incorporate CBT but seemed to think that getting the root cause of the issue and addressing that would be more beneficial than CBT which would essentially be more a coping strategy to change the troublesome or anxiety/depression inducing thoughts - but not address the underlying issues. He reckons we'd be talking 6 - 12 months of therapy but would be in a much better place afterward.

The frustrating thing is that it feels like my life is on hold until I'm able to get around this - like our plan was to start planning wedding, trying for a baby and stuff

WIZWEB · 12-07-2018 06:03PM

I empathise with your concerns OP. However I would plead with you to consider therapy with someone that has training/expertise in CBT as part of their skill set. It's solution focused and only needs to be a brief addition to what that specific therapist is offering you. I'm not challenging their approach. The academic evidence is there to prove CBT's effectiveness as an intervention for Anxiety and Depression. Even the medical profession is recognising this. Several posters have highlighted their own experiences of it as a therapy. It's also one of the quicker strategies to get an edge on the road to recovery strategies. However I'm not for a minute suggesting you avoid other longer term therapy in conjunction with it.

Here's a simple book utilising CBT techniques. The author, a qualified psychotherapist utilises his Dublin humour! I just recommend it as an easy and quick read to give you a better understanding of CBT to supplement your therapy. To my recollection there are specific sections on both Anxiety and Depression. This book is available free to borrow in certain library's or download as an ebook if a member.... https://www.amazon.co.uk/Five-Steps-Happiness-Understand-Emotional-ebook/dp/B00DTWHUCM#customerReviews

irishgirl19 · 13-07-2018 08:31AM

Hi OP.

Irrational thoughts/fears are normal. Its when we focus too much and give too much attention to them that it can spiral into crippling anxiety.

This is something I have struggled with in the past and I can highly recommend CBT. It really helped with my thought patterns and learning not to sweat the small stuff. I will add that this usually happened when I was vulnerable/stressed. You sound like you had a lot of stress the last few months and your body is probably trying to tell you that enough is enough!

You'd laugh if you knew the silly stuff I worried about. I knew it wasn't true but then the anxiety makes you think what if.

Best of luck

LonelyBoy84 · 13-07-2018 10:59AM

Is it ok to ask for CBT Therapist recommendations here?

I do agree with the feedback that I’m getting around needing to integrate CBT into whatever therapy forms part of the solution. Or that I undergo some CBT to learn to get a bit of a lid on things ahead of going into more traditional therapy to address the root cause of any issue

Last few days has been a lot calmer-although still constantly worried, feel like I’ve much greater control over my emotions & doesn't feel like it's going to escalate into a anxiety attack. Doesn’t stop the negative thoughts constantly going round & round a large part of the day though

I'm afraid I've become addicted to constant doubting and questioning

LonelyBoy84 · 14-07-2018 12:28PM

When my mind isn’t betraying me & making me anxious with swirling horrible thoughts & doubts, it feels like my body decides to pick up the slack I get such a sense of dread/fear in my chest the moment I wake up. I wish I felt like I used to feel before all this

JamesCushnan · 14-07-2018 12:46PM

LonelyBoy84 wrote: »

Hi I am currently going through a crisis. This comes after a period of huge change (mainly positive!) & some considerable work stress in my life. Summary of last 12 months as follows;

-2 job changes in last 18 months
-Bought new house & moved in
-Friend tried to commit suicide
-Lot of political infighting in work
-Mother not too well
-Leading a very large project in work with very high profile & lot of pressure

Despite being very stressed with work & all that had gone on, I was looking forward to getting engaged (l had long planned this & have been with my partner for 6 years, living together for 4). We have a great relationship & I consider myself very lucky. The week after the engagement we were due to head on holidays for a nice break & to celebrate our engagement. While I was stressed in the run up, I had long seen this as the line in the sand when I would unwind from all the stress of the last 12 months.

However, in the middle of a long-haul flight & I couldn’t stop my mind racing. I still didn’t feel right. I thought the engagement & holiday would relax me. It didn’t. I then started to think all kinds of irrational thoughts. What if I felt like this because this isn’t what I wanted in life? Why if I don’t love my partner enough? Surely if I loved her enough I wouldn’t feel so anxious?! God this must mean I don’t love her. The feelings of stress & anxiety intensified & I had an anxiety attack on the plane – where I got hysterically upset & couldn’t control my emotions. I woke my partner up, told her what was happening & that I couldn’t explain where this extreme fear came from. I told her that I knew I loved her & wanted to be with her so couldn’t understand these thoughts or the anxiety.

The rest of the holiday was a whirlwind of relationship related anxiety, interspersed with moments of clarity when I knew it was just stress/anxiety catching up with me. However, I was never able to fully shake the anxiety.

I had hoped getting home would stabilise things but unfortunately that’s not been the case (not helped by a big role change in work immediately when I got back). This has been ongoing for 3 months now & is causing me significant distress. I have not slept more than 5 hrs per night since then & amn’t eating right, which obviously isn’t helping!
While I have had moments when it feels manageable & even sometimes like I’ve come through the other side – but it always creeps back and focuses in on the best thing in my my life. Questioning, doubting, thinking about all different horrible scenarios where we break up - all of which devastate me. Even when I’m not around my partner, I constantly feel either depressed or anxious. I don’t enjoy any of the things I used to enjoy, tv, music, friends etc.

This all usually eventually results in a huge anxiety attack when I think I can’t cope with the constant anxiety anymore, followed by a couple of days of depression, before the anxiety starts to build back up again. This is probably not helped by my constant searching and researching online.

I am currently attending talk therapy (have had 8 sessions) – but am finding it is not providing me with any relief. While no doubt touching on issues which have contributed to my susceptibility to this condition, I do not find it solution focussed enough & it does not appear to be alleviating my immediate distress in any way. My GP has prescribed me with anti depressants/anxiety meds and I’m on them the 6 weeks (upped dosage twice in the last 10 days)

Apologies for the long-winded post - I just am really desperate for help & to try and get my life back on track. I’m constantly analysing every moment as to whether I “feel” enough - but it’s hard to feel anything but fear when you’ve been anxious or depressed for 3 months, but this then further feeds my anxiety. I feel like I’m ruining what’s meant to be an exciting time for us & it feels like it’s slowly strangling our great relationship.

Anyone any words of advice?

Go to your doctor and tell them, get in touch wit your local metal health team, i was in the same boat, but with the help of my doctor and talking to professional counselling service there is a big light at the end of my tunnell ☺

Hope all goes well

ASISEEIT · 14-07-2018 12:46PM

Try another counselor. A lot of them just dont gell with a person. Its a thing called a therapeutic alliance-you either have one with your counselor or you doint. A counselor is right to explore underlying reasons bit you should also be doing CBT with you-cognitive stuff that tackles right here right now.
I presume you are trying meditation and getting exercise. Sounds simple but helpful. Keep things in perspective. You are not atlas with world on shoulders. Take a step back and look around you.

You have a right to ask for better care. Dont deny yourself that.

BTW-a great simple book that sets you on right path and uts through a lot of the Im not worthy bull**** we tell ourselves is Anthony De Mello AWARENESS,
You can get it in all bookshops or free online
Great line in it-Im an ass and so are you!

LonelyBoy84 · 14-07-2018 12:55PM

Have an appointment with a fairly highly regarded CBT pyschotherapist at the start of August (Eoin Stephens, anyone any experience with him?) - will probably stay with current one until that time.

LonelyBoy84 · 17-07-2018 08:28PM

Think I might take a couple of weeks off work to try and give myself a bit of a boost

Huge mood swings are gone (for now) - but feel so flat all the time & worry is never far from my mind. Feel like I’ll never feel normal again

Carrie50 · 20-07-2018 09:26PM

Trust me you WILL feel normal again,you are aware there is a problem, you are reaching out and working on it..you cant do anymore for now,taking time off work its a brilliant idea,your health is a priority now..you might even start to see things differently with some time out..it can be hard but try and think positive,see all you have and not all thats wrong..be gentle with yourself..if your car wasnt working right you wuld get it looked at,we need to look after ourselves the same..ðŸ˜health is wealth..

Emme · 21-07-2018 08:45PM

You have everything going for you. Supportive fiancee. Good job. You have the option of taking time off work - Many people can't afford that. I understand how hard it is when a parent is sick bit there are people who have to cope with 2 sick parents and they have no partner or siblings for support. They might not be able to afford counselling or CBT either. But they manage to keep going and cope.

Perhaps you have too much time to think.

LonelyBoy84 · 22-07-2018 10:15AM

Emme wrote: »

You have everything going for you. Supportive fiancee. Good job. You have the option of taking time off work - Many people can't afford that. I understand how hard it is when a parent is sick bit there are people who have to cope with 2 sick parents and they have no partner or siblings for support. They might not be able to afford counselling or CBT either. But they manage to keep going and cope.

Perhaps you have too much time to think.

Maybe - but I’m just trying to feel calm & content like I did before this. Simply distracting myself seems like it’d be a cop out. Somehow knowing I’ve everything going for me makes this worse, not better

it feels like I’ve so much to lose. I know that’s first world problems, but it’s the truth & it’s having a devastating effect. Does that make sense?

Carrie50 · 26-07-2018 06:02PM

That last post was not helpful,you dont need guilt on top of what your already feeling,,its like telling someone in a crisis to "pull themselves together" ..it doesn't help you..stop beating yourself up, be gentle with yourself,as you said knowing all you have only makes it worse..because you feel the guilt of why am I feeling like this when I have soo much..it has nothing to do with how your feeling..take on the positive comments on this thread not the negative..its not helpful to you..

I don’t know what’s wrong with me

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