The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

My lawyer was trying to get me off a burglary charge. He told the judge, “My client inserted his arm through a window and removed some items. As his arm is not his whole being, I submit that it would be wrong to punish the whole person for a crime committed by a sole limb.”

The Judge replied, “Okay – using that logic, the defendant’s arm is sentenced to 2 years in prison and can accompany the limb if he chooses.”

So, with the aid of my lawyer, I unscrewed my artificial arm, placed it on the table and walked out of the courtroom!

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas .

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day
in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to
get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was
a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called
the local police station.

The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's
Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would
ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and
recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a
little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father,
it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged
to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."