Have you ever had an unwanted sexual experience? Mod warning in op - updated 6/3/18

I'm actually shocked by some of the stories here. It's really changing my views.

I'm no saint, no one is, but some of the behaviour described here is utterly reprehensible. It is even more unsettling when it has involved a young person, it's really sinister.

Why the f#ck do people do this and seek to violate people like that? Any psychologists or sociologists on here that could comment? It is just unreal, seriously boils your blood.

Yep, had a few. I suspect most posters male or female who have worked as teenagers in pubs and clubs or have gone to nightclubs would have some. Thankfully most of mine while genuinely unpleasant were not on the scale of what others here have experienced. One truly disgusting one that’s more personal.

Re one posters comment on double standards. While I get the physical element I think there’s also a social side. Oddly I find men far more willing to tell their friends to stop being a **** when they think they’re doing it. Imho there’s often (not always) an ‘a sure he’d be up for it’ element if roles are reversed.

kylith wrote: »

An attitude which isn’t helped by the first couple of replies in this thread; ostensibly men claiming that there is no such thing as unwanted sexual contact for men. Attitudes like that lead to men who have been molested and feel negatively about it thinking that there’s something wronb with them because ‘men’ should always be up for it

I agree. Sadly there’s a social conditioning thing going on. It’s particularly sad when you see (often men) doing the “,niiiccceee” crap when this comes up not because they actually believe it but because they think that’s what expected of them. My comment was more about groups of women not calling each other out when they see this but there’s likely a similar dynamic going on, with a bit of “women can’t/don’t do this” to boot

Tell me how wrote: »

Unfortunately, I saw a guy step in to defend a girl by grabbing the guy verbally abusing her in a head lock and she turned on him.

Thats ridiculous to physically assault a stranger who's verbally assaulting somebody else

bucketybuck wrote: »

Noticeable that I don't see any posts stating what should be an obvious possibility, that "Boards" spoke to all the witnesses and found that there was nothing to act upon?

And that would’ve been a prudent thing for a representative of boards to have posted in the first 17 pages of this thread. You can even do it in a professional manner that doesn’t lay into or question the accuser, something like, “We conducted an investigation into accusations of improper conduct at an official boards.ie event regarding a high ranking boards.ie official and found insufficient evidence to proceed with any disciplinary action. This is a matter we take seriously and will act upon with full force should any such evidence come to light.”

If they did indeed do as much, the truth would shine through or at least leave a question mark over the damaging accusations that’d gradually go away in time. Like they’ve definitely seen it, there’s definitely been discussion about this in HQ. So what do we have instead? Silence. Knowing that silence makes them look bad, having the likes of me point out that silence is damning on their own website. So what is the public left to conclude from this if not addressed? That admitting the truth is a worse consequence than that.

Kyson Witty Vestibule wrote: »

I think men need to stop excusing women hitting or assaulting them as it not being a big deal. It enables and excuses women to keep doing it. I am a firm believer of hitting a woman back if she hits you first. If she wants to act like billy big balls then she can’t be surprised when people treat her like billy big Balls

Would you cop on to yourself there.
You can defend yourself of course, but all you need to do is push her away or something like that, you can't go boxing women.

Would you be so quick to start swinging digs if it was some 6 foot 6 ex Russian military type, manning the door of a dodgy pub somewhere? Cos if the answer is no, then throwing them at some woman is just being a bully, even if she hit you first!

There's nothing brave or even self respectful about taking on a fight you can't possibly loose!

whoopsadoodles wrote: »

Very tempted, yes.

However I decided it against it because it had been a beers that boards.ie had invited mods to, the company ran it themselves rather than your regular public meetup. I informed boards HO of the incident (there were witnesses remember) and a few weeks later he was promoted to Cmod, so I figured it was more likely that I'd get banned if I named him and someone that pathetic isn't worth getting banned for

Fúcking hell - sure a Boards ban in those circumstances (or, well - even in general) is nothing to be worried about - to the point of not saying something openly.

It's kind of bizarre that HQ knew about that (witnesses and all - mods even), yet still promoted the guy - makes me wonder if it was something people didn't want to touch, or whether there's actual rot extending through part of the sites leadership...

Omackeral wrote: »

Not a sexual assault but a physical assault happened to be before. I couldn't simply walk away as this woman was reigning punches down on me. She had rings on and by the time the second one hit it bloody hurt. When the second one landed I grabbed her by the arms and told her that if she threw one more punch, she could expect one back. She didn't.

Still double standards from me though because if it was a fella that hit me, I'd have no issues going back at him right off the bat. I think this one, and maybe others, know this and play on it.

Having said all that, I wouldn't feel "comfortable", for lack of a better word, landing a solid right hand onto the jaw of a girl. It's a horrible grey area for me personally, but how much can you take it?

All in all, I dunno if I could ever strike a woman myself (haven't been forced to) but at the same time I don't feel an ounce of sympathy for the ones that do get a well deserved wallop.

To be fair, that's a different scenario completely. I was talking about hypothetically confronting somebody that gropes you, not somebody that launches an attack on you.