The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

Pac1Man · 15-01-2018 08:52PM

Why are brussel sprouts like pubs?

You just push them aside and carry on eating.

NickNickleby · 15-01-2018 08:53PM

Horse walks into a bar.

Barman looks up and says : "why the long face?"

King George VI · 15-01-2018 08:54PM

The bar tender says ‘We don’t serve Time Travellers in here’

Barry Badrinath · 15-01-2018 08:55PM

A man walks into a bar in the west of Ireland and says to the barman: "Which is the quickest way to Ballymac?"

Barman: "Are you walking or do you have a car?"

Man: "I have a car"

Barman:" Ah well then, that´s the quickest way"

Actually....thats an awful joke.

King George VI · 15-01-2018 08:55PM

So a Time Traveller walks into a bar.

YFlyer · 15-01-2018 08:59PM

See the two lads over there. (As the two Irish lads are looking into the mirror across the room). Mike he looks like your uncle, John he looks like your brother. Lets go over Mike to buy them a pint. Sit down John, I think they are coming over to us.

Joeseph Balls · 15-01-2018 09:02PM

We should start a thread, full of jokes and call it something witty like, the try harder if ye want a second joke thread

jack presley · 15-01-2018 09:04PM

A duck walks into a bar and says “I’ll have a pint please and put it on my bill”.

YFlyer · 15-01-2018 09:06PM

A dog walk into a pub and said 'who shot my paw?'

Jim Bob Scratcher · 15-01-2018 09:08PM

Pac1Man wrote: »

Why are brussel sprouts like pubs?

You just push them aside and carry on eating.

The smell of farts I would have thought

179club · 15-01-2018 09:10PM

Man walks into a bar. Crocodile sandwich please and make it snappy.

Pac1Man · 15-01-2018 09:11PM

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

The smell of farts I would have thought

Oh pubs? I thought it was pubes.

Duckworth_Luas · 15-01-2018 09:15PM

A squirrel has been drinking in a pub all day.

The barman tells him he's had enough and to go home.

Ten minutes later the squirrel returns.

Barman says, "what are you doing back here?"

Squirrel responds, "I'm locked out of my tree!"

thegills · 15-01-2018 09:16PM

Piece of rope walks into a bar asks for a pint. Barman says sorry we don't serve ropes in here.
Rope goes back outside, ruffles up his hair and walks back into the bar with his arms folded.
He walks up to the bar and asks for a pint. Barman asks him if he was the rope that was in a few minutes ago.
Rope replies 'No I'm a frayed knot!

ZV Yoda · 15-01-2018 09:17PM

A man, with a lump of tarmac under his arm, walks into a bar. He says to the barman:
"A pint for me please… and one for the road"

Barry Badrinath · 15-01-2018 09:18PM

Knock knock!!
Who is there?

Go fcuk yourself!

donegal_man · 15-01-2018 09:20PM

Dung beetle walks into a pub asks "are there any free stools?"

Fr_Dougal · 15-01-2018 09:23PM

Two Latvian look at clouds.
One see potato. Other see impossible dream.
Is same cloud.

Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! “More bread for me,” man think. But bread have worm.

Losty Dublin · 15-01-2018 09:30PM

A man goes into a bar;

"Any floor service in here?" he cries.
"We have indeed" says the barman.
"Well get them down here to fix the floor, I'm after tripping up on a loose carpet"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nx2FvEROSo

Ken. · 15-01-2018 09:33PM

Mod-Threads merged.

mad m · 15-01-2018 10:00PM

A guy and a giraffe are skulling pints in a bar. After 10 pints the guy says to the giraffe “are you right, night club” they get up ,but giraffe collapses on to floor . The barman shouts to guy “hey you, don’t be leaving that lying there”. Guy says “ that’s not a lion it’s a giraffe”

Ok I’ll get my coat....

Suckit · 15-01-2018 10:05PM

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Two Latvian look at clouds.
One see potato. Other see impossible dream.
Is same cloud.

Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! “More bread for me,” man think. But bread have worm.

How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? 25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.

Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, “Why so long face?” Latvian say, “I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby. “

What are one potato say other potato? Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?

mad m · 15-01-2018 10:08PM

^^^ I’m definitely getting my coat after reading the above. Lantern lovin jaysus.

Suckit · 15-01-2018 10:11PM

mad m wrote: »

^^^ I’m definitely getting my coat after reading the above. Lantern lovin jaysus.

They are from a few years ago, around the same time as Doge.. Maybe earlier.

quickbeam · 15-01-2018 11:37PM

A termite walks in to a bar and asks: "is the bar tender here?"

StupidLikeAFox · 16-01-2018 12:50AM

Crab walks into a bar. Barman says "Get the hell out of here, I remember you from last week and you were in here giving it all that" *does crab hands*

(prob works better in person)

foxy farmer · 16-01-2018 02:12AM

ballsdeep69 wrote: »

Any body got any pub jokes

A book full of em.

milltown · 16-01-2018 11:40AM

A woman walks up to the bar and asked the barman for a double entendre.
So he gave her one.

h7nlrp2v0g5u48 · 16-01-2018 01:47PM

Suckit wrote: »

How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? 25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.

Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, “Why so long face?” Latvian say, “I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby. “

What are one potato say other potato? Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?

What in the name of jaysus is that all about. Keep putting so called jokes up like that and you will kill this thread.

coolhull · 16-01-2018 01:47PM

One sunny day, three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary. Each of them has a great big smile on their faces.

The Coroner examines the bodies and then calls the Inspector to tell him what has happened.

“First lifeless body Italian; 60, died of heart attack while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner.

“Second lifeless body Spanish; 25, won a million pounds on the lottery, drunk too much tequila, whisky, vine, rom etc. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.”

The inspector then asks, “What about the third body?”

“Ahh, Jesus,” says the Coroner, “This is the most unusual one. Joshua the redneck from Kansas, 34, struck by lightning.”

“Why is he smiling then?” asks the Inspector.

The Coroner replies; “He thought he was having his picture taken.”

The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

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