Alan Partridge Superthread - Sponsored by Dettol

toonarmy1 wrote: »

were waiting for tony hayers to commission it

I tell you something, Sophie, you’ve not witnessed pure evil until you’ve looked into the eyes of a man who’s just cancelled your second series.

Sometimes I'll say "I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure", doesn't really grab them by the nadgers like I hoped.

Alan: You threw a monkey in the sea?
Michael: Well, it had eaten all my fags, man. It was a big packet of two-hundred duty-frees, like.
Alan: You threw a monkey in the sea? That’s awful. I mean, I was fishing for some sort of funny story. That’s just upsetting.
Michael: Well, you know, I wasn’t thinking straight. I just, kind of, got the red mist in front of my eyes and I just grabbed the monkey and hurled it in the sea.
Alan: Will you stop saying you threw your monkey in the sea? All I can see is a monkey spinning towards the water.
Michael: Well, it didn’t go straight in the water. It bounced off a rock.
Alan: Oh, Michael. That is such a pointless death. At least when they experiment on them they get something out of it, a nice perfume or something.
Michael: Aye. You know, I’ve often wondered, right, why is it that they put the perfume in the monkey’s eyes, right? Why not just put it on it’s wrist, like, you know, posh ladies in the department stores?
Alan: It’s just cruel, isn’t it. Mind you, if you’ve been to Knowsley Safari Park and they’re pulling the wipers off your windscreen and nicking your hub caps, you lose sympathy.
Michael: I’ll tell you what, maybe the monkeys is trying to collect enough parts together to make a complete car, right? And they’ll all just pile in it and break through the gates and escape.
Alan: [Nods in agreement] It’s a frightening thought.