Kif, I've mated with a woman...Inform the men

jamesbere · 26-07-2017 12:10AM

Congratulations

December2012 · 26-07-2017 12:11AM

me_irl wrote: »

I recommend the documentary "The Snapper".

Menstrual history? I got a C in that in me Inter!

26-07-2017 12:13AM

December2012 wrote: »

Be as kind and supportive as you can to the mother. Get interested in her pregnancy, go to the appointments, and get informed.

Yep that's what I'm planning. Although I don't think I'm ready for the pregnancy books yet. I was furiously googling about pregnancy earlier this evening (apparently the baby is currently the size of a lime), but then I got tangled in this terribly alarming articles about developmental disorders.

I don't know how mothers handle this... I have smoked a packet of cigarettes since I found out about this, and if I wasn't working tomorrow i'd be hitting the drinks cabinet... partly to celebrate, partly for the mania/ panic!

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. All of your experience and tips will be a great help, I'm sure.

Pherekydes · 26-07-2017 12:14AM

Guffy wrote: »

Not any more

My youngest is nearly 18. I've been catching up...

me_irl · 26-07-2017 12:15AM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I don't know how mothers handle this... I have smoked a packet of cigarettes since I found out about this, and if I wasn't working tomorrow i'd be hitting the drinks cabinet... partly to celebrate, partly for the mania/ panic.

Oooh you'd be wantin' to cut those vices fairly lively. Especially in front of the baba / formative mind.

26-07-2017 12:16AM

RiseToMe wrote: »

And here I'm sitting, our first baby due today, watching my wife doze on and off as she has had some early labour pains. Can't sleep waiting to see if they pass and we have to wait another few days or if I need to get the TENS machine going and get the gym ball out. The lead up to it drags, but get to every appointment and every class you can, it's a very special time for you both, together or not.

Congratulations! You sound more relaxed than i would be. Is this your first baby?

It's surreal to think that tomorrow you will probably have a new human whom you are completely responsible for raising well. Hope it all goes well in the coming days.

Permabear · 26-07-2017 12:19AM

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RiseToMe · 26-07-2017 12:24AM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Congratulations! You sound more relaxed than i would be. Is this your first baby?

It's surreal to think that tomorrow you will probably have a new human whom you are completely responsible for raising well. Hope it all goes well in the coming days.

It is indeed our first. We spent the last nine months going to every class and positive birthing class we could find and it has us like this! She's been having cramping the last few evenings but rather than panic, she goes off and lies down! Apparently once you think labour is starting you should try sleep as you'll be up and awake for a long time!

I can't thank all the workshops we done enough, I've never felt more prepared for anything in my life and we've spent the last few weeks just looking forward to the birth itself as an experience never mind that we get to meet our little one at it!

Time will tell if we'll be headed onto hospital tonight or of we have a wait on our hands

ceadaoin. · 26-07-2017 12:27AM

Pherekydes wrote: »

Congrats!

If you're attending the birth here are some things to note:

Ignore blood, sh1t (yes, sh1t happens), blood, slime and yes, blood. Someone else will take care of it. That "thing" covered in whatever is your son/daughter. It's ok, they scrub up fine. Do not allow the mother to squeeze your hand during the delivery. Ignore it when she briefly turns into that kid from the Exorcist. She'll be fine after. Don't faint. Don't step in the blood. If you're paying maintenance or better still, being a full time parent, good luck. Your life is over as you know it.

But it's all worth it when you...

...time for another beer.

To add to this, if you're going to be there for the birth, know exactly what kind of birth she wants. She'll agree to anything while in the throes of it so she may need someone to remind her of her birth plan so that she doesn't get railroaded into any unnecessary procedures. Having said that, be prepared for nothing to go to plan!

And yes, sleep. an uninterrupted nights sleep is still a rare thing for me five years later

26-07-2017 12:28AM

me_irl wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

True, and it dawned on me as I extinguished that last cigarette, I have a new incentive now: not catching lung cancer so I can be there for the child.

Not that I was ambivalent about the ould cancer before now, but it's different when it could ruin someone childhood.

Permabear wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Thanks P, that's some solid advice. And congratulations on the twins.

As an aside, I remember reading a post you wrote before about how having a baby changed your view of terminations? Whilst it probably hasn't changed my position (well, I just found out this evening), I can totally relate to how ... almost upsetting ... it would be if someone told me this growing baby isn't a human being. i can't bear to even refer to him or her as a foetus, this is my baby. I totally respect any mother's choice to manage their pregnancy as they choose, but I can already perceive my language about unborn babies evolving.

I'm glad everything worked out well for your family in spite of the surprise that it was. Maybe someday instead of arguing about economics or politics we will be exchanging parenting tips!:)

ceadaoin. · 26-07-2017 12:31AM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

True, and it dawned on me as I extinguished that last cigarette, I have a new incentive now: not catching lung cancer so I can be there for the child.

Not that I was ambivalent about the ould cancer before now, but it's different when it could ruin someone childhood.

)

Not just cancer, don't want to scare you too much, but infants from households where one or both parents smoke have an increased incidence of SIDS.

Permabear · 26-07-2017 12:39AM

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26-07-2017 12:39AM

ceadaoin. wrote: »

Not just cancer, don't want to scare you too much, but infants from households where one or both parents smoke have an increased incidence of SIDS.

Well you did! I need a cigarette.:pac:

I'll go pregnancy-book shopping after work tomorrow, but I think I'll try steer clear of the ones that mention illnesses and disorders of pregnancy. I can barely cope with the excitement/ panic, stuff like medical problems might finish me off before the fags do.

suicide_circus · 26-07-2017 04:23AM

You sure you're the daddy?

KungPao · 26-07-2017 05:56AM

My sincerest commiserations.

corner of hells · 26-07-2017 06:25AM

Congratulations, small kids are mental.Enjoy it all.

eviltwin · 26-07-2017 07:08AM

You will be fine. We had our first aged 19, I'd never even held a baby before and we were living on a friends sofa. The baby is 20 now and in college and we have survived albeit with a few more grey hairs. If a total dope like me can do it without killing the husbag and having social services take the child off me then anyone can. Don't overwhelm yourself with books and the like, plenty of time for that. I hope you and the mam can find a way to make it work for you both.

Samaris · 26-07-2017 07:18AM

Congrats, Tyrant!

No experience here to be helpful from, but I hope all goes well /toasts with coffee mug

SeaFields · 26-07-2017 07:40AM

Bring a phone charger to the birth. It's about 95% complete boredom before the fun starts.

You will never sleep again buts it's worth every second.

Iseedeadpixels · 26-07-2017 07:46AM

It can be tough, it can be tiring, stressful...but also a lot of fun, your parental instinct is the strangest new feeling ever, some 13 year old told my 8 year old to **** off.....I've never wanted to punch a teen so bad in my life

Wanderer78 · 26-07-2017 07:46AM

Best of luck op, oh and it's time to get your **** together in life

Malayalam · 26-07-2017 08:07AM

Since ye are not a couple anymore (if I get it right?) but friendly with each other, thank goodness, it will mean that you both will get to experience the completely chaotic and awesome commitment and joy of minding a baba, with all the lack of sleep experience and never going to the bathroom alone again, but interspersed with periods of rest and rejuvenation when the other one has 'custody' of said baba. That sounds very workable.

Congratulations.

Kintarō Hattori · 26-07-2017 08:39AM

I'm with my partner 13 years this December and it was only last year we decided we wanted to have a baby. I've never been particularly paternal- though I'm great with kids. I was quite happy with our life has it was. However she had a desire to have a baby and we were both approaching 40. I had always been content with the idea that if she really wanted to have a baby then we'd do so but it wasn't a topic that reared it's head so it never happened until we decided to have one last year.
I'm 40 this year and our little girl was born two months ago. I never expected to be so bowled over with emotion, such love. I wouldn't typically be an emotional person but for the first few days in the hospital every now and again I'd well up into streams of tears when I held her in my arms- it's just an amazing experience to see this little life that you created and which is so dependent on you for everything. They truly are so innocent and helpless.

Bringing them home is great but also terrifying. You'll be trying to interpret what everything means, you'll sleep with one eyed open. You'll suddenly become an expert at trawling all the baby websites and gathering up a ton of knowledge you never needed before. You'll find yourself more sociable with neighbours and friends whom you never really spoke to before and you'll become a multi tasking master.

Most of all, you'll be fine. It's a wonderful life changing event and you'll be faced with the biggest challenge you've ever faced but babies are tough and you'll figure it out. There's a wealth of information online, that your friends can provide and there are lots of resources. Don't panic, keep calm and enjoy the days dreaming of how you'll parent them, what they'll turn out like etc. Oh and my heartiest congratulations.

Frank O. Pinion · 26-07-2017 08:44AM

If you weren't planning on creating life, what was the reason for ejaculating in this lady's vagina without a condom?

That might be a too personal question.

Alf Veedersane · 26-07-2017 08:47AM

A couple of things: have a go off the gas and air when you're at ground zero. It's tremendous fun.
Make sure the mother is reading all of the literature: it will paper over the lack of relevant information you've taken in.
If you like pesto, you might not after changing the first few nappies.

Other than that, I wouldn't freak out. You'll never be prepared, you'll never know what exactly to expect anyway. Truth is you'll just figure it out as it goes along.

Congratulations.

Call Me Jimmy · 26-07-2017 08:50AM

Sounds like you actually care, I think that's the most important thing. My brother had kids young enough and it was the making of him. I hear it gives one purpose, if you happen to be missing that.

Ficheall · 26-07-2017 08:51AM

You'll probably have to give up the bestiality.

beertons · 26-07-2017 08:54AM

Is the woman a looker?

NoviGlitzko · 26-07-2017 08:59AM

Frank O. Pinion wrote: »

If you weren't planning on creating life, what was the reason for ejaculating in this lady's vagina without a condom?

That might be a too personal question.

40% of all worldwide pregnancies are unplanned. Why don't you ask them too?

Frank O. Pinion · 26-07-2017 09:02AM

NoviGlitzko wrote: »

40% of all worldwide pregnancies are unplanned. Why don't you ask them too?

They didn't start a thread in After Hours about their escapades.

Kif, I've mated with a woman...Inform the men

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