Kif, I've mated with a woman...Inform the men

It's fairly unusual to experience one single day that will change your life forever, but it's something all first-time parents will be familiar with. After thirty years of meandering on this planet I found out today I'm going to be a Dad in January/February 2018.

None of this is as I imagined it would be. I'm not married, I'm not even dating the Mum, I share a house with my gay Malaysian best friend who eats party-pills like most people eat vegetables ... and yet I could not be more excited about our new baby (even writing 'our new baby' is giving me tingles). I have never been so terrified and excited in my life.

So right now I'm sitting in bed, unable to even contemplate sleep, and I guess I'm asking for experiences of expecting your first kid. Was it terrifying? were you dating, or married to, your kid's mum? How old were you? Will I die? Are those my feet?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Congrats

The_Valeyard

It's fear wrapped up in a box of sleep deprivation surrounded by poop and financial ruin.


But their are moments that make it all worth while and you wouldnt change a thing.

The Backwards Man

Does he pour half a jug of Bisto on them and hold his nose while he's popping them?

me_irl

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Will I die?

Yes, eventually.

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Are those my feet?

Yes.

retro:electro

Congratulations! Your post reminds me of my brother who was in a similar situation to you when he found out he was going to be a dad. He used to flip flop from being excited to thinking his life was over. It was the making of him.
Support the mam as best you can.
I wish you all the best!

Guy:Incognito

Blame it on the gay Malaysian lad and leg it

incaseiforget

Congratulations!

andekwarhola

You'll be overcome with fear but somehow wing it while always being assailed by the vague feeling that you're fcuking up but along the way experiencing some of the most frustrating but also utterly incredible moments of your life.

antodeco

First kid in 2003 second kid in 2015.

It's terrifyingly amazing change! From this day out, EVERYTHING you decide, your child will be a subconscious influence. It's actually nice having that purpose in life.

Ninthlife

Congratulations!

Gatling

Your not in Kansas anymore toto ,

Congratulations ,


But alot will really depend on the future situations ,

Autosport

Congratulations

A Tyrant Named Miltiades!

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I'm not married, I'm not even dating the Mum, I share a house with my gay Malaysian best friend who eats party-pills like most people eat vegetables...

Emmmmm, more detail about the parenting arrangements, less detail about the housemate... Will you be involved in the child's future? Will you be at the birth or when s/he takes the first steps?

retro:electro

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Emmmmm, more detail about the parenting arrangements, less detail about the housemate... Will you be involved in the child's future? Will you be at the birth or when s/he takes the first steps?

I don't see how that is any of our business!

vegetables

I'd say get that 'sleep you can't contemplate taking' in while you can.

I'm not a parent but I've heard sleep is a strange almost laughable concept to new parents.

Widdershins

Will you be co-parenting with the Malaysian party animal? You could get a movie out of that.

Mam of 4

Congratulations , Your life will never be the same again
Don't let anyone tell you it's all Sunshine and Roses , it's not . It's tiring , emotionally draining , frustrating at times .

But a smile , a touch , the wonderment of this little baby , makes you forget all of the above in an instant

Enjoy every moment.

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Emmmmm, more detail about the parenting arrangements, less detail about the housemate... Will you be involved in the child's future? Will you be at the birth or when s/he takes the first steps?

I'm actually more intrigued by the Malaysian lad.

As an aside, you'll be grand with the kid, I became a dad in 2012 and it was the making of me

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Emmmmm, more detail about the parenting arrangements, less detail about the housemate

The comment about my housemate was intended as a light-hearted example of how unprepared my situation is for a baby. Of course I want maximal responsibility, and the mum and I are on great terms and obviously that was the first thing we discussed.

Guffy

anna080 wrote: »

I don't see how that is any of our business!

?????

He's asking for advice on what to expect. How can he receive advice without knowing what his role will be. Will it be daily, weekly, monthly involvement. There's a big difference.

Pherekydes

Congrats!

If you're attending the birth here are some things to note:

Ignore blood, sh1t (yes, sh1t happens), blood, slime and yes, blood. Someone else will take care of it. That "thing" covered in whatever is your son/daughter. It's ok, they scrub up fine. Do not allow the mother to squeeze your hand during the delivery. Ignore it when she briefly turns into that kid from the Exorcist. She'll be fine after. Don't faint. Don't step in the blood. If you're paying maintenance or better still, being a full time parent, good luck. Your life is over as you know it.

But it's all worth it when you...

...time for another beer.

me_irl

Pherekydes wrote: »

Congrats!

If you're attending the birth here are some things to note:

Ignore blood, sh1t (yes, sh1t happens), blood, slime and yes, blood. Someone else will take care of it. That "thing" covered in whatever is your son/daughter. It's ok, they scrub up fine. Do not allow the mother to squeeze your hand during the delivery. Ignore it when she briefly turns into that kid from the Exorcist. She'll be fine after. Don't faint. Don't step in the blood. If you're paying maintenance or better still, being a full time parent, good luck. Your life is over as you know it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meconium




Enjoy fatherhood!

Guffy

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

The comment about my housemate was intended as a light-hearted example of how unprepared my situation is for a baby. Of course I want maximal responsibility, and the mum and I are on great terms and obviously that was the first thing we discussed.

That's great. Make sure you get the guardianship form sorted as soon as is plausable. Don't go dragging her to courts the next day but get it sorted while yer on good terms (not implying yell not always be but you dont know).


Its great craic though. Dont get me wrong, you'll be drained 24/7 but you'll have little moments every day that put a smile on your face.

Mena Mitty

Congratulations !

For the next while you'll be on a place called Cloud 9.

Guffy

Pherekydes wrote: »

...time for another beer.

Not any more

RobertKK

The best of luck and health to all.
Congrats.

RobbingBandit

If it's a boy, Call him Cimon he will grow up to be a successful politician.

Congrats.

December2012

Be as kind and supportive as you can to the mother. Get interested in her pregnancy, go to the appointments, and get informed.

A good relationship with her will help you as you co parent and will benefit you each and your child.

Congratulations on the pregnancy.

Being a parent is a wild ride!

RiseToMe

And here I'm sitting, our first baby due today, watching my wife doze on and off as she has had some early labour pains. Can't sleep waiting to see if they pass and we have to wait another few days or if I need to get the TENS machine going and get the gym ball out. The lead up to it drags, but get to every appointment and every class you can, it's a very special time for you both, together or not.

me_irl

December2012 wrote: »

Be as kind and supportive as you can to the mother. Get interested in her pregnancy, go to the appointments, and get informed.

I recommend the documentary "The Snapper".

jamesbere

Congratulations

December2012

me_irl wrote: »

I recommend the documentary "The Snapper".

Menstrual history? I got a C in that in me Inter!

December2012

December2012 wrote: »

Be as kind and supportive as you can to the mother. Get interested in her pregnancy, go to the appointments, and get informed.

Yep that's what I'm planning. Although I don't think I'm ready for the pregnancy books yet. I was furiously googling about pregnancy earlier this evening (apparently the baby is currently the size of a lime), but then I got tangled in this terribly alarming articles about developmental disorders.

I don't know how mothers handle this... I have smoked a packet of cigarettes since I found out about this, and if I wasn't working tomorrow i'd be hitting the drinks cabinet... partly to celebrate, partly for the mania/ panic!

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. All of your experience and tips will be a great help, I'm sure.

Pherekydes

Guffy wrote: »

Not any more

My youngest is nearly 18. I've been catching up...

me_irl

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I don't know how mothers handle this... I have smoked a packet of cigarettes since I found out about this, and if I wasn't working tomorrow i'd be hitting the drinks cabinet... partly to celebrate, partly for the mania/ panic.

Oooh you'd be wantin' to cut those vices fairly lively. Especially in front of the baba / formative mind.

RiseToMe

RiseToMe wrote: »

And here I'm sitting, our first baby due today, watching my wife doze on and off as she has had some early labour pains. Can't sleep waiting to see if they pass and we have to wait another few days or if I need to get the TENS machine going and get the gym ball out. The lead up to it drags, but get to every appointment and every class you can, it's a very special time for you both, together or not.

Congratulations! You sound more relaxed than i would be. Is this your first baby?

It's surreal to think that tomorrow you will probably have a new human whom you are completely responsible for raising well. Hope it all goes well in the coming days.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

RiseToMe

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Congratulations! You sound more relaxed than i would be. Is this your first baby?

It's surreal to think that tomorrow you will probably have a new human whom you are completely responsible for raising well. Hope it all goes well in the coming days.

It is indeed our first. We spent the last nine months going to every class and positive birthing class we could find and it has us like this! She's been having cramping the last few evenings but rather than panic, she goes off and lies down! Apparently once you think labour is starting you should try sleep as you'll be up and awake for a long time!

I can't thank all the workshops we done enough, I've never felt more prepared for anything in my life and we've spent the last few weeks just looking forward to the birth itself as an experience never mind that we get to meet our little one at it!

Time will tell if we'll be headed onto hospital tonight or of we have a wait on our hands

ceadaoin.

Pherekydes wrote: »

Congrats!

If you're attending the birth here are some things to note:

Ignore blood, sh1t (yes, sh1t happens), blood, slime and yes, blood. Someone else will take care of it. That "thing" covered in whatever is your son/daughter. It's ok, they scrub up fine. Do not allow the mother to squeeze your hand during the delivery. Ignore it when she briefly turns into that kid from the Exorcist. She'll be fine after. Don't faint. Don't step in the blood. If you're paying maintenance or better still, being a full time parent, good luck. Your life is over as you know it.

But it's all worth it when you...

...time for another beer.

To add to this, if you're going to be there for the birth, know exactly what kind of birth she wants. She'll agree to anything while in the throes of it so she may need someone to remind her of her birth plan so that she doesn't get railroaded into any unnecessary procedures. Having said that, be prepared for nothing to go to plan!

And yes, sleep. an uninterrupted nights sleep is still a rare thing for me five years later

me_irl

me_irl wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

True, and it dawned on me as I extinguished that last cigarette, I have a new incentive now: not catching lung cancer so I can be there for the child.

Not that I was ambivalent about the ould cancer before now, but it's different when it could ruin someone childhood.

Permabear wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Thanks P, that's some solid advice. And congratulations on the twins.

As an aside, I remember reading a post you wrote before about how having a baby changed your view of terminations? Whilst it probably hasn't changed my position (well, I just found out this evening), I can totally relate to how ... almost upsetting ... it would be if someone told me this growing baby isn't a human being. i can't bear to even refer to him or her as a foetus, this is my baby. I totally respect any mother's choice to manage their pregnancy as they choose, but I can already perceive my language about unborn babies evolving.

I'm glad everything worked out well for your family in spite of the surprise that it was. Maybe someday instead of arguing about economics or politics we will be exchanging parenting tips!:)

ceadaoin.

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

True, and it dawned on me as I extinguished that last cigarette, I have a new incentive now: not catching lung cancer so I can be there for the child.

Not that I was ambivalent about the ould cancer before now, but it's different when it could ruin someone childhood.

)

Not just cancer, don't want to scare you too much, but infants from households where one or both parents smoke have an increased incidence of SIDS.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

ceadaoin.

ceadaoin. wrote: »

Not just cancer, don't want to scare you too much, but infants from households where one or both parents smoke have an increased incidence of SIDS.

Well you did! I need a cigarette.:pac:

I'll go pregnancy-book shopping after work tomorrow, but I think I'll try steer clear of the ones that mention illnesses and disorders of pregnancy. I can barely cope with the excitement/ panic, stuff like medical problems might finish me off before the fags do.

suicide_circus

You sure you're the daddy?

KungPao

My sincerest commiserations.

corner of hells

Congratulations, small kids are mental.Enjoy it all.

eviltwin

You will be fine. We had our first aged 19, I'd never even held a baby before and we were living on a friends sofa. The baby is 20 now and in college and we have survived albeit with a few more grey hairs. If a total dope like me can do it without killing the husbag and having social services take the child off me then anyone can. Don't overwhelm yourself with books and the like, plenty of time for that. I hope you and the mam can find a way to make it work for you both.

Samaris

Congrats, Tyrant!

No experience here to be helpful from, but I hope all goes well /toasts with coffee mug

SeaFields

Bring a phone charger to the birth. It's about 95% complete boredom before the fun starts.

You will never sleep again buts it's worth every second.

Iseedeadpixels

It can be tough, it can be tiring, stressful...but also a lot of fun, your parental instinct is the strangest new feeling ever, some 13 year old told my 8 year old to **** off.....I've never wanted to punch a teen so bad in my life