Do relationships with big age gaps last?

Strazdas · 22-07-2017 09:10PM

I think people can get too hung up on numbers. Sometimes the older person can be very youthful for their age and even look younger and other times they can look and act older than they are - this can make their actual age largely irrelevant. If they both fancy each other, that's a good start.

Bob24 · 22-07-2017 09:19PM

bucketybuck wrote: »

I'm quite sure that there is nothing I can say that you would accept.

Just as I'm sure that when I am 41 I won't be trying to pick up 23 year old girls.

I say it as a friendly advice: having this kind of certainty about how you believe you will think in a few years time shows you are lacking life experience.

I have a few years to go before reaching my 40s, but one thing I have learnt alreay through my own experience is that people can change their perspective about a lot of topics as they get older (and also start understanding behaviours which made no sense to them in the past because they simply hadn't encountered situations which explain those behaviours).

lazeedaisy · 22-07-2017 09:21PM

I should look to my 74 year old dad, and his thirty odd year old girlfriend, ðŸ˜

KERSPLAT! · 22-07-2017 09:22PM

lazeedaisy wrote: »

I should look to my 74 year old dad, and his thirty odd year old girlfriend, ðŸ˜

The old devil!

22-07-2017 09:24PM

Dr Turk Turkelton wrote: »

Remember in the bar years ago we all about 18/19 one of the lads came out with "I'd love to ride a young one around ten".
Straight away another lad jumped in "so would I".
First lad looking at him strangely said "and another around half ten"
Second lad sheepishly said "well I meant around 14/15".
We all dispersed fairly quickly after that.

To the garda station I hope

hairyslug · 22-07-2017 09:25PM

Was 19 years between my parents, they lasted 40 odd years

22-07-2017 09:31PM

Relationships are relationships they either work or they don't age is nothing to do with it, having said that the crucial thing is that the relationship occurred naturally. Those who only want to be in a relationship with someone who is years younger have issues.

There are a few age difference relationships in my wider family and most are very successful my first husband was a lot older that me and it just didn't work.

AllForIt · 22-07-2017 09:46PM

Plenty relationships don't last. If a couple with a big age gap split I'm sure it could be down to any number of reasons other than the age gap. I think the inference the OP is making is that the younger person would in time prefer to be with someone in their own age bracket. That's nonsense imo.

I think the problem some ppl have with age gaps is that in the case of an older man with a younger woman that somehow the man is some kind of perv. As if ppl get married, have kids, live their lives together, just for the sake of living with someone to have sex with.

And the relationship is always looked at in a one-way sense. Relationships by definition are 2 way not 1 way, which is why some narrow minded ppl completely disregard the feelings of the younger woman, as if she was somehow coerced into a relationship. One can't help but think there is some kind of envy going on when ppl criticize such relationships, so who's the perv.

My first lover with who I had a passionate relationship with when I was 24 was 15 years older than me. When my mother found out she suggested he was taking advantage of me. Nothing could be further from the truth as if anyone was taking advantage of anyone it was me taking advantage of him. It didn't last not because of the age gap rather it wasn't true love.

Vela · 22-07-2017 09:48PM

It's more to do with emotional maturity than age, and the stage each person is at in their life. My first proper boyfriend was 23 when I met him and I was 16 - that lasted 5 years. On the other side of things, that relationship ended because I outgrew it and didn't want to settle down, whilst he did. Age was obviously a factor there.

In general, I think it works as long as you're on the same wavelength. I've always had a tendency to date older guys but I've noticed that the gap has closed a little since I've gotten older, i.e. I'd have been dating guys in their late 20s/30s in my early 20s because they generally had more cop on, but now I'm older (31) there isn't as much as a maturity gap between me and guys my own age.

anewme · 22-07-2017 10:01PM

When I was 19/20 I was going out with someone 17 years older than me (he was only six years younger than my Mum) .. my friends used to slag me by singing that song" I was 37, you were 17".

We split after 2.5 years and I was heartbroken. that was 25,years ago and I never saw him since.

Recently I was in a crowded shop and I sensed someone staring at me through the crowds. It was him.

Now I'm in my forties and he's sixties. There's no way we would have stayed together....at this point, he looks like my Dad. Maybe I would have aged like him if we stayed together, who knows, but the age gap is fairly obvious now.

It was weird

pumpkin4life · 22-07-2017 10:03PM

Burial. wrote: »

What does the research say about this?

The more men a woman sleeps with, the more likely the relationship will fall apart.

eviltwin · 22-07-2017 10:05PM

pumpkin4life wrote: »

The more men a woman sleeps with, the more likely the relationship will fall apart.

Who conducted that research, the Iona Institute?

Lini1981 · 22-07-2017 10:09PM

Pablo_Picasso wrote: »

Do you believe relationships, where there is a significant age gap(10 years and over), actually work/ last? Are they based on lust?

Of course they can last! 10 years age gap is nothing, it's all about maturity

Bob24 · 22-07-2017 10:09PM

pumpkin4life wrote: »

The more men a woman sleeps with, the more likely the relationship will fall apart.

eviltwin wrote: »

Who conducted that research, the Iona Institute?

Popcorn time ...

Permabear · 22-07-2017 10:09PM

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Permabear · 22-07-2017 10:18PM

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Pac1Man · 22-07-2017 10:21PM

The age gap takes on a bigger meaning depending on what stage of life the couple is at. I would be more sceptical about why a 20 year old is going out with a 30 year old as opposed to a 30 & 40 year old couple.

Vela · 22-07-2017 10:26PM

Pac1Man wrote: »

The age gap takes on a bigger meaning depending on what stage of life the couple is at. I would be more sceptical about why a 20 year old is going out with a 30 year old as opposed to a 30 & 40 year old couple.

Really? I wouldn't see 20 and 30 as a matter of concern at all. They're both adults .

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 22-07-2017 10:32PM

I'd tend to be wary of them. I'm sure there are ones which work and of course the people actually in each individual relationship know best, but I've seen too many deeply creepy ones to not be a bit suss of them.

Also, I'm 28 and Jesus the thoughts of having to deal with someone in their early twenties, you couldn't pay me to do it. Unless one or both parties are unusually mature/immature for their ages I don't get it.

Strazdas · 22-07-2017 10:33PM

Permabear wrote: »

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If everyone dated only those who their family, friends, neighbours and colleagues approved of, I'm not sure there would be any relationships at all. There are only two people in the relationship....if others have a problem with it, then tough.

Pac1Man · 22-07-2017 10:35PM

Vela wrote: »

Really? I wouldn't see 20 and 30 as a matter of concern at all. They're both adults .

You're basically still a child at twenty. Who knows what they are at that age?

DEFTLEFTHAND · 22-07-2017 10:37PM

Humphrey Bogart married Lauren Bacall in 1945 when he was 46 and she was 21.

I've listened to their son Steven Bogart speaking about their relationship. He remembers it being very good. However he was only 8 when his Dad died in 1957.

eviltwin · 22-07-2017 10:38PM

Pac1Man wrote: »

You're basically still a child at twenty. Who knows what they are at that age?

Speak for yourself.

whoopsadoodles · 22-07-2017 10:39PM

Pac1Man wrote: »

You're basically still a child at twenty. Who knows what they are at that age?

Depends on the person.

I was well clued in at 20 and couldn't have been considered a child at all.

Gael23 · 22-07-2017 10:46PM

I knew a couple with 15 years between them and they were married until his death age 87 when she wac 72.

Permabear · 22-07-2017 10:48PM

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mdwexford · 22-07-2017 10:52PM

Permabear wrote: »

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Why are you being deliberately obtuse.

Obviously he means a lot of people that age still have some maturing to do.

Pac1Man · 22-07-2017 10:53PM

Permabear wrote: »

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I'm not talking legally here. You don't suddenly know the craic as soon as you turn 18. The amount you mature between 20 & 30 is enormous.

AllForIt · 22-07-2017 10:57PM

Pac1Man wrote: »

You're basically still a child at twenty. Who knows what they are at that age?

That's nonsense. If a 20 year old committed murder they would be tried as an adult and given the same life sentence as if they were 50, and rightly so.

What you are disgustingly inferring is that if an older man has a sexual relationship with a 20 years old it's tantamount to having sex with a child.

A 20 year old is not a child. A 20 yo can vote, work, do whatever they like. They are not as life experienced as an older person but they are mentally and physically fully formed adults.

Pac1Man · 22-07-2017 11:02PM

AllForIt wrote: »

That's nonsense. If a 20 year old committed murder they would be tried as an adult and given the same life sentence as if they were 50, and rightly so.

What you are disgustingly inferring is that if an older man has a sexual relationship with a 20 years old it's tantamount to having sex with a child.

A 20 year old is not a child. A 20 yo can vote, work, do whatever they like. They are not as life experienced as an older person but they are mentally and physically fully formed adults.

Try to read posts in the context in which they were written rather than taking the content so literally.

Do relationships with big age gaps last?

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