Falsely accused of rape - should I go to the police?

LegacyUser · 02-07-2017 12:49PM #1

So basically. There's this woman who I hate with a burning passion. She tried to destroy my relationship by flirting with me RIGHT in front of my girlfriend - this is far, far from the first time she's done it. Unfortunately she has actually succeed in destroying other people's relationships in the past. This had a serious impact on our relationship, but we're still together.

Anyway, I know her through friends. Two of her friends I was in college with and I got pretty close to them. I think they started to hang out with her less and less once they knew of her shenanigans. Her response to this was to start telling people I raped my ex girlfriend.

This is a complete and utter fabrication. I have two ex girlfriends, one in France, one in Cork (250km from here, I haven't lived there in years). She has never met any of them. When repeatedly asked who this supposed rape victim was (by her friends not just me) she continued to make excuses on how this ghost woman wants her identity protected and just wants to move on. Her story kept changing the more she was asked.

Thankfully anyone who knows me didn't believe it but the damage it's done to me is severe. I've discovered that a few of my "friends" are not actually my friends and would prefer to validate her. I even know one guy, I had known him for 6 years, considered him a close friend, and I told him all of this but he doesn't give a fiddle and is much more content to sleep with her than be my friend despite the fact they've only been going out for 6 months. I feel so betrayed. I'm so paranoid these days. I find hard to trust people. I never want to go out and socialize anymore and I spend most of my nights alone in my room, depressed. Meanwhile she's out in town, going to all the gigs I want to go to, going to the festivals I want go to, spending time with the people I want to f**king spend time with (or did). I get so ENRAGED knowing that she's in town right now trolloping about the place with not a care in the world, zero retribution for the heinous lie she has spread. She even has the f**king balls to organize a "feminist festival". God she just makes me SO SICK.

I've been quite depressed the past year for a number of things - falling out with a long, long term best friend, my mother being really depressed and lonely, problems with my own relationship, finances, etc etc. But I've tried to solider on because that's life right? But ever since this has happened 2 months ago it's pushed me over the edge. The mentioning of her name drives me crazy and I have to do everything in my power to not smash a window. I just can't believe she tried to destroy my relationship then tried to destroy my LIFE by trying to convince people I'm a rapist? It's so messed up. So so messed up. I have done nothing to deserve this. I feel so hurt, let down, anxious, sad, paranoid... as I say I question everyone these days and I am much more suspicious of people's motives, even people who I cherish, but I can't help it... It's horrible.

I hate her so much. My girlfriend has been plotting revenge but to be honest I don't think any amount of slaps or faeces thrown at her will really make me feel at ease. I would love to bring her to court and have her PAY for this, figuratively and literally. I want her to be punished. If I were a girl I would kick lumps out of her but I'm not. I really can't put into words how much I hate her and how messed up this whole thing has made me feel.

I want to go to the police but I'm not sure if it's a good idea. How much will they care? Would it be a long drawn out process? Would it be worth it? I would love to just be able to report her, then the Gardaí to contact my ex, confirm I didn't rape her, contact a friend, confirm that this woman told her and others this disgusting lie, then bring her to court. But it doesn't strike me as simple as that.

What does everyone think and what advice would you recommend? I really need help, I'm cracking up

Mr. Incognito · 03-07-2017 09:48AM

Yes,

Spreading serious and untrue allegations about someone is a matter for civil law- defamation.

You may also ground a claim in criminal law for harrassment depending on the facts

I would urge you in the first instance to contact the Guards

I would urge you in the second instance to contact a solicitor.

Legal advice cannot be given here for good reason but this is not someone who I would let continue with this sort of behaviour. You today and some other punter tomorrow.

....... · 03-07-2017 10:31AM

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Neyite · 03-07-2017 10:45AM

Go to the Gardai.

Do not engage with this person - you or your girlfriend. She sounds like she'd run straight to the Gardai (and everyone else) herself with an embellished version if you confronted her and she'd love the drama and being the victim. You or your girlfriend retaliating would be a gift to her. Don't fall for it.

But you can go to festivals and outings. Just not with that group of people. Let's face it, if they are willing to believe an unsubstantiated allegation about you then they are not really your friends to begin with. And when the drama of you being the Big Bad Rapey guy becomes old news for her, she'll pick someone else to be her new drama fodder. You are better off without friends like that.

There are some people from time to time the unlucky among us can encounter who rip through our lives without a care. They destroy and then bugger off into the sunset happily without giving a sh!t about the devastation they leave behind. And it can take you a while to stop reeling from it. Counselling helps immensely and you can manage and deal with that (justified) anger in way that's safer and healthier for you.

Mr. Incognito · 03-07-2017 11:17AM

This is incorrect and this sort of ill informed post is the reason legal advice is banned on Boards. It is confusing the old tort of libel with defamation.

Here's the Act http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/eli/2009/act/31

1. Guards to investigate
2. Solicitor.

In that order. You cannot begin defamation proceedings until the criminal investigation is concluded.

Best of luck with it. People who go around spreading these sort of toxic rumours should be made pay a substantial penalty for it in my book. They can have huge consequences on innocent people utterly slandered with these labels.

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leggo · 03-07-2017 11:32AM

This. Whether you can prove she's said these things or not is debatable, but if you do something to her then you could wind up digging yourself into a hole.

You have a girlfriend. You have other friends, don't you? So you're not alone. There's nothing stopping you from going to gigs, nights out, festivals etc. So do that, just away from this person and her group.

Definitely seek legal advice and try to remember that when you're not out, enjoying life, she wins. When you let it bother you that a friend has taken her side, she wins. Don't let her win. Enjoy your life and **** the fake friends who can't see through her BS.

Mr. Incognito · 03-07-2017 11:45AM

He doesn't have to.

That's a matter for the Guards to investigate by taking witness statements, and obtaning warrants to seizing phones and examining text messages, emails, etc.

The guards investigate crimes. Not the OP.

Spreading false and potentially life changing unsubstantiated rumours is a crime. you can be prosecuted, go to jail and receive fines and when all that is done he can take a civil case.

When defamation is shown it requires no special damages thereafter to be shown. Its up to the person who said the defamatory statement to rely on one of the defences, being truth or privilege mainly. If they are not available you are going to be liable for your statements.

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silverharp · 03-07-2017 12:16PM

Do you or any of your friends have any electronic communication from her? or if not might it be worth baiting her with a text message? and saving any replies that could be useful in the future? or as far as I can see you can legally record a conversation or phone conversation if you are one of the parties so you could come up with a strategy that way or get one of your friends to do it if they agreed.

Otherwise its an issue that will solve itself over time as you all go your own ways, she sounds like the kind of toxic individual that will drive away her friends eventually

Mr. Incognito · 03-07-2017 01:01PM

I'm aware of it. I work in litigation.

However, that's not to say they will not investigate it and your attitude of,

Ah shure they'll do nothing, isn't reflective of the reality of the situation of this person having their reputation damaged in such a scandalous way.

What I do know is that they cannot investigate it if he doesnt make a complaint and if it goes nowhere he has the Civil route.

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Penn · 03-07-2017 02:31PM

Being falsely accused of being a rapist.

Even if there's no proof written down or anything, OP. Go to the police and make a complaint. At the very least it would hopefully scare her into dropping her claim and show her you're not going to accept something like that. It won't solve the issue as a whole, but it should at least put her on notice.

Pelvis · 03-07-2017 02:47PM

The guards won't do anything, it's a civil matter, not a criminal one.

OP, get legal advise, and sue the **** out of her.

twill · 03-07-2017 03:02PM

Go to a solicitor and find out what the options are regarding civil/criminal avenues. Even if you do go to the Gardaí, I'd strongly recommend having a solicitor first. This situation is potentially volatile and you need to be armed with all possible information.

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Penn · 03-07-2017 03:27PM

Hence why I didn't say she accused him of rape, I said she accused him of being a rapist. And while I agree no actual accusations have been made and that it's a "I heard from someone who knows someone...", it's still a big and potentially damaging statement to make, and one that should be challenged.

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twill · 03-07-2017 03:47PM

You don't know whether or not anything was written down, etc. You also seem to trivialise the impact of these lies. From what the OP says, they have had a severe effect on his life. Also, this person is not a "fool". She evidently knows what she is doing. A solicitor would be able to give advice based on all the facts. Even if the solicitor doesn't advise taking a case, there may be action the OP can take in relation to protecting himself or gathering evidence.

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um7y1h83ge06nx · 03-07-2017 03:59PM

Surely going to the Gardai makes sense as it pre-empts anyone else going to them first with an accusation.

In my opinion having someone saying I raped an ex would be very damaging to my reputation and could damage existing relationships, career etc. I would be furious being honest.

Airyfairy12 · 03-07-2017 04:17PM

I was friends with a girl years ago who would spread horrific lies about people such as rape, saying she was being stalked by such and such, there was no limit to what she could come out with, people believed her for so long, myself included but eventually everyone saw through her. Id imagine its a similar situation with this girl who's probably so deeply insecure with herself and messed up in the head she will say anything. Just be mindful that what she's doing says more about her than it does about you and people will see her true colours eventually. Also she's not a feminist, clearly she doesnt know what the word means. She's just an ar$e-hole

As for your 'friends' that have taken sides with her, theyre just as bad and youre better off without them.

Go to the gardes and report whats being said, they might caution her which it could be enough to scare her into not spreading rumours. Don't do anything to her, especially anything violent. That won't help you. Chances are she spreads rumours and gossip about others too so very few if anyone will believe her.

SB_Part2 · 03-07-2017 05:29PM

Not a criminal matter. Get a good solicitor.

Mr. Incognito · 03-07-2017 06:02PM

Let me repeat that for emphasis

(5) The tort of defamation is actionable without proof of special damage.

There is no distinction between saying is a rapist and someone raped X.

No subtle distinction. None.

Creol1 · 03-07-2017 09:45PM

I've only glanced through the thread, but regarding the possibility of a civil case, you need -- unless you are quite well-off -- to try and minimise the costs. A good way of speaking to a solicitor for free is just to pick up the phone and say you're looking for a quote on taking a case; they will ask you for the details and give you at least a rough idea of where you stand without the necessity of an expensive consultation in person.

You will also be aiming to get a solicitor to represent you on a "no win: no fee" basis. Solicitors in Ireland are forbidden from advertising as "no win: no fee" so in trying to find a solicitor willing to take a case on such a basis, focus on getting quotes from the smaller firms.

silverharp · 03-07-2017 10:58PM

so how much do you expect to "win" from someone in their early to mid 20's ?

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LolaJJ · 04-07-2017 09:18AM

There is no question here that this is defamation.

Defamation is an untrue statement that would potentially lower your reputation to a right thinking member of society.

A statement is published through the media yes, but also verbally to other people - this is accepted as published.

Defamation is a crime and yes, the gardai are the first port of call.. The gardai don't need to investigate this in terms of he said/she said in the way that a previous poster suggested. We're not talking CSI. They will contact this person and make them aware that someone has made a allegation against them and they will be invited to make a statement and generally the gardai will encourage people to sort things out between themselves. My guess is, the phonecall from the gardai will be enough to make this girl stop and perhaps even agree to confess to people she invented this story for whatever mental health reasons she is suffering. OR, you/she could potentially want to fight this and then you'll both make statements and solicitors will be involved.

You are the victim of a crime against you, that's what the gardai are there for. In an ideal world she will be totally spooked by a phonecall from the gards and will make efforts to retract her statement. Or it could end up in court, which might be the ideal outcome for you depending on what you want. If you have people who will testify to being told this and she knows this, I imagine she will very quickly change her track.

This is impacting your life and she is doing something exceptionally wrong and criminal by spreading this. Rumours are dangerous and could come back to haunt you for the rest of your life, as you say, people you know have fallen for the story, so what about the people you don't know or have yet to meet. What if one of those people is a potential colleague or future girlfriends brother in years to come.

Best of luck and hope you get it sorted

Rikand · 04-07-2017 09:37AM

I believe its the value of the crime/damages that's awarded, not the value of how much that person has

ManOfMystery · 04-07-2017 10:16AM

This does not lessen the brevity of the situation in any way. A man in the UK was in the news recently after being attacked and beaten senseless to the point that he had to be put into an induced coma. Why? Because some vile neighbour started an untrue rumour that he was a paedophile, when he was nothing of the sort.

Chinese whispers or not, being marked out as a rapist is somewhat more serious than some mouthy friend telling everyone you were pissed at the weekend when you weren't. I would go straight to the police and report this, if nothing else it will show those who might believe it that you have nothing to hide.

silverharp · 04-07-2017 10:39AM

there isn't an insurance company in the background and the other party isn't a newspaper, its a gossipy individual most likely without any means, the Judge will probably set a token award which might be lower than the legal fee and your legal firm will know this and wont go on a no win no fee.
The most likely use of solicitor here is for them to send her a letter threatening legal action if she continues, might work and might be worth the fee for that.

Falsely accused of rape - should I go to the police?

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