Falsely accused of rape - should I go to the police?

LegacyUser

So basically. There's this woman who I hate with a burning passion. She tried to destroy my relationship by flirting with me RIGHT in front of my girlfriend - this is far, far from the first time she's done it. Unfortunately she has actually succeed in destroying other people's relationships in the past. This had a serious impact on our relationship, but we're still together.

Anyway, I know her through friends. Two of her friends I was in college with and I got pretty close to them. I think they started to hang out with her less and less once they knew of her shenanigans. Her response to this was to start telling people I raped my ex girlfriend.

This is a complete and utter fabrication. I have two ex girlfriends, one in France, one in Cork (250km from here, I haven't lived there in years). She has never met any of them. When repeatedly asked who this supposed rape victim was (by her friends not just me) she continued to make excuses on how this ghost woman wants her identity protected and just wants to move on. Her story kept changing the more she was asked.

Thankfully anyone who knows me didn't believe it but the damage it's done to me is severe. I've discovered that a few of my "friends" are not actually my friends and would prefer to validate her. I even know one guy, I had known him for 6 years, considered him a close friend, and I told him all of this but he doesn't give a fiddle and is much more content to sleep with her than be my friend despite the fact they've only been going out for 6 months. I feel so betrayed. I'm so paranoid these days. I find hard to trust people. I never want to go out and socialize anymore and I spend most of my nights alone in my room, depressed. Meanwhile she's out in town, going to all the gigs I want to go to, going to the festivals I want go to, spending time with the people I want to f**king spend time with (or did). I get so ENRAGED knowing that she's in town right now trolloping about the place with not a care in the world, zero retribution for the heinous lie she has spread. She even has the f**king balls to organize a "feminist festival". God she just makes me SO SICK.

I've been quite depressed the past year for a number of things - falling out with a long, long term best friend, my mother being really depressed and lonely, problems with my own relationship, finances, etc etc. But I've tried to solider on because that's life right? But ever since this has happened 2 months ago it's pushed me over the edge. The mentioning of her name drives me crazy and I have to do everything in my power to not smash a window. I just can't believe she tried to destroy my relationship then tried to destroy my LIFE by trying to convince people I'm a rapist? It's so messed up. So so messed up. I have done nothing to deserve this. I feel so hurt, let down, anxious, sad, paranoid... as I say I question everyone these days and I am much more suspicious of people's motives, even people who I cherish, but I can't help it... It's horrible.

I hate her so much. My girlfriend has been plotting revenge but to be honest I don't think any amount of slaps or faeces thrown at her will really make me feel at ease. I would love to bring her to court and have her PAY for this, figuratively and literally. I want her to be punished. If I were a girl I would kick lumps out of her but I'm not. I really can't put into words how much I hate her and how messed up this whole thing has made me feel.

I want to go to the police but I'm not sure if it's a good idea. How much will they care? Would it be a long drawn out process? Would it be worth it? I would love to just be able to report her, then the Gardaí to contact my ex, confirm I didn't rape her, contact a friend, confirm that this woman told her and others this disgusting lie, then bring her to court. But it doesn't strike me as simple as that.

What does everyone think and what advice would you recommend? I really need help, I'm cracking up

Mr. Incognito

Yes,

Spreading serious and untrue allegations about someone is a matter for civil law- defamation.

You may also ground a claim in criminal law for harrassment depending on the facts

I would urge you in the first instance to contact the Guards

I would urge you in the second instance to contact a solicitor.

Legal advice cannot be given here for good reason but this is not someone who I would let continue with this sort of behaviour. You today and some other punter tomorrow.

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Neyite

Go to the Gardai.

Do not engage with this person - you or your girlfriend. She sounds like she'd run straight to the Gardai (and everyone else) herself with an embellished version if you confronted her and she'd love the drama and being the victim. You or your girlfriend retaliating would be a gift to her. Don't fall for it.

But you can go to festivals and outings. Just not with that group of people. Let's face it, if they are willing to believe an unsubstantiated allegation about you then they are not really your friends to begin with. And when the drama of you being the Big Bad Rapey guy becomes old news for her, she'll pick someone else to be her new drama fodder. You are better off without friends like that.

There are some people from time to time the unlucky among us can encounter who rip through our lives without a care. They destroy and then bugger off into the sunset happily without giving a sh!t about the devastation they leave behind. And it can take you a while to stop reeling from it. Counselling helps immensely and you can manage and deal with that (justified) anger in way that's safer and healthier for you.

Mr. Incognito

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This is incorrect and this sort of ill informed post is the reason legal advice is banned on Boards. It is confusing the old tort of libel with defamation.

Here's the Act http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/eli/2009/act/31

1. Guards to investigate
2. Solicitor.

In that order. You cannot begin defamation proceedings until the criminal investigation is concluded.

Best of luck with it. People who go around spreading these sort of toxic rumours should be made pay a substantial penalty for it in my book. They can have huge consequences on innocent people utterly slandered with these labels.

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leggo

Neyite wrote: »

Do not engage with this person - you or your girlfriend. She sounds like she'd run straight to the Gardai (and everyone else) herself with an embellished version if you confronted her and she'd love the drama and being the victim. You or your girlfriend retaliating would be a gift to her. Don't fall for it.

This. Whether you can prove she's said these things or not is debatable, but if you do something to her then you could wind up digging yourself into a hole.

You have a girlfriend. You have other friends, don't you? So you're not alone. There's nothing stopping you from going to gigs, nights out, festivals etc. So do that, just away from this person and her group.

Definitely seek legal advice and try to remember that when you're not out, enjoying life, she wins. When you let it bother you that a friend has taken her side, she wins. Don't let her win. Enjoy your life and **** the fake friends who can't see through her BS.

Mr. Incognito

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He doesn't have to.

That's a matter for the Guards to investigate by taking witness statements, and obtaning warrants to seizing phones and examining text messages, emails, etc.

The guards investigate crimes. Not the OP.

Spreading false and potentially life changing unsubstantiated rumours is a crime. you can be prosecuted, go to jail and receive fines and when all that is done he can take a civil case.

When defamation is shown it requires no special damages thereafter to be shown. Its up to the person who said the defamatory statement to rely on one of the defences, being truth or privilege mainly. If they are not available you are going to be liable for your statements.

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silverharp

Do you or any of your friends have any electronic communication from her? or if not might it be worth baiting her with a text message? and saving any replies that could be useful in the future? or as far as I can see you can legally record a conversation or phone conversation if you are one of the parties so you could come up with a strategy that way or get one of your friends to do it if they agreed.

Otherwise its an issue that will solve itself over time as you all go your own ways, she sounds like the kind of toxic individual that will drive away her friends eventually

Mr. Incognito

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I'm aware of it. I work in litigation.

However, that's not to say they will not investigate it and your attitude of,

Ah shure they'll do nothing, isn't reflective of the reality of the situation of this person having their reputation damaged in such a scandalous way.

What I do know is that they cannot investigate it if he doesnt make a complaint and if it goes nowhere he has the Civil route.

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Penn

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Being falsely accused of being a rapist.

Even if there's no proof written down or anything, OP. Go to the police and make a complaint. At the very least it would hopefully scare her into dropping her claim and show her you're not going to accept something like that. It won't solve the issue as a whole, but it should at least put her on notice.

Pelvis

The guards won't do anything, it's a civil matter, not a criminal one.

OP, get legal advise, and sue the **** out of her.

twill

Go to a solicitor and find out what the options are regarding civil/criminal avenues. Even if you do go to the Gardaí, I'd strongly recommend having a solicitor first. This situation is potentially volatile and you need to be armed with all possible information.

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Penn

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Hence why I didn't say she accused him of rape, I said she accused him of being a rapist. And while I agree no actual accusations have been made and that it's a "I heard from someone who knows someone...", it's still a big and potentially damaging statement to make, and one that should be challenged.

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twill

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You don't know whether or not anything was written down, etc. You also seem to trivialise the impact of these lies. From what the OP says, they have had a severe effect on his life. Also, this person is not a "fool". She evidently knows what she is doing. A solicitor would be able to give advice based on all the facts. Even if the solicitor doesn't advise taking a case, there may be action the OP can take in relation to protecting himself or gathering evidence.

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um7y1h83ge06nx

Surely going to the Gardai makes sense as it pre-empts anyone else going to them first with an accusation.

In my opinion having someone saying I raped an ex would be very damaging to my reputation and could damage existing relationships, career etc. I would be furious being honest.

Airyfairy12

I was friends with a girl years ago who would spread horrific lies about people such as rape, saying she was being stalked by such and such, there was no limit to what she could come out with, people believed her for so long, myself included but eventually everyone saw through her. Id imagine its a similar situation with this girl who's probably so deeply insecure with herself and messed up in the head she will say anything. Just be mindful that what she's doing says more about her than it does about you and people will see her true colours eventually. Also she's not a feminist, clearly she doesnt know what the word means. She's just an ar$e-hole

As for your 'friends' that have taken sides with her, theyre just as bad and youre better off without them.

Go to the gardes and report whats being said, they might caution her which it could be enough to scare her into not spreading rumours. Don't do anything to her, especially anything violent. That won't help you. Chances are she spreads rumours and gossip about others too so very few if anyone will believe her.

SB_Part2

Not a criminal matter. Get a good solicitor.

Mr. Incognito

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(2) The tort of defamation consists of the publication, by any means, of a defamatory statement concerning a person to one or more than one person (other than the first-mentioned person), and “ defamation ” shall be construed accordingly.


(3) A defamatory statement concerns a person if it could reasonably be understood as referring to him or her.


(4) There shall be no publication for the purposes of the tort of defamation if the defamatory statement concerned is published to the person to whom it relates and to a person other than the person to whom it relates in circumstances where—


(a) it was not intended that the statement would be published to the second-mentioned person, and


(b) it was not reasonably foreseeable that publication of the statement to the first-mentioned person would result in its being published to the second-mentioned person.


(5) The tort of defamation is actionable without proof of special damage.

Let me repeat that for emphasis

(5) The tort of defamation is actionable without proof of special damage.

There is no distinction between saying is a rapist and someone raped X.

No subtle distinction. None.

Creol1

I've only glanced through the thread, but regarding the possibility of a civil case, you need -- unless you are quite well-off -- to try and minimise the costs. A good way of speaking to a solicitor for free is just to pick up the phone and say you're looking for a quote on taking a case; they will ask you for the details and give you at least a rough idea of where you stand without the necessity of an expensive consultation in person.

You will also be aiming to get a solicitor to represent you on a "no win: no fee" basis. Solicitors in Ireland are forbidden from advertising as "no win: no fee" so in trying to find a solicitor willing to take a case on such a basis, focus on getting quotes from the smaller firms.

silverharp

Creol1 wrote: »

I've only glanced through the thread, but regarding the possibility of a civil case, you need -- unless you are quite well-off -- to try and minimise the costs. A good way of speaking to a solicitor for free is just to pick up the phone and say you're looking for a quote on taking a case; they will ask you for the details and give you at least a rough idea of where you stand without the necessity of an expensive consultation in person.

You will also be aiming to get a solicitor to represent you on a "no win: no fee" basis. Solicitors in Ireland are forbidden from advertising as "no win: no fee" so in trying to find a solicitor willing to take a case on such a basis, focus on getting quotes from the smaller firms.

so how much do you expect to "win" from someone in their early to mid 20's ?

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LolaJJ

There is no question here that this is defamation.

Defamation is an untrue statement that would potentially lower your reputation to a right thinking member of society.

A statement is published through the media yes, but also verbally to other people - this is accepted as published.

Defamation is a crime and yes, the gardai are the first port of call.. The gardai don't need to investigate this in terms of he said/she said in the way that a previous poster suggested. We're not talking CSI. They will contact this person and make them aware that someone has made a allegation against them and they will be invited to make a statement and generally the gardai will encourage people to sort things out between themselves. My guess is, the phonecall from the gardai will be enough to make this girl stop and perhaps even agree to confess to people she invented this story for whatever mental health reasons she is suffering. OR, you/she could potentially want to fight this and then you'll both make statements and solicitors will be involved.

You are the victim of a crime against you, that's what the gardai are there for. In an ideal world she will be totally spooked by a phonecall from the gards and will make efforts to retract her statement. Or it could end up in court, which might be the ideal outcome for you depending on what you want. If you have people who will testify to being told this and she knows this, I imagine she will very quickly change her track.

This is impacting your life and she is doing something exceptionally wrong and criminal by spreading this. Rumours are dangerous and could come back to haunt you for the rest of your life, as you say, people you know have fallen for the story, so what about the people you don't know or have yet to meet. What if one of those people is a potential colleague or future girlfriends brother in years to come.

Best of luck and hope you get it sorted

Rikand

silverharp wrote: »

so how much do you expect to "win" from someone in their early to mid 20's ?

I believe its the value of the crime/damages that's awarded, not the value of how much that person has

ManOfMystery

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This does not lessen the brevity of the situation in any way. A man in the UK was in the news recently after being attacked and beaten senseless to the point that he had to be put into an induced coma. Why? Because some vile neighbour started an untrue rumour that he was a paedophile, when he was nothing of the sort.

Chinese whispers or not, being marked out as a rapist is somewhat more serious than some mouthy friend telling everyone you were pissed at the weekend when you weren't. I would go straight to the police and report this, if nothing else it will show those who might believe it that you have nothing to hide.

silverharp

Rikand wrote: »

I believe its the value of the crime/damages that's awarded, not the value of how much that person has

there isn't an insurance company in the background and the other party isn't a newspaper, its a gossipy individual most likely without any means, the Judge will probably set a token award which might be lower than the legal fee and your legal firm will know this and wont go on a no win no fee.
The most likely use of solicitor here is for them to send her a letter threatening legal action if she continues, might work and might be worth the fee for that.

Creol1

silverharp wrote: »

so how much do you expect to "win" from someone in their early to mid 20's ?

It's difficult to know "how much" to "expect" to "win" from said person in "early to mid 20's" without access to said person's bank details.

silverharp

Creol1 wrote: »

It's difficult to know "how much" to "expect" to "win" from said person in "early to mid 20's" without access to said person's bank details.

you are suggesting that a law frim take a punt on a no win no fee case but they wont be able to do what you suggest. I'd guess they wont offer that option unless its a corporate or there is an insurance company involved.

IITYWYBMAD

silverharp wrote: »

you are suggesting that a law frim take a punt on a no win no fee case but they wont be able to do what you suggest. I'd guess they wont offer that option unless its a corporate or there is an insurance company involved.

It's a civil matter. In cases of libel an assumption of prima facie defamation is made. So, it's assumed that individual has been defamed from the start.

If my reputation was at risk, I know what I'd do. A law firm (in my opinion) would not take a case like this on a no win no fee basis, so your analogy of them taking a 'punt' is facile.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone. I really feel the police would be the ultimate justice - I would loooove to see the look on her face when the police arrive at her door and take her in for questioning. I would love to see the look on her face in court when she's charged and has to face her punishment.

But I have such little faith in the Gardai. I am moving away from Ireland in October (maybe September?) and I'm not sure how long this process would take. I am also very poor at the moment and I'm not sure how much a solicitor would cost. It would also mean dragging in some of my friends into this, and introducing a whole new layer of drama to their lives that I'm sure they'd prefer to do without... I mean I have one friend in particular, who has actually stuck up for me and has had my back (bless her), but if I told the Gardaí they would have to go to her and I'm not sure how comfortable she'd be with the Gardaí going through her phone and questioning her, even if she wants to be there for me and wants to help me out... She is the main link between me and this psycho b**ch. Similarly me and my ex are on pretty bad terms and I would prefer not to contact her, but if it's for the purpose of a matter like this I see little reason why she would refuse to co-operate...

It's all so messy and confusing and I just don't know anymore. My girlfriend said going to the Gardaí would probably be a fruitless endeavor and that real revenge would come from her being a social pariah. The real revenge would and SHOULD BE coming from her walking into a pub and being looked upon with scorn by everyone there. But this is not happening. Instead she is being validated and loved and no one is saying a goddamn f***ing thing because that's just crazy M for you. Guys I don't know anymore I have to smoke weed everyday so I don't end up smashing a window. Every morning I wake up and I think about her and all the people that have bitterly let me down and I'm consumed by hate, by anger, sadness, anxiety, just general negativity and it EATS ME UP. I've never felt so awful in my life. It's only when I get stoned I chill out, can take a deep breath and occupy my mind with the things I used to enjoy like music and history... But I don't want to smoke everyday to deal with this. But at the same time I don't know how I'm ever going to feel settled and normal until this disgusting individual pays for this. Even when I move to the UK and this is "unresolved" I can still envisage myself seething across the water. It can't go on like this.

Something has to happen. If she's not going to be rejected socially - much to my extreme disappointment - then she has to pay in another way. I'm going to the Gardaí right now and ask about the details of this process. But I really feel anxious taking that route and don't want to cause some long drawn out bureaucratic process that involves and stresses out my friends and ultimately leads nowhere... I'll see what the Gardaí say anyways. Later on I will be speaking with my friend, the link, and I'll see what she says...

Any other comments or insights are greatly appreciated. Thanks again.

Katgurl

Oh my god how awful OP. I guess as a woman, being falsely accused of rape (although it can happen) isnt something i have to worry about. I work with teenagers though and i know if someone spread some suggestion of illicit behaviour i would be in tatters. I am not surprised you are a paranoid nervous wreck.

I think despite the outcome it is really important you stand up to this woman. She has taken something from you.

I think you have no choice but to go to the guards. Be calm and factual. Even if they only phone her she will be shaken up.

And then if you or your girlfriend hear her name mentioned or any reference to the false allegations you can respond you went to the police. At the very least it shows you have nothing to hide.

It's not the point btw but i seriously doubt she is out enjoying herself living the life you should be. She is a very sad, disturbed individual who will never enjoy real connections with people. But thst doesn't mean she should be let away with this.

The very best of luck to you.

Nichololas

so how much do you expect to "win" from someone in their early to mid 20's ?

Even if the amount is just a token, being able to say "the guards investigated this and you're a ****ing liar" is a pretty decent riposte for someone claiming you're a rapist. Probably worth more than the money, if you value your reputation.

The OP is choosing not to go to gigs or nights out. Nothing is stopping him from doing this.

By the same logic someone who has been physically assaulted and is now anxious about leaving the house is "choosing not to go out" as nothing is physically stopping them.

Creol1

silverharp wrote: »

you are suggesting that a law frim take a punt on a no win no fee case but they wont be able to do what you suggest. I'd guess they wont offer that option unless its a corporate or there is an insurance company involved.

I didn't make any suggestion as to what a law firm should do. My advice was directed to the OP and this advice was that if they want to go down the legal route, a no-win-no-fee solicitor would be the best way from a cost point of view, which is certainly the case as taking a case would otherwise have the potential to be very expensive.

I am not a solicitor and I very much doubt that you are either, so neither of us is qualified to give a definitive on whether or not the complainant would find such a solicitor. I am a non-lawyer who is giving advice on approaching the legal profession based on my own experience of dealing with the profession.

If you have some positive advice to give on this subject, I'm sure people would be happy to hear it. Intervening to disparage suggestions of others without either substantial arguments to back yourself up or any positive suggestion of your own is most unhelpful.

LegacyUser

My understanding of harrassment is that it's unwanted and persistent communications done to cause alarm or distress to another person. Harrassment is definitely for the Gardai but I don't think this here from the OP is harrassment.
(I'm going through a campaign of harrassment from an individual currently and it's not easy. You don't get any peace, that's for sure with 100s of abusive messages and calls a day).

All that's bdone here from the OP is a few lies and that would be defamation.

OP, people like this are drama wh0res, I won't even call them queens. They strive for drama. They need to have somebody on the go too on their firing side of things. Definitely remove yourself from their presence and don't have anything to do with them and over time she will move onto someone else.

LegacyUser

lifeisnoteasy wrote: »

Guys I don't know anymore I have to smoke weed everyday so I don't end up smashing a window. Every morning I wake up and I think about her and all the people that have bitterly let me down and I'm consumed by hate, by anger, sadness, anxiety, just general negativity and it EATS ME UP. I've never felt so awful in my life. It's only when I get stoned I chill out, can take a deep breath and occupy my mind with the things I used to enjoy like music and history... But I don't want to smoke everyday to deal with this. But at the same time I don't know how I'm ever going to feel settled and normal until this disgusting individual pays for this. Even when I move to the UK and this is "unresolved" I can still envisage myself seething across the water. It can't go on like this.

Something has to happen. If she's not going to be rejected socially - much to my extreme disappointment - then she has to pay in another way.

OP seriously what you've written above is not healthy. I'm not defending this person, people can be utter assholes but having the need for 'revenge' take over your life like this is just not the right way to deal with it. Follow the legal route if that's what you need to do but you should also consider speaking to someone, self medicating to deal with your emotions is just not healthy.

LegacyUser

So it is exactly as everyone has been saying - a civil matter, and of course entails solicitors. Bringing her to court would require

a) A lawyer (+ €€€)
b) Proof that she's said this
c) Proof that it's false

I don't know how I can afford a lawyer. I've looked up no win-no fees lawyers but as stated here it is hard to get any concrete info on them due to the legal nature of their advertising. I could probably get my ex to confirm with someone that the statement is untrue, but as for getting proof that she said that, it might be harder... It would involve hassling that good friend of mine, and contacting her telecoms provider for old messages etc etc and I'm not sure if I want to put her through that plus what other myriad of problems that would arise from getting caught up in a situation as ridiculous and loathsome as this.

It all really depresses me because I want her to be punished so so so badly but doing it legally seems costly, troublesome and drawn out. Really the punishment of her being a social pariah would be enough but this has not been meted out and due to her manipulative nature it does not look like that she will be losing out on any friends or social validation anytime soon. So what am I to do? I know I'll be moving away soon but if I move away with nothing having come from this I know I'll feel that she won and it will eat me up even more.

And to whoever was saying "OP chooses not to go out, he can still go out to gigs and enjoy himself" - can I just tell you what an unhelpful comment that was. I live in a small town and if I go out I will go to the same pubs I always go to, with the same people I always do, whose friends overlap with my friends who overlap with her and hers etc etc - we're all connected in some way. So I find it really hard to stomach going to the pub knowing she will be there, living life and enjoying herself, surrounded by her little cohort of feminists stroking her ego and it will make me vomit, not before I'm restrained by a group of people in an effort to stop me from killing her. So excuse me if I find it a little difficult to stomach going out, excuse me for being so depressed that I don't even really want to go out and when I do I f**king can't because she will be there. Try being accused of a rapist in a small town and living your life normally, as you always do, as if nothing has happened.

I don't know anymore, I don't know what anyone can say, what I can do... I'm just so disappointed that she's not being called out on it and that some supposed friends of mine are just spending time with her anyway? I know they don't believe it, and they think it's a case of crossed wires or mistaken identity, but even STILL that does not give her any justification for so brazenly spreading that heinous lie and no one has said a goddamn thing about it. It makes me sick to the stomach.

LegacyUser

Hey everyone

So, not how I expected this day to turn out, but I had an insightful conversation with my ex girlfriend. I didn't want to email her, because last time we spoke we were on bad terms. But I figured if I'm gonna take her to court I will need my ex's approval of sorts. So I emailed her, letting her know all of this, and also trying to bury the hatchet between us at the same time. She rang me and at first I froze and refused to pick up. She texted me to let me know it's ok and that she's not angry and for some reason I burst into tears! Eventually I got back in touch with her and we talked on the phone for a while. We let go of our grievances and she told me she has my back and if I want she will march right up to her when she's in town and tell this woman to go stuff it. But ultimately, she said that I shouldn't escalate this. I have a lot going on right now and creating this court case as a focal point in my life is just going to destroy me even further.

She told me that it sucks to lose some friends as a result of this, but there's no point creating more animosity and more negativity. I should focus on those who I love, focus on the people who've been there for me and don't feed into this woman. Don't be consumed by the hate, the anger and the outrage. The more I am the more I'm letting her win. Just let go of those who aren't there for you, and be there for those who are. Focus on loving and not hating, because hate is what creates this situation, hate is what fuels that woman and hate is what will ultimately lead that woman to a lonely, bitter life.

Can't help but feel she has a point. Focusing all my energy and my emotions towards this b***h is my life being destroyed by her - her exact original intention. Said ex doesn't understand why I hide and don't face her directly but to be honest I still don't think I could face seeing her... I would HAVE to say something and me being a passive guy I really don't wanna stir sh*t in public or whatever. Have to say it feels weird potentially just letting her off the hook, but in the grand scheme of life she will be up her own downfall, and I surrounded by friends and family who love, will be the real winner.

I am moving in 3 months or so, it's better to just let go of the hate, focus on the love, then move away and start my new life in the UK

feargale

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I can only go on what was posted and the OP clearly states:

The OP is choosing not to go to gigs or nights out. Nothing is stopping him from doing this.
Oh she is most definitely a fool given whats been posted.
OP can have a solicitor write to her but that costs HIM money.

Why are you hell bent on persuading OP to refrain from legally remedying the damage done to him by egregious behaviour?
It is clear that you have a mission which is of no help to OP.
You have seen fit to pontificate on the law, and as Mr. Incognito has demonstrated you know nothing about it, and less about defamation, not much either about how the Garda Siochana function.
Your posts here are devoid of empathy, compassion and sympathy, but don't let that get in the way of your agenda.

LegacyUser

It takes a special type of twisted psyche to maliciously accuse an innocent person of committing one of the most heinous crimes imaginable.

OP, this person is clearly dangerous; please pursue this as far as you possibly can. Such an odious individual should not be allowed to get away with doing something so terrible.

I Am_Not_Ice

It takes a special type of twisted psyche to maliciously accuse an innocent person of committing one of the most heinous crimes imaginable.

OP, this person is clearly dangerous; please pursue this as far as you possibly can. Such an odious individual should not be allowed to get away with doing something so terrible.

rondog

DEFINITELY go to the guards.
OP this is a huge false claim to make .Being accused of rape can ruin someones life even when proven innocent there can be a stigma attached forever.
There are so many cases I have seen of women waking up after sex and feeling guilty  and deciding to make a false allegation of rape.Even if it doesn't go to trial the poor men have had to endure months of extreme stress and their names being destroyed.The thing is nothing happens to these women.In my opinion anyone making a false allegation of rape should have the same sentence that the rapist got.

it is a disgusting thing to do to someone and unfortunately is all too common these days.If no one was the wiser of this woman your life could have been ruined.

Neyite

I know someone some years ago who was getting abusive texts and his ex was alleging all sorts of stuff about him to pretty much anyone that knew him.

He popped into the local Garda station, and explained the situation to the Garda on the desk, showed him a few of the texts and so on. The Garda was very helpful. He did say that they were limited in what they could do other than call to the house and have a word with the person causing all the trouble but that often that was all that was needed to give the person a bit of a land and make them cop on. After that there wasn't a peep. Maybe it was the fright of the uniformed offices talking to her that made her see sense but it worked.

So you might find a Garda (though limited legally in what they can do) to be incredibly sympathetic and understanding and offer some good advice on what you can do, and more importantly what you should not do.

Enlightened Being

Absolutely go to the police. If it nothing else, it doesn't look good not making a complaint to the guards. You're being accused of rape, an emotive crime. You need to make it clear your are innocent and will not tolerate false accusations.

Katgurl

OP i am delighted to read your last update. If its possible to rise above it then that would be best. I bet that when you no longer have so many emotjons surrounding it you will be more than capable of confronting her about it.

hullaballoo

Just to clear up a few things.

Defamation is not a crime because the criminal offences were abolished thanks to the geniuses who came up with the 2009 Act.

However, the behaviour may still be criminal. Going to the Gardaí now serves a number of very useful purposes from your point of view now, and it's free, so no money worries with it. You tell the Garda that you are being accused of having raped someone by someone other than the supposed victim and these rumours, coming from one person, are having a massive effect on all aspects of your life. Some Gardaí are more sympathetic than others. Some will immediately take a statement and engage with you because they have a bit about them. They will pursue any and all avenues to find a criminal offence that fits the bill and proceed on that basis. Others will rattle off "it's a civil matter" as they are nothing more than drone workers. It's a bit of pot luck in that regard.

What is important is that you make sure an official note of your complaint is taken. Get a file reference number (or case number or whatever they call it - you may have to get the superintendent to give you this, according to a Garda local to me who I dealt with recently.)

In terms of the civil side, yes, it's defamatory. You do not need "proof" in the sense of needing to show as a matter of irrefutable fact that x said y. Proof in the legal sense is you getting into the witness box and swearing an oath and saying that x said y. Once you have done that, it's up to the defence to give more compelling evidence (here, in the form of getting into the witness box and swearing the same oath and saying x didn't say y) to refute your proof. If you have additional people who will verify your story, you are in a very strong position.

Here is a crucial point. You do not need to prove (or show) the statements are false. They are presumed to be false. The defence has to prove they are true.

The cost issue is probably a greater concern in taking a civil case because unless the person defaming you happens to be cash rich or own a lot of property, the chances of ever getting any money out of them are slim. But I would still ring around and see is there anyone willing to take on the case given all of the circumstances because of how serious this is. Some lawyers will take on a case knowing full well there will be no pay at the end if the circumstances are so egregious and unjust that they are compelled by good conscience to act.

twill

lifeisnoteasy wrote: »

Can't help but feel she has a point. Focusing all my energy and my emotions towards this b***h is my life being destroyed by her - her exact original intention. Said ex doesn't understand why I hide and don't face her directly but to be honest I still don't think I could face seeing her... I would HAVE to say something and me being a passive guy I really don't wanna stir sh*t in public or whatever. Have to say it feels weird potentially just letting her off the hook, but in the grand scheme of life she will be up her own downfall, and I surrounded by friends and family who love, will be the real winner.

I am moving in 3 months or so, it's better to just let go of the hate, focus on the love, then move away and start my new life in the UK

Hi OP,

I'm glad you're feeling more positive and more in control of the situation.

I agree with Katgurl that it will be good to have some emotional distance.

However, when you feel a bit better about it, but before you go, please consider dropping into - if not a Garda station - at least a free legal advice centre and discussing the situation with them for their opinion. They may confirm your opinion, or they may advise you that it is a good idea to challenge this woman's assertion in some form, even in a token way.

Best of luck.