Falsely accused of rape - should I go to the police?

Creol1

silverharp wrote: »

so how much do you expect to "win" from someone in their early to mid 20's ?

It's difficult to know "how much" to "expect" to "win" from said person in "early to mid 20's" without access to said person's bank details.

silverharp

Creol1 wrote: »

It's difficult to know "how much" to "expect" to "win" from said person in "early to mid 20's" without access to said person's bank details.

you are suggesting that a law frim take a punt on a no win no fee case but they wont be able to do what you suggest. I'd guess they wont offer that option unless its a corporate or there is an insurance company involved.

IITYWYBMAD

silverharp wrote: »

you are suggesting that a law frim take a punt on a no win no fee case but they wont be able to do what you suggest. I'd guess they wont offer that option unless its a corporate or there is an insurance company involved.

It's a civil matter. In cases of libel an assumption of prima facie defamation is made. So, it's assumed that individual has been defamed from the start.

If my reputation was at risk, I know what I'd do. A law firm (in my opinion) would not take a case like this on a no win no fee basis, so your analogy of them taking a 'punt' is facile.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone. I really feel the police would be the ultimate justice - I would loooove to see the look on her face when the police arrive at her door and take her in for questioning. I would love to see the look on her face in court when she's charged and has to face her punishment.

But I have such little faith in the Gardai. I am moving away from Ireland in October (maybe September?) and I'm not sure how long this process would take. I am also very poor at the moment and I'm not sure how much a solicitor would cost. It would also mean dragging in some of my friends into this, and introducing a whole new layer of drama to their lives that I'm sure they'd prefer to do without... I mean I have one friend in particular, who has actually stuck up for me and has had my back (bless her), but if I told the Gardaí they would have to go to her and I'm not sure how comfortable she'd be with the Gardaí going through her phone and questioning her, even if she wants to be there for me and wants to help me out... She is the main link between me and this psycho b**ch. Similarly me and my ex are on pretty bad terms and I would prefer not to contact her, but if it's for the purpose of a matter like this I see little reason why she would refuse to co-operate...

It's all so messy and confusing and I just don't know anymore. My girlfriend said going to the Gardaí would probably be a fruitless endeavor and that real revenge would come from her being a social pariah. The real revenge would and SHOULD BE coming from her walking into a pub and being looked upon with scorn by everyone there. But this is not happening. Instead she is being validated and loved and no one is saying a goddamn f***ing thing because that's just crazy M for you. Guys I don't know anymore I have to smoke weed everyday so I don't end up smashing a window. Every morning I wake up and I think about her and all the people that have bitterly let me down and I'm consumed by hate, by anger, sadness, anxiety, just general negativity and it EATS ME UP. I've never felt so awful in my life. It's only when I get stoned I chill out, can take a deep breath and occupy my mind with the things I used to enjoy like music and history... But I don't want to smoke everyday to deal with this. But at the same time I don't know how I'm ever going to feel settled and normal until this disgusting individual pays for this. Even when I move to the UK and this is "unresolved" I can still envisage myself seething across the water. It can't go on like this.

Something has to happen. If she's not going to be rejected socially - much to my extreme disappointment - then she has to pay in another way. I'm going to the Gardaí right now and ask about the details of this process. But I really feel anxious taking that route and don't want to cause some long drawn out bureaucratic process that involves and stresses out my friends and ultimately leads nowhere... I'll see what the Gardaí say anyways. Later on I will be speaking with my friend, the link, and I'll see what she says...

Any other comments or insights are greatly appreciated. Thanks again.

Katgurl

Oh my god how awful OP. I guess as a woman, being falsely accused of rape (although it can happen) isnt something i have to worry about. I work with teenagers though and i know if someone spread some suggestion of illicit behaviour i would be in tatters. I am not surprised you are a paranoid nervous wreck.

I think despite the outcome it is really important you stand up to this woman. She has taken something from you.

I think you have no choice but to go to the guards. Be calm and factual. Even if they only phone her she will be shaken up.

And then if you or your girlfriend hear her name mentioned or any reference to the false allegations you can respond you went to the police. At the very least it shows you have nothing to hide.

It's not the point btw but i seriously doubt she is out enjoying herself living the life you should be. She is a very sad, disturbed individual who will never enjoy real connections with people. But thst doesn't mean she should be let away with this.

The very best of luck to you.

Nichololas

so how much do you expect to "win" from someone in their early to mid 20's ?

Even if the amount is just a token, being able to say "the guards investigated this and you're a ****ing liar" is a pretty decent riposte for someone claiming you're a rapist. Probably worth more than the money, if you value your reputation.

The OP is choosing not to go to gigs or nights out. Nothing is stopping him from doing this.

By the same logic someone who has been physically assaulted and is now anxious about leaving the house is "choosing not to go out" as nothing is physically stopping them.

Creol1

silverharp wrote: »

you are suggesting that a law frim take a punt on a no win no fee case but they wont be able to do what you suggest. I'd guess they wont offer that option unless its a corporate or there is an insurance company involved.

I didn't make any suggestion as to what a law firm should do. My advice was directed to the OP and this advice was that if they want to go down the legal route, a no-win-no-fee solicitor would be the best way from a cost point of view, which is certainly the case as taking a case would otherwise have the potential to be very expensive.

I am not a solicitor and I very much doubt that you are either, so neither of us is qualified to give a definitive on whether or not the complainant would find such a solicitor. I am a non-lawyer who is giving advice on approaching the legal profession based on my own experience of dealing with the profession.

If you have some positive advice to give on this subject, I'm sure people would be happy to hear it. Intervening to disparage suggestions of others without either substantial arguments to back yourself up or any positive suggestion of your own is most unhelpful.

LegacyUser

My understanding of harrassment is that it's unwanted and persistent communications done to cause alarm or distress to another person. Harrassment is definitely for the Gardai but I don't think this here from the OP is harrassment.
(I'm going through a campaign of harrassment from an individual currently and it's not easy. You don't get any peace, that's for sure with 100s of abusive messages and calls a day).

All that's bdone here from the OP is a few lies and that would be defamation.

OP, people like this are drama wh0res, I won't even call them queens. They strive for drama. They need to have somebody on the go too on their firing side of things. Definitely remove yourself from their presence and don't have anything to do with them and over time she will move onto someone else.

LegacyUser

lifeisnoteasy wrote: »

Guys I don't know anymore I have to smoke weed everyday so I don't end up smashing a window. Every morning I wake up and I think about her and all the people that have bitterly let me down and I'm consumed by hate, by anger, sadness, anxiety, just general negativity and it EATS ME UP. I've never felt so awful in my life. It's only when I get stoned I chill out, can take a deep breath and occupy my mind with the things I used to enjoy like music and history... But I don't want to smoke everyday to deal with this. But at the same time I don't know how I'm ever going to feel settled and normal until this disgusting individual pays for this. Even when I move to the UK and this is "unresolved" I can still envisage myself seething across the water. It can't go on like this.

Something has to happen. If she's not going to be rejected socially - much to my extreme disappointment - then she has to pay in another way.

OP seriously what you've written above is not healthy. I'm not defending this person, people can be utter assholes but having the need for 'revenge' take over your life like this is just not the right way to deal with it. Follow the legal route if that's what you need to do but you should also consider speaking to someone, self medicating to deal with your emotions is just not healthy.

LegacyUser

So it is exactly as everyone has been saying - a civil matter, and of course entails solicitors. Bringing her to court would require

a) A lawyer (+ €€€)
b) Proof that she's said this
c) Proof that it's false

I don't know how I can afford a lawyer. I've looked up no win-no fees lawyers but as stated here it is hard to get any concrete info on them due to the legal nature of their advertising. I could probably get my ex to confirm with someone that the statement is untrue, but as for getting proof that she said that, it might be harder... It would involve hassling that good friend of mine, and contacting her telecoms provider for old messages etc etc and I'm not sure if I want to put her through that plus what other myriad of problems that would arise from getting caught up in a situation as ridiculous and loathsome as this.

It all really depresses me because I want her to be punished so so so badly but doing it legally seems costly, troublesome and drawn out. Really the punishment of her being a social pariah would be enough but this has not been meted out and due to her manipulative nature it does not look like that she will be losing out on any friends or social validation anytime soon. So what am I to do? I know I'll be moving away soon but if I move away with nothing having come from this I know I'll feel that she won and it will eat me up even more.

And to whoever was saying "OP chooses not to go out, he can still go out to gigs and enjoy himself" - can I just tell you what an unhelpful comment that was. I live in a small town and if I go out I will go to the same pubs I always go to, with the same people I always do, whose friends overlap with my friends who overlap with her and hers etc etc - we're all connected in some way. So I find it really hard to stomach going to the pub knowing she will be there, living life and enjoying herself, surrounded by her little cohort of feminists stroking her ego and it will make me vomit, not before I'm restrained by a group of people in an effort to stop me from killing her. So excuse me if I find it a little difficult to stomach going out, excuse me for being so depressed that I don't even really want to go out and when I do I f**king can't because she will be there. Try being accused of a rapist in a small town and living your life normally, as you always do, as if nothing has happened.

I don't know anymore, I don't know what anyone can say, what I can do... I'm just so disappointed that she's not being called out on it and that some supposed friends of mine are just spending time with her anyway? I know they don't believe it, and they think it's a case of crossed wires or mistaken identity, but even STILL that does not give her any justification for so brazenly spreading that heinous lie and no one has said a goddamn thing about it. It makes me sick to the stomach.

LegacyUser

Hey everyone

So, not how I expected this day to turn out, but I had an insightful conversation with my ex girlfriend. I didn't want to email her, because last time we spoke we were on bad terms. But I figured if I'm gonna take her to court I will need my ex's approval of sorts. So I emailed her, letting her know all of this, and also trying to bury the hatchet between us at the same time. She rang me and at first I froze and refused to pick up. She texted me to let me know it's ok and that she's not angry and for some reason I burst into tears! Eventually I got back in touch with her and we talked on the phone for a while. We let go of our grievances and she told me she has my back and if I want she will march right up to her when she's in town and tell this woman to go stuff it. But ultimately, she said that I shouldn't escalate this. I have a lot going on right now and creating this court case as a focal point in my life is just going to destroy me even further.

She told me that it sucks to lose some friends as a result of this, but there's no point creating more animosity and more negativity. I should focus on those who I love, focus on the people who've been there for me and don't feed into this woman. Don't be consumed by the hate, the anger and the outrage. The more I am the more I'm letting her win. Just let go of those who aren't there for you, and be there for those who are. Focus on loving and not hating, because hate is what creates this situation, hate is what fuels that woman and hate is what will ultimately lead that woman to a lonely, bitter life.

Can't help but feel she has a point. Focusing all my energy and my emotions towards this b***h is my life being destroyed by her - her exact original intention. Said ex doesn't understand why I hide and don't face her directly but to be honest I still don't think I could face seeing her... I would HAVE to say something and me being a passive guy I really don't wanna stir sh*t in public or whatever. Have to say it feels weird potentially just letting her off the hook, but in the grand scheme of life she will be up her own downfall, and I surrounded by friends and family who love, will be the real winner.

I am moving in 3 months or so, it's better to just let go of the hate, focus on the love, then move away and start my new life in the UK

feargale

....... wrote: »

I can only go on what was posted and the OP clearly states:

The OP is choosing not to go to gigs or nights out. Nothing is stopping him from doing this.
Oh she is most definitely a fool given whats been posted.
OP can have a solicitor write to her but that costs HIM money.

Why are you hell bent on persuading OP to refrain from legally remedying the damage done to him by egregious behaviour?
It is clear that you have a mission which is of no help to OP.
You have seen fit to pontificate on the law, and as Mr. Incognito has demonstrated you know nothing about it, and less about defamation, not much either about how the Garda Siochana function.
Your posts here are devoid of empathy, compassion and sympathy, but don't let that get in the way of your agenda.

LegacyUser

It takes a special type of twisted psyche to maliciously accuse an innocent person of committing one of the most heinous crimes imaginable.

OP, this person is clearly dangerous; please pursue this as far as you possibly can. Such an odious individual should not be allowed to get away with doing something so terrible.

I Am_Not_Ice

It takes a special type of twisted psyche to maliciously accuse an innocent person of committing one of the most heinous crimes imaginable.

OP, this person is clearly dangerous; please pursue this as far as you possibly can. Such an odious individual should not be allowed to get away with doing something so terrible.

rondog

DEFINITELY go to the guards.
OP this is a huge false claim to make .Being accused of rape can ruin someones life even when proven innocent there can be a stigma attached forever.
There are so many cases I have seen of women waking up after sex and feeling guilty  and deciding to make a false allegation of rape.Even if it doesn't go to trial the poor men have had to endure months of extreme stress and their names being destroyed.The thing is nothing happens to these women.In my opinion anyone making a false allegation of rape should have the same sentence that the rapist got.

it is a disgusting thing to do to someone and unfortunately is all too common these days.If no one was the wiser of this woman your life could have been ruined.

Neyite

I know someone some years ago who was getting abusive texts and his ex was alleging all sorts of stuff about him to pretty much anyone that knew him.

He popped into the local Garda station, and explained the situation to the Garda on the desk, showed him a few of the texts and so on. The Garda was very helpful. He did say that they were limited in what they could do other than call to the house and have a word with the person causing all the trouble but that often that was all that was needed to give the person a bit of a land and make them cop on. After that there wasn't a peep. Maybe it was the fright of the uniformed offices talking to her that made her see sense but it worked.

So you might find a Garda (though limited legally in what they can do) to be incredibly sympathetic and understanding and offer some good advice on what you can do, and more importantly what you should not do.

Enlightened Being

Absolutely go to the police. If it nothing else, it doesn't look good not making a complaint to the guards. You're being accused of rape, an emotive crime. You need to make it clear your are innocent and will not tolerate false accusations.

Katgurl

OP i am delighted to read your last update. If its possible to rise above it then that would be best. I bet that when you no longer have so many emotjons surrounding it you will be more than capable of confronting her about it.

hullaballoo

Just to clear up a few things.

Defamation is not a crime because the criminal offences were abolished thanks to the geniuses who came up with the 2009 Act.

However, the behaviour may still be criminal. Going to the Gardaí now serves a number of very useful purposes from your point of view now, and it's free, so no money worries with it. You tell the Garda that you are being accused of having raped someone by someone other than the supposed victim and these rumours, coming from one person, are having a massive effect on all aspects of your life. Some Gardaí are more sympathetic than others. Some will immediately take a statement and engage with you because they have a bit about them. They will pursue any and all avenues to find a criminal offence that fits the bill and proceed on that basis. Others will rattle off "it's a civil matter" as they are nothing more than drone workers. It's a bit of pot luck in that regard.

What is important is that you make sure an official note of your complaint is taken. Get a file reference number (or case number or whatever they call it - you may have to get the superintendent to give you this, according to a Garda local to me who I dealt with recently.)

In terms of the civil side, yes, it's defamatory. You do not need "proof" in the sense of needing to show as a matter of irrefutable fact that x said y. Proof in the legal sense is you getting into the witness box and swearing an oath and saying that x said y. Once you have done that, it's up to the defence to give more compelling evidence (here, in the form of getting into the witness box and swearing the same oath and saying x didn't say y) to refute your proof. If you have additional people who will verify your story, you are in a very strong position.

Here is a crucial point. You do not need to prove (or show) the statements are false. They are presumed to be false. The defence has to prove they are true.

The cost issue is probably a greater concern in taking a civil case because unless the person defaming you happens to be cash rich or own a lot of property, the chances of ever getting any money out of them are slim. But I would still ring around and see is there anyone willing to take on the case given all of the circumstances because of how serious this is. Some lawyers will take on a case knowing full well there will be no pay at the end if the circumstances are so egregious and unjust that they are compelled by good conscience to act.

twill

lifeisnoteasy wrote: »

Can't help but feel she has a point. Focusing all my energy and my emotions towards this b***h is my life being destroyed by her - her exact original intention. Said ex doesn't understand why I hide and don't face her directly but to be honest I still don't think I could face seeing her... I would HAVE to say something and me being a passive guy I really don't wanna stir sh*t in public or whatever. Have to say it feels weird potentially just letting her off the hook, but in the grand scheme of life she will be up her own downfall, and I surrounded by friends and family who love, will be the real winner.

I am moving in 3 months or so, it's better to just let go of the hate, focus on the love, then move away and start my new life in the UK

Hi OP,

I'm glad you're feeling more positive and more in control of the situation.

I agree with Katgurl that it will be good to have some emotional distance.

However, when you feel a bit better about it, but before you go, please consider dropping into - if not a Garda station - at least a free legal advice centre and discussing the situation with them for their opinion. They may confirm your opinion, or they may advise you that it is a good idea to challenge this woman's assertion in some form, even in a token way.

Best of luck.

dellas1979

Do you have social media?

Could you post exactly what's happened you, and be honest of how scared you are (social pariah), how its affected you, that youve contacted the police and solicitor (and will cost €s and time to rectify). Do not mention her in the post. Just start off as "I've been accused of an awful crime and here is my truth...." The damage that's done by a false and unsubstantiated rumour spread by someone in the community. Tell it like a story.

Time to take back control and get your version/story out there. And if it goes the other way (someone reports you), well all the better. As its to be proven you did do it. Rather than you trying to prove you didnt do it.

Neyite

Mod:

OP, the thread has run it's course now - the options available to you legally are limited and leaving this open runs the risk that posters will suggest actions that may not be legal or ethical, so I'm closing this down.