Can't really get excited about this wedding and hen part

Ghekko · 08-06-2017 04:18PM

I have declined hen nights of close friends simply as I couldn't afford them. I didn't care whether they were upset or not. As for the wedding abroad - if you had booked your holidays or made plans then simply say so and don't go. Again, if they are put out it's their issue, not yours. Any couple expecting people to travel abroad for a wedding and then expecting their guests to fund their honeymoon have a serious sense of entitlement. Next thing you know they'll be asking you to mind their kids while they're gone! Stop putting their feelings before your own.

messy tessy · 08-06-2017 04:20PM

Toots wrote: »

Go to the wedding but not the hen. Give a small gift. Having a wedding abroad AND looking for gifts is just the height of greediness.

The absolute cheek of it!
Anyone I know that got married abroad sent a line on the invite with 'your presence is your present' which is more than fair when it's a wedding abroad.

Unless I was really good friends with them I wouldn't be going.

missvicky · 08-06-2017 04:24PM

Op, you don't have to go. I always feel that these type of weddings are all for show. I got married a few years ago, didn' t have a hen away just went local for a meal one night and then a night at my mothers. My oh went away for one night and closer the time we had a bridal party get together. We had the typical 120 guests in a local hotel absolutely no pressure on anybody and it was an amazing day. People still talk about how relaxed the whole thing was.We didn't bother doing anything the next day either we just went for dinner ourselves. Don't put any pressure on yourself to tend to the demands

nice_guy80 · 08-06-2017 04:28PM

my other half was asked for €250 recently for a two night hen party!!!

I hope they are getting to sniff lines of cocaine for that, or something
I told her not to go. She feels under pressure to go as all her friends are going.

WinnyThePoo · 08-06-2017 04:28PM

It's mad. I went over abroad to my brothers wedding, though he actually lives in the country. I couldn't imagine asking people to fly abroad for a sunny wedding. I'm more the cheap and cheerful person.

If I was ever to have a stag. A few Pints with close friends would do.

s4uv3 · 08-06-2017 04:30PM

Don't be worried about "hurting their feelings". Are they worried about wrecking your head with their "super mega fun WOOOO" demands? Doubt it.

Seve OB · 08-06-2017 04:31PM

Terry Chubby Bellows wrote: »

Yes except there'll be hurt feelings etc.

Will your feelings be hurt? Or would you rather hurt your wallet?

Stick 50 dollars in an envelope for them and let them know you won't be able to make it but will say a prayer for them.

retro:electro · 08-06-2017 04:39PM

nice_guy80 wrote: »

my other half was asked for €250 recently for a two night hen party!!!

I hope they are getting to sniff lines of cocaine for that, or something
I told her not to go. She feels under pressure to go as all her friends are going.

I was at a hen last year where we had to pay €250 for accommodation and extras. Wouldn't mind but we stayed in a bloody travel lodge! And the night wasn't anything special. Can't fathom what everyone's money went on

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 08-06-2017 04:53PM

Yes, the hotel and spa treatments come to approx. €250 each. And that's before you factor in the meal which will probably cost about €40 plus chipping in for the bride and then drinks, petrol costs, lunches etc. I reckon I'd be lucky to get away with spending €500 over the weekend.

I think I'll withstand the pressure and just say it's too expensive.

What happened to going for a Chinese and then to the local for a few drinks?

Murrisk · 08-06-2017 04:57PM

I was at a wedding at the weekend. It was great fun and the couple are just lovely. It was my husband's cousin.

But there was, of course, the second day palaver which I ruled myself out of attending pretty quickly as I don't like either having the cure OR doing anything when I'm hungover. But my huz and my mother-in-law were expected at the next day dealie even though they would have loved to stay home with me and my father-in-law being hungover and watching films. They were so unenthusiastic. And the mother of the bride was totally exhausted at the next day event too apparently.

It's all got so extravagant and self-indulgent, the whole wedding thing in Ireland. And I'm sure a lot of couples would like to chill the day after their wedding too but they feel they have to bend to expectations.

08-06-2017 04:58PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Lots of people don't like going to weddings especially the ones abroad which are meant to save you money because weddings are so much more expensive in Ireland be it for the couple or guests attending. The infamous line is when your told you can make it your Summer holiday to!
You don't have to go to the wedding. You've just to make up some kind of excuse.

No need for an excuse. Just decline politely.

retro:electro · 08-06-2017 04:59PM

Terry Chubby Bellows wrote: »

Yes, the hotel and spa treatments come to approx. €250 each. And that's before you factor in the meal which will probably cost about €40 plus chipping in for the bride and then drinks, petrol costs, lunches etc. I reckon I'd be lucky to get away with spending €500 over the weekend.

I think I'll withstand the pressure and just say it's too expensive.

What happened to going for a Chinese and then to the local for a few drinks?

That is absolutely ridiculous. You shouldn't feel bad for saying it's too expensive because it is just that. I'd be mortified to ask anyone to spend that much on my hen. Notions!
For my hen I'm having a few drinks out in my back garden, a BBQ and a sing song and am filling the bath up with beer and ice lol.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 08-06-2017 05:04PM

Murrisk wrote: »

I was at a wedding at the weekend. It was great fun and the couple are just lovely. It was my husband's cousin.

But there was, of course, the second day palaver which I ruled myself out of attending pretty quickly as I don't like either having the cure OR doing anything when I'm hungover. But my huz and my mother-in-law were expected at the next day dealie even though they would have loved to stay home with me and my father-in-law being hungover and watching films. They were so unenthusiastic. And the mother of the bride was totally exhausted at the next day event too apparently.

It's all got so extravagant and self-indulgent, the whole wedding thing in Ireland. And I'm sure a lot of couples would like to chill the day after their wedding too but they feel they have to bend to expectations.

I have a few friends who get all squealey and excited about weddings, and would be exactly the type to egg the bride on and make her think that everyone is super delighted to go on a week long hen party and fly out to Fiji for the wedding and so on and so forth. Sadly, the bride often believes this small coterie and genuinely thinks they're giving everyone a big treat with their big palavery weddings, when in fact most people have better things to do with their money, time and annual leave.

I really wish people would just go back to having a few drinks or no hen party at all, and a wedding held locally that starts at 1 pm and is finished by midnight so the guests can get a taxi home to their own beds.

Maybe I'm just boring.

suicide_circus · 08-06-2017 05:07PM

The honeymoon account turns things from the annoying to the offensive. They sound like a pair of tossers.

As previously stated, when a wedding is out foreign, the gift is the fact that they paid to fly out and possibly took annual leave to attend.

happyday · 08-06-2017 05:12PM

Murrisk wrote: »

I was at a wedding at the weekend. It was great fun and the couple are just lovely. It was my husband's cousin.

But there was, of course, the second day palaver which I ruled myself out of attending pretty quickly as I don't like either having the cure OR doing anything when I'm hungover. But my huz and my mother-in-law were expected at the next day dealie even though they would have loved to stay home with me and my father-in-law being hungover and watching films. They were so unenthusiastic. And the mother of the bride was totally exhausted at the next day event too apparently.

It's all got so extravagant and self-indulgent, the whole wedding thing in Ireland. And I'm sure a lot of couples would like to chill the day after their wedding too but they feel they have to bend to expectations.

I was at a wedding a couple of years ago where the bride was so hungover she was hours late for the 2nd day bbq. What a load of bull!

TOss Sweep · 08-06-2017 05:16PM

OP I declined a wedding like this years ago. We were all in our late twenties and I just could not afford the Stag and the Wedding abroad and I declined. The bride and groom didn't speak to me for a few months but you know what we were all adults they got over it. I straight up told them that I would love to be there but I just don't have the money for it. They will get over it if you decline and if not it is better that people like that are not in your life.

Murrisk · 08-06-2017 05:20PM

happyday wrote: »

I was at a wedding a couple of years ago where the bride was so hungover she was hours late for the 2nd day bbq. What a load of bull!

Jaysus!

Effects · 08-06-2017 05:23PM

Terry Chubby Bellows wrote: »

I'm happy for them and all that. But surely all this palaver is a bit OTT when they've been living like a married couple for years?

Maybe they couldn't afford a wedding and have been putting it off until now. I can't see the problem with them wanting to enjoy themselves.

That said, if you don't think you can't afford it and don't want to go then make an excuse/give a reason. I think people understand when people can't make it to foreign weddings.

Irish Guitarist · 08-06-2017 05:31PM

Give them a bottle of sunscreen each and tell them it's your contribution to their Cayan Islands honeymoon.

Seve OB · 08-06-2017 05:32PM

TOss Sweep wrote: »

The bride and groom didn't speak to me for a few months.

Dicks. At least they came through in the end though

whoopsadoodles · 08-06-2017 05:36PM

Anyone who gets married abroad should absolutely not have a hen that is a trip away and definitely should tell people that no presents whatsoever will be accepted.

Fcuk off like.

ixoy · 08-06-2017 05:39PM

Hey, at least they're not asking you for a stand mixer.

retro:electro · 08-06-2017 05:43PM

Effects wrote: »

Maybe they couldn't afford a wedding and have been putting it off until now. I can't see the problem with them wanting to enjoy themselves.

That said, if you don't think you can't afford it and don't want to go then make an excuse/give a reason. I think people understand when people can't make it to foreign weddings.

They still can't afford it by the sounds of it.

jos28 · 08-06-2017 05:44PM

Terry Chubby Bellows wrote: »

I really wish people would just go back to having a few drinks or no hen party at all, and a wedding held locally that starts at 1 pm and is finished by midnight so the guests can get a taxi home to their own beds.

Maybe I'm just boring.

If that's boring, then count me in. My son is getting married this year and is doing exactly that. They are having a local wedding on a Saturday (guests don't have to use up their holidays) with an old-fashioned 'afters' for those who are not coming to the main event. Guests have the option to stay over if they want or just get a taxi home. Sick to death of the 2 day away event invitations that come with a file filled with suggested places to stay etc.
I think you should definitely decline the hen's and just go to the wedding if that suits you. As for the honeymoon fund :mad::mad::mad: Jesus the cheek of them.

Electric Sheep · 08-06-2017 05:46PM

Everyone who refuses invitations like these helps to stamp out the obnoxious vanity fest of overblown Irish weddings.

scopper · 08-06-2017 05:55PM

I routinely reject anything that is not just the wedding. People don't generally mind tbh, they have biggers things on their mind, and if they are actually close they won't hold it against you (if they are not close then declining should be fine anyway).

Murrisk · 08-06-2017 06:07PM

scopper wrote: »

I routinely reject anything that is not just the wedding. People don't generally mind tbh, they have biggers things on their mind, and if they are actually close they won't hold it against you (if they are not close then declining should be fine anyway).

I too find that couples are usually fine with people not going to the second day event. My MIL was under pressure to go by her sister, the mother of the bride, who wanted support in case very few people showed up. And my MIL in turn put pressure on my huz to go so that she wouldn't have to arrive alone. It's all a load of nonsense.

I find that the people most keen on the second day festivities are the boozehounds!

messy tessy · 08-06-2017 06:07PM

ixoy wrote: »

Hey, at least they're not asking you for a stand mixer.

Best thread ever!!!

08-06-2017 06:15PM

messy tessy wrote: »

Best thread ever!!!

This one is shaping up nicely!

Mars Bar · 08-06-2017 06:27PM

Jaysus, that's a lot!

I'm going to a wedding in Croatia in August and I paid for the flights just before the hen so couldn't afford the hen. There was no problem there from my friend as she understands that a wedding abroad is a lot of work! The hen was also a one nigh affair out the road at a glamping site and by all accounts they had a fantastic time. Nothing mad!

As for contributing to the honeymoon fund? **** right off!

Can't really get excited about this wedding and hen part

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