'Shallow' dealbreakers in a relationship?

Permabear · 20-05-2017 01:03PM

This post has been deleted.

osarusan · 20-05-2017 01:11PM

I wonder do people who think "you can tell a lot about somebody from the.......they wear" spend a lot of time choosing clothes or jewellery to project an image that many others never interpret at all, or worse, interpret differently based on their own perspective on what certain clothes say about somebody.

Widdershins · 20-05-2017 01:18PM

I would like to know Jean Jolie's deductions. I'm interested

20-05-2017 01:19PM

osarusan wrote: »

I wonder do people who think "you can tell a lot about somebody from the.......they wear" spend a lot of time choosing clothes or jewellery to project an image that many others never interpret at all.

A lot of that just drifts past me. I only notice the things I like myself, like a nice watch or belt or something.

If someone has dreadlocks and crocs and wears hippy trail clothes (for example), in that case I think it's fair to say they're making a statement of identity with their outfits.

Estrellita · 20-05-2017 01:25PM

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

There's no straight man who would give a sh*t what either of the above models are wearing ffs

I think it would be fair to say that other men may have different tastes than you though. Also, it might very well be a deal-breaker for other men if said women were rotten with ash-tray mouths or were less than hygienic for example.

The topic of smoking came up between myself and my OH recently enough, we are both non-smokers. I put it to him that within a short period of time after speaking to him first if I'd discovered he was a smoker I'd have been turned right off him. I fancy the a.rse off the man, he's an amazing person - but I don't think I would have kissed him. I think I'd have made my excuses and left, it's just not for me at all. He has agreed he feels the same way, it would have been very disappointing for either of us.

Perhaps Dr Crayfish you'd see past the first shag or two with your models but if there's something going on you don't like surely it would grate on you enough to eventually say 'fcuk that.. I'm off.'

20-05-2017 01:27PM

Estrellita wrote: »

I think it would be fair to say that other men may have different tastes than you though. Also, it might very well be a deal-breaker for other men if said women were rotten with ash-tray mouths or were less than hygienic for example.

The topic of smoking came up between myself and my OH recently enough, we are both non-smokers. I put it to him that within a short period of time after speaking to him first if I'd discovered he was a smoker I'd have been turned right off him. I fancy the a.rse off the man, he's an amazing person - but I don't think I would have kissed him. I think I'd have made my excuses and left, it's just not for me at all. He has agreed he feels the same way, it would have been very disappointing for either of us.

Perhaps Dr Crayfish you'd see past the first shag or two with your models but if there's something going on you don't like surely it would grate on you enough to eventually say 'fcuk that.. I'm off.'

No way would I kiss a smoker.

I don't think smokers realise how it smells or tastes to non-smokers, because of course smoking affects your senses of smell and taste.

Widdershins · 20-05-2017 01:30PM

Candie wrote: »

A lot of that just drifts past me. I only notice the things I like myself, like a nice watch or belt or something.

If someone has dreadlocks and crocs and wears hippy trail clothes (for example), in that case I think it's fair to say they're making a statement of identity with their outfits.

Unless they just like their dreads, crocs or hippy clothes and don't spend very much time wondering how others will interpret them. Admittedly I know a couple of people who have an obsession with the idea of being ''unique'', would get snotty if one of us happened to have a similar item of clothing, and seem to care very much whether people are getting their message of uniqueness, but not the majority of my friends who dress alternatively. Frankly we all look kind of alike in a way.

20-05-2017 01:36PM

Widdershins wrote: »

Unless they just like their dreads, crocs or hippy clothes and don't spend very much time wondering how others will interpret them. Admittedly I know a couple of people who have an obsession with the idea of being ''unique'', would get snotty if one of us happened to have a similar item of clothing, and seem to care very much whether people are getting their message of uniqueness, but not the majority of my friends who dress alternatively. Frankly we all look kind of alike in a way.

Most of us wear a uniform of sorts: goths all dress alike, bikers can be spotted by their clothes when they're nowhere near a bike, business people wear the suit uniform, hippies wear their own uniform.

Most of us are neither special nor unique, no matter how we like to think that to be the case.

Widdershins · 20-05-2017 01:38PM

Candie wrote: »

No way would I kiss a smoker.

I don't think smokers realise how it smells or tastes to non-smokers, because of course smoking affects your senses of smell and taste.

Not sure. Maybe I don't smoke enough or regularly enough to have become nose blind. I get the smell of it off other smokers, I think it's certain brands are stronger than others. Rothmans and Mayfair are particularly rough.
I actually can taste smoke in my own mouth after smoking, which is why I brush my teeth and use mouthwash religiously!

Widdershins · 20-05-2017 01:38PM

Candie wrote: »

Most of us wear a uniform of sorts: goths all dress alike, bikers can be spotted by their clothes when they're nowhere near a bike, business people wear the suit uniform, hippies wear their own uniform.

Most of us are neither special nor unique, no matter how we like to think that to be the case.

Very true.

Dr Crayfish · 20-05-2017 02:13PM

Is it weird that I love the smell of booze on a woman's breath?

Dr Crayfish · 20-05-2017 02:16PM

Actually I just love the smell of booze in general so that explains it

Widdershins · 20-05-2017 02:16PM

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Is it weird that I love the smell of booze on a woman's breath?

Not really, I was just thinking I don't mind either that or cigarette smoke *now and then* on someone's breath. I mean if you were out together. Not all the time. Ack.

Johngoose · 20-05-2017 02:28PM

Widdershins wrote: »

I smoke and my fingers are perfectly normal, as is the rest of me, probably because I don't smoke eighty woodbines a day, or in an enclosed space, and I'm a clean person, but a yellowed, growly old smoker would be off putting to me, too.
People who don't just not smoke themselves but behave like smokers are something that crawled out of the sulphurous pits of hell. Very extreme judgement is off putting. They usually see no irony about it because they don't count their own vices as bad habits.

I'm not keen on stretched ears, board shorts, caps on backwards,skinny jean, converse type shoes, lots of piercings on men (I have a few and I think they suit some women).

Not trivial but I couldn't go out with a racist or someone with offensive attitudes to people with disabilities.

Would you go out with somebody with a disability?

One eyed Jack · 20-05-2017 02:33PM

Johngoose wrote: »

Would you go out with somebody with a disability?

It would surely depend upon the disability and the degree to which the disability would be an imposition in a relationship?

Airyfairy12 · 20-05-2017 02:36PM

Parchment wrote: »

I dont hate people who do it or anything. It just really creeps me out - like that its kind of an indicator of what type of person they are. Like a really anal/uptight person.

Haha I tight lace my shoes just because I hate the feel of shoes when theyre loose, duno why it's just one of those things from childhood, I even wear 2 or 3 pairs of socks at the same time because they feel tight, one pair feels loose and uncomfortable. I wouldn't consider myself to be anal but i'm nervous, find it really hard to relax and worry constantly. Maybe there's something in your analogy.

neonsofa · 20-05-2017 02:36PM

Widdershins wrote: »

Not really, I was just thinking I don't mind either that or cigarette smoke *now and then* on someone's breath. I mean if you were out together. Not all the time. Ack.

I had an ex who I fancied the absolute pants off. Still do but alas it was npt meant to be. Anyway he was a smoker and I never minded one bit. I would kiss him non stop and never had an issue even though I'm a non smoker. I did want him to stop smoking for his health but that's a different thing like.

bnt · 20-05-2017 02:45PM

Smoking isn't a "shallow" thing for me, it's a huge dealbreaker. Not just for what it is, but for what it tells you about the person. I don't get, at all, how some people can think it's normal or OK to inhale carcinogenic smoke in to your lungs. The level of denial of reality that requires is not something I want to have to deal with.

A shallow thing for me is anything that says "high maintenance". Eyebrows that have been tweezed until they no longer look human, fake eyelashes, obvious heavy makeup, hair that looks like it belongs to someone else, and so on. Don't get me started on "duckface" ...

leggo · 20-05-2017 03:01PM

If they have kids (tried it a couple times, not for me)
From a big family (breeds attention seekers used to fighting for attention within the family)
Youngest child (not a 100% deal breaker but I'd watch for telltale signs of being spoiled etc)
Thick Dub accent
Thick bogger accent (basically I want thin accents)
Txtspk
Only watches reality TV
Talks through movies
Loves their glass of wine constantly
Loosely-tied shoelaces (they're just going to fall)

Dr Crayfish · 20-05-2017 03:03PM

I smoke when I drink, cigs on people's breath don't bother me. I know it's carcinogenic but I don't really care. So are all of the things that are good.

Widdershins · 20-05-2017 04:00PM

Johngoose wrote: »

Would you go out with somebody with a disability?

Yes, I would. If you like someone then you accept them as they are.
As OEJ said it does depend on the severity..I don't mind giving them help if necessary but 'disability' covers a broad spectrum of difficulties.
For example, someone in a wheelchair but intellectually 'fine' would be no problem. I'm ok with helping them out with even personal care if they got caught out in some way but if they were looking for an actual carer above a relationship, then no. That's for a professional carer. Unless the disability was sustained/began when you're already a couple.

neonsofa wrote: »

I had an ex who I fancied the absolute pants off. Still do but alas it was npt meant to be. Anyway he was a smoker and I never minded one bit. I would kiss him non stop and never had an issue even though I'm a non smoker. I did want him to stop smoking for his health but that's a different thing like.

There's a chance someone might get a gob full of cigarette smoke if they kissed me before I had a chance to swill the purple listerine, but I've never actually had any complaints about it anyway

bnt wrote: »

Smoking isn't a "shallow" thing for me, it's a huge dealbreaker. Not just for what it is, but for what it tells you about the person. I don't get, at all, how some people can think it's normal or OK to inhale carcinogenic smoke in to your lungs. The level of denial of reality that requires is not something I want to have to deal with.

A shallow thing for me is anything that says "high maintenance". Eyebrows that have been tweezed until they no longer look human, fake eyelashes, obvious heavy makeup, hair that looks like it belongs to someone else, and so on. Don't get me started on "duckface" ...

I didn't see the appeal or point of smoking until I took an offered cigarette distractedly and in a bad mood one day and the effect is very hard to describe. Something shifted. My mind immediately changed. I think some people are more prone to addictions and I'm one of them-that's one reason I won't touch hard drugs.

kittensmittens · 20-05-2017 04:02PM

leggo wrote: »

If they have kids (tried it a couple times, not for me)
From a big family (breeds attention seekers used to fighting for attention within the family)
Youngest child (not a 100% deal breaker but I'd watch for telltale signs of being spoiled etc)
Thick Dub accent
Thick bogger accent (basically I want thin accents)
Txtspk
Only watches reality TV
Talks through movies
Loves their glass of wine constantly
Loosely-tied shoelaces (they're just going to fall)

Not picky, eh?

leggo · 20-05-2017 04:13PM

kittensmittens wrote: »

Not picky, eh?

I think every man who ever lived would agree with everything I said there...

Ficheall · 20-05-2017 04:22PM

leggo wrote: »

I think every man who ever lived would agree with everything I said there...

I think you're wrong.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 20-05-2017 04:26PM

I still want to know what it was you were supposed to be able to tell about someone from those two outfits goddammit.

They look like two things the same woman might wear on consecutive days ffs.

hytrogen · 20-05-2017 04:30PM

If she's shallow and takes loads of selfies, oh and if she doesn't put out on the first night

hytrogen · 20-05-2017 04:34PM

Johngoose wrote:

Would you go out with somebody with a disability?

Sure aren't we all for the birds??

Flibble · 20-05-2017 04:40PM

I would have a problem with someone who has a disturbed sleep cycle, actually. If someone regularly stayed up past 1am and/or regularly slept past 10am I would count it as a very big turn off, and would use it as a reason not to have a second date with someone.

leggo · 20-05-2017 05:08PM

Ficheall wrote: »

I think you're wrong.

I think you need to read the thread closer and you might get the joke... :pac:

Knex* · 20-05-2017 05:45PM

Of course you can tell a lot from a persons clothes.

That's why I always love it when you walk into a shop and instead of just the regular gender segregation, they've gone the extra mile and categorised their clothes by character traits. I just head straight to the basement and browse the "dour bastard" section, which is always conveniently located near "sarcastic twat".

'Shallow' dealbreakers in a relationship?

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