Need Advice Please, I'm 18

jimgoose · 12-05-2017 04:25PM

pilly wrote: »

So you have a job then? What's the problem?

True for you. He can just buy his own place and let the oul' fella go to buggery.

pilly · 12-05-2017 04:27PM

jordanr23 wrote: »

I understand, we've always had a dodgy relationship with falling out a lot etc... But it's okay if you don't believe it, just was looking for an adult/parents perspective and opinion.

If you're genuinely looking for an adult/parents perspective Jordan you'll have to be more honest.

pilly · 12-05-2017 04:28PM

jimgoose wrote: »

True for you. He can just buy his own place and let the oul' fella go to buggery.

He has a place to stay, he claims the problem is he doesn't have money for food etc. He has a job. That's my point.

Also, he says at the start that he can't work until after the exams and then says that he was working.

jimgoose · 12-05-2017 04:30PM

pilly wrote: »

He has a place to stay, he claims the problem is he doesn't have money for food etc. He has a job. That's my point.

Also, he says at the start that he can't work until after the exams and then says that he was working.

Assuming he's on the level, I'd imagine he's taking some unpaid time off to study for and do the Leaving. Also, he's probably confused and scared after getting a land like that at a time like this. I wouldn't imagine he's loaded at that age, job or not.

pilly · 12-05-2017 04:32PM

I'll give you my advice as a parent because I've experience of this from the other side of the fence when my daughter many years ago as a teenager rang her dad and said I threw her out for no reason when she had in fact put me through hell.

If you've caused a load of hassle then apologise and things will be okay.

If you haven't caused a load of hassle then your father has mental health problems that are outside of your control and you'll have to go to social services.

You will get unemployment assistance if you're not living at home but that will take a good while.

Only other short term option is a hostel.

What about friends? Will none of their families let you stay?

jordanr23 · 12-05-2017 04:49PM

I had asked for no hours til the exams were over about a week ago, hours were too long to do study as well, going back the day after the exams finish just.

jordanr23 · 12-05-2017 04:51PM

Not until the exams are finished as I had asked for no hours so I can study.

dar100 · 12-05-2017 04:54PM

pilly wrote: »

I'll give you my advice as a parent because I've experience of this from the other side of the fence when my daughter many years ago as a teenager rang her dad and said I threw her out for no reason when she had in fact put me through hell.

If you've caused a load of hassle then apologise and things will be okay.

If you haven't caused a load of hassle then your father has mental health problems that are outside of your control and you'll have to go to social services.

You will get unemployment assistance if you're not living at home but that will take a good while.

Only other short term option is a hostel.

What about friends? Will none of their families let you stay?

Sorry but this is utter BS!! Firstly to say the father has MH issues is a guess at best

Secondly, the op is 18 social services won't help!!

Op your options are find someone to put you up in their house

Solve this situation with your father, or register as homeless with your local authority and get a night by night bed in a hostel!! Try all avenues before going the hostel route

jordanr23 · 12-05-2017 04:56PM

Thank you! I really appreciate the advice, I guess I have caused hassle, I guess most teenagers do. I can kind of understand where he gets his ideas from, I'd wreck my head if I was him. I could stay with a friend but I'd feel so bad not having money for food etc until the summer.

dar100 · 12-05-2017 05:00PM

jordanr23 wrote: »

Thank you! I really appreciate the advice, I guess I have caused hassle, I guess most teenagers do. I can kind of understand where he gets his ideas from, I'd wreck my head if I was him. I could stay with a friend but I'd feel so bad not having money for food etc until the summer.

Dude go home and sort this out with your father!! After your exams you can head off to college or move out, you e not long left

jordanr23 · 12-05-2017 05:06PM

I know its not long left and want to go to college but he hasn't replied to my texts, is it worth calling up to the house?

amtc · 12-05-2017 05:09PM

And you won't get unemployment assistance, if you're relying on that.

12-05-2017 05:10PM

I don't know if the OP is being completely genuine anymore than anyone else here but children being monumentally let down by their parents in this country is far more widespread than most of you here seem to want to accept.

Taking him on his word the OP is a young lad studying for his leaving cert and finding himself temporarily staying with a family friend but with serious concerns as to where he can stay when she goes away. I imagine that is a precarious and scary situation for anyone nevermind someone of that age and people here accusing him of lying or expecting a total relationship history with his family doesn't seem particularly helpful. In fact I imagine it may be quite damaging to someone who's already expressed concerns for their mental health.

Sweeping statements and generalisations like 'no parent would ever...' or 'apologise and things will be ok'. What do we know of every parent? What do we know of his parent? Only what he's told us which doesn't paint him as the most mentally stable of people so again taking the op at his word I don't think it's reasonable to assume his father will forgive all for a simple apology.

Not to mention people questioning the fact he has a job. In what world would a secondary school student in a part time job be able to completely financially support themselves?

Op you are in the unfortunate position of being too old for any help from youth related agencies and yet young enough to still be in school and therefore not able to avail of social welfare payments. If you are genuinely worried about where you will sleep when your friend goes away I would suggest contacting Focus Ireland. I would also suggest talking to citizens information who should be able to tell you of any help you might be entitled to.

You need to speak to your principal and counsellor again and Im wondering if you could include your family friend in this meeting? It seems these are the people who are now taking some charge of your care and perhaps between the 4 of you a plan could be put in place.

Lastly because you mentioned worrying about your mental health this is the number for the samaritans. If may help to have somewhere to vent.

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jordanr23 · 12-05-2017 05:10PM

Ahhh okay, that's kind of the advice I was looking for, thanks.

Tokyo · 12-05-2017 05:14PM

dar100 wrote: »

Your been led up the garden path guys

Mod: If you have an issue with a thread, report it. Calling out an OP in-thread like that is prohibited in PI.

jordanr23 · 12-05-2017 05:15PM

That is actually really helpful, thanks for understanding this messy situation as I know the internet isn't the best option to get decent advice, I appreciate it. I'm sure I could get a meeting set up as my family friend is the one taking care of me and taking me to school and all that, so I'll try to get that set up from school.
Thanks for the advice.

pilly · 12-05-2017 05:21PM

jordanr23 wrote:

I know its not long left and want to go to college but he hasn't replied to my texts, is it worth calling up to the house?

Yes it's worth a try. You've managed to live with him until the age of 18 so I'm sure there's love there between you.

jordanr23 · 12-05-2017 05:23PM

I guess so yeah, but he has a very funny way of showing it, thank you

pilly · 12-05-2017 05:24PM

jordanr23 wrote:

Thank you! I really appreciate the advice, I guess I have caused hassle, I guess most teenagers do. I can kind of understand where he gets his ideas from, I'd wreck my head if I was him. I could stay with a friend but I'd feel so bad not having money for food etc until the summer.

It doesn't cost someone who's feeding a family very much to feed another person.

I often had friends of my sons staying when there was trouble going on at home. It wasn't any hassle but they lived under my rules.

jordanr23 · 12-05-2017 05:25PM

I know but I would feel like a bit of a burden if I did...

pilly · 12-05-2017 05:26PM

jordanr23 wrote:

I guess so yeah, but he has a very funny way of showing it, thank you

Men can be funny in how they show love and if they're from a very old fashioned background it may not have been shown to them.

I also think you're letting your mother away with a lot here. She may have 5 other kids but that doesn't mean she's not responsible for you.

jordanr23 · 12-05-2017 05:27PM

That's true, do you think I should just say she's partly responsible for looking after me til after the exams and just kind of say I need to stay with her?

pilly · 12-05-2017 05:29PM

jordanr23 wrote:

That's true, do you think I should just say she's partly responsible for looking after me til after the exams and just kind of say I need to stay with her?

Yes I don't see why not. Or if she hasn't got room then she should be providing you with money for bus fare, lunches etc.

jordanr23 · 12-05-2017 05:41PM

Yeah, I guess that's true,thank you

njs030 · 12-05-2017 05:46PM

jordanr23 wrote: »

That's true, do you think I should just say she's partly responsible for looking after me til after the exams and just kind of say I need to stay with her?

Your mother is responsible for you there's no partly about it.
You need somewhere to sleep and be safe, not just until your exams are over but until you have somewhere to go.

She can apply for child benefit to be transferred to her that's €135 a month and you can help out when you start back to work I'm sure?

jordanr23 · 12-05-2017 05:52PM

Yeah that would help and wouldn't make me feel like a burden, are you sure she can apply for that though?

cbyrd · 12-05-2017 06:00PM

notjustsweet wrote:

She can apply for child benefit to be transferred to her that's â‚¬135 a month and you can help out when you start back to work I'm sure?

Child benefit stops the month after a child turns 18. There's been a change in recent years.

DoctorBoo · 12-05-2017 06:00PM

I am so sorry that this has happened to you at such a critical time in your life. It's really bad timing. I agree with the other posters who say you need a short - term plan to get you through the LC. You can make longer term arrangements afterwards.
I don't have much to add to what the others have advised you, but I wanted to say that I think you are coping very well with a very difficult situation. Well done on keeping a cool head, and not panicking. If you can keep your focus through the Leaving, it will stand to you for many years. Stay strong if you can.

jordanr23 · 12-05-2017 06:06PM

I agree, thanks for the support!

njs030 · 12-05-2017 06:18PM

cbyrd wrote: »

Child benefit stops the month after a child turns 18. There's been a change in recent years.

Oh god I thought it was older if they stayed in education, thanks for clarifying.

Need Advice Please, I'm 18

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