Gay baboon terrorises villagers, rapes 5 men.

drunkmonkey · 20-04-2017 1:26pm #1

Ouch, Ouch, Ouch...nothing like a dose of anal cancer to ruin your weekend.

The baboon is said to have attacked more than six men in the past week and what’s baffling the villagers is the fact that the baboon only attacks guys and does not hurt it’s victims but rather performs sexual acts on top of the terrified victim and leaves.

One victim, George Chiune said he was coming from the local shebeen when the baboon attacked him and pinned him down.

“I thought it wanted to kill me but realized it was after my bum,”, George said.

Five men were admitted to hospital yesterday after experiencing acute anal pains and fatigue. Doctors confirmed the men have anal cancer.

Full story
http://zimbabwe-today.com/gay-baboon-terrorises-villagers-in-southafrica-rapes-5-men/

Kimbot · 20-04-2017 1:29pm

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Ouch, Ouch, Ouch...nothing like a dose of anal cancer to ruin your weekend.

The baboon is said to have attacked more than six men in the past week and what’s baffling the villagers is the fact that the baboon only attacks guys and does not hurt it’s victims but rather performs sexual acts on top of the terrified victim and leaves.

One victim, George Chiune said he was coming from the local shebeen when the baboon attacked him and pinned him down.

“I thought it wanted to kill me but realized it was after my bum,”, George said.

Five men were admitted to hospital yesterday after experiencing acute anal pains and fatigue. Doctors confirmed the men have anal cancer.

Full story
http://zimbabwe-today.com/gay-baboon-terrorises-villagers-in-southafrica-rapes-5-men/

Now now DM, being drunk is not going to excuse your actions this time :pac:

D3V!L · 20-04-2017 1:29pm

They had a sudden on set cases of anal cancer ?? totally believable :pac:

andekwarhola · 20-04-2017 1:31pm

/notes username of OP

Your Face · 20-04-2017 1:34pm

Ah not again?!

Boom_Bap · 20-04-2017 1:35pm

Baboons cannot be gay. They just ride everything and anything.

D3V!L · 20-04-2017 1:36pm

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Baboons cannot be gay. They just ride everything and anything.

anyway , its only gay if you kiss :rolleyes:

DJIMI TRARORE · 20-04-2017 1:37pm

Only in AH,any word on the baboon

Chancer3001 · 20-04-2017 1:37pm

Thinly veiled 'I got laid on holidays' thread

greencap · 20-04-2017 1:38pm

The baboon is said to be approx 6ft tall with a zip on his back.

judeboy101 · 20-04-2017 1:40pm

Mugabe must be in heat

Conall Cernach · 20-04-2017 1:40pm

Doctor: "It appears you have had anal sex recently."
Man: "I was raped! By.... a.... gay....baboon.... honest."
Doctor: "You now have ass cancer."
Man: "Well, at least I got a speedy diagnosis."

hytrogen · 20-04-2017 1:41pm

Bum backla

pjohnson · 20-04-2017 1:41pm

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Ouch, Ouch, Ouch...nothing like a dose of anal cancer to ruin your weekend.

The baboon is said to have attacked more than six men in the past week and what’s baffling the villagers is the fact that the baboon only attacks guys and does not hurt it’s victims but rather performs sexual acts on top of the terrified victim and leaves.

One victim, George Chiune said he was coming from the local shebeen when the baboon attacked him and pinned him down.

“I thought it wanted to kill me but realized it was after my bum,”, George said.

Five men were admitted to hospital yesterday after experiencing acute anal pains and fatigue. Doctors confirmed the men have anal cancer.

Full story
http://zimbabwe-today.com/gay-baboon-terrorises-villagers-in-southafrica-rapes-5-men/

So when are you getting deported?

wakka12 · 20-04-2017 1:42pm

Can cancer occur that quickly? And why would a baboon cause cancer?

MarkR · 20-04-2017 1:44pm

I have to ask. What were you looking for, when you found that story?

ohnonotgmail · 20-04-2017 1:45pm

Rectum? it nearly killed them!

*I'll get me coat.

drunkmonkey · 20-04-2017 1:48pm

MarkR wrote: »

I have to ask. What were you looking for, when you found that story?

Googled eye infection.

Kimbot · 20-04-2017 1:51pm

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Googled eyeanal infection.

FYP :pac:

SEPT 23 1989 · 20-04-2017 1:51pm

is that the actual gay baboon or a stock photo of a gay baboon?

statto25 · 20-04-2017 1:52pm

Waterford whispers must have an office in Zimbabwe

Jack the Stripper · 20-04-2017 1:53pm

Some say they are related to the Healy Raes.

dinorebel · 20-04-2017 1:55pm

Planet of the Gapes?

Dublin Pintman · 20-04-2017 1:56pm

Would have thought they'd have aids rather than anal cancer.

20-04-2017 1:57pm

Possibly the most compelling thread title of all time. Possibly.

Hande hoche! · 20-04-2017 1:58pm

wakka12 wrote: »

Can cancer occur that quickly? And why would a baboon cause cancer?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHsrr0JJMbY

maudgonner · 20-04-2017 2:05pm

The choice of picture accompanying that story :eek:

Also, it appears that Zimbabwe has become acquainted with the word shebeen - take that, Anti-Irish-Language-Thread!

ohnonotgmail · 20-04-2017 2:07pm

maudgonner wrote: »

The choice of picture accompanying that story!

Also, it appears that Zimbabwe has become acquainted with the word shebeen - take that, Anti-Irish-Language-Thread!

the word is common in south africa as well, especially in the townships

Kintarō Hattori · 20-04-2017 2:12pm

It must be a Waterford Whispers type site?

http://zimbabwe-today.com/why-i-wouldnt-want-my-sons-to-marry-a-white-or-colored-woman/

http://zimbabwe-today.com/why-you-must-not-marry-any-zimbabwe-woman-who-is-older-than-25/

gctest50 · 20-04-2017 2:13pm

Culprit

biko · 20-04-2017 2:13pm

Those Rhodesians have a great sense of humour.

http://zimbabwe-today.com/zimbabwe-war-veterans-threated-war-germany-germany-refuse-print-new-currency-bond-notes/

whoopsadoodles · 20-04-2017 2:15pm

Aw lads, how could you leave out this part of the story:

When journalists visited the village, all male school kids were said to be wearing dresses as a preventative measure until the baboon has been dealt with.

Kimbot · 20-04-2017 2:19pm

whoopsadoodles wrote: »

Aw lads, how could you leave out this part of the story:

Thats the best part in fairness

andekwarhola · 20-04-2017 2:21pm

whoopsadoodles wrote: »

Aw lads, how could you leave out this part of the story:

Quote:
When journalists visited the village, all male school kids were said to be wearing dresses as a preventative measure until the baboon has been dealt with.

Skirting the issue somewhat.

corner of hells · 20-04-2017 2:23pm

Is a Zimbabwean boards ? And when is thier next meet up ?

I can't go myself , I'm probably washing my pet duck but we could organise an exchange for the OP.

padd b1975 · 20-04-2017 2:23pm

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Baboons cannot be gay. They just ride everything and anything.

Absolutely.

Gay men are never promiscuous........

whoopsadoodles · 20-04-2017 2:26pm

padd b1975 wrote: »

Absolutely.

Gay men are never promiscuous........

Go bang another bongo drum paddy. You must be getting tired of hatin on the gays by now.

Them filthy dirty gays.

drunkmonkey · 20-04-2017 2:30pm

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

It must be a Waterford Whispers type site?

http://zimbabwe-today.com/why-i-wouldnt-want-my-sons-to-marry-a-white-or-colored-woman/

http://zimbabwe-today.com/why-you-must-not-marry-any-zimbabwe-woman-who-is-older-than-25/

DIA I'd believe those articles, does seem like a legit website just not as castrated as the Irish media

Got to love the opener..

If you meet your wife when she’s older than around 23 or 24:

You are eating someone else’s cold leftovers, then doing their dishes.

tayto lover · 20-04-2017 2:38pm

Good job he wasn't after their nuts.

mark_jmc · 20-04-2017 3:41pm

it didn't just make his day, it made his whole week....

Dr Crayfish · 20-04-2017 3:45pm

Men being raped is hilarious!

o1s1n · 20-04-2017 3:49pm

padd b1975 wrote: »

Absolutely.

Gay men are never promiscuous........

Well that escalated.

Impressive given the threat title. :pac:

Armchair Andy · 20-04-2017 3:52pm

Poor men. Imagine the pain of that.

pilly · 20-04-2017 3:55pm

statto25 wrote: »

Waterford whispers must have an office in Zimbabwe

You'd have to wonder if anyone abroad has ever come across Waterford Whispers and believed the stories?

Kintarō Hattori · 20-04-2017 3:57pm

pilly wrote: »

You'd have to wonder if anyone abroad has ever come across Waterford Whispers and believed the stories?

Haven't they had some stories republished on foreign sites as that website unknowingly took it as being a real story. A little digging and:

This is not the first time the site has fooled international media into believing it’s real. A yarn about a North Korean space mission was picked up by many reputable news outlets in 2014.
A year later, they successfully duped a magazine in Uganda into believing that the journalist John Waters was relocating there, as well as a magazine in Germany into republishing a story about a stampede in Lidl.

circadian · 20-04-2017 3:58pm

The baboon is a bear.

Omackeral · 20-04-2017 4:01pm

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Men being raped is hilarious!

Totally agree. Shame on the majority of people in here. What, just because it's in Zimbabwe it's funny and acceptable? I bet if it happened in Ireland all the people in here would be leaving the famous thoughts and prayers. Dispicable behaviour from everyone here. You should all be ashamed. Ashamed. Ass - shamed.

A fcuking gay baboon are you kidding me?!?!?!? The funniest thing I think I've ever read!!! Yes it's awful but my god it's freaking hilarious. A homosexual primate going around hunting men in the hopes of making their bums as red as their own. And the blokes wearing dresses to throw them off the scent. I seriously can't even cope. There better be books and at least a documentary about this, if not a movie. A gay baboon. Fantastic. *wipes tear from eye*

topper75 · 20-04-2017 4:02pm

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Men being raped is hilarious!

Going around like that with their gangsta jeans slung low and their builder cracks.

They were asking for it your honour. They must take some responsibility.

Elemonator · 20-04-2017 4:04pm

Sounds like Leitrim on Christmas Eve.

Cee-Jay-Cee · 20-04-2017 4:06pm

So the baboon removed the men's trousers and underwear and raped them. Yeah right, if they were actually raped it was willingly having removed their own clothing first.

pilly · 20-04-2017 4:12pm

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

Haven't they had some stories republished on foreign sites as that website unknowingly took it as being a real story. A little digging and:

Oh yeah I remember the stampede in Lidl one now.

Gay baboon terrorises villagers, rapes 5 men.

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