Wives... were you glad pubs weren't open today

whatdoicare · 19-04-2017 03:31PM

Cyrus wrote: »

wait until you are in a situation where you have two people working their asses off and a baby in creche 10 hours a day and see how nice a lifestyle it is

Kids get sick an awwwwwful lot, then you also have the added guilt of sending an upset sick child into a creche for 10 hours a day. My one has been sick enough to need to stay home at least six times and one hospital trip this year alone. It's pretty common for kids in creche to get sick alot.

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19-04-2017 03:31PM

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Its not a regular topic of discussion so as I said there wouldn't be e detailed knowledge of the comings and goings or money left over at the end of the month etc but of course there would be a general overall picture known

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I was taking about the type of thing we are seeing where all the money is pooled into a single joint account and if you are buying something personl is has to be "discussed" etc as you are not just spending your own money. The asking for permission was (a small bit) tongue in cheek though it does almost appear that way with some couples.

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I mean exactly what 0ph0rce0 said. Its madness the way people are willing to totally give up on their life because of kids, its even evident in this thread where people don't even go out for a few pints anymore because of it.

Cyrus wrote: »

wait until you are in a situation where you have two people working their asses off and a baby in creche 10 hours a day and see how nice a lifestyle it is

I wouldn't have much intention of using a creche either, certainly not as the main form of child care. Grandparents do most of the childminding for the people I know with kids (as my grandparents minded me and my siblings for my parents).

0ph0rce0 · 19-04-2017 03:32PM

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So just because i have kids i'm not allowed to enjoy my life or do anything for me??

Get a grip

Cyrus · 19-04-2017 03:33PM

0ph0rce0 wrote: »

I think he means just because you have kids that doesn't mean you have to stop enjoying life and your money as you please.

If you have a enough time and money to do both I see no problem with that.

of course it doesnt but the practicalities are that for the first few years at least you arent going to be bringing a toddler backpacking in asia or to cancun or whatever you did before. Your joint income will be lessened because your partner will have been on maternity. Once he or she goes back to work you have creche fees and a new reality around drop offs pickups etc

its naive in the extreme to expect things to stay the same, you may get back to it, but it will take time and plenty of it if you have more than one

Murrisk · 19-04-2017 03:33PM

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

Kids should be an addition to your life not change everything and prevent you doing things you did before, buying things you bought before, saving etc.

Lol.

Cyrus · 19-04-2017 03:34PM

whatdoicare wrote: »

Kids get sick an awwwwwful lot, then you also have the added guilt of sending an upset sick child into a creche for 10 hours a day. My one has been sick enough to need to stay home at least six times and one hospital trip this year alone. It's pretty common for kids in creche to get sick alot.

yep and the brucey bonus is that you will get sick as well

the ailments they bring home :eek:

pilly · 19-04-2017 03:34PM

0ph0rce0 wrote: »

I think he means just because you have kids that doesn't mean you have to stop enjoying life and your money as you please.

If you have a enough time and money to do both I see no problem with that.

Reality is very few except those that have inherited money have enough time and money. It's usually a trade off between the 2. Throw kids into the mix and you have to make further sacrifices.

It's the way it works. Kids are not a fun companion like a dog and if you consider them as such then you shouldn't have them.

Again, nox is well able to defend himself accept when it comes to a question that he can't answer so why the need to offer an explanation here?

whatdoicare · 19-04-2017 03:36PM

Cyrus wrote: »

yep and the brucey bonus is that you will get sick as well

the ailments they bring home :eek:

Very true. I think we've all been sick nearly permanently since September when playschool started. I've a pain in my wallet paying for doctors!

pilly · 19-04-2017 03:37PM

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

Its not a regular topic of discussion so as I said there wouldn't be e detailed knowledge of the comings and goings or money left over at the end of the month etc but of course there would be a general overall picture known

I was taking about the type of thing we are seeing where all the money is pooled into a single joint account and if you are buying something personl is has to be "discussed" etc as you are not just spending your own money. The asking for permission was (a small bit) tongue in cheek though it does almost appear that way with some couples.

I mean exactly what 0ph0rce0 said. Its madness the way people are willing to totally give up on their life because of kids, its even evident in this thread where people don't even go out for a few pints anymore because of it.

I wouldn't have much intention of using a creche either, certainly not as the main form of child care. Grandparents do most of the childminding for the people I know with kids (as my grandparents minded me and my siblings for my parents).

Now I'm fully convinced your full of it.

You expect grandparents to look after your children whilst you go and enjoy your "lifestyle".

Absolute bull****.

Cyrus · 19-04-2017 03:38PM

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

I wouldn't have much intention of using a creche either, certainly not as the main form of child care. Grandparents do most of the childminding for the people I know with kids (as my grandparents minded me and my siblings for my parents).

lucky for you if you are ok with that, its not an option open to everyone and it will of course mean you have more disposable income as well.

19-04-2017 03:39PM

pilly wrote: »

Now I'm fully convinced your full of it.

You expect grandparents to look after your children whilst you go and enjoy your "lifestyle".

Absolute bull****.

My parents (and aunts and uncles) expected my grandparents to do the childminding of me and my siblings, cousins etc so why would it be different when my generation has kids?

0ph0rce0 · 19-04-2017 03:41PM

What are yous talking about.

The chap keeps his money, she keeps her money after the bills are paid. That's their agreement. I'm sure if either got stuck both of them would take on the financial commitments over the other one and continue on as normal until the other one gets sorted. And I doubt he/she will be looking for it back with interest.

If shes broke and needs something or vice versa I'm sure they would help each other out.

He's not going backpacking around the world.

He's not depriving his girlfriend of food or shelter because she got pregnant and suddenly can't afford half the mortgage.

He's not letting her starve because she lost her job and can't go halves on some mince for the dinner.

He's not going to let her die just because she couldn't afford half the health insurance.

Some ****e being spouted here.

Cyrus · 19-04-2017 03:41PM

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

My parents (and aunts and uncles) expected my grandparents to do the childminding of me and my siblings, cousins etc so why would it be different when my generation has kids?

why would it be the same?

Cyrus · 19-04-2017 03:41PM

0ph0rce0 wrote: »

What are yous talking about.

The chap keeps his money, she keeps her money after the bills are paid. That's their agreement. I'm sure if either got stuck both of them would take on the financial commitments over the other one and continue on as normal.

He's not going backpacking around the world.

He's not depriving his girlfriend of food or shelter because she got pregnant and suddenly can't afford half the mortgage.

He's not letting her starve because she lost her job and can't go halves on some mince for the dinner.

Some ****e being spouted here.

his and hers

there it is again

irelandrover · 19-04-2017 03:42PM

Cyrus wrote: »

why would it be the same?

Maybe because thats how things are done within his family.

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RuMan · 19-04-2017 03:42PM

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

Let it ring away, if you want to have a nice lifestyle, be able to afford things you want and not just be living purely to pay the mortgage and feed the family then two incomes are almost always required.

Kids should be an addition to your life not change everything and prevent you doing things you did before, buying things you bought before, saving etc.

Why on earth would you want to keep doing the same things you did before ?
Life changes, you develop different interests.

Sorry but kids will change everything. (That's ignoring the financial side). If your friends start having kids their interests will change so I'm afraid yours will also whether you like it or not !!

Happy enough with our lifestyle , being honest its a lot better now then when we were both working and chasing our tails. I'd suggest after the revenue take their cut, creche fees and the mortgage there's very few cases where a 2nd salary is worth the hassle. Given kids will start school at 5 , its a short term pain in any case.

whatdoicare · 19-04-2017 03:43PM

pilly wrote: »

Now I'm fully convinced your full of it.

You expect grandparents to look after your children whilst you go and enjoy your "lifestyle".

Absolute bull****.

Grandparents looking after his kids fulltime??? What do you do if they say "fup off, I've done my child rearing" or you know things like old age and not being fit to mind children? haha, I think that dude is living in cloud cuckoo land. My folks wouldn't sign up for that in a dying fit and the husbands parents died 14 years ago, what am I supposed to do to have my lavish lifestyle!?:pac: What if the grandfolk are busy living their own lavish lifestyle to mind his kids?

Murrisk · 19-04-2017 03:43PM

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

My parents (and aunts and uncles) expected my grandparents to do the childminding of me and my siblings, cousins etc so why would it be different when my generation has kids?

Things have changed a lot in a generation. Your mother (and let's face it, she'd be doing the bulk) might not be keen on full-time minding of grandchildren just because her mother did it. Creches are much more popular and commonplace then they were a generation ago. Your grandparents did it, but did they enjoy it?

Cyrus · 19-04-2017 03:44PM

irelandrover wrote: »

Maybe because thats how things are done within his family.

maybe its how things were done, doesnt mean its how things will be done

my parents wouldnt mind my kids, neither would my wife's, and i wouldnt ask them to, they have their own lives to lead, and me choosing to start a family shouldnt prevent that

0ph0rce0 · 19-04-2017 03:45PM

Cyrus wrote: »

his and hers

there it is again

That's how they work it. Just because they don't do what you do doesn't make your point and better.

Cyrus · 19-04-2017 03:47PM

0ph0rce0 wrote: »

That's how they work it. Just because they don't do what you do doesn't make your point and better.

the point im making is that if you are married to someone his and hers shouldnt come into it,

you dont agree

RuMan · 19-04-2017 03:51PM

Cyrus wrote: »

maybe its how things were done, doesnt mean its how things will be done

my parents wouldnt mind my kids, neither would my wife's, and i wouldnt ask them to, they have their own lives to lead, and me choosing to start a family shouldnt prevent that

Jesus i'd be embarrassed dumping my kids full time on my parents. If you cant afford a creche/childminder then clearly that 2nd salaries not big enough.
Either one parent should quit work or you need to re adjust your lifestyle expectations accordingly !!

19-04-2017 03:53PM

whatdoicare wrote: »

Grandparents looking after his kids fulltime??? What do you do if they say "fup off, I've done my child rearing" or you know things like old age and not being fit to mind children? haha, I think that dude is living in cloud cuckoo land. My folks wouldn't sign up for that in a dying fit and the husbands parents died 14 years ago, what am I supposed to do to have my lavish lifestyle!?:pac: What if the grandfolk are busy living their own lavish lifestyle to mind his kids?

I know lots of people who's parents do all the childmiding it's very common (in my circle anyway including my oh's parents for her nieces/nephews).

0ph0rce0 · 19-04-2017 03:54PM

Cyrus wrote: »

the point im making is that if you are married to someone his and hers shouldnt come into it,

you dont agree

I get what your saying and for the most part yes that's what it's about but not on everything no.

If I earn 100K and she earns 20K or she earns 100k and I earn 20k, I've no problem pooling money and both having access to buy whatever you want when you want once you can afford it.

But just because I'm married shouldn't mean I or She can never have or do anything independently ever again.

Your telling me once your married your never allowed to go out and do or buy anything on your own, You never allowed to have anything that's just yours?

Sounds miserable to me.

Murrisk · 19-04-2017 03:54PM

Cyrus wrote: »

maybe its how things were done, doesnt mean its how things will be done

my parents wouldnt mind my kids, neither would my wife's, and i wouldnt ask them to, they have their own lives to lead, and me choosing to start a family shouldnt prevent that

My folks would take the kids one or two days a week MAX.

I know my in-laws like minding their grandkids but are relieved to hand them back after a couple of days. Kids are tiring for a pair of sixty-somethings.

Murrisk · 19-04-2017 03:57PM

RuMan wrote: »

Jesus i'd be embarrassed dumping my kids full time on my parents. If you cant afford a creche/childminder then clearly that 2nd salaries not big enough.
Either one parent should quit work or you need to re adjust your lifestyle expectations accordingly !!

I don't think it's down to not being able to afford it, it seems to be "dump the kids on the grandparents and put the creche money into savings". Grandparents' time and energy is worth nothing apparently.

Cyrus · 19-04-2017 03:59PM

0ph0rce0 wrote: »

I get what your saying and for the most part yes that's what it's about but not on everything no.

If I earn 100K and she earns 20K or she earns 100k and I earn 20k, I've no problem pooling money and both having access to buy whatever you want when you want once you can afford it.

But just because I'm married shouldn't mean I or She can never have or do anything independently ever again.

Your telling me once your married your never allowed to go out and do or buy anything on your own, You never allowed to have anything that's just yours?

Sounds miserable to me.

might sound miserable but it doesnt even resemble anything i have said.

in fact you are agreeing with me, i am advocating that if one earns 100 and the other earns 20 then once all of the household expenses are taking care of and any savings or whatever are put away the remainder is split 50/50 for each person to do what they like with.

The point im making is that one person shouldnt have way more disposable income than the other, but what they do with the residual money is up to them.

i think you agree with me actually

0ph0rce0 · 19-04-2017 04:02PM

Cyrus wrote: »

might sound miserable but it doesnt even resemble anything i have said.

in fact you are agreeing with me, i am advocating that if one earns 100 and the other earns 20 then once all of the household expenses are taking care of and any savings or whatever are put away the remainder is split 50/50 for each person to do what they like with.

The point im making is that one person shouldnt have way more disposable income than the other, but what they do with the residual money is up to them.

i think you agree with me actually

Yes i agree with the money if you have it, I don't give a ****e about the money if we can afford it then who cares who spends it.

It was the his - hers comment (maybe that was related to money only if so sorry) I see no reason why you still can't have somethings that are his and hers just because your married not everything has to be equal.

Wives... were you glad pubs weren't open today

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