Wives... were you glad pubs weren't open today

bubblypop wrote: »

This is such bull**** jack!

Basically you think that any married ( or otherwise) couple question their relationship on here, that everyone else is wrong, the couple do what is right for them?

Unfortunately, that's not really life, there are many many couples that live in a disfunctional relationship. And they may think it's right. Many people don't know they are in a disfunctional or abusive relationship until they know about others relationships

You appear to be constantly misinterpreting posts, I don't know why, but I never suggested that anyone who questions their relationship on here (or anywhere else for that matter), that the advice they are offered or receive is either wrong or right. It's up to the person themselves to make that determination, and yes that is real life, where mentally competent adults make decisions for themselves every day, day in, day out.

It's true that many people aren't aware they're in dysfunctional or abusive relationships until they actually come to that conclusion themselves, and I've met many, actually I've met countless numbers of people in what I would consider to be dysfunctional, abusive relationships, but, for me, the more important thing is whether they are actually happy, or not, as the case may be. In those relationships which I may consider to be unhealthy, abusive, dysfunctional, etc, I also consider whether I actually have any right to interfere in them, if the people in that relationship are actually happy to be in that relationship.

The reason I consider the importance of this is because I would never see it as my right to tell someone who appears to be happy, that they shouldn't be happy, that I know them better than they do and my standards are what they should be aiming to achieve. I don't think anyone should ever try to live up to someone else's standards, because they're essentially setting themselves up for failure. They can't be someone else, and they can't be in someone else's relationship, because they aren't those people. Lest I need to state the obvious - every individuals perceptions are influenced by how they process their own experiences, and when you meet enough people, the one thing you come to understand is that there absolutely is no "normal", because normal will always be an aspirational standard that does not, and cannot, apply universally at an individual level.

TL;DR - Ignorance really is bliss. That's why now in the West with the development and growth of our Information Society, there are also rising levels of people experiencing depression and mental health issues, because the less they are ignorant of that which is outside their own bubble, the more they perceive how much happier they could be if they had a different life, someone else's real life. This causes them even greater dissatisfaction with their lives which can lead to ill mental health. Social media anxiety is now actually a thing, with people being envious of what they perceive to be other people's success that they lack, or people with their head buried in their mobile devices lest they miss an update, or an email, or don't reply in time to an email or a message, or are waiting for a response to a message or an update they sent, or are envious of the likes and validation that other people get that they don't, so they modify their opinions and behaviours accordingly in the hope of gaining more likes and validation among their peers, which leads to greater cognitive dissonance between their privately held beliefs, and their publicly expressed opinions or behaviours.

Genuinely I could write a thesis on this stuff, but I won't as I just don't think anyone would be all that interested (leaving aside the fact that it's likely to be misinterpreted anyway), hell it's generally mind numbingly boring common sense for most people that as adults with any sort of life experience outside their own bubble, they should be aware of anyway.

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

You sound like the best wife ever mockingjay. Men would kill for a wife like you.

Understanding of the mans need for space and time spent with friends (other males)

You see things that most other girls don't see.

Bless you.

All the girls see you now.. happy days! Queuing up, they will. To work, serve, wait, while you're off to have your space and see your friends.

Lucky ladies.

The queue must be miles long. Bless you.

Traditionalists are oppressed.

Mr.Wemmick wrote: »

This thread certainly has opened my eyes. The social conditioning which encourages females to accept the inequality of their lives/their lot as normal is obviously alive and well as much as the conditioning I have which is the exact opposite.

What a nice smug condemnation of women that don't have the same domestic arrangements as you find acceptable. Tell me is it nice to feel superior to others?

mockingjay wrote: »

I don't think it's meant to be taken that way, Mr. Wemmick has followed the thread through and given some lovely encouragement.

Fair enough, I just found that post very patronizing.

We have gone way too PC now. This is really getting out of control. Why can't we just see the wood from the trees and look at it for what it is - the man is having a few jars. It's nothing more than that and there's people on here stirring the sh't on what might be a good marriage. Come on guys.

myshirt wrote: »

We have gone way too PC now. This is really getting out of control. Why can't we just see the wood from the trees and look at it for what it is - the man is having a few jars. It's nothing more than that and there's people on here stirring the sh't on what might be a good marriage. Come on guys.

It's nothing to do with anyone being politically correct or anything else. I thought the same as you too initially, and there's nothing at all wrong with a man having a few jars, but the OP who is this mans wife, isn't happy with the current circumstances in which she finds herself, and part of that is due to her shifting perception and realisation that her experience of her marriage isn't universal! Her circumstances are normal, the norm for many people who are married, but that doesn't make the OP feel any better about her situation, and that's the most important thing, is the OP's perspective of her own circumstances.

Of course it may well be a good marriage, and given they're together as long as they are, and the OP appeared to be content up to now, I wouldn't be encouraging any rash decisions, but the OP has said they've taken some pointers away from this thread, and if some of the opinions on this thread enable the OP and her husband an even better marriage, a great marriage, which works for both the OP and her husband and their family, well I couldn't say that was a bad outcome. I just have no idea what the outcome will be for the OP, but the only person who will be able to judge that for themselves is the OP herself and nobody else, because it is the OP who will experience any outcome of her own decisions, and none of us will.

Having said that, I would encourage the OP to explore other avenues too besides basing any decisions they make about their future and their relationship with their husband and the outcomes for their family, solely on the opinions of strangers on the internet.