Do you judge single people?

Potential-Monke · 15-04-2017 5:15pm #1

Was having a conversation with a mate of mine the other night. I'm 33, 34 in a month, he's just turned 36. He keeps asking (usually during inebriated states) if he'll ever find the one and settle down and have a family. I never want kids, so he's asking the wrong person. He thinks that he is constantly judged for being single, worrying that people think there's something wrong with him, etc, etc. Me, couldn't care less. While i miss the companionship of having a missus, i never want kids so my options are limited, and i'm ok with that. And i usually give no fcuks what people think of me. I know who i am, what i like, etc.

I brought up the fact that I have no issue with going to the cinema by myself (Limitless, so i go quite often). He said he could never do it, that people would be staring at him as the single loser at the cinema by themselves. I told him i went to see The Secret Life of Pets by myself, the last day it was in the cinema. I was the only person by myself and there were 5 others families there with their kids. My mate said he'd have to walk out for fear of someone judging him. Made me wonder if people actually do judge singletons.

So, AH, do ye judge us lucky folk?

siblers · 15-04-2017 5:16pm

I envy single people :pac:

suicide_circus · 15-04-2017 5:21pm

The "judging" he's perceiving is probably something between envy and pity.

15-04-2017 5:22pm

Your friend is paranoid. He's probably projecting somewhat.

Everybody is too occupied with their own lives to be weighing up the reasons why some random stranger might be single in his thirties, it's just become such an issue to him that he thinks everyone else thinks it's an issue too.

wakka12 · 15-04-2017 5:25pm

wow life must be a lot harder being as insecure as he is

RayM · 15-04-2017 5:25pm

I'm 35 and have been single for... well, quite a while (which is very surprising, considering my incredible good looks and amazing personality). It has never occurred to me that anyone would judge me negatively for it.

Oblivoid · 15-04-2017 5:27pm

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Was having a conversation with a mate of mine the other night. I'm 33, 34 in a month, he's just turned 36. He keeps asking (usually during inebriated states) if he'll ever find the one and settle down and have a family. I never want kids, so he's asking the wrong person. He thinks that he is constantly judged for being single, worrying that people think there's something wrong with him, etc, etc. Me, couldn't care less. While i miss the companionship of having a missus, i never want kids so my options are limited, and i'm ok with that. And i usually give no fcuks what people think of me. I know who i am, what i like, etc.

I brought up the fact that I have no issue with going to the cinema by myself (Limitless, so i go quite often). He said he could never do it, that people would be staring at him as the single loser at the cinema by themselves. I told him i went to see The Secret Life of Pets by myself, the last day it was in the cinema. I was the only person by myself and there were 5 others families there with their kids. My mate said he'd have to walk out for fear of someone judging him. Made me wonder if people actually do judge singletons.

So, AH, do ye judge us lucky folk?

And he's just turned 36? Damn, that's a bit sad, to be honest. To have lived that long and still be worried about how some strangers may or may not perceive you. I used to go to the cinema on my own all the time. I was on the hop from school, in fairness, but still. Ha ha.

15-04-2017 5:29pm

Late 20s and never had a LTR. Getting a bit annoying now that I'm the only person in work who's single and among my mates they seem to be coupling all over the place.

So no, I don't judge single people.

Mister Vain · 15-04-2017 5:31pm

Candie wrote: »

Your friend is paranoid. He's probably projecting somewhat.

Everybody is too occupied with their own lives to be weighing up the reasons why some random stranger might be single in his thirties, it's just become such an issue to him that he thinks everyone else thinks it's an issue too.

This. Although you do get the occasion nosy fecker who has nothing better to be doing, but yeah I find most people just aren't that bothered.

Arghus · 15-04-2017 5:33pm

No.

fineso.mom · 15-04-2017 5:33pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Late 20s and never had a LTR. Getting a bit annoying now that I'm the only person in work who's single and among my mates they seem to be coupling all over the place.

So no, I don't judge single people.

"Coupling all over the place"....where do you work? Are they hiring ?☺☺

15-04-2017 5:35pm

fineso.mom wrote: »

"Coupling all over the place"....where do you work? Are they hiring ?☺☺

Two different points. In work everyone's either settled or in an LTR since before I started. My mates are all getting into relationships lately, though not with each other as far as I know.

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo · 15-04-2017 5:40pm

I'm far more likely to judge/feel pity for someone who is trapped in a miserable loveless marriage that they can't really get out of, while having a few kids, in a house mortgaged up to the hilt in a job that they hate.

Parchment · 15-04-2017 5:40pm

Im in a relationship but have been single most of my adult life. I miss being single maybe 40% of the time, 60% of the time im happy to be in a relationship.

i dont judge them at all - why would i? i dont understand why anyone would.

osarusan · 15-04-2017 5:42pm

No I don't.

Noveight · 15-04-2017 5:43pm

Nope, more wimmins for me if* the OH gets sick of me.

*when

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo · 15-04-2017 5:49pm

Parchment wrote: »

Im in a relationship but have been single most of my adult life. I miss being single maybe 40% of the time, 60% of the time im happy to be in a relationship.

i dont judge them at all - why would i? i dont understand why anyone would.

Can I ask a somewhat personal question? - Do you think that 40% vrs. 60% ratio is to do with wanting/having/hoping for kids?

Because I have about that ratio in reversed. I miss being in a relationship about 40% of the time and 60% of the time I'm happy to be single.

One eyed Jack · 15-04-2017 5:52pm

It's not the fact that someone is single I'd judge them on, it's their attitude. I take the same approach to people in relationships too, so it would come down to the kind of people they are, irrespective of their marital status.

Your friend OP would give me a headache.

Parchment · 15-04-2017 5:57pm

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo wrote: »

Can I ask a somewhat personal question? - Do you think that 40% vrs. 60% ratio is to do with wanting/having/hoping for kids?

Because I have about that ratio in reversed. I miss being in a relationship about 40% of the time and 60% of the time I'm happy to be single.

I dont want kids at all - neither does my partner. I just miss being totally free to do what i want and the "thrill" of meeting new guys etc. Its nothing to do with any flaw/lacking in my current partner. He is amazing - i just miss single life from time to time.

Dr Crayfish · 15-04-2017 5:59pm

I'm 36 and single. I find it hard to fathom how more of my friends aren't single. I've lived with a couple of gfs in the past and found it very tough going, like I was under pressure all the time and can't just be myself in my own time and space. A lot of people seem to settle from what I can see, and aren't actually happy with that part of their life at all.

dar100 · 15-04-2017 6:00pm

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Was having a conversation with a mate of mine the other night. I'm 33, 34 in a month, he's just turned 36. He keeps asking (usually during inebriated states) if he'll ever find the one and settle down and have a family. I never want kids, so he's asking the wrong person. He thinks that he is constantly judged for being single, worrying that people think there's something wrong with him, etc, etc. Me, couldn't care less. While i miss the companionship of having a missus, i never want kids so my options are limited, and i'm ok with that. And i usually give no fcuks what people think of me. I know who i am, what i like, etc.

I brought up the fact that I have no issue with going to the cinema by myself (Limitless, so i go quite often). He said he could never do it, that people would be staring at him as the single loser at the cinema by themselves. I told him i went to see The Secret Life of Pets by myself, the last day it was in the cinema. I was the only person by myself and there were 5 others families there with their kids. My mate said he'd have to walk out for fear of someone judging him. Made me wonder if people actually do judge singletons.

So, AH, do ye judge us lucky folk?

I suspect that your mates insecurities of been judged are his own issues projected onto others

Bobeagleburger · 15-04-2017 6:04pm

He's judging himself and is probably insecure in himself.

The vast vast majority wouldn't and couldn't care less about anothers relationship status.

meeeeh · 15-04-2017 6:04pm

A single adult without kids going to see The Secret Life of Pets. Damn right I'd judge you.

Galwayguy35 · 15-04-2017 6:15pm

I'm 42 and have been single for a few years now, I'm always getting comments from people i know about the fact that I haven't "settled down yet" but the truth is the longer I've been on my own the better I like it and I like having my own space.

3 of the lads I grew up with are going through messy divorces now as well so when I see that going on my situation doesn't seem too bad.

Glenster · 15-04-2017 6:22pm

I never would judge normally. Wouldn't even think about it.

But if I heard two mid 30's lads in a pub talking about whether they'll ever find love........

I'd probably judge them a bit.

Dr Crayfish · 15-04-2017 6:22pm

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

I'm 42 and have been single for a few years now, I'm always getting comments from people i know about the fact that I haven't "settled down yet" but the truth is the longer I've been on my own the better I like it and I like having my own space.

3 of the lads I grew up with are going through messy divorces now as well so when I see that going on my situation doesn't seem too bad.

Galwayguy42! I was just thinking of my married close friends from growing up. All but 1 couple are separated now with the intention of getting divorced, even those with kids involved. The one who's still in a relationship is a very submissive type of bloke who you can barely argue with as he ends up agreeing with you. Anyway his bird is a total nightmare controlling lunatic who I've seen punch him a few times when she's angry.
So I guess I should be thankful for my life of relative peace!

suicide_circus · 15-04-2017 6:23pm

Relationships basically work thusly;

Person A assumes the role of the child. Needs constant reassurance and maintenance. Uses the youth and vitality of the other person in much the same way as a steam train uses coal. Uses food, sex, conversation as weapons. Becomes a master of manipulation, misdirection and control while maintaining a gargantuan martyr and victim complex.

Person B assumes the role as the slave. Frequently to be heard using the phrase "yes dear". Their dreams so trampled upon that they have forgotten how to dream. Is dimly aware of their misery but enables Person A's behaviour at every opportunity as without it their only purpose in life would vanish.

paleoperson · 15-04-2017 6:30pm

Potential-Monke wrote: »

I brought up the fact that I have no issue with going to the cinema by myself (Limitless, so i go quite often). He said he could never do it, that people would be staring at him as the single loser at the cinema by themselves. I told him i went to see The Secret Life of Pets by myself, the last day it was in the cinema. I was the only person by myself and there were 5 others families there with their kids. My mate said he'd have to walk out for fear of someone judging him. Made me wonder if people actually do judge singletons. ?

I'd be more worried about having the mentality of a 11 year old girl.

s4uv3 · 15-04-2017 6:31pm

"Judge" single people?
Dafuq is that about? I couldn't give a monkeys if someone has never had a shift or if they're married to three golden retrievers.
I'm happy in my own situation, and that's the only relationship I analyse enough to "judge"

Keven duffy · 15-04-2017 6:35pm

Yea

jamesbere · 15-04-2017 6:35pm

I've been single for 8 years now. I'm quite happy and settled in my single life. Now don't get me wrong if the right woman came along I'd be delighted.

Do you judge single people?

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