Do you judge single people?

pumpkin4life

pumpkin4life wrote: »

Asshole (possible projection from a lad who wants a giant farm with a supermodel wan with ten kids) post coming:

If your life is meaningless/unfulfilling a lot of the time then sometimes putting yourself forward for kids is the only way to do it.

There's this weird sad/unfocused lost vibe from a lot of people who don't have children past a certain age. They're easy enough to spot actually, it's fùcking weird in my opinion.

I would say that 90% or so men are meant to/are far more suited to being married with kids than being single and 99% of women are far more suited to being married with kids than being single. It's fùcking sad in a way. Wans my age obsessed with the career in marketing and its dawning on them that its other people, not some quota or number that makes your life mean something.

Sometimes as well its a rationalization for being shy/physically unattractive etc as well.

From someone who isn't single and will probably have kids in the next few years, you have a very, very narrow mind and it's very likely to be projection. Your worst fears aren't even other peoples trifling considerations.

Mister Vain

pilly wrote: »

Very very true. I feel for the single people in their early 30's the most here. Extremely difficult to live in a city on your own so a lot end up living at home which further gives people the impression that they're mummies boys or whatever.

Yeah I get judged a lot more on this TBH, and in a way it just further compounds the problem of being single. It almost feels like a catch 22. I'd like to have a partner so I can move out, but I need to move out to get a partner.

Subacio

I judge them to be lucky.

Widdershins

Maybe fear of being mistaken for a single person is the same reason my female friends seem to need their boyfriends to go clothes shopping with them (apart from possibly having the clothes paid for by the boyfriends?) I always wondered.

mzungu

pumpkin4life wrote: »

If your life is meaningless/unfulfilling a lot of the time then sometimes putting yourself forward for kids is the only way to do it.

Afraid not, children are not a magic bullet to to unlock the secret of a happy and fulfilling life. By all means, if somebody wants children then they should go for it, but to do it because they are out of all other options and need to cross it off the list is highly irresponsible.

pumpkin4life wrote: »

There's this weird sad/unfocused lost vibe from a lot of people who don't have children past a certain age. They're easy enough to spot actually, it's fùcking weird in my opinion.

I wonder why you are paying so much attention to what others do?

pumpkin4life wrote: »

I would say that 90% or so men are meant to/are far more suited to being married with kids than being single and 99% of women are far more suited to being married with kids than being single. It's fùcking sad in a way.

What have you based your opinion on?

pumpkin4life wrote: »

Wans my age obsessed with the career in marketing and its dawning on them that its other people, not some quota or number that makes your life mean something.

A lot of speculation, how do you know what they are thinking?

mzungu

pumpkin4life wrote: »

Good video on why I think the vast majority of people who say they're happy being single (especially women) are lying tbh.

Why would anything in that video make you think the "vast majority of people who say they're happy being single (especially women) are lying"? Nothing in that video gave me that impression, but I disagree totally with what Peterson said in it regardless.

He paints a kind of apocalyptic scenario where 30 years down the road we are going to have loads of single and lonely childless women in society. Does he have anything to back this up? How does he know they will be unhappy or lonely?

Carlos Orange

mzungu wrote: »

Does he have anything to back this up? How does he know they will be unhappy or lonely?

I don't really see anything in the video. Perhaps it is a self fulfilling prophecy but a quick google brings up this study that seems to support the idea that getting married and having children while married both reduce the suicide rates in women. Assuming parous means what I guess it means and suicide is a good proxy for unhappy/lonely.

"The hypothesis of a negative association between rates of suicide and number of children in marriage was investigated in a prospective study of 989,949 women followed up for 15 years (1970 through 1985) with 1190 deaths from suicide. Women who had never married exhibited higher relative risks for suicide than married parous and married nonparous women for all age groups younger than 65 years at the start of follow-up. Among the married, the parous women had lower relative risks than nonparous women for all ages. For both premenopausal and postmenopausal women, a strong linear decrease in relative risk for suicide with increasing number of children in marriage was found. The effect of number of children was independent of social class measured as years of completed schooling. The findings provide the first empirical support for theories of parenthood and suicide advanced by Durkheim almost 100 years ago."

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8427553

mzungu

psinno wrote: »

I don't really see anything in the video. Perhaps it is a self fulfilling prophecy

IIRC Peterson would be quite traditional, so no doubt some of his own bias is in there certainly

psinno wrote: »

but a quick google brings up this study that seems to support the idea that getting married and having children while married both reduce the suicide rates in women. Assuming parous means what I guess it means and suicide is a good proxy for unhappy/lonely.

"The hypothesis of a negative association between rates of suicide and number of children in marriage was investigated in a prospective study of 989,949 women followed up for 15 years (1970 through 1985) with 1190 deaths from suicide. Women who had never married exhibited higher relative risks for suicide than married parous and married nonparous women for all age groups younger than 65 years at the start of follow-up. Among the married, the parous women had lower relative risks than nonparous women for all ages. For both premenopausal and postmenopausal women, a strong linear decrease in relative risk for suicide with increasing number of children in marriage was found. The effect of number of children was independent of social class measured as years of completed schooling. The findings provide the first empirical support for theories of parenthood and suicide advanced by Durkheim almost 100 years ago."

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8427553

The studies do seem to zig-zag a bit depending on where they were done and who did them. For example, In India, "close to 60,000 married men committed suicide in 2014 as compared to 27,000 married women. However, 1,400 widowers ended their lives compared to 1,300 widows. Similarly, around 550 divorced men committed suicide as compared to 410 divorced women. The data shows, overall 66% of all suicides were committed by married people. Only 21% of those who committed suicide were unmarried, while widows/widowers and divorced people made up for less than 3% of all suicides."

In the USA, there was no real differences in suicide rates among the currently married vs, divorced vs. widowed vs. always-single. In fact, the always-single women were actually less likely to commit suicide than married women (Kposowa 2000). Link to study here: Kposowa, A. J. (2000). Marital status and suicide in the National Longitudinal Mortality Study. Journal of epidemiology and community health, 54(4), 254-261. Chicago


I think the links between relationship status and suicide fail to take into account a lot of other factors. It is likely to be a combination of a whole plethora of things, rather than just relationship status alone.

Pac1Man

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

I don't like people who pull statistics out of their arse.

Oh really?

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Also, once you're past mid 30s, a higher proportion of people who are still single are like that because they have some health or psychological issues which mean they have difficulty forming a relationship.

Carlos Orange

mzungu wrote: »

IIRC Peterson would be quite traditional, so no doubt some of his own bias is in there certainly

Boards split my post oddly because I put 2 spaces between words for some reason. I meant more that if you go looking for results on the impact of marriage and children on suicide I'm sure you can find some to suit either conclusion.

Graces7

Originally Posted by pumpkin4life View Post

There's this weird sad/unfocused lost vibe from a lot of people who don't have children past a certain age. They're easy enough to spot actually, it's fùcking weird in my opinion.

99% of women are far more suited to being married with kids than being single.

What a bizarre idea.

mzungu

psinno wrote: »

Boards split my post oddly because I put 2 spaces between words for some reason. I meant more that if you go looking for results on the impact of marriage and children on suicide I'm sure you can find some to suit either conclusion.

Fair enough.

PREG1967

I judge everybody for warmth and duplicity

PREG1967

Graces7 wrote: »

Originally Posted by pumpkin4life View Post

There's this weird sad/unfocused lost vibe from a lot of people who don't have children past a certain age. They're easy enough to spot actually, it's fùcking weird in my opinion.

99% of women are far more suited to being married with kids than being single.

What a bizarre idea.

Its called freedom

_Brian

Seriously people, anyone with the inclination to go round looking down on people because they are single or married isn't worth worrying what their opinion is.

There'll always be single people either through circumstances or choice. It's unfortunate for anyone who really wants to be part of a couple but just can't find someone but it happens allot.

I haven't been single since forever and to be honest don't even notice what other people are doing.

If everyone just got on with their own lives and stopped judging People or feared being judged by people I reckon we'd all be allot happier.

ToddyDoody

There's a fair few films where the storyline centers around a perpetually single person. If this were a classroom discussion I feel now'd be a time to put on the video. Maybe Lost in Translation?

Ben Gadot

_Brian wrote: »

Seriously people, anyone with the inclination to go round looking down on people because they are single or married isn't worth worrying what their opinion is.

There'll always be single people either through circumstances or choice. It's unfortunate for anyone who really wants to be part of a couple but just can't find someone but it happens allot.

I haven't been single since forever and to be honest don't even notice what other people are doing.

If everyone just got on with their own lives and stopped judging People or feared being judged by people I reckon we'd all be allot happier.

It's not so much a case of looking down on somone. I was best friends with a number of people but once they coupled up they only wanted the company of other couples. God forbid a bloke would be able to go on the piss on a random Saturday.

Ben Gadot

JennyZ wrote: »

That's just it, that's what isolates people from some former friends but not all. It definitely makes you see who your true friends are.

Yeah and the problem is not a gender thing it just is what it is.

Alpha_zero

Everybody judges everybody.

Mrs OBumble

Pac1Man wrote: »

Oh really?

Yawn. All I talked about was the proportion increasing: I didn't say by how much . And there's a post in the thread where I explained how that can be known to be true, even if we don't know the specific statistics (which we don't).

psinno wrote: »

I don't really see anything in the video. Perhaps it is a self fulfilling prophecy but a quick google brings up this study that seems to support the idea that getting married and having children while married both reduce the suicide rates in women. Assuming parous means what I guess it means and suicide is a good proxy for unhappy/lonely.

"The hypothesis of a negative association between rates of suicide and number of children in marriage was investigated in a prospective study of 989,949 women followed up for 15 years (1970 through 1985) with 1190 deaths from suicide. Women who had never married exhibited higher relative risks for suicide than married parous and married nonparous women for all age groups younger than 65 years at the start of follow-up. Among the married, the parous women had lower relative risks than nonparous women for all ages. For both premenopausal and postmenopausal women, a strong linear decrease in relative risk for suicide with increasing number of children in marriage was found. The effect of number of children was independent of social class measured as years of completed schooling. The findings provide the first empirical support for theories of parenthood and suicide advanced by Durkheim almost 100 years ago."

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8427553

That ignores the question of correlation vs causation, though.

People with better mental health are more likely to be able to maintain stable long term relationships., and are less likely to self-harm.

People with poorer mental health are less likely to marry in the first place.

Purple Mountain

ToddyDoody wrote: »

There's a fair few films where the storyline centers around a perpetually single person. If this were a classroom discussion I feel now'd be a time to put on the video. Maybe Lost in Translation?

But always the perpetual single person finds 'the one'!
They never end the film with the person still blissfully happy and single with the exception of Samantha in SATC2.
She's my champion.

oneilla

I don't judge anyone because they're single but if they come out with a$$hole opinions then I'm judgy.

Samaris

This thread title gives me a "??" moment every time I see it. The more times I see it, the more I'm thinking "Huh? Judge them for what? Where did this come from? Is this actually a thing?"

mzungu

Samaris wrote: »

This thread title gives me a "??" moment every time I see it. The more times I see it, the more I'm thinking "Huh? Judge them for what? Where did this come from? Is this actually a thing?"

Only among a minority with little life experience and far too much time on their hands.

DoozerT6

Samaris wrote: »

This thread title gives me a "??" moment every time I see it. The more times I see it, the more I'm thinking "Huh? Judge them for what? Where did this come from? Is this actually a thing?"

I think it might be more about people who are looooong-term single, or perma-single, rather than people who are just 'between relationships'. I guess the usual human conditioning is to pair up and/or procreate, so people who don't do either of those things are seen as a bit of an anomaly by some.